My body is my own worst enemy
Trapped.
inside - and stuck
Inside - with no escape
from the claws of this illness that
take hold of me

Rage - it pours from me
still, even though I have
no energy
left

I am left with scraps of
who I once was
- - and now?
What am I but a shadow of a previous
copy version of me  

I yearn and I grieve and I plead
but I am led yet again and again
to an endless tunnel of dread
that fills me to the brim
with nothing left but
the face of the victim
staring back at me in the mirror

I fear so much and so often -
this weakness has a grip so fierce on me
this sickness that has stolen so much from me
this demon has ****** and fed
on every bit of strength I have bled
of every bit of happiness I have shed
and left me with -
nothing

Nothing but empty vacancy
That is how it feels to be stuck
inside
a body that can no longer feel
normalcy

My body is my own worst enemy
Trapped.
inside - and stuck
inside - with no escape
So here I stay
Stuck and inside - and
Trapped
with no escape

Compressed in bed, feeling rigid,
Dreaming about animals dying.
The mornings kick so much harder-
Kick me right back into bed.

We just let the sun rise and set.
And let it be known-
I'm no more awake come noon,
No more awake at work,

No more awake in dreams:
Wading through syrupy water,
I feel that way come day.
I keep trying to speak up

But no one even sees the bubbles rise

In shadows cast by burdens' weight,
I wander through a bleak estate,
Where debts entwine like chains of fate,
And dreams of love lie desolate.

Oh, wretched soul, trapped in this snare,
My heart, once hopeful, now stripped bare,
For love's embrace seems all but fair,
As debts devour the joys we share.

The golden band that graced my hand,
A symbol of a promised land,
Now tarnished by the debtors' brand,
A bitter curse I can't withstand.

With each passing day, a mounting toll,
A debtors' song, an endless role,
No solace found in midnight's shoal,
As dreams of wedded bliss take a toll.

I yearn to hold my lover near,
To banish all the doubts and fear,
But in this realm of debts austere,
Our love's sweet whispers disappear.

The wedding bells, a distant chime,
Lost amidst this pitiless rhyme,
As debts entangle, stall, and bind,
Our future fades, a shattered mime.

No fairytale ending shall we find,
For love's foundation, undermined,
By creditors' greed, so unkind,
Our plans to wed, forever confined.

Oh, cruel fate, with callous glee,
You douse our hopes, relentlessly,
In this abyss, we'll cease to be,
A tragic tale of debt's decree.

So let my tears flow like a river,
For shattered dreams and love's endeavor,
As debts consume, and hearts deliver,
A woeful dirge, a love that withers.

In the depths of debt's relentless snare,
A lover's union, left threadbare,
A somber tale of love's despair,
Bound in the debt's suffocating lair.

i am alone and lonely in the world
given all has gone
and those around i cant speak to
nor understand
it hurts to see
and finally understand
that i am truely alone and lonely
at every night and day
where i cant confide in anyone
it is a one way conversation
with supposedly god
but the mind runs wild
and heart hurts
i understand that i must manage
to be alone and lonely
even though i am surrounded by people
but i cant speak with nor to
i cant confide in anyone
but god
it is just me
till i breathe my last breath
and beat my last rhythm
i know now
it is just the way it is