i was so foolish back then
seeing you in a perfect light
it blinded me
your unfulfilled promise became my only hope
i let you drown me in your own pity
your own insecurities
i let them define me, i let them break me
you got to play magician
always pretending you could snap away my cracks
when i was the one mending yours
always making me worry
disappearing for days at a time
but always finding a reason to be upset when you would return
i was your toy
a pawn in your game
and i never even read the rules
you let me believe you needed saving
when i was the one living in the nightmare

the ghost of who i thought you were still haunts me
but i could never hate you

i never experienced
things the same after you left
i lost touch of reality
as the time slipped from my reaches
the sky was never as blue
the stars never twinkled as brightly
no strawberry ever tasted as sweet
as you
maybe things will never be the same
but i’m watching them
begin again

i cried everyday for you
because
i thought blue
was your favorite color

you can trust me
secrets
wishes
desires
all kept under my lock and key
they can’t hurt you
not unless they take my entry
and steal what was ours to keep
i would never betray my own word
only if you abandon me
the depths of my own knowledge
are often so bittersweet
filled with the voices of a thousand murmurs,
sayings that are mine to keep
admit it once,
i’ll lock it away
never for anyone to peek

every night
you haunt my thoughts
the feeling of your velvet touch
lingers on my skin
i see you in my dreams
your voice echos my every thought
i wish you would go away
but all you had to do that night was stay
i know what i did was wrong
if only you knew what i knew

lurking
whispers
memories of lost moments
maybe it’s supposed to be this way

a new day
new faces
endless masks to wear

decisions

details

the fork in the road
stops me in my tracks

have i made the right choices?

did i say the right thing?

my mind has no limits
but stops working
when you walk into the room
i’m not good enough for you
i know that i’ll never be good enough for you
but i’ll keep trying
my heart aches
for its missing piece

you were
a drug that only worked when i didn’t need you
a run down
crimson chevrolet
driving so swiftly down
the beachside boulevard
nothing but endless ocean to the left
and a booming city at rest
to the right
i needed you
i wanted to come home
to lie next to you
dreaming of a life full of
daises
and strawberries on silver platters
in the summer
blue skies
forever

star light, star bright
the first star i seen that night

never worked