keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  to is what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

c l e a r
blue skies
the air warm
the familiar smell
of the s a l t y ocean water
the gentle crashing of the w a v e s
young children rushing down to collect shells.

happy faces
old memories
familiar feelings.

I smile at myself
at how  f- a- r
  
I’ve reached.

I’ve waited for you,

  for

          so

                        long.


i’m tired now. but I hope
one day you remember me.

all those,


                                efforts

               ­ texts,

calls.

he reminds me
of sunshine bottled
up in a jar.

the furthest i’ve
fallen

was probably
trying to c - a - t- c- h
that bit of warmth.

when bottled up jars

once tightly shut
never opens.

11:58

your birthday
is away by two
silent minutes

11:59

I want to
wish you. I really do.
there's this hurt
which makes me
doubt everything
which has happened.

12:00
12:01
12:02
12:03

keeping all
the pain aside
I breathe slowly.

s l o w l y typing the
letters.

if dreams were real
like they said.

wouldn’t you
   meet me?
                                                        
under                               *    
                                   *      *     *     *      *
                                   *         the      *   *
                          *      *      *          *    *      ­
                                    *        eiffel         *     *  
                          *             *           *             *       *
                        *       *          t o w e r         *         *
                       *    *      *      *        *        *          *     *
                              *    where lovers meet.

I needed you once
and you needed me,

till she came and took my place
all the kisses
                        hugs
                             ­     cuddles
                                                are no more.

But i'm glad i was your
f i r s t
and you were mine.

they say friends are forever
the older you turn, that can differ

they say memories are meant to stay
truth is, a lot of us change along the way

they say family is meant to last through thick and thin
but, friends can always turn into chosen kin

they say, life is easy once you have it figured
the older you become, life becomes more of a jigsaw to fix.

I want to
love you.
really really
do. rather you
keep  
pushing            me                a w a y.

i fell
hard for
your love.
                                                           ­                                          why does
                                                                ­                            it hurt so
                                                                ­                   much? even
                                                            ­            after you've
                                                          ­ left. it feels like
                                                 you took a
                                     piece of me
                           and just left
              without even
saying a goodbye.

b r e a t h e
he says

i open my eyes
barely recognizing
all those people around me

he takes my hand,
the familiar touch of it
a tingling sensation
making my heart do a tiny, little dance
a smile creeping up in my face

b r e a t h e
he whispers.


it’s all going to be okay.

I learnt to

love
myself

after you’ve gone.

                                   &

 that’s one of the best things

            
                                 I’ve felt in
                                    a while.

you told me you'll
w
     a
         i
             t

              and i did. i waited for you.
              but maybe i  was not your type.
              and,
                        day
                                              after,
           ­             day
                                               after,
                        day

                   you broke my heart. and then you went
                   just like how others did.

my heart

is left
confused
broken
hurt
etc
etc
etc.

all the
feelings
which y o u
possibly can't
feel as you
walked
     o f f.

sun setting
waves crashing.
        
a smile forming
hands grateful.
skies darkening
waves quieting
       down.

dreamt of watching
the whole world with
you.

little did I know
in your head
i was      n
                    o         t
          h          i              n
                         ­    g

the only
thing which

    she
       needed
           to hear
      was
   the

voice which spoke
inside of
                              h
                                  e
                            ­   r

                              h  
                                  e
                            ­         a
                                   d.

hello.

its been so long. how are you?

hey stranger.

so is this what
the dreaded feeling
gets described like?
from best friends
then two individuals
who've stuck with
each other from every
heartbreak
fight
move out's
um.
even grad.

hey stranger.
we're much older
stuck in a more
complicated version
of 'me' than ever before.

hey stranger.
so is this what
drifting away feels like?

when I was younger
home was the best place ever.
whether it was birthdays
which now feels like
a long-lost dream. since we lived in a tiny
house. a family of six huddled up together
in a tiny room to celebrate. maybe times
were simpler or maybe we didn’t have much then.

or on days, mum cooks
which always was a rarity.
she never played an active role
but our younger selves made sure
at the end, we’d be grateful.

things began to shift
when we grew older.

the happy house felt like a dark
gloomy one. smiles began to
be replaced by shoutings.
birthdays began to be less common
and sooner like we all imagined
it would become something
attached with the past.


when i became older
i tried becoming friends with
my younger self. somedays were
a disappointment. somedays we faked it.

I’m still trying to.

i wanted to
hold
or more so,
touch everything
forever.

this year taught
me differently.

maybe it's time
to say goodbye
as much as I know
you'd hate that.
maybe time w i l l
bring us again together
another day
another place
with another
version of us too.

I wish that  

i
       would
                         stop
                                
                                   s i n k i n g


down to your
empty promises.

hi i feel like                                                    
a part of me has
sunken for couple of months.
sometimes i try to sleep
late at night, staring
into my dead computer screen
hoping for some kind of instant
fizz from my fingers to type furiously.
otherwise, it's all just one liners broken
off with a dead-end. i feel like i've been
stuck in a rut for far too long. trying to
get back into writing and hoping to
say a hey, hi, hello to the writer in myself
some time soon.

you took my heart
said you'll return it
but,
gave it to one
with a different name
than me.

d                     n
     r            w        i               g      in your
            o                       n               love. except
                                                      i can't see you.

                                                      cause you're never
                                                                              there.

                                                                                 h                     me.
                                                                                       e         p
                                                                                             l

loved     -    y o u       -    kissed      
                                  
                             &

                       cried for  
                            you
                            too.­

everyday i stare
into the screen

hoping words
spill out from
my head

it seems to all
stay within
I don't know
the reason why.

my fingertips feel
numb from pressing
on the same k-e-y-s

everyday i stare
into the screen

my
words

                  l                     g                 to make sense.
  i         l          i      n
      p
s

shadows fiercely
dancing around the fire.

with us twirling

a r                             ar                           ar
    ou               ou            ou           ou
           nd.                              nd.          

                                                                          &

soon
we  s l o w down.
the last of our fiery red streak
faintly visible across the room.

shh.
it hurts.

but stay
still.

                  
     ^^^
   /      \
/           \           ^^^
d           p         /       \
    r    o           /          \                 ^^^^                                &    the pain
                      d             p            /          \               it goes.         disappears.
                          r    o       ­         d              p                                        ­      
                                                        r ­  o

Fingers touch
eyes dilating

he moves closer.

One last kiss
long but sweet.

I move away
with memories.

the soft rustle of the wind
blowing the leaves gently
forming a pile soon, once again.
blades of grass swaying with
rhythm of nature.

four walls, my friend these days
white hospital beds, a cold place.

longing to feel the touch of the w i n d.

it's going to
be a lonely
day without
him, my head
w h i s p e r e d.

           probably one of
           the best feelings
           ever in a long time,
           my heart r e m i n d e d.

she
was                                                          ­                                          
                      ­                                      g.                                       the entire
                         d.                           n.                                             time.
                             r.                     i.                                                  
                                  o.          n.                ­                                    yet you
                                        w.                   ­                                        never did
                                                             ­                                          realize
                                                                ­                    
                                                                ­                                        how she
                                                             ­                                           f e l t  the
                                                          ­                                             entire time.
               
                                
  .

tiny houses
big dreams
best friends forever
we promised it all.

                                  ^^          ^^^
/\     /\                    \           / /
  -        -                       \  /   / /
||      ||                     \ \ / /
||      ||                      |      |
||      ||             ­         |      |
||      ||                      |      |
wwwwww­wwwwwwwwwwww
                                                    ­                                 tiny houses
                                                                ­                     again.

                                                         ­                            do you still
                                                                ­                     remember them?
                                                           ­   d r e a m s    which we
                                                              ­                      talked about a long
                                                            ­                        time ago.

                                                           ­                          tiny houses
                                                          ­                           big dreams
                                                          ­                           best friends forever.

                                                       ­                         but hey,
                                                                ­                 you know what          
                                                                ­              we made it all.

                                                           ­           we did
                                                             ­          o n c e  in our tiny heads.

Alone,
legs tangled
our noses
almost touching.

We smile at each other
touching,
one last time

before every little
detail of us gets
snatched,
by someone else

the quilt beneath us
our heads touching,

we silently make our
last goodbyes,
before,

another year
makes us away
from each other.

Alone,
legs tangled
making magic,
the last time
ever.