The first time she looked up
She fell in love with the sky
Her heart reaching higher
The only answer was to fly

So she made wings of her heart
Carved dreams into feathers
Bid farewell to earth
And fluttered towards ether

But gravity loved her too
Had no intention to let go
Pulled her firmly to the ground
And broke her wings in woe

I sold my soul to poetry
And never looked back
But now every relationship
Is a writing prompt
Every trauma, a metaphor

Bury me in the warmth of your embrace
Drown me in the scent of something like home
Carry my fears into whispers of forever
Hold me til I question if I was ever broken at all

Poetry is when I play interpreter to my heart
Fumbling to find the right words
Stumbling to convey love beyond a four letter word
A million things get lost in translation
I inscribe loneliness most times
Happiness she prefers left unwritten
And you, she'd rather kept hidden
But I know you from all the unintended traces that spill unto everything she says
I try not to write about you
Or at least eclipse you in between the lines
But it's impossible when you're the one all her words are meant for

I hate that it takes
so little to break me
That I have to struggle daily
to rebuild every small piece
Becoming more fragile
with each attempt
Knowing that every effort
will not make me unbroken

He knew
he could melt me
with a touch
Dipped his fingers
into my darkness
Burnt his hand
with the pieces still on fire
With a tarred finger
in his mouth
He declared me
sweet

I was the ocean
And she was space
Two restless souls
Trying to find their place

One created blackholes
In between her stars
The other drowned sailors
Who ventured too far

Two divergent spirits
But for fate or some reason
For a few fleeting moments
They meet in the horizon

I beg her to stop hurting me
As she digs the knife deeper
Telling me she loves me
Telling me she knows better

I beg her, 'Mama please'
But she's not listening anymore
In her eyes, I am only child
Still a child and nothing more

fill me with  your soul
spill unto me every thought
every sickness  of the heart
one by one
we'll take them apart
and piece by  piece
we'll rebuild you whole

I got high
on his secondhand smoke
Jealous of the cigarette
between his lips
Like a bull raging
towards all his red flags
In death, I wondered
how his lips would taste

I grew up
by the seashore
Never learning
how to swim
Saw sunrise
turn to sunset
As the lazy waves
turned in

Years of watching
the horizon
Spent changing
with the tides
The ocean breeze
still pulled me home
The deep blue
still mystified

I wish kindness finds you
And proves sincerity exists
That happiness can be found
And that love
can still make the world go round

I built myself a home in places
That people called temporary living space
Taped pictures in the walls
While they kept clothes in suitcases

I nestled my heart right in its corners
Nevermind the boxes left unpacked
Stayed there even as the lights turned off
Hopelessly waiting for someone to comeback

There were words meant to be said
And actions needed to be taken
But we both choose to be safe
Than risk being forsaken

I was promised
too many things
all at once
That when they broke it
one by one
I didn't notice
until it was all gone

I was raised learning
that an incredible love
amounted to an equally
incredible guilt
towards the choices
that are made in our names
the opportunities missed
and the dreams abandoned

I was taught to apologize
to that love
long before I understood
what I was apologizing for
never once asking
where the limits of my
incredible guilt stood
when to stop nor if I could

I had a dream once of not so long ago
Of a girl standing still in the middle of the snow
White flakes covered every corner of my view
But I always found her like she was someone I knew

She seemed so familiar with her blood shot eyes
She looked like she'd been crying her entire life
Pale skin covered in wounds and lined by scars
Neon signs blindingly painful even from afar

My entire being desperately ached after her
Every cell screaming, "Don't let her suffer!"
I wanted to hold her, dry all her tears
Tell her there was nothing she should ever fear

But move I could not, not a single step
And words couldn't escape, not even my breath
I struggled hopelessly to be by her side
Thinking that if I didn't, she might have to die

Angry tears threatened, urging me to fight
But then she faded away, out of my sight
Suddenly I could move again but it was now too late
I wasn't able to save the girl from her terrible fate

I fall to the ground heaving, feeling an awful pain
It felt like lightning cursing through my veins
And then there was blood in my now pale complexion
Only then had I known, I was looking at my reflection

My father has a quiet strength
so quiet
that you forget it's even there
so quiet
that I mistake it for silence
Silence in the midst
of my brother's threats
Silence made louder
by my mother's own voice
Loud, opinionated,
well-meaning, hurtful
My mother speaks too many words
All at once
Without pauses in between
to let anyone else in
No spaces left to tell
your side of the story
Forcing you towards conclusions,
leaving you gasping
My sister,
she wears her heart on her sleeve
Honest, flawed,
every piece meant to be adored
And she shines a little too bright
And hurts a little too much
She is a lot like our mother
and like her,  
hurts without meaning to
My brother on the other end,
is a lot like me
Putting up walls
in places that do not need them
Thinking that the world rejects,
when we are the ones
that refuse to let it in
The part of me that finds familiarity
symphatizes and despises him both
And I,
selfish and lonely,
continues to break for him
For them
For me

I broke off my heart
trying to give you back
the pieces that you've lost

She'll be okay once she cries it out
Like pushing your fingers down your throat
She just needs to let it all out then she'll feel better

She'll be okay, she's a really good liar
Her parents can't even tell
Sometimes even she doesn't know the truth herself

She'll be okay when they leave
She doesn't even like staying herself
She'll probably leave first before everyone else

Don't worry, she'll be okay on her own
You know she's very strong
She's been doing this on her own for very long

It seems I write best
when I am a little broken
The cracks allowing escape
of feelings unspoken

Soft limbs and fragile hearts
As we glided in each others arms
Timid steps, a secret art
Shaky hands that hold me warm

One step forward, two steps back
A few stumbles in between
A prayer they won't change the track
As our shadows slowly close in

I will not tell you to stop being sad or that there is no need to worry because you and I know that depression and anxiety don't work that way. Telling someone to stop being sad is like telling someone with OCD to stop locking the door 36 times or telling someone with asthma to "just breathe". Pure and utter *******. So instead, I will tell you to cry, cry until you've created an ocean of the abyss that lives within you. Wallow in self pity, swim with your sadness and dive in all that negativity. Just keep in mind that what I'm telling you is to swim, not sink. Keep swimming, swim as far as you can, swim until your body aches with fatigue, until your muscles cramp or until you get sick of the water. Then when you've decided you've had enough, comeback to the shore and there I'll be waiting.  Once we've dried you off, I will rebuild you with donuts and icecream.

Why must I look into your eyes
And ask where I stand
In front of you
where you can't see me
Beside you
where I am forgotten
Or behind her
as a shadow you can neglect

I place my hands above yours
Careful not to crush you
With the weight of my being
I let you make the choice
To intertwine our stories
So that if you pull apart
I will have nothing to let go of

Weak boy in disguise
Let me tell you why you’re not nice
See my body, from head to toe
Is my property and no means no
Whatever I put on my face
Does not entitle you to get on my case
And whatever outfit I decide to wear
Is not an invitation for you to stare
So do not assume, give no advice
I owe you nothing just because you’re “nice”
There is no playing hard to get
No only “jerks” can get me wet
I make my own decisions
I have my own mind
So ******* with the criticisms
If you would be so kind

Beginnings start at the end
And at 23,
there is still a lot of growing up to go
A few more stumbles
A lot more mistakes
Some tears
but hopefully less heartbreaks

So take it slow
and start where you are
Life is short
but the end is still far
Take risks and make memories
Don't waste any on empty worries

And live each day in all of its glory
Live as the heroine of your story

Mermaid pick a voice
that's more than nice
Find someone who'll listen
throughtout the night
Maybe he'll drown
your sorrows instead
By the end of this story
Maybe you won't be dead

Time flows
And all wounds
are supposed to heal
But I am still here
I am still her.

I am never the same person twice, different from who I was yesterday
I've made a habit of breaking and rebuilding numerous times

So do not worry about returning the pieces you've taken

Like cells slowly replacing every inch of my skin
There will be parts of me you would have never been

You should have just taught me how to smoke
Instead of things like how to drive and cook my favorite food
That way I could’ve simply tried to give up a bad habit
The same way you gave me up

I am certain
that we will find each other
in our next lifetime
and the ones after that
But **** the Gods still
for not giving us this one

We expect
the same sincerity
we’re not
willing to give
Waiting for
someone else
to hand us
the courage to live

I am sorry
that my hugs
can be suffocating.
It's not always
because I'm scared
to let you go.
Sometimes,
I am just trying
to hold myself
together.

I stand at the edge
refusing to fall
I was being defiant
by not answering your call
Because I was afraid
Because I was trying to be brave
Because that moment you reached out
Deep down, I knew wanted to cave
Into
You
Into every promise
I'm too scared to trust
Into everything
I claimed to be weakness
But
You
You see right through my fraud
And you disarm me with your smile
Strip away my facade
And I am left defenseless everytime