I always start with a bang
Watching the fireworks display

And the one person I speak to
At exactly midnight
Is the one I least wanna lose

Some mind altering substance
Is usually tradition
Along with watching the ball drop

When it finally stops
I get my chance to restart

This year starts
With a broken heart
A broken home

And a soul left
All alone

And instead of kissing
To start the year off right

I'm left wishing
And a simple "goodnight"

It can only be stitched together
          with understanding
   The holes filled
               with trust
        And the missing pieces replaced
                    with love
            
             But a Broken Heart will always
                         remain *broken

You are the
        window
              to my pain
  Cloudy with
            no chance of clarity
      I can see
               how far
away you are
                    Out of focus,
           still hurting me
                      *so easily

It takes all kinds of kinds
I'm the unappreciated kind
I take the heat when others are weak
I stay strong when others can't speak
I give up my joy to make everyone see
I stay sad to make everyone else happy
But I deserve to be sad
And make everyone mad
I've messed up so much in the past
From the first one I hurt, to the last
I'll spend the rest of my life trying to pay it all back
And make up for all the things that I lack
It won't be easy and maybe I'll cry
And when those that love me ask me why
I'll tell them that as long as I always try
I'll have a smile the day that I die

All these knives in my back
         They don't even hurt anymore
   I mean, I'm sore
                 And it's intense
      But it doesn't make any sense
I must be at war
         With myself
      Tearing apart the insides of my brain
Have I gone insane?
           Why do I
Keep letting these things
              Happen to me?
       Is there a sign taped to my back
  Saying "Torture ME"?
            "Take Advantage Of ME"?
        "Love Me And Leave ME"?
    What's wrong with me?
            All this backstabbing
        Take this pen
And drag the ink into my spine
   Use the blood drops as a tattoo design
           The scars from all the knives
     Will just make it look more divine
Maybe some Angel wings
           With a sash torn apart
      and "Nobody Loves ME"
Written across the heart
            Might as well throw it all away
       Throw it all out the door
    I'm sore
          But all these knives in my back
     Don't even hurt anymore

You're great
         In
SOOO
many ways
      But sometimes
I just wanna

Smack
The
****
Outta
You


But that's just love.

In depths of despair
     I can find some joy
                 In knowing
       He, who loves
   And cares so deeply
      Means a lot to me
Seems to have something
           A light, a star
     That makes him happy
Although, I wish to be
             The one who shines
Who makes his days brighter
        Who's strong enough
To carry through for both of us
            And he's a fighter
But that's not always enough
        I find comfort
            I have some peace
Believing that, just maybe
        There's a reason
           A fate, a destiny
    Something else for me
Or maybe it's a crossroad
            A bridge
And getting to the other side
       Will bring clarity
               Peace of mind
    And we'll fulfill
A path that we created
         Lessons to be learned
Or that 'just friends'
      Isn't necessarily
              A bad thing
  Just push forward
Think of where I'm going
         Who I'm being
   And that he has another path
To walk, to cut branches
         For something unplanned
  A fate not yet claimed
            Or just maybe
     That's what destiny is
Struggling through the pain
      To learn from your mistakes
           And find a new path  to take
   But I really gotta say
        It all makes me stronger
   It's something I can't regret
            Cause his happiness
    Makes me smile
        With tears of sadness
              Streaming down my face
   And the depths of my emotions
       I may just take to my grave
           Cause my conscience
   Is a terrible truth to take
         But that's what life is
Going through heartache
       After heartache
             With more heartache
   Until destiny reveals its self
       And no amount of wealth
Can add up to the value
          Or weight in gold
   Of the happiness you'll find
              That's so true
      He may not be mine
But he'll forever be in my life
          And that'll be just fine
   Cause you can't rewind
Or turn around the path you take
          But you can accept
     Move forward
On the beaten path of fate
        Finding peace on earth
     As you walk towards
That **heavenly gate

I wear my heart on my sleeve
Where it's easily broken
I'd rather be made of steel
Or just a girl sitting around tokin
So many emotions
And I'm bloated
Just full of ****
And a belief of something fake
But I'll revamp my ways
My precious heart to take
I don't need it anymore anyways


(Douglas Scheurn wrote this part)
Keep it,
Incase it deep within your soul.
Put the key in,
Make the latch whole.
Don't let someone steal it quickly,
They have to thoroughly plan the heist.
Now this is tricky,
But wait out to see the lines.


Doesn't matter much anyways
My heart ain't worth the fuss
I held on a long time
Even longer for the lucrative "us"
My hearts shattered
Not that it mattered
Pieces are too small
Not worth making whole
No body would want
This emptiness y'all call a soul
There is no need for a lock
And certainly not a key
The last one inside
Has proven me no longer worthy


If the last one who had a piece
Is reading this now
Give urself a pat on the back
And a raise of ur brow
Congratulations is in order
You finally completed ur mission
My heart is finally free
You, no longer in my vision
Emptied my soul
And cleared the fog
**** being a *****
I'll be the alpha dog
Chewing up smiles
Gnawing on hearts
Spitting back up tears
And unimportant parts
Then run away, still intact
Leaving the rest to the hounds
Never looking back
Smile on my face and hell bound

Nothing*
        fills the soul
Like the fruit
            of your **womb

It's a nightmare
Being the burnt out
Shooting star
Replaced by the light
Of a full moon

It's a nightmare
Being hidden underneath
Clouds and overcast skies
Replaced by angel eyes
That makes you swoon

It's a nightmare
Being darkened
By nights that glow
Replaced by a shooting star
Brighter than you ever were

It's a nightmare
Being overshadowed
By dreams of the sun
Replaced by love,
Hope, joy, life... **with her

There are moments in life where we were meant to struggle
Where the past and future collide in an epic battle
And though it may seem hard like you won't survive
There's always a reward when you get to the other side
Life has a way of only showing you what you need to know
You just gotta have faith in order to let yourself grow
And learn to trust in the people around you
That have proven how much they really love you
It may seem like an impossible dream
But with love anyone can do anything

Was burned...

                 Now...  

My body's ashes

                  Is ink

For poetry

The Silence Is Terrifying.
A creak from a chair or the rustling of paper is all that breaks it.
My thoughts are so loud.
I pity those who are not alone.
I feel scared to think,
for I might sound a whisper.
The Silence Is Terrifying.
Should I speak?
No...
I would startle myself.
Maybe the others hear it too.
The silence,
I mean.
It is so loud that my heart is like
the beats of drums.
My thoughts are the words to my lovely song.
The creaking of the chair and the rustling of paper are the offkey note.
The Silence IS Terrifying.

Communication:
    Yes, to me
I believe this is the *key
     Talking, really listening
             Honesty
  Always saying what you truly mean
       No secrets, no withholding
No lies
    But sometimes
        You can say "I love you"
With only your eyes

Trust:
      This, so important
  Yet, so hard for some
          I know it's terribly difficult for me
    Without trust, you're done
        Then there's suspicions    
  .         Fear
         And so many questions
      But sometimes, trust can be earned
          With a bold statement
And the wiping of a tear

Love:
    You may be thinking
          "Why is this third?"
  Well, the first is just words
      What you have the most of
The second is in your mind
    Something in which, you have no control
        Mmm, but Love
   That's deep in your soul
And if two people can make it this far
       Past the flirting, past the insecurities
Past all the old bruises and scars
     To simply love one another
          Well, they'll be able to move      
               MOUNTAINS
           **Together

I can see that light,
      burning in your eyes.
        It burns brighter when I'm around
          and I know you're there
   by your hearts beating sound.
          Like luminescent drums,
     your light beats for me
   and your soul can be heard and seen.
         And **I can finally see everything.

Staring through the cracks in this glass
           I ask myself why?
Why did I put myself
           through this pain?
Why do I act weak, when I know I'm strong?
             All along I've been hiding my face,
      Behind glasses and shadows,
But the cracks are getting wider
                 and the sun's going down
          The truth about who I am,
It's about to be found....  
       I can't commit to these crimes any more
All the lies and deceptions I was okay with before...
I'm putting myself out there,  
        Even if I fall face first
To the floor...
I'm gonna punch through this glass
           with my reflection so perfectly shattered
I'm no longer battered and bitter
       I'm gonna stare straight through that mirror
        Take off these glasses and look into my own eyes
I'm done with the disguise,  the lies,
         the shouts and screams
MY DREAMS!
          My dreams are what matter now,  
          Not yours, or theres, or hers
I'm finally putting myself first
        No more glasses or shadows to hide behind
          I'm gonna find me,  
And I'm actually gonna look at myself this time...

Touching the
     curves of my mind
   Fabrications of
        missing pieces
Too many
    troubles left behind
            Filled with ugliness,
   and bitter diseases
       Thoughts are somewhat
scrambled
             Yet I know I'm thinking clearly
        Sometimes
Life is a gamble
         Gotta roll the dice
     To reach your destiny
I cry too much,
           Of that I'm sure
     I could blame it on
            Anxiety
         Or all the unjust hurts
****** upon me
      But in the end, I know
It's not what you can see
           It's where you go
And what you believe



I'm gonna start believing
         *in me

Windows crash and break
Flowers lose their petals
Things can bend
Made of the strongest metals
Shoes get worn out
Houses get too old
We don't just throw them away
As we are sometimes told
We glue them together
Give them water and sunshine
Bend them back to straight
Like waiting for the sweetest wine
We get them resoled
We labor for years
We do it all for no gratitude
Except to see the end of tears
Like the life of a precious heart
Sometimes things can just fall apart
But you never give up
Your trials might never end
It will always be worth it
Even if you end up just a friend

Windows crash and break
Flowers lose their petals
Things can bend
Made of the strongest metals
Shoes get worn out
Houses get too old
We don't just throw them away
As we are sometimes told
We glue them together
Give them water and sunshine
Bend them back to straight
Like waiting for the sweetest wine
We get them resoled
We labor for years
We do it all for no gratitude
Except to see the end of tears
Like the life of a precious heart
Sometimes things can just fall apart
But you never give up
Your trials might never end
It will always be worth it
Even if you end up just a friend

The written word
Should help us heal
All it does is hurt
By stating what we feel

Its confusing, reading scribbles
Knowing the authors heart
Realizing it means nothing
Typing your soul apart

The ink splashed on paper
Not really meaning a thing
Just random rants
About absolutely nothing

Expressing your heart
Exposing your pain
To the cruelness of people
With nothing to gain

But hurting your soul
And bruising your mind
Someone who expresses truth
Is way too hard to find

In this blank world
Where feelings are condemned
Tears are weakness
It's just better to pretend

Poetry is art
      Poetry is visual

Poets can see the words

The way a play write
Can see the actors on stage
       with every line he writes

The way a musician
Can see the notes dance on air
       with every key she plays

The way a sculptor
Can see the final sculpture
       with every cut of their knife

The way a painter
Can see the waves of the ocean
        with every stroke of blue
                  on a blank canvas

Poetry is visual
      Poetry is art
            Poets are artists
       They write **from the heart

Heart pounding,
   Through the night
She knows the darkness well
     Been blinded by the light
And dragged through hell

Soul crushing,
   Through the days
She knows the pain never ends
     Been sliced open, fogged and dazed
And the voices in her head,
Have become her only friends

Head throbbing
   Through the dreams
She knows the sound of silence not
     Been left wounded, no one to hear her screams
And tortured by the presence of one single thought

Death knocking
   Through the silence
She knows he'll keep waiting, just like before
     Been failing at keeping up her defence
And this time, she simply opens the **door

She saw words
           in stars
  And life had meaning
        When she
   followed her heart
Opened up for disaster
         to strike
But the matches of protection
     Were nothing alike

            She saw poetry
      in his eyes
And nothing ever looked
           as sweet as his
     laugh lines
 But the flow of the pen
          stopped short of madness
When she was born again
    
        She saw lyrics
   in every emotion
           And all the tears and smiles
      proved her devotion
But life had a way
          of sneaking up on her
    When she closed her eyes
            Before looking
        in every mirror

    She saw love and pain
all at the same time
        and she was hurt and happy
  By every one of his rhymes
          But nothing ever looked
     as beautiful as his
               piercing eyes
 But the flow of the pen
          stopped short of laughter
When she was *born again

As raindrops slowly trickle down the window
              and expose a reflection of what
                   I used to know
   An image of the past that tends to haunt me pops out so clearly
                against the scenery
    And I can't complain about the hatred and pain
           brought on by the memory
              Cause
      the truth is I broke promises
          and I can't say I'm undeserving of the punishment
        As those raindrops turn to tears
   I realize all my fears
       must have been
          **heaven sent

I've built this wall around myself
To shield my heart from the pain
Like the caterpillar, I hide
Until I'm finally free to find
A love to fly with me in the rain

Can you feel the ache in my chest?
Can you touch the cracks in my heart?
Can you tell where my soul begins,
And where it's been torn all apart?

I'm made of sharp edges and pieces fit with super glue
Can you feel it?
I'm a heartless enigma and a soulless slice of truth
Can you feel it?
Enemies make the best friends and now I hate you
Can you feel it?

Lies are like a bullet to my heart, filling me with holes
A feeling of emptiness overwhelms me, a space too bold
Trying to hold on tight to a tangle too tied to unfold
Lost in a web of pain too damaged to be controlled

I'm made of broken glass, chipped and shattered
Can you feel it?
I'm an empty shell of something that once mattered
Can you feel it?
Pieces are falling, a love now bruised and battered
Can you feel it?

The harmony of injustice is ringing in my ears
A lullaby of sweet nothings and my childhood fears
A common trend unfolds, a chorus of chants and tears
A pain ripples through my body and the monster finally appears

Can you feel it?

Will you watch me as I soar,
Stare into space as I disappear?
Will you love my memory,
After I'm no longer here?
Will you sketch an image into time,
And frame it on your wall?
When I finally fade away,
Will you catch me as I fall?
Is it too much to ask,
For you to float by my side?
Can you never let me go,
And if you fail, will you still try?
Can you take me higher,
Than just an endless journey?
Can you take me higher,
Than what you've already done for me?

Her eyes slowly lifted,  she squinted at the light practically burning her eyes.  There were shapes,  human shapes, surrounding her but she couldn't make out the faces. Then within her line of sight a fist comes hurling towards her face, connecting with her jaw and giving her whiplash on top of the large bruise that was surely already forming.  

All of sudden there was shouting and bright lights coming from every direction, gun shots blazing through the dimly lit room. A man shouted her name, she couldn't tell where it came from or who said it but they certainly said Clara.  She scanned the room, bodies were steadily dropping,  men screaming like babies,  suddenly the ropes that tied her hands were being undone.

"We've got you ma'am" said a familiar voice from the shadows.  

As quickly as it all began she was being carried through a dark hallway in strong arms. Slowly all the lights faded to nothing and she could no longer even hear her own breath.

She slowly started to hear what sounded like whispers in the distance, her mind was at ease though.  It felt like a bed she was laying on, plush, maybe even extra pillows under her head. Her face ached more than she thought possible and trying to open her eyes made her head throb more than she could stand.  

There was a shadow in the distance, a man, standing perfectly still. She could only make out his shape but he seemed familiar, friendly. She finally felt safe though, for the first time in days. The man said something she couldn't understand, then he rushed to her side.

"Clara, you're awake! Finally! It's been 12 hours. How are you feeling?" he said rushed and excitedly.

"Uncle Frankie?" she asked weakly.

"Yes Sweetie, I'm here, you're safe now" he said with a big awkward smile. He'd always been awkward, since she was a little girl, but he was her dad's little brother and she loved him like a father.

"What happened?", she was so confused, the last few days were a blur of fists and guns in her mind.

"Johnny BlackHeart and his crew kidnapped you Clara. They held you captive for days, called us for ransom and demands, said they'd torture you if we didn't comply.  We finally found out where they were keeping you yesterday, me and the guys came in guns blazing and killed most of the guards. We thought we'd lost you for a few minutes but George got you out just in time. We're so lucky you made it."

She took all this in and in the next instant all the memories came rushing back, the beatings, the restraints, all of it.  She sat up quickly, refusing her uncles hand for help.

"We need a family meeting, now! Get George and the boys in here immediately!" she said angrily.

"What are you going to do?" he asked wearily.

She looked at him like it should have been obvious but she said it anyways, in the calmest voice she could.

"Get Revenge"

The snow is white, very bright
As bright as the clouds
Very soft, very cold
Very very very old

Snow is white, such a sight
So very bright and so very soft
Beautiful and filled with ice
Very very very cold

Clouds are white and fluffy
Very bright and very soft
Round, rabbits, elephants, shapes
Very very very old

She saw a rainbow where he could only see black.
But together, they made a frame, keeping their picture perfect life intact.

She saw the sun where he was always captivated by the moon.
But together, they made each other's wishes come true and not a moment too soon.

She saw smiles where he drowned in the sadness of eyes.
But together, they made laughter and found truth amongst a million lies.

She saw beauty where he could only see regrets and pain.
But together, they made a life that could always be and would always remain.

She saw him where he would always find her.
And together, they made happiness that could span galaxies forever.

Listening to this music,  I see you in the words
Country songs talking about life and loving girls
And it's starting to **** me, emotionally
Cause I'm seeing the future, and it's bleak
Without you I just feel weak
I'm meek,  but I wanna be strong
And all day long, it's harder and more painful
I'm getting emotional,  
Because
These songs just keep on repeat
Replaying my heart with words so sweet and rhythms so slow
I tap along with the beat and my mind just goes
Places it shouldn't be
But that's me,  constantly thinking
I'm just singing these tunes,  the lyrics all just remind me of you
It's a sad thought that it's just for right now
But that's how the words hurt me more than you'll know
These happy songs about love and forever together,  
No
That's not for me
But sometimes it's just nice to think,  
and sing along with all these songs that say one day I might be happy

Lights flicker
      Blood drips
Brilliant mind
      At my finger tips
Don't look now
      Gotta think quick
What have I done?
      Oh! I know a trick
Slice it up thin
      Tiny little bits
So much mess
      Hmm, maybe a mince
Red and juicy
      Smells so devine
Mouth watering
      Just like last time
So heavenly
      It should be a crime
Down to the bone
      I carve a rhyme
My name etched like stone
      A deadly shrine
No where left to go
      But back into my mind
.
   .
      .
         .
            .
               .
                  .
                     .
                        .
                           Until next time....

No man should be worth our tears, but usually we don't realize it until we're left wiping the last tear drops away.....

No woman should be left crying over someone not worth their pain, but usually we don't realize it until the tears wash away all the lies and the truth stares us in the face......

The blood that bleeds
It bleeds and leaks
Emotions pour out
Releases the doubt
Down your arm
Its calling out
That shiny blade
It screams and screams
LET ME OUT
Your cares and dreams
Wanna shout
Take me out
Push me in
Deeper and deeper
Your getting weaker
You can't refuse
Nothing to lose
Emotions drain
With every slice
Feeling alive
For that pain
You can't deprive
And when it dries
You cry and cry
You see that blade
Calling out
CUT THE PAIN AWAY
Just breakout
Checkout of life
Slice to bleed
Bleed to slice
Roll the dice
Take a chance
Stop the pain
Of sharp romance
Another way
Not today
Its no coincidence
Its confidence
Believe
Not in a crisp blade
In chances and life
DROP THE KNIFE
Its not your friend
This is the beginning
That's the end

I keep searching for you everywhere

I don't remember where I saved those old pictures
And sometimes you're asleep when I want to talk
     But when I look inside my heart, where all my love is kept

I've found that you *completely fill it up

Your perfection,
       Toned
    And beautiful
Down to your soul
       Radiating from your pores
   Couldn't know you better
Or anymore
       So in love

Your secrets,
         Scary
   And unknown to me
Deep in your depths
          Discovering one at a time
      Knowing you less and less
  With every darkness
          I find

Your anger
          Morbid
      And apparently deadly
How could you do this to me?
    Throwing in a hole, my almost lifeless body
        I thought I knew you before
   But I discovered your secrets,
             Your lies
      The last ounce of love I had leaves
          As the final pile of dirt covers my eyes
      **Burying me alive

Bipolar Hypocrite,
First, let me just say,
Everytime I see your *name
It brightens my day
I've read a *LOT of your poetry
I can't say I've read them all
But I Will get to them eventually
My amount of *free time is small
I'm sorry I don't have the time
To write a long drawn out essay
About how your poetry really speaks to me
But to you, I will simply say:

I'm sorry for the sadness you've felt
I truly know how hard life can be
But I'm so glad you found an outlet in writing
And that you continue to share your poetry
I thank you for that, all your comments on mine as well
Please, remember that you've touched at least one girl
I'll be here if you'd ever like to chat or vent
I can also promise, you WILL
find your happiness in this world

I'm so glad you've found a place here on Hello Poetry
Never Forget you're amazing
And that you have made an impression on me.

PS. I know how you love my italics and bold, I figured to use them, hope it's not getting old. :)


Lots Of Love,
*Melz

Why you lie?

Why you say there's three servings,

When everyone knows, it's only one?

Rude, Haagen Dazs.

Just Rude.


Sincerely,
Lonely, Sad Girl.

There's just too much on my mind
And it's hard to define these emotions
The explosions of neurotic brain waves
Feeling dazed, losing touch with reality
I'm finally losing every ounce of sanity
It's blasphemy to think I'm alright
Cause at night, there's ghosts in my dreams
And it seems they'll never stop haunting me
Reality? That's officially become a blur
Stirring up demons from my past
At last I can say I found a way out
But I have doubts if it could actually save me
This destiny I found with the barrel of a gun
Hell, it hasn't been fun, completely out of touch
There's not much left on my mind
As the bullet finds a home between my eyes