I do not need you to save me,
But I do need you to hold me while I rest.

It's okay to mourn the things you never had,
As long as you don't let the grief consume you.

...being a beacon for darkness
...being a deacon of evil
...seeing no evil regardless
...seeing honesty as a hurtle
...restating unholy responses
...restating there'll be no upheaval
...ruling with no conscience
...ruling different for different people
...playing your god against us
...playing yourself in the process
...knowing none of it is real
...knowing if it is your going to hell

©2024

Just because you did

Not notice does not mean

I handled it well

Don't tell me you love me if you can't say it publicly
Why put THOSE words in THAT order only for them to ring empty?
Ahh, sneaky, sneaky
You didn't think I noticed but I did, walked through the door with it on your right pinky
How'd you let the value you placed on the ring I placed on your finger drop below a hay penny?
Ignored on the ground with hardly a glance cause you "have plenty"
Was that the plan from the start, to pull the shoot early?
We were side by side, we said for all eternity, and you didn't think I'd see?
I know the words needed for that phrase are still in your vocabulary
But they're now spoken differently
Just another thoughtless thought runnin' through a smooth brain, produced automatically
Not calling you dumb, 'cause you've played me for a fool expertly
To speak it comes easy, literally learned at the tail end of infancy
Follow through is a entirely different story
It slips through those lose lips sporadically but it doesn't feel like they're actually for me
Just kinda, sorta vaguely directed in my general vicinity
Even still, to get even that takes a little prompting...unfortunately
They no longer spring forth and sooth this broken heart organically
I can no longer consider it a deep rooted feeling, it's just reactionary
Forget accuracy, this isn't satisfactory
Meanings mean nothing to you and, honestly, I find no truth in your "honesty"
I really wanted my theory on your true feelings for me to be phony
I've never wanted to be wrong so badly
But you prove me right daily and twice nightly
I no longer trigger any desire for intimacy
Fine, I guess, can't force that, it's gotta come around naturally or it doesn't do it for me
But your rejection of literally every attempt and advance from me I'm finding to be too costly
Bye bye confidence, so long ****** identity
Couple years before 40 and I already have to accept there'll be no ****** activity
Haven't been rejected this much through the entirety of my journey to ****** maturity
Feels like a search and destroy mission focused on my psyche
Absolutely crushed mentally and emotionally
And here I was thinking it was I that had an unlovable personality
You forced me to think that about me
Like I'm not even good company
I wish this would have worked out differently
And yet still, what I want even more is for you to agree
How pathetic of me

©2024