I haven’t given up,
But the energy inside me
has dimmed over time.

Life has swallowed me whole,
And I’m caught in the tide of a
never-ending spiral,
Drowning at every word.

Will I make it out of
this storm, or be carried away
by the waters, no sign of life
and screams left unheard?

I’m content with suffering,
but this emptiness inside me,
persists without warning.

I forgot how to feel,
Forgot how to smile,

The last time I felt
something,

I haven’t felt that
way in a while.

And so life
reminds me,

That no matter
what I do, or where
I go,

My problems always
follow me, even when
I’m alone.

I haven’t given up,
And I haven’t broken
down,

But I know my
problems won’t go away
until I’m six feet underground.

Let’s go to war
and fight with our
hearts and minds

Let’s start a battle
and crash into the sun.
One more time.

Let’s watch the tensions
lessen, a cause and effect,
directing us to chaos,
never teaching us a lesson.

Let’s watch the bombs rain
down and the feelings
dwell, unable to spell out
what we want to say,

Only lashing out,
hurting everyone,
just like yesterday.

An explosion of emotions,
An attack on the heart,
Cause and effect and
Doomed from the start,

We are the catalyst to
the problem we created
together and apart.

I think I will forever resent the day you died.

I think I will forever hate the day you left - Me.

You left everything for us, to pick up, to clean up - To tidy.

And you left it all as it was but slightly worse.

But only you didn't die
You lost your mind.

Your mind faded the way we sleep

Slowly and then all at once.

Until you vanished, and became a shell of you.

You had died severely. Each time you broke you died.

You left us. You are no longer here, with us.

You look but do not see

You hear but do not listen

You are.

But you are not.

Though I'm not in jail it all just feels the same
Waking up depressed told just not to complain
A shotgun to my head i feel like Curt Cobain
Not a literal sense, but the context sustains
I don't want money, success, not even some fame
I just want to learn to play this game
Each day it gets hard i just keep  breathing
Wondering how the **** this happened, it feels like treason
From a comical skeptic to a reliable source
I question the water that was gave to the horse
Viewed as a sinner but always in doubt
"Read from the scripture and figure it out"
Nightmares keeping me awake like a proxy
SO many bad thoughts I wish I could get off me
Do your 12 steps Bob, everything is kosher
Yet I wake every night screaming still sober
A stranger does the same, and everyone wants to know her
A technicality set, a glimpse for closure
Different from most but related to some
I feel alone but second to none
Shaking again always be the **** up
"drinkings a sin" Always press my luck up
Some things I will never understand
But if it doesn't change I will be ******

Stomach churning
Knee irking
Weight ballooning
Self-confidence parachuting

Day in day out
It's a scream wanting to shout
A mirror wanting to turn away
As I take in what I am in full dismay

**** me, *******, **** me
**** me - anger talking
******* - spite retorting
**** me - desperation joining the party

Technical confusion
Physical contortion
Emotional intrusion
Personal obstruction

And they roll their eyes to the high heaven
Not enough time to deal with the craven
Searching for a misunderstood form of attention
Staring blankly at a familiar scene panic stricken

Eager depression
Making a concession
Slutty self-pity
Throwing itself a party
Where is the intervention
Can someone please stop the obsession?!

Here, there, nowhere, everywhere
Look and you will find anxiety as your au-pair
Babysitting a overactive imagination
Sabotaging a once gentle loving person

I thought a single line of white dust up your right nostril can numb away the pain
That countless nights of drunken stupors could make me forget
That constantly telling myself I'm just experimenting and not suppressing
Hoping one day I'd forgive him but only finding myself regretting
You see I'm not addicted to the substance
I'm addicted to blame, blaming him for the pain
I'm addicted to the anger, the anger that he triggers when i realize I'm turning into him.

Always intoxicated on some other ailment. Intoxicated on the lustful idea that we could be the perfect pair
but now all i think is how i wasn't good enough, how K & L are your legacy, and I'm just a girl who you once said you loved, but don't bother to acknowledge.

You see dad, I denied my anger for so long
Said it was all in my head
but now i realize, I forgive you, because the more hate i fuel the more hate i feel

Is it too late?

He escaped the invasion
And the imminent threat of harm
He locked all the doors and windows
And turned off all the alarms

Stepping out into the cold
His breath mixes with the night air
Sneaking to avoid attention
Beneath the cold winters glare

The one place he called his home
Was infiltrated and exposed
He flees to a place of safety
Far away and undisclosed

Too scared to know the dangers
He will face on the street alone
His frozen feet break ground for miles
Leading him to the unknown

His wife returns to darkness
Her home painted by fallen snow
The knots churn inside her stomach
Dread and panic starts to grow

Sirens ring in the distance
She can't enter there all alone
What if he finally rested
His pale skin, as cold as stone

All her calls switched to silent
The wall of noise, too much to bare
His phone smashed and then discarded
They could track him everywhere

She cannot wait no longer
The door creaking open to see
Her torch expels all the blackness
His phone is amongst the debris

He couldn't walk no longer
His bare feet bitten by the frost
Winter elements took their toll
He paid the ultimate cost

A chopper in the distance
A loud rasp fills the cold, cold air
The voices calling out to him
The police are everywhere

He wakes from winter slumber
His wife in a hospital chair
He calls her name so softly
I'm so sorry I wasn't there

By Darren Wall ©

At random hours of the night
I'll send you a joke
Because I wake up from nightmares
Where you've been ripped from my life

I'm trapped inside a house with spiders
Surrounded by canary-colored walls
I'm afraid of Virginia Woolf
and all the words she ever wrote
I don't want to feel such things anymore

You call me up
But don't say a thing
Should I say something?
What's there to say?
Would it change your mind?
Would it make a difference?

I'm too old to pretend
On the midnight train
I'm too old to believe
I know we won't make it to the end of the line

When I say, when I say, when I say...
My whispers could never be louder than all the politics (Suicidal thoughts)
I'm met with silence
What you mean, what you mean, what you mean
Will always be..." Goodbye"

What do I know?
I'm afraid of Virginia Woolf
What was I thinking?
and all the words she ever wrote

At random hours of the night
I'll send you a joke
Because I wake up from nightmares
Where you've been ripped from my life