Little does he know
I’m planning
Little does he know I know how
To escape
Little does he know I will throw away
This relationship

Can't you see what's happening?
I don't think I can admit because...
Because I love you so much it hurts
It really hurts
Am I not suppose to speak?
Express myself?
Am I suppose to sit pretty?
Don't speak unless spoken to?
Does it matter?
Do I?
My soul has grown old and my heart is growing dead.
Forgot my lines and I'm the star of the show.
Pass.
Are you okay?
Pass.

She's a bottomless pit of happy
But she only sings the broken songs
Broken
It broke her heart right in half when she passed
Unsurprised
It takes time to heal and she's got an A+ in that
Proud
I couldn't be more with her
She walks around, hair down like **** the world
But
She cares more than the moon does for the stars
And her smile lights up a thousand rooms
She's a bottomless pit of happy

I forgot how to write poetry
I forgot feelings
Forgot my brains favorite way of thinking
Metaphors
Except for today....

Today I'm 18 yrs old now
I'm married
I'm having a baby
I've moved so very far from the people who hurt me over and over
Even though I'm whole, I feel the emptiness I haven't felt in a long time, in this moment I'm empty
Numb
I feel like the girl who wrote those old poems will always linger
And tonight
I'll find comfort in her and let her stay

I have this map on my wall and it has every pinpoint of where I want to go and somehow, your heart is still pinned there
And I've thought that maybe I've learned by now, but guess not
Once again you've reached way back into the depths of your heart and pulled mine off the shelf where you can't seem to put an order to things
You dusted it off for finger prints, but only found yours
I told you, you always rip my heart out of my chest, "accidentally" fall over a table then step on it getting up and give it back, but then again
You don't give it back, you still have it, which makes all of this worse
I keep telling myself that I'm not as good at poetry like I used to be and I think that's your fault
But maybe I just want to blame you for everything
I guess, I just really didn't see this one coming
But, that's my fault
I should of never answered your call

My words sting like the subject of divorced marriage and daddy issues
And yet you want to hear what I have to say
So lay it all on the table
Tell me you're giving up
But you won't find me plastered on a sidewalk like waddled up, gravel stuck, unwanted gum waiting for love
You've got me ****** up
I never thought
This early
I would be finding myself head over heels in love
Tell me I'm dreaming
Please tell me
Save me the pity of when I do find out
Because now.... he is slipping through every broken finger I can't use to get a tight grip
Reality is setting in
Love is either hard work
Or hard time
You just have to decide
How hard are you fighting?
And do you have time?

Today at exactly 4:07 p.m on September 2, 2014
On a perfect kind of weather tuesday  
Standing in the press box, which is normally like an oven, but not today. The cool air filled the press box like it could snow or prince charming himself could come kiss you at any moment in the rain.
Filming people running around on a field catching footballs like bullets
I felt my heartbeat
It was pulled from way back on the selves of your heart where you can't seem to put an order to things because well, it leaves space but this time
This time you took the time to grab mine again and dusted it off for finger prints but you only found yours.
you text me to tell me, I wasn't the only one.

*T~