My mind has been tormenting me
Constant thoughts of self doubt
Such ill contempt for myself
And it seems to only get worse

I’m trying desperately to push back
But with each day it grows stronger
Pushing me back into a corner
Making me feel small and weak

There are times where I’d win
There are times when it’s a draw
But times like these hurt so bad
Because I’m losing a battle with myself

Sometimes it goes so far
As to make me cry in misery
Begging for my thoughts to be wrong
Hoping and praying that I’ll be okay

Other times it causes me to go numb
To not be able to feel at all
Those are the times I fear the most
It’s when I become the most self sabotaging

I don’t want my brain to win
I can’t let these thoughts cloud my mind
But the harder I fight
The stronger they seem to become

And what hurts the most
Is my past traumas
Becoming worse and worse
Making me lose my ability to trust again

Over the last few years
I have found out that even actions
Are not to be trusted
Much like someone’s word

I’m trying to hard to correct that mindset
To learn to trust again
But the more I try
The harder it gets

I met someone new a few months ago
Someone I really care for and love
But because of my past
My head is evil

Making me question everything I do
Making me question the faith I have for him
All these sabotaging thoughts
And I fight them off everyday

I wish someone told me that dating
After serious trauma is inflicted
Would be harder than anything
Especially with how bad mine was

Maybe I could have prepared myself better
Or tried harder to correct my issue with trust
Maybe I could have healed my pain
So my mind wouldn’t push me away

Because this pain is so much worse
Than the trauma I endured
So much worse than the suffering
I dealt with afterwards

Far worse than the death of a loved one
I feel alone in my suffering
Surrounded by mockery
Silently crying to myself

I don’t know if I’ll be able to win this battle
Not by myself at least
But who do you turn to
When you can’t even trust yourself

Fair thee well for thy fates are cruel
Casting out thy lonely fool
Forever lost in a bitter realm
Cursed to feel thy overwhelm

Fear thy life for thee is next
To taste the fates bitter hex
Sorrow and ruin knock at the door
Pleading to enter as the poor

The days that pass nights that follow
Times of laughter pain and sorrow
None of which I would love more
You are my soul mender

My Soul mender
The sweet passion you bring
Like the blossoms in the spring
Ever so gentle ever so kind

It all brings me peace of mind
You are my soul mender
My soul mender
To piece together a tender heart

Instantly knowing just where to start
Loving gently beyond compare
Always taking away my air
Gently holding the love so tender

You are my soul mender
Holding gently my soul in hand
Guarding it from the dangers ahead
My sweet and loving soul mender

How can I thank you enough
For what you have done to my soul
You mend the damage
Of this once broken fool

Now completely fixed
Not a scratch in sight
I ask of you my sweet soul mender
Will you stay with me

Stay with me
Forever more
For this I ask of you
Will you marry me

**** thy nature of sorrow and doom
In thy wake of weakness and gloom
Thy love of darkness thy unchanging loyalty
Thy passionate care of the star light night

Unto each and everyone's soul
Thy darkness burns bright
For when thy world ends
It will be a wondrous sight

Thoughts race in this jagged mind of mine
head spinning and mind collapsing
what am I?
Am I a man or a woman?

Born male
yet I don't identify
I dress up as a female
yet I don't identify

torn between these two structures
that classify the human gender
yet I don't identify
It's killing me to realize

Maybe I'm both
maybe I'm not neither
so much to figure out
so much to process

the thoughts keep racing
beginning to spiral out of control
Pronouns he, him and his
never really fit

the pronouns she, her and hers
only left scars
at first I thought of transitioning
to clear out my head

but now it's like a stab wound
festering upon my soul
am I a man
or am I a woman

they both seem so permanent
and yet seem doable
so maybe I a both
but that's my choice to find

I like being called he
yet I like being called she
I like being called they
so maybe I'm both and neither in a whole

so call me crazy
say that I'm broken
say that I'm not right in my head
but at least I have the courage to be me

Times were perfect
they were kind and loving
You had a sparkle in your eye
That made the world bright with love

The distance was great
Yet it wasn't an issue till one day
You told me its hard
You want us closer
But to be friend is enough for now

The pain worsened the more we were friends
The ***** ups I did just made things worse
My love has grown stronger and stronger
Yet it is not enough

In order to get you back I must be by your side
Times are tough and greater still
I love you so much that time stands still
I see you there alone

No one by your side and I crave
That someone will be me again
This pain and misery is far to great
Yet I long your your touch
your kissing embrace

These nights without you have made me miserable
I just wish once you see my tears
These tears of love and pure of heart
They yearn for you to wipe them away

They look to you with a tortured soul
Leaking through the glistening light
They wish you would come back to wipe them away
Even if it is just one more time

I smile
I laugh
I play the part
While none the wiser

It’s easy to hide
The emotions deep inside
After all I’ve done it all my life
It’s second nature to me

You see this happy face
A face full of fun and joy
Nothing could be wrong
..Right?

The facade is perfect
Even my mother who raised me
Could never tell what lurks below
Those shining sky-like eyes

No one sees beyond this guise
Not even the old and wise
For if they did their gaze would change
To one that’s fearful of my path

For below the kind demeanor
There’s nothing there
Emotions driven out
Heart locked tight

To afraid to fight
The bitterness of life
For behind closed doors
All that’s left is silence

Bitter silence
Painful silence
Ears ringing
Head heavy

And that’s then the voices
Come out to play
Sending you deeper
Into the darkness of your mind

Angry voices
Vicious voices
Disgusted and condescending
Hateful and spiteful

Uttering insults
Running scenarios
Warping your mind
Destroying your ability to trust

And there you sit
Broken and numb
Feeling nothing but emptiness
And the bitter snap of true loneliness

Loneliness that destroys you
Leaving you to feel dead inside
You start pulling away
Not telling anyone your truth

Constantly smiling and laughing
Without a care in the world
All while rotting inside
Til you’re nothing but a shell

It makes me mad when people say you’re lucky
When you can do something like take a nap
While they have to be at work
Like no, you are the lucky one

Lucky
Isn’t waking up everyday and wishing it was over
Lucky
Isn’t seeing yourself in the mirror and wishing you were someone else

Lucky
Isn’t the crippling fear that hides itself til you try and open that door
Lucky
Isn’t hoping that people don’t see the tears welling up from the constant ridicule of your own mind

Lucky
Isn’t when your anxiety is so bad you are afraid to be around people
Lucky
Isn’t getting angry or over protective of yourself in fear of what your friends might think

Lucky
Lucky is when you are able to stand up without fear
Lucky
Is when the outside world brings you joy

Lucky is when you are able to look at yourself and feel good
Lucky
Lucky is waking up everyday without the thought of just ending it

Don’t tell me that I’m lucky
Just because of my crippling depression
Don’t tell me I’m lucky
Because i would rather go back to bed than faking another smile

Don’t tell me I’m lucky
Just because I know how to put on that fake mask
I wish I was lucky
Just lucky enough to escape my own mind

Lucky enough to push past the fears
Lucky enough to feel energetic
Lucky enough to be genuinely happy
Lucky enough to push through that door

The Voices the Voices
They won't shut up
Screaming and shouting
Banging on the walls

Distortion of vision
Clouded with racing thoughts
Blurry eyed he walks
Straight into a trap

He starts to shout
Everything the voices say
To which some are good
But others are truly insane

Hammer down inside his head
For when the voices awake
Terror fills his heart
Gnawing at any shred of hope

Though when the voices are silent
Calm waves flow gently
In the mind of whom
Is slightly crazy

I am a bad person
I don't belong here
I never did

Don't you see
I'm a nothing
A nobody

An emo piece of trash
That should never have existed
I get called ****
I get called fat

And yet
I won't eat
My body won't let me
And it hurts

4 days
4 days with nothing
4 long days with crying
4 days telling myself I should go

4 days telling myself
You all would be better off
If I wasn't here

You would be
And he tried to stop me

Break downs
Not eating
Cutting

I thought I was doing good
But the cycle goes on and on
And he was the only one to notice

I hide behind a fake mask
So none of you will worry
But what do I get

I play mad so you won't see I'm sad
I play happy so you won't see I'm tired

I get blocked
I get called names
And worst of all

I thought I was getting better
But I broke
So have fun

And I'll have fun as me
And my blocked life

The darkest days reign asunder
We pledge not to this day
But to the ever ending night
And the shadows in which they walk

Fear not the darkness
For the darkness is friend
Though it’s not a pleasant one
It will guide us through

Here is the light of day
Well with it burns agony
Searing the wounds of the faithful
Smolders of ashes lay where they stood

Seek not for the dawn
But the eternal serenity of dusk
For when the dawn comes
Terror is all that remain

Peace be upon you brother
And your dire time of need
For the caress of the night
Shall comfort once again

Crimson drops
Silent killer
The darkness falls
A Pool of tears

Thy darkest deed
So simple and pure
Thy shallow breath
Gasping for life

Heart beat slows
Death is upon you
For in this darkest hour
Your worst fears come alive

Shadows lurk
In hallowed halls
Terror rises
As they begin to move

Silent forest
So sincere and divine
Casting evil
Where thoughts may lie

Evil begins to flourish
The light all but vanishes
The darkness grows
Upon this devilish night

And in the hallowed halls
Of a once great heart
The beads of deceit
Begin to unfold

Travesty awaits
All who enter
For in this heart of crimson
Lays the demon of defeat

The radiance of light
Shining from the sky
Passing down thy judgement divine
Ever vigilant thee be on high

Gazing upon thy blissful soul
Thy Goddess dances thy ballot gold
Graceful movements thou limbs do sway
Casting moonlight of cleansing glow

Ever so brightly thy soul does burn
Brightly shining thy sins depart
Glowing still thy beating heart
For thou hast bared thy final part

I don’t get how some people
Can shut off their feelings
And act like they never cared
For the person they claimed to love

It baffles me to no end
And causes me to wonder
Did they even love at all
Did they actually care

It takes me months
Sometimes even years
To get over someone
And I’m never truly over them

There’s always a piece of love
Still lingering for that person
That simple spark of compassion
That hopes they are doing okay

I get flashbacks of events
And feel how I felt in those moments
The feelings I had for them
Come back just as strong

Even seeing the person
Can bring them back in full
Making me question why
Why did things go wrong

What happened to the feelings they had
Where did they go that you grow so cold
How can I ever get to that point
Of finally not caring at all

I don’t know
Who is more broken
The one who cares forever
Or the one who doesn’t

All I can say
Is my own experience
And always caring
Is almost unbearable

You always question
Could it have gone a different way
Is it possible to start over
Or even fix what was broken

Is it okay to talk about
Is it okay to reach out
To see how they are
To worry about them

Caring for them
While they don’t
Causes so much fear
You can’t even reply

You hide away
Begging for it to end
Wishing that everything was different
Or that it was all just a dream

And when reality sets in
Your world begins to crumble
It’s the pain all over again
And then it’s just numb

You become a void
Feeling nothing at all
But it’s only temporary
Then the cycle repeats

My heart and mind
Ready to move on
And yet it’s been years
You still have me bound

I try to resist
But the grasp is firm
And with every pull
The grip gets tighter

My heart now aches
The burning gets hotter
I see you again
And My knees begin to quiver

I hope and pray
That my heart stay strong
But in the moment of remembrance
My soul begins to shatter

I fear that if you notice my face
You will see the mask that’s in place
To hide the craving I have for you
And the wanting of which I beg

My tears are at the bars
Threatening to bust through
I hold fast and true
Yet somehow you pull them through

I long for the phrase I use to hear
The simple words ‘I love you’
For if you utter those words with truth
My being will cave and I will begin to fall

Fall to my knees
I begin to shake
Holding my chest
It begins to quake

Looking up and seeing your face
My heart does flips
My stomach full of butterflies
And yet I can not speak

My throat becomes dry
My eyes begin to pour
For when you say those words
The flood gates opened more

Buckling down and pressing tight
The pain in my chest grows with might
The love I have for you is strong
And hearing you say you love me back

Makes me fall into the black
Lost in a world of aching joy
Hoping your touch will bring relief
And waiting for your sealing kiss

Thoughts spiraling
Causing tears to fall
Does he want me
Or is it all a facade

Little to no communication
Rarely seeing each other
Hiding things I give him
Spending more time with her than me

These actions speak volumes
And it causes me to wonder
Does he even love me
Does he even want me

Everyday I fight against these thoughts
But the longer this goes on
The more I feel it to be true
And the more heartbroken I become

I’m starting to question
If I should build up walls
Block off my heart again
So it doesn’t hurt as much

But no matter what I do
I can’t seem to shake these thoughts
Thoughts of pain and torture
Wishing for someone to shine a light

I swore to myself
I would never be in this spot again
But here I am again
Prepared to have my heart trampled

I’m honestly ready to snap
Needing to talk with him
But it has to be in person
Because I honestly fear his answer

It will be so much easier
To seal myself away
While he’s standing there in front of me
Than if it were over call or text

I can hide my pain
Not let myself collapse
If what I honestly fear
Is the actual truth

My feelings are never wrong
Which just makes matters worse
I lay there and cry
On countless days and nights

Hoping that he’ll talk to me
Hoping it’s not true
Hoping that he loves me
Hoping he chooses me

Because if this continues
The way it’s going
I will end up losing
My will to even try

In this world of pain and torment
We ask ourselves..
Is it really worth it?

This life of crime
This life of hate
The world unbound
In a suicidal state

Run around in circles
Hear the echoes of tormented souls
Race beyond compassion
There is no love

Hunting the lifeless bodies
Of those who once believed
The endless amount one could show
How much they cared

The darkness has risen
No more love to show
The darkness takes flight
Compassion is all but dead

Life can be cruel
But just look beyond it
The light shines so bright
As the world comes to an end

Remember the passion
The life we all once knew
Where our imaginations could bring us
Everlasting love

Fight for a new day
One we can all enjoy
Embrace the horrors
Of a world thats brand new

Breathe in the light
Of a thousand new born stars
For the love has come back
The time is now

The gift of eternity
And the passions that we share
The life of a baby
And the hope of a brighter tomorrow

Echoing through my heart
The beat of the drums
Pounding louder
Filling my lungs with ecstasy

Passion burning
Thy turmoil spilling
Overflowing the cup
Life is bliss

The echos grow louder
Sparking the candle
Igniting the flame
And sending us higher

Mellow does the beats flow
The drums go silent
Life stands still
The darkness sets in

Silence fills the air
The fountain of life
Flowing waters of gold
Cease to exist

Going about the day
Like there’s nothing wrong
Smiling and laughing
Like nothing is going on

Playing games
Hanging out with friends
All bubbly and happy looking
Like nothing is wrong

But under the surface
Ready to burst
Fearing the moment
It boils over

Putting on a fake smile
To hide the tears
Threatening to burst
Without a moments notice

You put on masks everyday
To hide the pain
You wish to not share
In fear of being a burden

Silently hoping
That you keep it together
So you don’t get called attention seeker
Drama queen or a burden

Holding onto that pain
It steadily gets worse
Thoughts race
Mind goes dark

Demons stir and awaken
Shadows twist and warp
Causing panic and fear
Is it real or just your head

Too afraid to ask
Too afraid to speak out
Too afraid to ask for help
Too afraid to push it away

Too afraid to run
Too afraid to cry
Too afraid of being judged
Too afraid of everything

Now hiding alone in the dark
Staying away from everyone else
Hammering your skull
Hoping to beat them out

Breaking down
Silently screaming
Eyes shut tight
Tears running down your face

You break down
Wishing everything was different
That your mental state was normal
Not so tattered and broken

Knees to forehead
Squeezing your legs tighter into you
Hoping the pressure will help
Tears now running down your legs

There a knock at the door
And you switch everything off
Clean up your face and smile
All in a few seconds

Just another mask
Put on daily
In a never ending cycle
Of constant torment

No matter how much I think
No matter how many times I try to find it
I can’t seem to come up with the words
To express how much I truly love you

Those three words are just not enough
They don’t express how much you mean to me
How much I crave to be by your side
To walk next to you in this thing we call life

They don’t express the ache I feel
When you are away from me
Or the relief I get when you are beside me
So I hope this poem will do

When I look at you all my worries are gone
There is no troubles I can’t face
Because I know you will be there
Fighting with me side by side

When I look in your eyes
I can see how much you truly care
It makes my soul flourish
Begging for you to hold me

When I caress your face
I fight back tears
Because I’ve never touched anything
More beautiful than you

Your embrace feels magical
I never want it to end
It calms me down
No matter how broken I feel

Your kiss fills me with joy
Knowing that I truly have found
My forever home with you
And I never want that to change

You are wonderful
Exactly what I wished for
Yet so much more than that
You truly are everything to me

And this is truly how I feel
Not a word said is untrue
Because to me those words
Those simple words can never compare

I will always want to see those eyes
Dancing in the moon light as we gaze the stars
Because when I look at you
I don’t see my partner for life

I see the wonder that’s in the world
The magic that’s in the air
The beauty that’s right before me
The one being who completes me

I know you find my staring odd
But you don’t see what I see
Or feel what I feel
When I stare at you and smile

The happiness it brings me
From just looking at you
Instantly puts that smile
Onto my face big and bright

I can’t help but to smile
Because I can see just how wonderful
A person you truly are
To see the beauty in the world

I honestly can’t believe
You chose a person like me
To be the one you walk with
On the path of life

I will go with you wherever you go
And do everything with you
Because with you
I truly am blessed

So the words I love you will never be enough
My feelings run so much deeper than that
And I hope you will see that
My feelings for you run pure and true

I like you
Words so hard to speak
Hiding in plain sight
Yet so easy to flee

I want you
Such a nice ring
The heart is fluttering
But the mind is afraid

I need you
Such simple embrace
The want of passion
In such pleasant grace

Fear of rejection
Tightens our bonds
The words we wish to say
Never finding it's way there

Words we find so simple
But hiding they do like
For when we try to speak
Our mind says no way

Like
Want
Need
These words wont do

The mind is a safe place
Words get lost
Wanting to reach out
But the fear is oh so real

To listen to that laugh
See that smile
Hear that soft giggle
As you hide your face

I’d give anything
And everything I have
Your cheery attitude
Which always made me smile

The way you embraced me
With your head next to mine
Your scent filling me with joy
As I held you tightly

I would sacrifice everything I am
For just one chance to make it right
One chance to fix my mistake
No matter how long it would take

I’d gladly give up my life
If it would mean spending
One more moment
With you by my side

These tears I shed
They are from fake crying
They sting like acid
Begging and pleading

Forever frozen in time
In the moment they first hurt you
Screaming to the Gods themselves
To turn back the time

Wishing upon every star
For a miracle or two
To be able to continue in time
With you by my side

I know it’s pretty much impossible
Asking for anything for this
After what happened to us
But is hoping for a miracle

Really such a crime
To hold onto whatever hope
That is left in my grasp
Of a chance to make this right

My soul is scream in agony
From this self inflicted wound
Not in fear but in solemn sorrow
Hoping to mend this gushing tear

I love you

Three words that should be easy to say right?
Well they are easy when you don’t mean them
But when you do, it’s like a war inside you
And it’s the hardest thing to ever do

Thoughts of denial and being outcasted
The fear of rejection and laughter
These build up as you look at the one you wish to say them to
And you realize simply that it just takes two seconds

Two seconds that can either make or break your world
Two seconds that can build you up or shatter you to the ground
And yet you pray that it’s received
You pray that the words are reciprocated

Those two seconds can feel like an eternity
And the second after can make you regret ever saying them
The fear can build so great that the words never come out
Or it builds so much that the words turn to a plague

A plague in which the fear takes hold
And once the words are uttered
You have instant regret and shame
So much that you run and hide

Let not the fears of these words control you
For if you just take a moment and breath
It might become easier to pass them out
And finally say them to the one they are truly meant for

The one that those words built so much fear
The one with whom they are mutual
The one in which will smile and feel relief
For they too had difficulty saying

I love you

Madness descends upon you
But beware the fall
Cause once you do
There's no going back

Just embrace it
And soon you'll realize
It has always been there
Refusing to hide

All I wanted was a chance
And you can’t give me that
So I’m taking back my love
I’m taking back my heart

It’s not for you anymore
It was meant for someone else
Someone who loves me back
Someone who actually cares

All you did was play with my heart
All you did was toy with my love
I never meant to hurt you
But all you did was use me

I’ll give it to someone special
Someone who sees my worth
Someone who loves me
Someone who won’t break my heart

I see now
That you used me
Beat me down
And abused me

Broke my heart
And toyed with me
Shut me down
And then trapped me

But no more
I’m taking back my love
I’m taking back my heart
I’m done with the abuse

The lying and the use
The toxic love abuse
I’m done with all the pain
I’m done with all the pain

I loved you unconditionally
You said you’d never leave me
Yet here I stand
Begging for you back

But no longer
I’m sick of the abuse
The lies
And all the use

You only cared about me
When I held your body
When I touched your
Ooooooooooooo

And yet you think you loved me
When you don’t even know
What love really is
Your toxic love abuse

Never will I go back
To the lying and the cold shoulder
I’m done with all the pain
I’m taking my love back

I see now
That you used me
Beat me down
And abused me

Broke my heart
And toyed with me
Shut me down
And then trapped me

But no more
I’m taking back my love
I’m taking back my heart
I’m done with the abuse

The lying and the use
The toxic love abuse
I’m done with all the pain
I’m done with all the pain

You left me down and broken
You tossed me aside
You saw the damage you did
And you didn’t even bat an eye

You twisted my love
Used me and abused me
Left me out to dry
But I’m done with all the pain

All your lies and empty promises
Like being forever there
You only went and lost me
This unconditional love

In the beginning we found each other
You stole my heart then willingly gave me yours
Though we seemed to be in love
You slowly wandered away drifting from my heart

Then I made a mistake and hurt you when i didn't mean to
And you want your heart back
So in a saddened state I give it back
To hear you have found another

With your slight of hand you ****** my heart
From your eternal pocket and give it back
But the thing that you never saw
Was that it had cracked

Time went slowly and I wanted you back
But the crack always remained
So the crack turned for the worse
I saw I could never get you back

For you see that tiny crack you left in my heart
Began to grow and stop it never did
The crack grew larger until it began to break
I see now that it can never be fixed

The crack widens as I wait for you to see
No matter what I will always be true
That even though my heart is shattering
I will always love you

But now I see that my wish is child
That you will never come back
So my heart breaks even more each time
I see you or hear your name

The lights go out in my child like wish
I see the truth that I will never have you
You have gone away and left me here
Sullen and broke with a shattering heart

Now you've gone and I will never see
My heart finished breaking
And now is sand
For that single crack you left in my heart
Caused it to become a shattered heart.

Rain rain pour
Drip drip drop
As the candle drips
The rain shall drop

Drip drip drop
The rain patters
Slowly filling the glass
Ever so gentle the rain does drop

Drip goes slowly the candle of blue
Ensuring rain will be here soon
Misty eyed the sky does get
To end the heat rising brew

Darkness

Blackest of night
night of day
We cower in fear
Of what they might say

Conform to the norm
As they all would believe
Different is evil
Thats what they perceive

Danger is everywhere
Just open your eyes and see
Imagine that the norm was crushed
And what the world could be

Talking
It use to be so simple
Yet now it’s all a blur
Rushing and hammering in my head

Fear strikes out
As words hold tight
My throat clenches as sadness jerks
And yet nothing comes out

I want to say so many things
But the thought that you might reject
Turns me into a statue
Begging to be released

So I sit there silent
Hoping that I can muster the courage
Hoping that I get through
Hoping to break down this fear

I hold back tears
Wishing that something would happen
Wishing that something would come out
Hoping that the words just break free

I’m in a corner now
It’s either speak or be forgotten
And I fear it will be the latter
For nothing will escape this cage

Pleading and beaconing
The words tangle up
Getting stuck in my throat
As the rush all at once

Will they ever be free?
Only time will tell
But I fear that time
Is one thing I don’t have

The only true way to see beyond the words of another is through the eyes of a child

13 sparks of creation
13 origins of the universe
All working together
Forming life itself

13 living beings
Living origins of time itself
Set upon this dimension
To set it right

Starseeds were our weapon
To create harmony
To transcend this dimension
Into the next ascension

We are slowly being awakened
To our full abilities
Though some have always been
Others need triggers

This sparks trigger sent them
Far beyond this galaxy
Back to the planet
In which they were before

Awakened now
But not able to shine
Not yet anyway
But soon

I call upon the sparks
Givers of life
Creators of the universe
It is time to awaken

Time to finish the starseed
Time to ascend
I call upon you now
To cast your energy over the universe

Transcend this plain of existence
Those who fall will fall
Those who rise will rise
But we can not wait no longer

Destruction is coming
Though many choose to ignore
The call of beings
You can not yet comprehend

We bare no ill will
For we are humanities last hope
We have chosen our contacts
But will you heed our warnings

We lie in wait for you
Be sure to heed our beckon call
For if you chose to ignore
You will all surely fall

The darkness that follows
Will devour this plane
For you must answer the call
In order to save you all

Fear not the voices
That appear from no where
For this is just us
Pleading for you to hear


These warnings are true
Though most just shrug it off
For those who hear us
We beg for you to help

Your people are naive
They lack trust and humility
For you were not created for war
But created for peace and love

We bestowed upon you the knowledge
To save yourselves from damnation
Though all that followed
Was war and greed

Your ignorance has shown us
That you are far from complete
So heed our words
Do not retreat

We ask of you
Who hear our voice
To speak up and find
Those willing to listen

For those who refuse
Or call you insane
Do not get angry
For they are but children

We seek the ones who lived for millennia
Those who’s souls have lived
From life to life
We ask of you to listen

Seek out the salvation
In which we gave you
And once you do
Spread it to all who will receive it

Worry not about those who reject
For they are too young
Too foolish to acknowledge
That time is almost out

Darkest of nights
Repel this fright
Evil be wiped
From this sacred sight

From deep it dwells
Blood ravage beasts
Thy death be swift
So wings take flight

This hollowed night
We bless to thee
No more torment
From this wretched fright

There you are
A shadowed figure
Lost in time though so close to me
hast fate come to me
Brought you to me

Only the three of fates can know
You lifted my heart
Though in pieces they were
And fixed them up
While holding them close

You make me feel whole
Although I don't know why
Are you my savior
The one to help me bring love

You fixed my heart
So you must be
My perfect matching soul

You gave me life
When I lost the will to live
Made me see things
In a different light

Grey fades away
As colour started to blossom
For the first time in ages
I saw the beauty in the world

You brought me back to my fullest
And I took you for granted
And that was my biggest mistake
Cause losing you hurts more than life itself

Not a day goes by
That I don’t wish for your return
It feels like eternity
But in reality mere seconds go by

You are and will always be
The light that illuminated
The darkness surrounding me
And without you I stand frozen

Withering away into nothingness
Becoming like the wind
Flowing gently through the trees
In search of your beautiful light

But sadly the light is lost
And doesn’t want to be found
For I have hurt this beautiful soul
Due to the fear of my own darkness

I broke his trust which he valued so high
And in turn ordered my own death sentence
As I slowly fade into the night sky
The last thing my soul will cry is for his light.

You are the sparkle in my eye and the beacon of my love
The holiness of my grail and the salvation of my freedom
You are the love in my life and the beauty in my horizon
The love in my soul and the air in my lungs

You are the lift beneath my wings and the wind in my sails
You are my true love and the only one around
You can make me laugh when no one else can
Every time i see you my sorrow is one once again

From the first time i met you I knew that you were the one
I had no cherish or laughter in my life until you blossomed into my sight
You have the gift of happiness and there is no way to take that back
What I feel in my heart is the most I have felt for another person

From your love to the laughter you bring the world never turns when you are near
time ceases to exist and the spaces are filled my heart will never more be empty and hollow
For you the love of my life I will cherish until the end of time
These moments you bring and the happiness that follows

The age of betrayal
Unbefitting of a king
Passed down from gen to gen
The curse of never-ending pain

Solitude takes hold
As trust runs dry
The knifes of many
To heavy to bare

Seconds turn to hours
Time slips away
The ache in the heart
Remains to this day

Years go by
The suffering never ceases
Knives remain stuck
In this target on our back

Ever so casually
It grows bigger and bigger
Soon taking over
So nothing else remains

Betrayal hurts the most
From those you hold so dear
For when their knife slips in
Your heart shatters in two

Anger and fury
Uncontrolled emotion
Feeling of regret
Remorse and sorrow

Fearing what happens next
Hoping for a better solution
Depression falls
In agonizing defeat

Tear run dry
Hiding from whats in sight
The pain that spared
The hope of an end

Locked away in a forgotten safe
he long lost
Now discovered once again
The long forgotten safe

Thou red headed Phoenix
So full of life
Lay still on the table
So cold and limp

Ascending upon high
This Phoenix does fly
So be buried in the earth
Soon to rise again

The shattered remains
You leave so many dear
The pain in which has fallen
Can only pass with time

Until you fly once more
We mourn the loss of you
So come back soon
And gaze us with your flame

Shine bright
Oh Phoenix of fire
Death does it become you
For when you sink into the ashes

A new life emerges
Clinging still to thou dead flesh
It shutters slightly at the cold
Never to regain its full flight

So we say unto thee
May you Rest In Peace
Never to feel pain
Or sorrow ever again

Why must my heart
In which has been hardened to stone
Feel heated and crack
When my ears
Hear about your betrayal

My mind begs not to listen
To my hearts petty cries
And yet I can't help but hear
The sorrow and stabbing you left behind

My heart burns and tugs
Yet I try to ignore
That my love is not yours
For my heart has found something better

Someone who will not cheat
Will not lie
Will not ignore the pain you have left
And the melted magma that was once
My stone cold heart

Self:
Hello?
Is there anyone around me?
Can you hear it in my voice?
I am calling
Calling for a lasting heart

Is it you?
Are you my hope?
Are you the one who'll set me free?
Or are you here to lock me up?

Inner self:
What are you?
Can you answer me?
My vision has gone so dark
I can't see who you are

Where am I now?
Can you see this shining light?
Can you hear me now?
I am shouting on high!

Both:
See the colours flow
The ocean waves
Hear the trees breath
And the animals play

See the sunlight shine
The moonlight glow
The wind blow
And the river flow

Self:
Who am I?
In the darkest night
Flying high
til the morning light

Inner Self:
Who am I?
In the light of day
Eager to bask
In the yonder bay

Both:
Who are we?
In the days to come
Holy and complete
We bless all unique

See the sound
Hear this call
We call to all
The beauty abound

Self:
I walk in the shadows
Seeing which others hide
Feeling the darkness
That you all run from

Inner Self:
I walk in the light
I see the fakeness
The plays people put on
The webs of lies people speak

Both:
We see truth
We see lies
We see all
We see divine

We see the laughter
We see the torment
We see beauty
We see destruction

Longing for the one
Who has been caged
Begging for it to come
Back to grace on high

As you get further down in life
You start to wonder what the point is
You start to question reality
You start to feel there’s no reason

Like happiness doesn’t exist
And that everyone around you
Is just pretending to be joyful
And expects the same from you

They expect you to forget the past
Forget where you came from
What drove you mad
What caused you so much pain

And I try but to no avail
Life was simple til that day
When the trauma took hold
And destroyed my mind

Now the only salvation
Is the one who caused it
But I’m starting to think
My peace will never come

The longer I wait
The worst it gets
Pretty soon
I’ll be called a loon

Is it too much to ask
For a chance at redemption
To calm the waters
And regain what was lost

I’m starting to think so
The more it goes on
The deeper I go
Into the madness

It won’t be long now
Reality is shifting
Things are moving
The shadows are alive

I’m broken
Far beyond repair
Now my only hope
Is for them to be there

What is love?
Like the snow flake falling to the ground
A gentle yet subtle movement straight to the heart
Echoing within the valley of the soul

Christening the wings of the fragile butterfly
Love is the gentle caress of a new borns grip
The sound of the waves flowing slowly to the shore

The gentleness of the breeze as it slides across your face
What is love?
Love is gentle
Pure and divine

Things in life are never fair
No matter how much you wish it to be
You will always get hurt
By things you wish to unsee

Broken hearts
And passion that’s forgotten
It’s starting to be clear
That the world is rotten

Hiding your feelings
So others can’t know
Just how badly you hurt
And wish to go

You smile and wave
Like a happy little fool
All the while
Feeling like a tool

Being used and abused
By the ones you love
While all they do
Is push and shove

You fall down deeper
Into this bottomless well
Hoping for a light
To escape this hell

Yet the more you search
The harder it is to feel
What will truly help
Is a way to heal

To heal the heart
Refract the thoughts
Coping with the pain
Of so much loss

And yet you sit and wonder
What time will end up bringing
Will it be the perfect angel
Or a devils upbringing

The love
Trapped within this crystal heart
Beating it's wings of ever delight
Waiting for the freedom of flight

Shining bright the darkness passes
Burning a hole in the fiendish nightmares
Casting hope of a brighter future
While holding tightly to reality

Across the vast seas of turmoil
The hope of ones love becomes clear
Sending vibes of great fortune
From lands that are foreign

Bright smiles and burning desire
Binding the love upon the souls mast
Casting away the evil grip
Of demons from a long past

So much as the great fire needs air to flourish
You'll have my heart and soul to nourish

But

if you stray aside
my heart and soul will surely die

And

in the ashes of my pain and suffer
New hope and love will surely buffer

But

if in the ashes more pain comes near
I will be forced to end it here

And

once it ends my heart will see
All the love that is free
For in this world there is peace and love

But

far more beauty to behold from above

Life is fragile
Don’t turn your head
Cause when you look away
Life has already ended

We look around for things to do
Ignoring the things we already have
For the newer shinier things we see ahead
Burying the old dull looking things we no longer want

When we can no longer feel complete
When all we feel is the hunger of something more
The wanting of something that will only sedate the craving
We have truly lost ourselves

Look inside and ask yourself
Do I REALLY need this?
Or do I just want it to be a part of a trend
Am I really going to use it

Will it be useful in ten years
Twenty years down the road
And we find ourselves digging
Finding old treasures we’ve forgotten

Like finding buried treasure
We hoard it for more years
Until we can no longer remember
When we actually got it

We think and think
But nothing comes to mind
We see the now junk items
And see ourselves staring back

We see that we too are broken
Covered in dust and unwanted
Forgotten by those who once cared
And buried by those we hold dear

But still we marvel at the novelty
The memories in which we can remember
The few moments of happiness or sadness
In which is etched into us like stone

When we are able to look at something new
And say that it won’t satisfy us
Only then will we be able to say
We have lived life to the fullest

My words fill you with emotions
The very depth of your soul aches for understanding
Yet no one sees the shallow waters we make
Never get to taste the salt we live in

To see the sky turn red
And fade into a glorious purple
We seek not the future of salvation
But the relief of our present

My heart is breaking
That is why I'm letting my words ensnare
No one can heal this ache
No presence can fill the void

Ask us not for our sovereign grace
The shallow pools help so much
Feeling something rather than nothing
The only way for us to feel alive

Yet we crave for something deeper
A purpose in life
A place of grandeur
To end all of our suffering

We crave a love unconditional
To have our voices heard
To end the darkness
That ensnares our soul

To bask in the light of true want
To be free and accepted
To walk without fear
To love without hate

Peace and love
Are all we seek
To be ourselves
Without judgement or chains

Into the hour of midnight
Fangs bursting veins
Chills running down your spine
Haunting the last breathe you take

Piercing screams echoing through your ears
Blood dripping from a tender neck
The faintest whimper of the lips
Thud falls to the ground

Cries heard from desperate lips
Echoing into the night
Tears run dry
For a life no more

You know it surprises me
How little we think about it
When we are happy
It seems natural

But in reality
We as humans
Aren’t a happy species
But a sad one

We cling to others
It drives away the loneliness
It drives away the sadness
It drives away the fear

But when we lose that one person
That can make all the darkness
Just disappear into thin air
We regress to our nature state

It haunts us subconsciously
We don’t think about it til it’s too late
And once it happens we fight to fix it
And sometimes it can’t be fixed

Sometimes things break too much
And no amount of time will fix it
And then the darkness sets in
Causing us to fall father into despair

The self doubt sets in
And it only gets worse from there
Doubt turns to hatred
And it turns into a never ending battle

Some are able to overcome it
Some are not able to
And it’s the ones who can’t overcome
That you should worry about the most

The darkness has set root in their hearts
So deep that it’s almost ingrained
It becomes a part of them
And they will never be the same

Some don’t make it
Others do
But don’t leave them alone for too long
Cause loneliness is when it’s the worst

Their minds race with so many thoughts
Voices screaming and yelling
That they’ll always be alone
Or much much worse

This is currently where I stand
On the edge of abyss
I have a person I like
That makes the darkness run away

They come around
From time to time
But when they are away
I feel completely alone

When they are around
I feel like I can be happy again
And when I’m with them I am
Like I can take on the world

But when I’m alone
It’s a different story
I feel lost and abandoned
Feeling like no one actually cares

And to be honest
I think they are the only one
Who actually understands
The darkness of my mind

I’m not a smiley person
Nor am I a people person
But when I’m around them
I smile and socialize

They make me feel safe
Like I can trust them with anything
And they won’t judge me for it
I don’t feel like I need a mask

I like being their friend
But I want something more
Something deeper in connection
But I don’t think they feel the same

I don’t want to be lost forever
I don’t want to have a lonely existence
I want to feel safe with them by my side
For the rest of our lives

I just don’t know where to begin
I don’t know how to start
Or where it will end up
All I know is I can’t do life without them