To know one's heart is to unlock yourself from the darkness of the mind; freeing the soul to live Its true self.

hungover...
from tiredness,
sleepless as I lay in weight,
heavy heart, blurry brain;
a complete mess.
brittle bones, dull tones, life lost,
courage scattered from the night before.
Trying to remember, "I am not less!"
One way to get unstuck,
own your truth, not give a f@#k,
and be gentleness,
to myself and all around,
which is the most profound
of this journey, I profess.
it's not over.
.
.
.
It's just begun!

Our culture places little value on resting,
being.
Yet,
resting is vital to replenish.
Our twenty-four / seven treadmill lifestyle still falls short.
Blinds us to the fruit of stillness needed by our nephesh.
Be still,
Listen,
Wait,
Feel the beat
It’s calling all of us to one.

Possessed with the urge to do;
Can't settle until things ensue.
Reminding myself of the past; all shall be fine,
You can play, you have time!
Life ebbs and flows,
release the shakes, and go,
Wade in the waters,
Go where there are no borders.
Grieve,
Believe.

In the valley, isolation befriends,
Death knocks; a welcoming relief from suffering.
The joy that once bloomed, suffering now looms.
Nipping at our heels, pain doesn’t rest, but
Lingers around every simple pleasure.

I have a seat at the table,
I will feast til I'm unable!

You’re not going to make it,
You can’t,
You won’t.
Give up.
The expectations are too high,
You'll have to fake it!
Come back down to earth.
The ego taunts me with dreams,
And I feign interest by capturing their record.
But why bother?
What will they amount to?

I surrender.
The wars of my ego,
Exhaust me.
I look back
And remember victory,
Because looking forward
Just seems like fantasy.
What is this state of being, exile?!
Life, call me back.
Help me, plant my hope again.

You numbered me!
My hair, quirks, looks and glares,
What a great mystery!
Held and aware, even trials you permit as fair.

As I poured my second steamy, frothy coffee,
Pyjamas wrapped, Uggs tapped as I waddled back.
Bed called, not its usual mantra: hide, but confide,
Laid down respectfully, trusting, heeding not to thoughts of lack,
But dreamingly inventing new worlds, opening my heart beyond now, but being very much present.

Live, right now,
You're awake,
And healing.
Everyday.
Live now!

The leaves change colour all the time,
All the time, all the time.
The leaves change, so live, now!

You're alive
And living,
Grab it,
Embrace it,
Relish all things.
Live now!

The leaves change colour all the time,
All the time, all the time.
The leaves change, so live, now!

Don't waste time,
Dwelling on the past,
When you weren't perfect;
They were wasted worries,
They added no life,
But subtracted,
From the promises of pure possibilities.
Live now!

The leaves change colour all the time,
All the time, all the time.
The leaves change, so live, now!

Live now!
And not in the future,
When you're a mother,
Lover, poet and peaceful.
Live now!

When you bounced across my path
The other day, you caught me
By surprise.
Seeing you up so close made me laugh
With joy, reminding me to be
Present with open eyes.
Your majestic body, mastercraft!
One kick, deathly.
Present moment, realise!

You are my safety net.

Throw away the net
of protection
in this world:
jobs, material possessions,
health and fall,
fall into the arms of love.
Trust you will be held,
Held in deep security,
by the Maker,
who wrote your days
before.

My curls, full and voluminous, I treasure
Each one tells a story.
People flock to touch,
Grasping them like gold,
They ask: “How did you get them such?”
“Are they natural?” Some scold,
In a world full of fakes, that hits like a punch.
“Yes!” I reply with pride,
My curls are my mane, grabbing them, I scrunch,
Jealousy can slide!
My curls are my shield;
They mask my doubt, comparisons
Much profit they yield!
You can tell a lot from my curls:
When I am tired and lazy,
When I treat them like 'my girls,'
When I'm sassy and crazy.
When they’re not washed for weeks,
My mental health radar
Send me obvious tweaks -
“Don’t disconnect, come back, savour,
Reconnect with yourself and the world,”
My curls are my most significant feature;
My crown of glory.

I've just got mirrored doors
On my cupboard,
They open my room up far and wide;
Once a shoe cupboard,
My room was small and dingey,
now it's light and open.
Very far from stingy.
But now I can see, more…
All of me,
All that I do,
And say.
I want to take off
Those mirrored doors,
And lay where I can't be
Exposed.

More complex than Pythagoras;
A bland pallet beckoning discovery, calling intrepid adventurers to see the beauty in the desert.
Causing admiration and repulsion; Frankenstein-esk, forever a mystery.
Days numbered as the hairs on your head; a cold case beset for the archives or a small child screaming “pick me!”?

Shame...
Makes me want to hide.
Pull the covers up,
Remain inside.

Shame...
Muddies the water,
Robs me from being authentically me;
Bona fide, don't falter.

Shame…
Distorts reality,
But it's banality, so
Relax the hyper-vigilanty.

Shame…
Is like two *******,
Whispering about my defects
Keeping me in stitches.

Shame…
Is an unwanted cloak
That I'm taking off now,
To live, bespoke!

I try and I try; pressing down, running it under hot water, squeezing until I cry,
But alas I am a magician with no tricks left; a poet with no sentences to string; an armless mannequin.
As Abraham did, I ventured outward bound, to a land of strong-armed jar-openers, who of it can be said? Who can be found? I need me a husband?!
I knocked and I knocked;  no answer sound, but a stranger stepped forth; his arms weren't big but his mouth wide and he opened the jar, I smiled.

Mystery;
That is faith.
But can we have faith
in this world?
When it is so broken;
How did Michael Jackson’s face change?
Struck me while I sat
In church wondering the mysteries
Of the world.
Was it he who changed,
To fit into the world?
Facelifts: nip here and tuck there?
Was it nature?
Pigmentation malfunction?
Or us, who could not handle change,
That made him alter to
Make us feel less uncomfortable?
How different have we become
To make others feel safe,
But in doing so,
Fundamentally,
Lose ourselves altogether?

Winter falls, casting a white lace undergarment
of frost on the morning ground.
Time of death, dormancy, dependence.
What am I to give up in this season,
Ready for the rebirth that is to come again?

You can stop,
turn everything off
And be still.
Enjoy the peace;
It’s been foreign for far too long.
Come back to me,
and be still.

Embrace the fragile, fresh air,
skin up on edge, hairs
raised in defence and be still.
Drink the fresh air deeply,
never been breathed in by me,
by someone else, but not me,
so be still.

What is true and what is false,
Swirls all around, sending us Into the abyss.
Off course, from our source,
We need to disconnect, from that source.

Cone back, retract,
and realise that
All you need is within you
Right here and right now

Don't fret and regret,
While trying to get your needs met
By others and in
Things,  that will never last.

All I need is within me right now
All I need is within me right now

Discipline your tongue
From lashing out at yourself
And others. Tame
It into a calming balm.

Don't fret and regret,
While trying to get your needs met
By others and in
Things,  that will never last.

All I need is within me right now
All I need is within me right now

Poems pepper every waking wonder,
all peccadillos are fodder,
for poetry potting mix.
Perfectionism once the precipice,
although still my poking stick,
creativity is my ignition, really revs my engine,
and, I hope will burn brighter.
Poems take me away, far far away,
to a world so wonderful,
I wake up thinking of no other.

Cool autumn day,
Sunny and fresh,
Brimming with possibility.
Seedlings bought,
To be planted and sought,
And plant pellets to feed
the garden, come what may.
Shades of orange peppers on the lawn
Leaves lay scattered, tired and strewn.
To rake or not,
Begs an opportunity.

Does creativity require an audience?
Or is it just ok to be?
I ask this to the Master for concordance,
Because I want to learn how to see.
Your intention behind creating us,
And how You made me?
I feel You’re ok with my questions, thus
I’ll keep asking till the curiosities flee.
Please help me channel this inner drive,
For answers, peace and intimacy.   
How can we harness,
And share Your revelations purposely?
For lives saved, inflictions healed,
And eyes fixed Heavenly.

If my thoughts can lead
To depression,
And from our thoughts, we speak,
I revolt against my thoughts;
I have become my joy!
My heart fills, and
I am full of love,
My posture lifts,
I am full of hope,
My movement quickens,
I see opportunities, and
I will become my joy.
I am joy!

I was out foraging in the woods today,
This morning, when it was cooly,
Dark, and quiet, only the birds had a say.

I saw the sun force the darkness to hide,
Allowing me to see;
Strewn branches, twigs and leaves astride.

Dead waste or my fire’s delight?!
I came home successfully,
Joyfully and proud with the efforts of my might.

Mother;
Mothering? Smothering?
do we need to re-mother?
Love of another?
Enduring legacy of
Loss and despair,
Acceptance, love and joy.
Reconciliation.
Mother;
You help us to recover,
Hope for more to come,
And life to enjoy!

Open your eyes, and
Come out from the darkness. 
12 years have passed,
I’ve forgotten you from long ago.
I am sorry for dismissing you, 
Now, I want to put you on show.
12 years, since the coma,
Wake up, and
Live.
Now. Go,
Breathe.
You can do it,
The journey is not over,
It's only begun.
Each new day is a new life,
You can now sleep, knowing there’s more to come.

Grief is like being drunk...

Hungover with grief; the heavy cloak of love
Cutting you off from reality,
Cocooning you, all the while changing you.
Surrendering the struggle, to survive
Paradoxically helps you thrive.

Are we all under a spell?
One spell or another?
Spell of another?
Spell of money?
Spell of fame or
Milk and honey?
Spell of drugs, alcohol,
Shame?
**** or the drudgery
of the day-to-day?
Light spells? Dark spells?
Spells that sell
A different life.
But we only have one life,
This one, right here, right now.
Live it!

You make all things new!
What was lost, damaged, and of no value,
can be transformed.
Little by little,
Breath by breath,
Choice by choice.
Drop by drop,
fills a pond.
You are faithful;
My transformer.

Sparkle, little diamond,
Wipe the dust off and
Feel your infinite potential within.
Dormancy may have been your norm,
But no more!
Shine.

I had become my grief, lost,
How I let myself, I did not know.
I thought I was on track,
That’s until I look back and find an unknown path.

I know I try to control,
To make sense of what does not.
But every time, You are there.
You have my back and You are everywhere.
This loop is all too familiar.
It’s time to change, but how?

You give me glimpses,
And I trust for a moment.
I am happy, then forget.
But I want to grow from this place.
I want to stand confidently, trusting Your grace.

You are with me.
You’re all around.
I am not lost,
But lovingly found.

I am fury, and
I rage.
I jump up and down,
Attempting to disengage.
From the idols,
The expectations,
And internal damage,
The oppression.
I am scorn, and
I lash out,
I scream:
Those ‘******* idols’ I shout.

Word wranglers wound up together, in an
Exchange at a hotel.
One said this, others said that...
And many a champas gulped and guzzled in between giggles and gazes, as
The past was pulled, kicking and screaming, into the present.
Was it a gift?
Were past pains put to peace?
Or did it awaken promises long forgotten,
That was once under the authority of the surgeons' scalpel.

Shakespeare once wrote, “The pen is mightier than the sword.”
Solomon, in Proverbs, posed that the power of life and death is in the tongue.
Words create worlds, whether written or spoken: they liberate or load us up.
This power is with us every minute of every day in every hour.
Will I write new words with my weapon whence today?
Will blossoms bloom in your heart or weeds strangle the hope in your womb?

Death always steals the show,
But it is joy that revives it.
Entering within, re-wiring love,
Breathing new life, with new words;
Remembering promises of a powerful and plentiful future.
Declaring death dead and life to be lived.
Declaring love released, and again risking heart-fully.

I hear you, little girl,
You don’t need to hide.

I hear you, little girl,
You don’t need to perform.

I hear you, little girl,
You are now growing into a woman.

I hear you, little girl,
And cry for the things that were stolen.

I cry for you little girl,
You can just be.

I cry for you little girl,
You are brave with much to offer.

I smile for you, little girl,
And am so proud of who you’ve become.

I heal for you, little girl,
And let you rest for a while.

Focusing just on intelligence,
Denies the complete picture;
Overthinking small matters,
Distracts your mind;
Omitting your strength from the full experience,
Disconnects your heart from your soul;
Losing yourself in others,
Deadens your true potential;
Instinctively living is only possible when you
Don’t hide from your truth.
Shame is the slime that obscures your view,
Demolishing the almighty power within.
Hiding was a survival mechanism, but now,
Disentangling from these faulty patterns will bring you true life.