I wonder if you know how much
I still think about you?
You are one of the first thoughts
when I wake in the morning
and one of the last thoughts  
when I go to bed at night.

I wonder if you truly understand
how much I miss you?
How you would hold me
when our bodies were close.  
How I would catch you looking
at me, as if in amazement.
How your charcoal blue eyes
gazed into mine when we talked.  

I wonder if you realize that  
despite allowing you time and space,
that you still mean so much to me?
It does not matter to me how
long I have known you,
you were able to allow me to
feel things that I was not so  
sure I would be ever able to feel again.  

I wonder if you know how much
I yearn for us to try again?
That each day without you in it
has been harder than I realized
it could possibly be.
That each day I wonder how you
are you and what you are doing.

I wonder if you will ever get to
the point of accepting that  
I am exactly who I showed you?
That you believe my words.
That you believe my actions.
That you believe in me.    

I wonder if you will ever give
your heart to me fully?
To finally conquer your fears
and let me in.
To trust me enough    
to hold your hand through life.  
To become your best friend.

I wonder if you can have
faith in love again?  
To believe that someone truly
does care about you.
That someone wants to know everything
there is to know about you.  
That someone just wants  
a chance to walk around in your heart.  

I wonder if you think of me?
If you miss my embrace,
my eyes meeting yours.
The chemistry we felt.  
The laughs we shared.  
The support I gave you,
regardless of knowing how
precarious your situation is.

I wonder if you will ever see  
the good in me and just try  
to allow me to be a part of your life?
All these thoughts of wondering
are always on my mind.  
I wonder, I truly do wonder…  


Vicki A. Zinn

April 20, 2014