Would it be better
If I screamed and cried?
Would it be better
If I tried to die?
Would that be right?

I don't know
What it is you want
"I want what's best for you"
I don't know what I want

Have I told you I might want
To join the military
I'm not sure what division
But I want to fight on my countries side

But when the law was passed
You, with relief, comically said
Guess you can't run off and join
The military

It was one of the
First times you actually
Liked me for being a boy

You are not accepting
No matter what you say
You deal with me
And care only when necessary
You don't want to lose me
So you attempt to accept me
But you do not truly care for me

I worry what you would think
If I told you I
Dont believe in a god
Or a heaven
Or a hell
I have a more Buddhist type of beliefs

I haven't believed in a god
For awhile now
But I haven't told you
Because it doesn't matter
I don't see why it should affect us
The same way
Me being your son
Should affect
Our relationship

You need therapy
You can't fix yourself
You can't fix your anger
Or your hatred
Because it's stemmed from somewhere
So deep inside of you
That you can't remove it
You've let it grow for so long
That you need help to
Uproot it

This has turned into a rant
But I don't feel bad about that
Because you never let me get
A single word in
I deserve someone on my side
Dad has said
If it comes down to it
He would pick you over us
Because he can lose us
But not you

So no matter what you say
In a conversation
He is always 100% on your side
He will never be on mine
Not even a little bit
Because you are who matters to him
I do not
And I wonder
Do you refuse
To have a mediator
Because then you might lose

Either way you lose
You lose an argument
And make a compromise
Or you lose me
And that's it you dont get a compromise
You wouldn't deserve one