DISINHIBITOR” By Ariana Reines






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There’s a sadness I’m avoiding

It’s why I live like this

The truth is I know I can’t hide

From it. I know I can’t

But I can hide from you

Or I somehow still think I can

& what that really means is hide it

From you. It’s not that I don’t trust

You. I’m just scared to lose

It. I’m not avoiding

My sadness I’m trying

To protect it. What I lost

I already lost a really

Long time ago. Whatever

I tried to do apart

From what I lost had more

To do with covering it

With probably some kind

Of monument than “moving on”

But I’m the only one who needs

To know that it’s a monument

Or what it’s for. Anthills

Mountains out of molehills.

Growing a roughness into

A jewel: Aphrodite’s secret.

I am ignorant of my people’s

History but I have seen the scrolls

In their crowns and gowns.

The times I won I wasn’t able

To celebrate. So I learned equanimity

But equanimity’s as tricky

As any other state. These may

Not be words of wisdom

But they’ve got no other

Place to live