i won't leave traces
     that i'm changing into different faces
fooling people of my desires
i'm stranded on a wire
with just one wrong step,
     people will know the depth
     of my longing.

i'd like to think i'm only indulging
and will not forever be craving:
     the taste of your lips
     the way your hands fall into my hips
          as our breathes mingle
          as our tongues entangle
making my body all tingly,
leaving your scent into me.

there will be no traces
of this poisonous fruit my heart chases
     because this is just a phase
     i'll sober up one of these days

but for now,
     let your traces seep deep into my bones
     and let the room be filled with both our moans.

After all these years
We start again
We know one another like the back of our hands
Slipping in and out of each other's lives
As if they aren't completely intertwined
No one else understands
Saying we're toxic and bad
But conversations are all that's being had

That night, the back of your head was such a sight to see. Your worn-but-new sneakers slamming against the pavement was a symphony, the volume decreasing with every step. Your hands running through your hair in angst after being gelled to your forehead by sweat. Lastly, you throw your head over your shoulder for one.
Last.
Look.
You were the devil in disguise under the muted yellow street light. Your expression sent a thousand messages, but mine only expressed one.

I’m free.

How does one
Love and hate?
A sickly sweet
But bitter taste.

No sanity,
No self-respect.
Just you and I,
Bodies full of sweat.

We are soaking wet,
As you draw me in.
You're adoring,
And attractive.
Yet gruesome,
And grim.

But you win.

Your prize,
Is my mind.
And that is bold and unkind.

But alas,
I chose to try.
But you hid the key
I am too weary to find.

Good bye anxious days,
Good bye anticipation,
Good bye expectation,
Good bye stress,
Good bye over commitment,
Good bye bad attachment,
Good bye cravings,
Good bye pretense,
Welcome freedom
Welcome Boundaries
Welcome free will
Welcome choice
Welcome new possibilities
Welcome space
Welcome carefree-ness
Welcome authenticity
Welcome My self.

maybe it was foolish of me,
maybe i’m just too naive. but the way you held onto me both in a way you were scared i’d dismantle on you but enough to bruise, you were so gentle yet i still found your claw marks painting my skin that i worked so hard to heal before you.

i spent my nights questioning my own reality, wondering if you were the monster in my closet or the ghost under my bed. neither were safe, nor were they supposed to be something to romanticize but i preferred you being a ghost because at least then i wouldnt have to feel your touch.

and i used to think that was wrong of me. i was ****** up. because why on earth would i not want to embrace and melt into my lover’s touch? his arms that he vowed to have protect me?

vows. all that you constantly went back on and i sit here now wondering if you ever meant any of them. if you ever meant anything.

because i was naive,
i was foolish.

i had carved a place in my heart incase you wanted to come back but i should have known better.

a love like yours is only meant to destroy.

and i’m sorry but i cannot get over what happened this time. i cannot get over the blood shed and the tears that echoed off every wall in the room, my cries for you to stay while you kept shoving me out. i cannot get over the ache in my chest when you went back on everything we swore, because darling, real love does not go away like that and i question now if you even know what love is.