what have you done to me.
i let you undress me with your eyes,
slowly and reassuringly.
and then aggressively with your hands,
undoing the buttons on my shirt
and unzipping my jeans
nearly ripping the fabric right from under me.

pulling me across the bed
breathing heavily into my ear,
i'm remembering why
i ever called you mine in the first place.
we decorated these walls with our fingerprints
and they remain as memories of every time we've touched.

now why you?
is it your scent, is it your skin?
the way the marks you leave on my stomach
feel like you every time i touch them?
its you that i want, its you that keeps me here
when i should be with whom i claim to love.

when you were mine,
it was a perfect dream,
we ran through the war with not a scratch
not a dent in our skin.
we got out of the mess,
accompanying each other through the storm.

I should have let you sit in the driveway,
I should have never let you walk through the front door.
Why couldn't you have left me alone in this room
without your taunting glares
begging for the affection i crave so much.

I swore i wouldn't do this.
I swore i wouldn't kiss your neck again,
i swore i wouldn't make you want me.

but I gave in.
so here you are
once again.
you're lying on my bed,
and i'm on top of you.

Encased in a worrisome path
lead nowhere but the darkest cavern of my soul, you, my light, give more so of a reason to be prosperous and shed my love to a dear heart such as yours.
     The waking of a demon under skin so thick, fear and blame... factors so far and few between.
     Trance becoming nonetheless a fantasy of greater times, you, love, wrap destiny around every hardened fate in this world.
     Amongst the most deathly sins of man, fearing only everything in ones path... safety, where your heart lies.. where I sit and sing sweet lullabys for you.
     And not only a single tear shed, many full of fear, of hurt.. and many full of happiness and laughter.
     You, my muse, are the single greatest occurrence in the small, short life I will live. And for that, you must know that I love you.

I don't think there's anything in this world more comforting than you. More whirling and more excessively beautiful than your soul and your love.

The way my chest sinks when you pick a fight and I know that I **** up once again.

When you say its not important or it doesn't matter when we know **** well you'd sell your soul to get me on board.

How you press your lips together and bite your tongue with every lick of anger. Because you know how draining it is; internally fighting with yourself.

How you think you're not cute, and how I oppose to your negative thoughts. the way you see yourself is completely different from how we see you.

If you ever for a second thought that I was in betrayal of your love, the hounds were released and all is doomed to hell.

I know you care. Its so difficult not to hurt I wish you knew how loyalty surges through my veins and reminds me how good I have it with you.

I refuse. ******* refuse to let you down. and let you feel like you're not the only one. Not worthy enough, and yet again make you upset. I don't have the heart for it.

Don't you dare yell at me, you're way too cute when you do. Don't you dare make me want to kiss you, and just stare for hours into those gleaming eyes of yours.

You are everything. you don't know it. but you are, and you refuse to let yourself believe in it. but it's the truth. you're the world in a bundle of undivided love. and you know what? *i love you

i am angry
they told me who i'm supposed to be
i am not who they wanted in their world.
i am anything but pure
i am anything but sweet.
i am your worst nightmare.

my hands numb,
my legs shaking, toes tapping,
you asked me what i wanted to be.
well what the hell, i haven't the slightest,
i've never really thought about
the person i wanted to become.
"someone everyone loves"
but what does that ever accomplish?
what if no one ever learns to love me the
way that they're supposed to?
but how is anyone supposed to love me anyway.
what if i'm already doomed?
I'm already in the mix, i'm already set up to fail.
so then, you ask me; "who are you?"
silence.

in the spur of the moment,
my eyes widened.
i reminisce of every time i thought
i was doing something because it was me.
i think of every single time you lectured me,
asking what i was doing with myself.
i think of the times my parents were disappointed,
and all of the people I've let down.
I thought they'd hate me, but they didn't even care.
no one ever really gave a crap what i did,
but I, all too much of their actions.
and for what? look where it landed me.

I'm so upset with myself.
I'm supposed to know these things.
I'm supposed to know who i am.
I'm supposed to know what this body contains,
I'm supposed to know what my heart can give,
and what my mind believes in.
but i just don't.
at least not now.


who was i when i popped those pills,
willingly broke through my skin to feel the pain.
who was i on New Years 13 shots in,
kissing that cute boy who's name escapes me.
who was i when my parents divorced,
who was i when i no longer had a family.
when i got my license, or graduated high school.
who was i when you looked me in the eyes and told
me you loved the girl i used to be.
who is the girl i used to be?

if this is the coming of the storm, then someone tell me,
because here i am, 19 years into my life
not knowing one single thing about myself.
not knowing what to feel,
only because at this very moment, i have to think.
i have to give definition to myself
when before, it all rolled off my tongue,
like i read my fate on a gum wrapper.

you never did notice my shaking legs, or my pale face.
you never did see right through me. oh this is easy to fake.
i put my hands together and said "i am myself"

although i had no idea who that is.

but i know i am angry,
i am not pure,
i am not sweet.
i sure as hell am not "myself",
whoever that may be.

her entirety rests in his eyes.
she is enamoured with the way he speaks.
his smile.
his skin.
how scary it is to look in his eyes.
she thought,
"beautiful flames, aspirations, love."
he saw broken.
enticed by a noncommittal love,
their souls often attack one another.
reminders of a distance.
arms length in physicality,
thousands of miles separate their minds.
so many intricate thoughts,
what they speak is merely simplistic.
apart from drowning in eachother's darkness, they remain whole.
They are celestial, and far too eclipsed from reality.
Because eternity rests where their most dangerous actions prosper.
Eachother.
Something that will make them feel alive,
but ****** everything they felt was love.

When the trees grow old
And the wind begins to blow
The branches sway back and forth
And the leaves begin to fall.
The bark starts to peel,
And the roots grow weaker and weaker.

But if we climb that tree,
If we reach the very top,
We notice the clouds in a clear sky
And how they sway to the left,
Sway to the right,
Listening to what the wind tells them to do.

So if we jump to the clouds
We can look down and see
Everything going on
From a different perspective.
Our point of view sways one way
Or another because of what we want to see.

We can see it all for miles,
We can see the world from here.
We can see young ladies swaying their hips,
We can see the ocean’s waves crash.
We can see each spec of waste
We can see whatever we please to find.

But this is unnerving
And this is not how we want to discover
So we hop back to the swaying branches.
We sit and ponder our visions,
We can imagine all of the possibilities
That we have just encountered.

We can see that our tree
Is just as strong,
Is just as gorgeous
As that young woman swaying her hips,
As the ocean’s waves.
The peeling bark uncovers fresh sap
And the tree’s roots regenerate strong.

When the trees grow old and the wind begins to blow,
We sit on the branches, and sway our feet
Hundreds of feet above, and write poetry to our imagination.

we've all been given a million chances before, and we've all experimented with our own powers. not once will we be asked to abuse our abilities and not once will we be prompted to bite off more than we can chew.
     everything that we do and everything we pursue is by our own will. we will never be told to hurt one another and do it because we are robots, or because it is our job. we do it because we can.
     when given an opportunity, we can either accept or reject. whether it be to hurt, or to hold. to love or to perish one another. it is up to our hearts, our minds; will we carry out this job, or will we cease the opportunity at hand?
     we are not programmed. we are real people. we have our own mindsets and can choose our own fates. we know what we're doing, whether we say we do or not. our minds are aware.
     we are alive.

How crazy is it that we’re thought to be under one life under one mind form, mindset, thought the same thoughts have the same feelings. We don’t ever comprehend each other unless we’re under the thoughts of basic and common beliefs. If we aren’t, it becomes so hard, nearly impossible to intertwine feelings and be understood. No matter how much explaining need be done, no matter how much time and thought we put into explaining our feelings to others, your mind can think one thing and explain it so as another person can know, but not understand how you feel whatsoever. Its so hard to fathom what goes on day to day and that's what's making it so much harder to live.