I write my love letters
to you
on paper boats
sail them to you
yet when you receive it
you say there are no words
when I have
turned the ocean blue

I finally open this door again
I am tired of closing it shut
I am tired of fighting
I am tired of crying
I am tired of gasping for air
So I guess I will just...
...let it go
let it slip
see where it takes me
maybe it will drown me
only time will tell
But for now
I rather hurt
than be stuck in my own little music box
dancing to the same beat that makes me sick

I try to think back to the last time I was happy
but it has been a while
since I last saw you.

I used to love love
You broke me
And
I am not capable of loving
anymore.

She has a heart of gold
you would not know
until you mine deeper.

I was looking for
Something permanent
You turned out to be
A temporary dopamine

You were selling lies
for love
and I bought it

.......................
You.
.......................

If the world is ending
tell me a truth and a lie
before the words run dry
If the world is ending
roll a dice
see whether we bribe and survive
If the world is ending
look me in the eye
for there are no tears left to cry
If the world is ending
I will be by your side
just by your side
yourside.

I am here trying to tie
Loose ends of your heart
While you rip me out of it

You look in the mirror
and say you're not beautiful
when you should have been looking into my eyes
to find that out.

I decided to write
One last time
With icicles of ink
Sharpened words,
That slowly disperse
Every mean word said to me
I write
And I write
Every heartbreak
I let it flee with no fight
No tears,
Just raindrops,
No chills down my spine,
My heart devoid of fear
I take icicles of ink
I shove it in my heart
The words do not pierce,
They bleed from my pocket,
They spill,
Raw,
And pure
No frostbites
No frozen tears.

What happens after you love me to the moon and back?

We striped every night
Clothes
Skin
Until I striped to the bone
And realized
You were merely
Taking off your
Many façades
While I stood here
Bare
Naked

Merry Christmas love
Here I greeted you at midnight
Just like I promised you
We planned to go to Seychelles
Because we both hate cold
The kind of cold that goes away
With layers of clothes
But you left me here with cold
That doesn't go away
With any amount of layering
But your arms
I wait at the doorway
like a kid waits for the Santa
But all I got this Christmas
is lies
and
a broken heart

I listen to Joji
on repeat
while I wait for the train
I don't know if it is your words
Or the night
That keeps reminding me
of the time we  
danced in Subway
With your arms around me
Now I am cold
Now your arms embrace
Someone else
All I am left with is your lingering smell
from your jacket
I am no one to you
I am no one to you at least now
And nothing hurts more
than realizing you never loved me
the way I did
even though I was someone to you.

I complain about you
You make me not want to sleep at night
You make me dance and cry
You make me hate the blue skies
But when I moved
Cities
Countries
Continents
You were my constant
In you
I have found
Home
My sadness

There are many things that make me feel
Feel like my existence is a burden
But you make me believe otherwise
You make me feel like I belong

I love something about today
I love how it masquerades the gloom it is
I love how it saturates the air with sugarcoated lies
I love how it hums the corrupted song of promises
I love how it blankets its hostile arms around me
I love how its rusty rays slouch on my skin
I love how I am enthralled with its grimy charm
Just like how I was intoxicated by your stale love
I love how it reminds me of you.

It is simply not the place you belong
or people you love
but where you have your roots attached
where you hid all your childhood treasure
that can never be shoved and be embedded somewhere
foreign.

People say even the best of things
are not meant to be
when the time is not right
and
when you are not ready
All I know is
I had never felt so sure
about anything else
like every moment of my life
existed so
I could find you
Hold you
And
when you said you weren't ready
Instead of turning clocks
I wish I told myself
"We just arent meant to be"

I erase your name
only to write it
all over again

I am scared that I met you only to say goodbye

I wander between heart and mind
Between daydreams and reality
Between tormenting silences
And tiring screams
Between yes and no
Between beauty and tragedy
Between being stripped and layered
Between passion and comfort
Between hurtful truths and comforting lies
Between search and rescue
Between sky and roof
Between full and empty
Between realization and delusion
Between whole and pieces
Between gaining and losing
But most of all between
my own inner landscape
Weeding watering
Planting uprooting
Building dismantling
Fencing unlatching
Acknowledging that this garden is not perfect
Not by any stretch of the imagination
It has been the Atlantis of the soul
Seen layers below the rock bottom
It has been a traveler
Who has found a home
In happiness and in pain.

I  cannot help but puncture my heart
of the belief that it has found the one

You say
I am your home
I am merely
A 200 sq feet room
With no bed to sleep
No chairs to sit
No food to feed
Yet you lay here
Next to me
On the creaking floor
Under a
Dusty ceiling fan
We drink our tears
Nibble on our emotions
While I peek
As you walk to your home
Through these rusty window bars
I realize
With you
My heart feels like
A ruin with a mansion's garden
Yet each evening you
Come right back
To it.

Soft fluffy clouds against the turquoise blue
neon hues
it feels unreal
with you here
with me next to you

I feel gloomy today
But I cannot blame the weather
Its bright sunny summer day
Sparse clouds with turquoise blue backdrop
Gentle breeze
Flowers waving in distance
Whispers and giggles
Nothing is gloomy
But me
Which makes me think
If I am broken beyond
Repair

You are a fickle paradise
I am not sure whether I want to be drunk on you Or high
You exist in seconds
My hours can't capture
Yet I can't stop chasing
For you are the notion of my rapture

What I feel for you is
A plethora of emotions
What you feel for me is
A string
Of incoherently
Phrased
Text

I love him so much
I have surrendered my evenings to him
The colors, the breeze
all dedicated to him
I filled my pages for him
Woven words for him
My thoughts are his
My heart is his
The melody of the summer breeze is his
My days are his
But he is naive
He does not see
And sometimes I am furious
But when he holds my hand
Even for a split second
It seems like it is all worth it

If the world is ending
I would still stare in your eyes
Not the reflection of the chaos
But a mirror to a heart
That chose to love mine
For I find those eyes staring right at mine
If the world is ending
You would stare at mine.

It's raining here in New York City
I wonder if it's raining there too
People say we share the same sky
But how can it cry but smile too?

Somedays like today
I want to curl up in bed
wanting to hurt myself
somedays like today
I want to drink myself to death
somedays like today
I want to cry till
I don't hear my brain
Somedays like today
I wish I didn't exist
At all

He looks out of the window
to get the last glimpse of her
She is not the kind to stick to a place
he knew that
yet he fell
knowing very well
She would break his heart
but he would rather hurt than
not love her
at all.

Sometimes the best thing to do
is
to let things slip away
like that beautiful sunset
you wish never
ended.

I was walking uphill last evening
And I spot
A flock of clouds making home
Before dawn
The daylight is fading
Faster than they anticipated
And suddenly I spot
A street light  
Light up
So the clouds can make their way
home
Safe

I want to paint my nails in the color of you
So everytime I run my fingers through my hair
It will remind me of you.

Wait
Not now
Maybe tomorrow
When I gather all of the broken pieces
So you don't step on the remnants of my yesterdays

I am made up of nostalgia
I live in my head
I breathe in the memories
And breathe out your embrace
So slowly I can forget
what it is like to held by you
And I can make some space
Your touch lingers on my face
But baby let me move on
Stop tracing those fingers
Even though it's all in my head
I need to make space
For someone else to take my breath
away

If I live in your heart
Do I exist in your mind?

You say you are not enough
But a sip of you gives me
a lifetime of joy

When you fell out of love
I fell out of life

When the sky is awfully close to the land
When the clouds spread their arms around the mountains and weep
for hours
For days
And sometimes for weeks
The mountain hugs it tight with its misty arms
Blankets it with fog
Until the sky cannot weep anymore
Until it feels light again
So it can float back
Wander
Gush the story of the land that stretches underneath
Only for the mountain to rustle with glee

I teach me a lot
You teach me
what not to do
who not to be
............................

I know your eyes by heart
I know what color they are
when the clock strikes 2
Oh how they
masquerade the nectar
by the noon
How they flutter
when I smile at you
when it rains outside
they turn a little blue
but I like your eyes
the most when I look at you

Under the boundless skies
You and I stand eye to eye
You hold my hand
Pull me close
Your feet glide the floor
Our hearts are at the shore
of our souls
Each second
We merge with the
rhythm of our
pounding hearts
Our souls intertwine
with
the eternal dance
of two minds

Most of the time I think to drift
drift from things around me
only to have them in my
thoughts
even bleaker
kind of bleak
that makes me want to
break my bones
to make sure these thoughts don't exist
not even a little
not within me

Half of you
Half of me
So I thought
When it was all of me
And none of you

In a dimly lit corner of a bar,
there you were
I saw you from afar
You gaze at me
I could tell you wanted to play it cool
and not seem like a fool to love
It might be too late for that
you might have lied to others
but somehow
your eyes gave it away
you spoke of adventures, places unknown,
Of mountains climbed and oceans crossed,
In your tales, a world I had never known,
Your laughter rang like a sweet reminder,
Your voice, a symphony of joy,
In that fleeting encounter,
our hearts met,
With askew roads of life,
like a shooting star
as
beautiful
as
it may be
it's shortlived
the night has to end
you ought to go
onto your new adventures
Boy I met in a bar
That is how briefly our story
ends
And that is how I would like to remember you
Oh you beautiful
Boy, I met in a bar.