i thought i knew exactly what it meant
to have found a person who makes you feel whole
to want so badly for them to be near
to ache for their touch or a fleeting glance
or simply to hear their voice
i've written and sung and told tall tales
of love both lost and found
but nothing has ever come close
to the words i write for you


for you are magnificently strange, wonderfully infuriating,
absolutely maddening, and unconsciously kind
you consistently captivate every crevice of my soul
unknowingly pulling me closer and closer
and one day, i'm sure,
you'll pull me right into your arms
and all will be well

there is no privacy anymore
tinker with your settings,
imaginary dragons, but to no true avail,
your scathing privacy has since sailed,
only to return for another sinking

what you forgot,
is very well remembered
in a some very overlooked place

see me in my summer camp class photo,
blonde crew cut and goofiest of grins,
find my poems of eons ago,
in living tricolor,
to my now better understood
"eternal" embarrassment,
they writ on, vainly looking
for a way to enjoy a
natural unnatural aging,
a wordlessly, self-destructing death
on a someday,
though the probability is that
someone's gigabytes
will cloud store them forevermore
because accumulation is
cheap and easy and
whatever

everything you need but didn't want,
the tangled webs, births and deaths,
multiple divorces and successes,
ancestors, progenitors,
children who no longer acknowledge
parenthood,
the detritus of lives writ even larger than the
original reality life show

confrontation tween my suppression
of long term memories that  
are dangling participles,
going gone being been,
confusion resultant in
the tenses of existence,
I was therefore I still must be
but no longer
the me
I pretended to be

there is no privacy anymore,
especially,
not even from thine own
prying eyes and faulty memories...

when they ask what is my name,
to better trace my leavings,
I will
like Jehovah to Moses respond,

I Am that I Am
(אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה,  ehyeh ašer ehyeh)

I sit here, four years later, and I know in my heart we will end up together. For now, I must simply endure until I finally inherit the day where I can look into your eyes and see my "reflection" once more.

You have all my "also's"...and you always will.

I love you and I want to scream it into your face-
bury my words into your neck and drown in your scents-

I want to grab you and say:

"Hey you there, you beautiful, amazing, wonderfully **** girl, I think you are the person I'm meant to be with forever. I think you are my soul mate. I want to live with you and experience you always. You make my life so much happier. I would give my life for you."

But instead, I simply stay silent.
submissively staring into nothingness
and nodding along to our conversation.

i love you so much angelica. i want you to be mine for always.

you turned me into wet cement and pressed your hands in deep
you tightened them around my heart and gently started to squeeze
I never noticed your tight grasp, for you only caused a sprain
until one day you squeezed too much, I felt a twang of pain
which led me to push your hand away, remove you from my soul
and now the only pain I feel is the pain of being alone
because even though you broke my heart at least you squeezed it so.