If you could capture
all of your tears
do you think they'd fill a bowl?
A bucket?
A bath?
Or
do you think they'd drown the sea?

The bamboo presses
against my sun-burnt back
but your lips serve well
to distract
as we tumble beneath
the coconut tree
that you say has killed three

By the end of the night
not even friction
can help me
from slipping
(pale porcelain waiting for some company)

I hate it
The whole time
I think to myself,
never again, never again
(as I lean over his cold body)

But I close my eyes
and soon enough
it’s Friday again

So I reach into the cupboard for
a tall glass and
before I know it
there I am
(in that familiar awkward embrace)

Envelop me in your octopus arms
Tickle me with your tresses
And I'll worship you 'til my days are gone
And my sorrows undone

So deceiving
were the
subtle movements,
the conversation
that kept me
thinking,
the different
perspective
I thought I
was getting.
It’s almost funny,
how
for a moment
I was duped –
bright-eyed,
optimistic.
Almost.

Hammered on the wall
listless
a once-rebellious girl
looks out
Sun-up, sun-down
there she hangs
with an apathetic gaze
that mimics mine
when I look at the man
lying next to me
A little aged, dusty
but mostly the same
still vibrant
on the outside

A prudent investment
at first glance
turned constant reminder
of wanting
something different
Undoubtedly it's time
for a change
I guess I'll just sell
the painting.

I've been reckless
in the name of adventure
experience
presence

But suddenly
the 'why nots'
have costumed
as 'whys'
as I sit reflecting
afraid of my reflection
on memories
waiting to be dusted
learning, hoping  
to face the emotions

Your timing is impeccable
ready when needed
but willing to wait
Your curves
are enviously symmetrical
How do you manage
to stay in shape?
You're too good for me,
I know
but I love you so
teeny tiny avocado

Cowering away
from the biting sun
the teddy bear sighs

I lick my lips slowly
savoring each molecule that's left
still confident
in my choice to cut back
all the while unaware
that I'm already trapped

sticky
sweet
addicting
withholding
no different than the rest

curtained behind
a dubious smile
watching, waiting
to provide
temporary pleasure
then cater
to another

Three times now
I've washed my hands
and still feel its trace
maybe I'll try
agave next

Remember that swan trapped in the ice?
How we helped set her free?
Some day, I hope someone
does that
for me

A single earring
maybe a sock
a smidge of pride
perhaps for the best
Lo que pasó
lost
dispensable
so we thought

A pillar
spitting out poetry
as we exchanged our last words
unbeknownst to me
How comical
that we met at a place
called Make Believe

I fear Winter
for with it intrudes
the loneliness that consumes
as soon as the sun shies away

Eyelid kisses
Buried intuition
Beneath warm fuzzy feelings
Fooled me for two years

I don't mind
that you fed me compliments
with vapid niceties

I don't mind
that you kissed me
between bars

I don't mind
that you grazed my thigh
with your unafraid palms

I don't mind
that you held my hand
while painting falsehoods
of our future

But I hate
that I ate it all up

The tides are at war
clashing in all directions
challenged by strong evening winds
trying not to be swayed

Can you capture,
can you get away?
he asked patiently
appearing harmless, helpful
like a sensei

I sat in thought
nervous about my next move
trying to focus on the box in play,
just as he had taught me
ignorantly paying no mind
to the soon-to-be-queen
brewing in a distant plane
A pawn, but only in disguise
stealthily eyeing its next **** 

I looked to him for guidance
but his demeanor had quickly changed
his eyes, no longer looking so kind

My fingers froze, my chest compressed
I thought to myself
can I capture, can I cower?

As it turned out, my next move
would be futile no matter
So I took my pieces and walked away
I was no good at playing games anyway

The East River ebbs and flows
reflecting in the glow of the night
ripples so hypnotizing
like her unforgettable hazel eyes

Every birthday
I would wish you'd get better
only to be sitting here today
in front of my black forest cake
knowing it was time
to wish for you to die

In a parallel world
where clouds lived in the sea
and whales traversed the sky
perhaps you and I'd be 'we'

And suddenly
The leaves are back on the trees
Reminding me that nature rebounds
Faster than I can heal

let's stay horizontal
entwined
feeding
off each other's sweat
and wholesome lies

The house was being emptied
as we exchanged laughs
talking about
our first cigarettes

Tattered books, toys, plans
placed on the curb for grabs
as I timidly reached for your hand
hoping that new memories could mask
those of the twelve years past

While I try to get myself out of bed
she glistens in the distance
rubbing it in, hues of pink and gold
bannered across the midriff
of her soaring buildings
reminding me of her flawlessness
and another day sold

Lend a hand
your touch, a tender rave
Lay with me
let's bathe in ecstasy

Your fingers tangled in mine
our only compatible parts
magnetized
like tetrominoes
turned phantom limbs

Do you still think of me?
Or is my memory strewn haphazardly
across frost-bitten sidewalks
like once-beloved Christmas trees?
Formerly prized possessions
decaying near piles of garbage
having served their purpose
in due time
replaced by others, perky
and piercing green

Three gin martinis
He asked me my fetishes
Over 'fore it started

Bruised, bare
leave me with my blanket
while I build a tougher layer

The floor is still wet you see
and my ankles are just too weak
for the slippery mess out there

Give me some time
I'll try to decompress
though currently, Cynicism
has me tangled in her nest

I’m going to close the blinds now
to be at my own mercy
Don't be alarmed
if you don't hear from me

I'll take you as is
sour, sweet, or in between
no sugar added
'cause you'll always be
my favorite
So pucker up baby
show me what you've got
under all that thick skin

Washed up on the beach
barely breathing
she had travelled far
beyond the Andes
north of the equator
into cooler waters

At seven-feet-wide
it was hard to comprehend
how she'd gone so long unexposed
So they called her Hoodwinker
for often she deceived
those who tried
to get under her skin

Found too late,
and far from home
they assumed she took a wrong turn
"How lonely, strange"
they said
unaware that she just sought
her own path instead

Later they'd learn some things
from her sturdy skeleton
but they'd never know her side
of the life that she so staunchly chose

In the rear view mirror
the Blue Ridge Mountains
blend in with the sky
sharp edges
hardly discernible
in the monochrome
along with a version of me
I unknowingly left behind

I was drawn to you
Was it the conversation,
Irish accent,
or just Le Labo?

Through his last breath
in embrace
she whispered
'tighter, tighter'

Breathe in.
Stare up.
The crack,
inches close.
Will it halt
before the clouds
seep through
and seize my room?
Wait and watch,
I'd rather not.
Till tomorrow,
ignore
like all other
pending problems
Sit up.
Breathe out.

All stories
no substance
What were we
but in a trance
Was it even real
or were we Peter Panned?

I can't put my finger on this feeling
Is it mine alone
or is it a part of life
like the sun's extended escape?
Will it pass with the clouds
in a few days
or has the climate permanently changed?
And how do I accept the latter, learn
to revel in the freedom
embrace my body pillow, and rise
with a smile on my face
knowing that choices
are endless and all mine
without wondering about how
the grass may be greener in pairs?

I know I shouldn't do it
but short term pleasure
always seems to win
over long term pain
Though I’ve been burned before
scars as a reminder
the heat of the moment
pulls me back in
to your body as we play with fire
through the early morning hours

some deem it poison
others freedom
chemical concoction
come for me
comfort me, quickly
with a gentle caress
so I can see
what comes next

I wonder when
I stopped being
your favorite

Tomorrow I'll rid my sheets of you
but today, I breathe you in one last time
fill my lungs with those nebulous lies
Puff puff pass, to the lucky one
who's next?

Last breath
The end
Chest open
Inhale
Three
Two
One
Let go
Be gone

I gave you everything I had
and you didn’t think twice
naively, till the end
when we became
strangers again

hazelnut crunch
salted pretzel
extra dark chocolate
burnt caramel drizzle
A satisfaction unmatched
lingers on my tongue
a shame I ate the last one

The good thing
about aging is
receiving fewer calls
that command decoration
of an otherwise dull
daily routine.
Details of
the made-up cake I ate,
an extravagant meal.
Dreaded jokes
about added wisdom
fooling no one;
we're all just feigning, fading.
Over and over again.
So ordinary.  

Let's be honest.
There's only been one change
since that last conversation
exactly a year ago -
a heavier number.
One more ring in this stump
that awaits its demise,
its call-to-fame.
Cut down one day
put to use
shredded to paper;
transformed into
another dollar-pizza box
like the one I just stuffed
into an overflowing Manhattan trash can.

A few hours of elation
followed by weeks of self-deprecation
Here I am
in trouble again

At least now the greens are gone
soon I’ll even be rid of the bottle
but letting go of our playful banter
is punishment I don’t want to handle

So go ahead and tax me
for pretending there ever was a “you and me”

With crisp mornings
come cooler evenings
and an unwelcome adieu
to the partner of my dreams
the only one who wraps me in warmth
an iridescent glow, a confidence
some only get after a few spirits

I'll miss her fondly
and the levity she brings
with each comforting breeze
gently brushing aside
yesterday's worries

I hate when people say stay strong
just because they can't stand
to see me fall
the person who taught me to live is gone
and now I'm older than she was
the day we first spoke of her in past tense

Seasons twice changed
the trees nearly bare now
still my mind barrages my heart
with memories as I struggle to accept it

Maybe one day I'll pick myself up
but for now
I'm staying on the ground
on a bed of soggy autumn leaves
drenched in tears

Pinch me
Fold me
Make me scream
Use me
Choose me
Let me dream
Bite me
Fight me
Let me bleed
Cloak me with your cool breath
Tell me you want me
Make me plead
Hurt me
Hold me
Whatever you need
As long as it reminds me
What it's like to feel