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My father says the peppers need more sun. This is somehow about my mother. The balcony smelled like soil and cigarettes. He kept looking at the plants instead of me. Men from our part of the world treat eye contact like a border crossing. Later, at home, I cut red peppers slowly for a salad I wasn’t hungry for. Outside, rain. Of course. Everything important in my family eventually becomes weather. I suddenly remembered my mother standing barefoot in the kitchen telling me not to refrigerate tomatoes. As if love could survive through small correct instructions. The knife, the cutting board, the quiet apartment. I understood my father completely then. Not verbally. Worse.
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#118
Peppers
Shadow is not my name, though I went through the path. Just Yesterday a raven perched upon The window to my unfeeling stillness Asking for something I did not have But look, my dear, the sun has risen I remember you on the days before Looking around at the falling flakes I whispered to you, in some other Reality, we would be forevermore Our frozen trails covered by the soft Blanket I laid in my words As we stood under the soft sky As we are but a grain of sand in the river Of time. The lights lit the balcony, as you Stood down below, covered by the charcoal Night, in the shadow of the mockingbird. Unseen again, something lost that had never Truly began, always in shadow Shadow is not my name Yet my name is surrounded by shadow.
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#118
Shadow is not my name
The morning after you left me I lingered too long in love's haze. A beautiful lavender shade spilled across the windows. I wandered empty spaces still carrying your outline. The house remembered you. The mirrors remembered you. Even silence seemed to speak your name. By nightfall there were no traces of us left. Only lavender light and the strange feeling that someone had survived what someone else had lost. The morning after you loved me.
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#317
Lavender Morning
I saw her. She saw me. A look - something rare, A flicker in the air. The depth in her eyes Pulled me into silence, Like a secret Neither of us could say.
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16
“Between Our Eyes”
Flowin Showin Growin Get Them Hearts Uh Flowin Replies and Comments Showin Keep Them Numbers Growin Come ooooooooonnn! Yeehaw! 🤠
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16
Rowdy Writes Again
Sometimes I just want to run behind my dreams, Forget everything… just feel free. But then I see my mom and dad’s eyes— Their dreams… maybe I should make them mine. Sometimes I just want a life that’s easy, No pressure, no plans, just peace and a smile. But then I think… to be truly happy Don’t I need to work hard for a while? Sometimes I think about money too, How I’ll survive, what I really need to do. Dreams can wait, love can pause… But hunger doesn’t break its laws. And sometimes I wish—just once— I could pick one way, one path, one truth. But life isn’t one straight road. It’s a mess… and I’m walking through it.
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13
Sometimes
No, I don't devour them often Once a month to the bakery for one Eating as I walk No, not ladylike, but not the point As a child, we just could not afford it Was afraid to ask my parents My dad would have bought one for me That is no longer an issue Hope he is smiling down from Heaven It a treat for the walker Walking 25 miles weekly for the ASPCA I write in my head while I walk Hurry home to jot down what came to mind Almond Danish was shared with a squirrel on the way
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11
Almond Danish
i don't really know what happens biologically in the give of skin and nerves and flesh against blade i know the chorus in my head- the cuts- bright, blinding slicing i could draw the lines over and over until it doesn't hurt anymore until i quiet the voice by the name of selfishness and a thousand other titles; pain hatred guilt i know the difference between a slit that can leave a scar and one that will disappear i know the pattern of the lines on my skin and the diluted red down the drain
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11
slipped up
A poet writes of the yellow brick Road to the Wizard of Oz I’m grasping at straws Poetry of substance Worthy of a cause I’m Grasping at straws I read poetry without flaws I’m grasping at straws Poetry so deep in content, I am in awe I’m grasping at straws Poetry so reflective I have to take a pause Yet still I’m grasping at straws This is more than writer’s block My Acadian clock stopped My brother passed away I can’t find anything to say Can’t breathe I cry and pray Words betray my heart Numb my brother and I apart My Tears will stop life will be OK I hope today would be a better day I read poetry to fill the hole Until grief, depression loss lets me go Living moment, by moment is all I know A rebel without a cause I’m grasping at straws Inspired song Take this pain By Jake Banfield 2022
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9
Grasping at straws
Thinking about it feels like watching an episode. Your shoes, sit by the doorway. Slammed shut, the only way through is in. Spaced out at the windowpane, seeing your face in the textures of the wall. I thought about what could have been. I think about everything that's happened. Haunted by the time we spent. My eyes, my face, the words that melted at your fingertips. It's permanent. I'll keep moving. You'll be stuck. Scrubbing the stains until scars spell out my name.
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8
Episode 1
I've dreamt and felt alive but never in this life, skin's so full of hives and ever since you died, I realized, living before was not reality but another dream of feel-good fantasies I could get lost in. Unresolved is the conflict since I first left Eden. The fog builds up on the car's windows & the aircon is so unsettling. Wires are crossed lines I hear on the radio and promises me freedom. My first ever client today as a support worker has it worse, and her hopes are little budgies that are kept in the yard and in a cage which she's captivated by when she goes out for a cigarette and decides to light up three.
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8
kodak moments : Part 2
Down here by the Murray River, where life swims all around; above and beneath the surface, in this heat, everything flows — Beers, BBQs, budgie smugglers and babes in bikinis, memories bobbing above ground capturing freedom; post-pandemic and pre-celebrations. Down by the Murray River, watching things flow safely and soundly, birthing new possibilities: boyfriends, babies, businesses and brews?! Endless possibilities abound, prophecies realised; salvation. Down by the Murray River, with nature, our souls sing loudly, simplicity is possible, trusting and enjoying, everything is allowed.
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7
Down by the Murray River
Your love is like a mystery Always misleading and unfair Whenever I think I am close I haven’t gotten anywhere You always shut me out Whenever I open my heart You’d rather be somewhere else So very far apart I want to give you my all And show you just how much I care But, I can never seem to reach you Darling, you’re never there Trying to touch your heart Is like trying to touch a star No matter how hard I try I’m always so very far I want to get to know you I want you to know me I want to hold you in my arms But, you would rather be alone and free I don’t know what to do I want to win your heart I’ve tried everything that I can But, I always end up with a broken heart I guess that we’re not meant to be Maybe I should just let you go But, for some reason deep down inside I am dying to know Why it is you are the way that you are? Why do you push me away? How can I prove to you how much I love you? Just tell me what I need to do and say These questions burn within my heart Like a fire in the night If only there was a way to change you But, I know that wouldn’t be right I know I need to let you go I have to set you free I don’t want to waste my time On someone who doesn’t care about me However, there is one thing That I do want you to know Even after all we’ve been through I’ll always love you so
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5
Broken hearted
I smile too much on my own whenever i remind you and for a second, the empty space feels less like absence and more like a promise.
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3
Moments!
I wish I could kiss you... right now. Oh, I'm such a good kisser, don’t you know it! Imagine me standing oh so close to you, looking down at you, gazing into your eyes... What were we talking about? Both falling silent as a knowing look is felt between us, and as if compelled by some unseen force. You find yourself being pulled against me. You feel my arms wrap around you like your favourite quilt. The sensation is one of overwhelming complete relief simultaneously mixed with electrified excitement. We take a moment to enjoy one another's face from such close proximity. Neither of us feels an ounce of reservation. It's as if it was always meant to be, and there is no shame in that. Finding your eyes once I again, I let you observe my gaze trail down to your delicious looking lips as I lightly bite my own. Then my mouth is upon yours. We kiss so sweetly, as we both spread out on couch. What a kiss is that! Yes, I think you can easily identify it... Whether literal or figurative, the imagery is the same. Fantasy and impossible dreams melding together, constructing an even more impossible reality which is by its own definition a fallacy. Somehow, the few instances of intensity override the mundane and routine. It is the logically-minded individual’s worst nightmare. Could be Saturn... or maybe Pluto. It is the "something" that changes everything. It is the element that was missing, yet always in wait. Hinting at its very existence while denying it, simultaneously. The ultimate self-delusion. Neptunian dissolution.
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3
I Wish I Could
I wish I could kiss you... right now. Oh, I'm such a good kisser, don’t you know it! Imagine me standing oh so close to you, looking down at you, gazing into your eyes... What were we talking about? Both falling silent as a knowing look is felt between us, and as if compelled by some unseen force. You find yourself being pulled against me. You feel my arms wrap around you like your favourite quilt. The sensation is one of overwhelming complete relief simultaneously mixed with electrified excitement. We take a moment to enjoy one another's face from such close proximity. Neither of us feels an ounce of reservation. It's as if it was always meant to be, and there is no shame in that. Finding your eyes once I again, I let you observe my gaze trail down to your delicious looking lips as I lightly bite my own. Then my mouth is upon yours. We kiss so sweetly, as we both spread out on couch. What a kiss is that! Yes, I think you can easily identify it... Whether literal or figurative, the imagery is the same. Fantasy and impossible dreams melding together, constructing an even more impossible reality which is by its own definition a fallacy. Somehow, the few instances of intensity override the mundane and routine. It is the logically-minded individual’s worst nightmare. Could be Saturn... or maybe Pluto. It is the "something" that changes everything. It is the element that was missing, yet always in wait. Hinting at its very existence while denying it, simultaneously. The ultimate self-delusion. Neptunian dissolution.
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44
A hermit in the woods they say Where life meets death Where the wind meets the trees Perhaps I'll have a small cottage Buried in a corner Unbeknownst to humankind And I'll write Day after day. Perhaps I'll sit on a tree trunk Where I'll dangle my legs Or on the ground Legs crossed Or on top of a hill As if I'm on top of the world Somewhere Where my words Would eventually become A part of this forest
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3
Where I'll Write
calculations: tribulations love to divide my time unknown to the public fearing cynical clinical trials alchemic breath; the future I'm chemically castrated by laws of men and those with lesser skills demonstrated heaving shovelful overhead grasping pressed pine hiding my prize immoral beggar to the dead continuing to refine secrets of a mind no good deed unpunished as they continuously pelt me with sticks and stones and heretic revelry unknown to them the angelic goal of taking pieces to make them whole thoughts and dreams and sewn skin seams to hold inside his mighty soul in my final moments I did slip to disrespect this next of kin for the first words from my lips I said it instead of him If a man has passed the pearly gates shown his manner and earned his fate be it sin or unnatural crime to pry him back from the other side? cracking skies supplied by Zeus will further loosen this earthly noose godly ambitions achieved, of course, the gods relish my muse For power over life itself will have me standing par with beings crowding clouded skies fearing man has come so far
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1
Prometheus Ascending (Victor Frankenstein inspired)