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0kay fiπe,
I'm an @$$hole,
¥ou're...what ¥ou are,
Life's a ja@g0ff
And £veryone §u¢ks
For one r£asoπ
0r anothe®
Th£re,
That §hould cover !t

©2024
A pageant of recklessness
A disregarded package,
Unrepairable and penniless
Unguarded and anxious
A messenger absent of messages
An organic pesimess
Heart of ice and mines the coldest
A lot of truth is said in jest
Split personality,
Both turn against me with the quickness
I give in life, you win,
You're better than me at this
I've seen enough,
Don't force me to continue to be a witness

©2024
Me against myself against I,
I am not alright
This darkness can not be conquered by light
I keep my feelings bottled tight, out of sight
Why do I hide?
Me against myself against I,
But who is right?
All I gotta do is make it through another night
No time to address it, I don't wanna fight
That's why I hide

©2023
It's all fun and games
'Till someone loses a heart

•°• A Twisted Classic •°•

©2023
The grand scheme stands in stoic devotion
To zero compulsion
It holds no emotion
What a notion
I'm feelin' like a single plankton
In a vast ocean
Aimlessly floatin'
In a seemingly meaningless motion

©2023
I removed my heart to keep it safe from those who label me heartless
I'm no good at noticing the double edged, backstabbing nonsense
I shattered my own heart, tore it apart, and put each piece in their separate compartments
A little story plot from Tom Riddles Lord Voldemort, I have my own horcruxes
Oh but I don't want to live forever
Just need some relief from the torcher
And make it harder to get at my more fragile components

©2024
The sun and moon eliminates
The draining darkness life creates
But my past constantly berates
As my future wiggles free and escapes

©2023
Addiction
Oh what a complication
Repetition
Needs no invitation
Depression
Defies limitation
Immersion
Beyond expectation
A relation
With my elimination
Intention
Only to silence the negative reflection

©2024
I deleted the phone number
Along with every picture
All the things bought together
Every single reminder
And while erasing memories never gets easier
I forget to remember
That it's so much harder
To open up to anyone, ever again
But thankfully it isn't never

©2024
There's a begging tone to this question I battle before and after I ask
A not so simple, "why can't I just let the past be the past?"
I know at first glance,
I'm nothing more than moth in a trance
Pinging off the same piece of backlit display glass
An abused mind easily transfixed, statue still and steadfast
While running summer Olympic qualifying fast, all gass
Feet growing roots, interlocking with blades of grass
A introspective narrative of an internal impasse

©2024
My flow of motion knows one path
Confronted only by mostly wrath
Homegrown turmoil hath
A distinct flavor of aftermath
Can't solve the problem with broken math
The simple's simply to slippery to grasp
Daily attempts lead to a nervous laugh
It's never the last
If it was, would it matter?
Perhaps,
Though I'd have to ask

©2024
I'm far from being a worthy investment
It's pretty evident
Someone would have every right to be hesitant
And feel the growth of resentment
When so many details are absent
My mood isn't constant
Had a mind but lost it
Thoughts run rampant
But are often incoherent
Called the cops on myself for self inflicted harassment
A living predicament
The opposite of a sycophant
My betterment is, at best, flippant
And I can already tell everybody's sick of it

©2024
If I were to collect then present
Each and every tear I cried
If I were to show
Every emotion I was told to hide
If I were to point out
The litany of moments where I lied
If I were to open up
Recalling the days I wished I'd died
And shamefully admit
The number of times I've tried
Would you be able to love me for me
And put the worst of me aside?
Don't worry if you can't,
The rides creator couldn't even finish the ride

©2024
I fear him
The him I carry inside
It doesn't control the heart
But it controls the mind
I'm afraid to go in there
Because I'm afraid of what I'll find
Me looking blankly back at me
The me I know has basically died

©2025
Oh no, they see me
They'll soon know me
They'll know I'm only
A one trick pony
A phony
Full of bologna
No one below me
So
No one to hold me
To the business end of accountability
Ignoring any responsibility
So I fly free
With no pilot license on me
Obviously
And predictably
I did what y'all we're waiting to see
Sorry y'all had to wait endlessly
I hope y'all where more entertained than me
Sorry that me is all I could be

©2024
This story that began with hope I hope will end with hope
Feels hopeless
I gave up looking for answers, now I hope to find a way to cope
Denied access
The last ounce of hope left left when I decided to revisit dope
Again, I retrogress
This cat and mouse between hope and despair is an exhausting trope
I'm breathless
Dark thoughts fill the space left by hope, time to hide the rope
Chased by darkness
I don't even know exactly what sparked this
But I'm sure to end up heartless regardless
That's just me being honest

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 23
Something doesn't feel right, could be that my head isn't ******* on tight
Could be that, try as I might, the absence of light shrouds the line between wrong and right
Hiding in plane sight but fright often forces the eyes closed, a blind plight
Never found the passion to ignite
Didn't think it possible to gaslight ones self outta spite
Never shined bright enough to conquer or at the very least scatter this proverbial night
Narrow vision and bad eyesight was my faley alright
Hit and fell through my rock bottom with the force of a meteorite
Bobbed instead of weaved and lost the fight, but not contrite
Many issues I'd like to extradite back to their day of origin, with new insight I'd like a full rewrite

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 22
I can't live with these thoughts
Take them from me permanently
Or ready my pine box

All life's cheap shots
I've never found a remedy
All pleasantry coagulates or clots

Vast planes of sparse lots
Riddle my memory so little to no memory
Only empty, inflammatory subpar plots

My past leaches off my future as it rots
Leaving mostly nothing left for me
Subsequently having less than the have nots

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 22
Tried it
Can't do it
Can not be done
So it can't be undone, I'll prove it

Picture this for a minute
Picturesque hides what's not picture perfect
Don't run
It may pay off to listen to the verdict

Incompetent parents apparent
Cinderella's sisters type fit
Concrete clown shoes
Encased in discount mob cement

Bounced check
Inherited emotional debt
My symbolic account
Won't reveal, just conceals most of it

A Zeppelin wreck
Unnecessary resentment, no regret
I 86'd forgiveness
And I'm not looking to forget

The living, breathing embodiment
Of "The crime doesn't fit the punishment"
"Be wary the quiet ones"
I also embody that statement

I am what they meant
A broken degenerate
And no matter my efforts
It's as permanent as I get

I hope this clears things up a bit

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 21
During one of my falls I must have accidentally gave a rain dance performance
A permanent grey cloud overhead, only mine, quite a thing to witness
It's a hindrance, I can't rid it from my existence, I'm not in the fix-it business
Would the hyperbolic y'all know the opposite to reverse this by chance?
I know what you'll be witness to looks bad from a distance at first glance
I understand, I've stood right there too, in that same cautionary stance
And why lie?
Persistence only dug my hole deeper, shoveling in a trance
I'm just a living, breathing being needing guidance and patience
And it's it to much to ask for an actual two sided romance?
But we can work on that last...

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 21
My pain chips away at life
With no precision, it isn't nice
White knuckling a standard butter knife
When it's time to go all the way, it won't think twice

©2025
Jeremy Betts May 21
I don't want to fuuck around
I rather not find out
I don't want to hear I'm not doing what I need too
But if I don't I might never win a bout
This isn't a warning or challenge
I don't want to prove what I'm about
I've gone toe to toe with life all my life
I wouldn't mind a little mid season drought

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 21
I guess my calling is free fallin'
I realized about halfway back, this parachute will never open
Lost all hope right then
Still forced to listen to a double backed friend playing pretend
As they defend a shallow position
But sure, I'll humor you, go ahead,
Tell me how exactly I am suppose start again
While I dangle here in suspended animation
Somewhere around the middle of my end
And on the day I meet the ground I shall call it friend

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 21
I don't deserve her
She deserves better
Didn't know you could experience a record skip with a paperback chapter
Forever risking this status of together

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 21
Wether recorded digitally or with a pen
With or without hitting send
Questioning the subject matter, real or pretend?
They're all just thoughts that don't bend
The only ones I have over and over again
Not even hinting at an end

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 21
Sometimes it's as simple as squeezing one thought into one quotation
Sometimes it's too wordy to reach that satisfaction following an end
Sometimes it's simple but ya can't find the words while missing all the signs
Sometimes it's complicated but can be illustrated in just a few lines
Sometimes you can't figure out how to coax it out
Sometimes there's no stopping it from getting out and wandering about

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 21
Tears formed from the fears of two hemispheres of wasted space
Find themselves in a fast pace race down the terrain of a familiar face
Heart and mind encased in a haze as I attempt to argue a flimsy case
That states;
This horde of unworldly insecurity life creates,
The alien thoughts unloaded in the wrong place
Then forced to take place,
Where never my own in the first place
The originals replaced then gone without a trace
No tracks to retrace
So no,
This isn't me making a break for it to save face
Because the worst off it circles back around at a dizzying pace
This is pointing out a particular fall from grace
The life of a waste

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 20
I have to conquer more fear than a mobile home in an Oklahoma trailer park
So yeah, you can say life's violently left it's mark
But here's the worst part
There's no back to the start
I can't be rebuilt after being torn apart
I'm already a patchwork monster, a piece of work but not art
And as like Dr. Frankenstein, the creator is the monster and only half as smart

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 20
The memories fade milliseconds before I drown in another one
Frozen in fear at the irreversible end of an uncorked weapon
A canon hand cannon
Staring down the rifled barrel of a hunting gun
I can't comprehend the timing of when to run
Most always find myself in a state of stun
Literally can't remember, oh what have I done...

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 20
You're an angel
I'm the one who's fallen
And I'm bound
To take you down
Where you don't belong
With me
Something I refuse to see
And yes, you are going to get angry
But promise me
Even just a dark corner of your memory
And I'll never expect you to tell me this next part directly
But please forgive me at some point before the end of eternity
And if that's not a possibility you could lie to me maybe

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 20
In fits of rage
And bouts of pain
I recall all you said to me
And I pound my fists
Against your memory
Till they bruise and bleed
And I concede
And you succeed
In breaking me finally
But in a twist of fate
That's what it took to be freed

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 18
Make sure to be sure whatever you're into is worth your investment
Feel free to absolutely and completely question any involvement
And you might as well entertain all thoughts on forfeit
I expect you to do so at any moment anyway so go for it
I'm so use to it, being the easy one to forget,
That I notice it before you mention it and am already over it
It's not genuine grit,
It's just avoiding a downfall that hasn't bested me yet
Even though it's a who's who when it comes to who's counterfeit
And I'm sure you're surely as surprised as I am I bet
When the breakdown is broken down and we're all faced with what we're gonna get

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 18
I was able to fool myself there for a little bit
The fraudulent thought was constant
  However, my penmanship captured a consistent internal beratement
But every new piece is the same 'ol shiit
It just pours out different
Duplicate content no matter the faucet
But it's only ever water coming outta the spigot
Forming from the origin of a recurring script
With only a singular way to interpret
You're only going to get one thing from an unchanging mindset
Just gets reworded before print
"Maybe they won't notice it"
"If I rearrange it it'll at least look different"
But the retreating interest is evident
Leading to the realization that was destined to hit
"They've found my secret"
"This pony only has one trick"
Should have paid closer attention to it
I lie and say it's wit,
Which I know is bull shiit
Because I couldn't and wouldn't argue if you called it redundant
The absolute of my failure is pungent
On my best day I'm still repugnant
Any new muse goes out of its way to be absent
Mostly due to the subject,
That's me,
Becoming complacent
Setting anchor in what was my escapement
Befriending my replacement
I wouldn't suggest it
But I ate it
So now I gotta ingest it

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 17
Know that I know
Failure is unstoppable
The situation is never unlosable
Trust me,
I'm already the biggest loser you know
How did I get over here?
Where do I go from there?
I don't know
How deep can shallow go?
That's probably something you should know
Terminal velocity, terminal illness, hospitality's critical
There's only so fast ****'ll flow
Don't you worry though
I'll find the lowest low
Thee frequency is what's incredible
Watch me make the possible impossible
The predictable shockingly unpredictable
Knowing is half the battle
A cartoon told me so
Still waiting for it to help slow the fall though

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 17
Find conviction in your answer
And hold it forever
To hold you together
Through the bad weather
That seems to go on forever
Never getting any better
Never wantin' to become a trend setter
I'd rather avoid a subplot endeavor
A standard cease and desist letter
An awkward deliverer
Of an ignorable order
Internal by nature
From a habitual quitter

©2025
Jeremy Betts May 17
I'm not gonna sit here and say
Why it is I feel I'm not okay
I'd be here all friggin' day
And you'd only lose interest anyway
Distracted easily midway
Forgotten before the rising sun of the next day
So, if you don't mind, I'll just take what I was going to say
And be on my way

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 17
Most people get the benefit of the doubt
"Eventually they'll figure it out"
What the helll's that all about?
I'm expected to master it in an instant or I'm out

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 17
I wasn't bred from good stock
Or birthed with any hope of a shot
Can't imagine that coming as a big shock
Couldn't possibly hide the rot
A thick scar dug into both wrists visually express what verbally I could not
Flesh color replaced the black rorschach ink blot
To clarify, a stark reminder was all I got
KO'd after a turned cheek an awful lot
Like knock knock
Who's there?
Just a nobody,
A lowly placeholder of a single census spot

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 17
Don't talk the talk
Won't walk the walk
Insecurities drag me face down around the block
Tearing me down block by block
Paying no mind to MY mock up of MY desired plot

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 17
I couldn't tell you why
Sometimes I don't try
But I'll look you dead in the eye
And swear I can not tell a lie
Which of course, in itself, is always a lie

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 15
Hear ye! Hear ye!
Know me and hear me
Oh but please don't look over here at me
What a thing to say, but see
I don't want to be seen, my plea
It feels kinda cheesy
I thought it'd be easy
But it just got so messy so quickly
And the harder I try the more it eludes me
You can't live a life heard but not seen and not be seen as a cautionary
A tale of a someone broken mentally trying to use hurt and pain creatively
Never taken seriously,
Kinda gimmicky
Ultimately a one trick pony
I know it but it hurts still when it's throw back at me
I can't handle the cheeky hostility
So openly hidden in the commentary
It can't be avoided but it's also not necessary
Maybe this isn't for me
Or what's more likely,
Is it's probably not that bad actually
Ah, gee,
Yeah, nevermind, sorry everybody...
I just noticed it's only my insecurity ripping at me
My apology

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 14
Pain affects immediately, sticks around indefinitely
The headcount is up to sixty over infinity
And right around the corner is another three
Meaning it's always in the vicinity
And every type lands just a smidge differently
This feels like what I might imagine to be purgatory
Woe is me
My future will be winless if I'm too stay in the business of learning from my history
The bell to start the fight indicates the end, just prematurely
Loosing in a victory, contradictory absurdity mentioned literally,
All ***** nilly
As I'm sure you can imagine, maybe even probably agree
Somethin' like that is bound to change the complexion of a personality
I know personally
I'd hoped good days would roll in gradually, at least eventually
Instead they taunt relentlessly
It's with a heavy, often broken, heart I go in and defend half heartedly
Enjoying the savagery, a familiarity that relaxes me
But positions me next to the poisons amidst the pageantry
In the direct line of sight of my worst enemy
Me looking back at me directly
"You're talking to yourself again Jeremy..."
...shiit, sorry

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 13
How is this a bold statement?
"I don't give a shiit
And I'll continue to refrain from giving a shiit
'Till your shiit
Impedes on my shiit"
What part of that shiit
Do you not get?

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 13
A fumblin, bumblin'
Waste of skin husband
No one's going with me,
I mean him,
As an option
*** happened?
A premature has been
Similar to the ******* situation
Uh,
So I've heard people sayin'
Get the list of con's reigned in
A list of pro's has never been
Mention every sin in confession
But where to begin
Actually, here's a better question,
Would it even matter in the end?
Let's see what happens when I,
I mean he,
Begins to pretend
If faked long enough can it change the trend,
Or push it all beyond the mend?
Uhhhh, of course, you know,
I'm actually askin' for a friend...

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 12
I'm a man of my word
Completely unreliable
You've probably heard
If you know me you'll know it's undeniable
I'm talking all of it, not a third
Like how Christians view the Bible
Even though they know it's absurd,
Otherwise they'd be way more scared
But with me it's actually believable,
You can see everything's unachievable

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 12
Finite compassion
Finite love
Finite reason
Finite recognition from above

Finite beauty
Finite realism
Finite money
Finite working system

Finite education
Finite brain cells
Finite investigation
Into the finite comprehension skills

Finite common sense
Finite self preservation
Finite self defence
Finite coherent mission

Finite greatness
Finite days to live
Finite forgiveness
Finite directive

Finite relevance
Finite cooperation
Finite presence
Finite revelation

Finite patriotism
Finite rules
Finite fixing 'em
Finite scruples

Finite healing elixirs
Finite work on problems
Finite cure backers
Finite beneficial algorithms

Finite action
Finite lessons learned
Finite reaction
Finite your turn

Finite grandeur
Finite effective comedy
Finite healing laughter
The same can not be said about tragedy

Finite answers found
Finite coping skills
Finite middle ground
Finite deserved kills

It's obvious I could go on and on
But I just dawned on me that I've always had
Finite fuucks to give

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 12
Recklessly I cruise a plateaued plane
One I call memory lane
Which in hindsight was kind of insane
I'm not sure what I was looking to gain
There's not much other than pain in the ones I retain
I know this, it's beyond first hand eyewitness obvious,
Even prior to being forced to meticulously explain
Becoming increasingly familiar with that ruthless domain
Thankfully some truly cherished living snapshots remain
However, most have broken free from their neglected, rusty chain
And I'm left cursing the bane of my existence,
While, in plain sight, the flashbacks that cause my eyes to drain
Swerve in and out of my lane
Joy ridin' my misery or being metaphysically driven to the torture of the mind and soul,
Instigated by a fraction of a fractured brain
That to this day isn't clear on what's it's actually sayin'
Can not seem to refrain from immersing myself in self inflicted pain
Forgotten or slain?
What's it matter if the outcome will be the same;
Me, laying motionless in front of a raging train,
Leaving only a crime scene stain
One that'll go as unnoticed as it did when it flowed through a main artery vein
'Till any and all evidence of my unspectacular,
Super localized reign
Washes away in the rain
And I become nothing more than a name

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 10
"Making positivity a priority would help a lot"
Okay
I'll give it a shot
...
Yup, nope
I give up on the spot
It's way worse to have hope than it is to not

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 10
"I HATE YOU!"
Screamed loud enough for the world to hear
Stated twice just to make the statement clear
It hurts but I try to always remember
That she will for sure be sure
To apologize for it just a little bit later
Believing whole heartedly that should expunge her
And wipe clean the ledger
However,
What's leftover after the vocalized slaughter?
After the anger?
Invisible wounds from the verbal dagger
Hurt immensely as they linger
They never heal ever either,
They never scar, only scab over
Still raw as the next battle gets closer
The one I see in the windshield drawing near
Is almost always identical to the one in the rearview mirror
Only changing minor details here and there
This is what I get for asking her,
"Hey beautiful, what's the matter?"
It's a cautionary tale, buyer beware
Be aware,
Take note of what you receive when you care
Is it truly worth staying and fighting through the cancer?
For the moment let's set aside the endeavor of defining "forever"
I first need to know what the f**k happened to "together"
How can having a partner feel so singular?

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 8
...I hear ya, I do
I just don't find what's been said to be true
But if I take a look through your view
And in lue of the downward spiral conducted by the waves of blue that I've now seen you go through
I want to go ahead and attempt something new
What do you say we put aside debate and simply conversate for a few
A little bit of back and forth like birds of a feather seem to do
Why don't you choose a neutral venue
And I'll collect the short guest list of me, myself and I plus you

©2024
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