I hate how you take your coffee
And leave water on the floor when you take a shower

I hate the way you tell me directions
I hate you make me feel at home

I hate the way you know me
I hate how it brings me bliss

I hate how good I sleep when we’re together
It’s even worse when you hold me

I hate that my day doesn’t start until I hear your voice
And how I’ll call just to tell my mind I tried

I hate and even hate more when you stare me
I hate you for knowing me

Through all my hate
I’ve never hated you
Not even a little
Not even a moment

Didn't know it was possible to feel like this bad
It won't always feel like this
But I don't want to not feel like this about you
I only want you

Someone said ,"The greatest love is the one that you can't live without. The one that you're prepared to die for."
It's all wrong
It's not what love it
It's more romantic to live for it

If there is a way to be together
Just tell me, now
I love you
I'm not going to stop loving you till the day I die
..I love you

We'll find each other
We'll come back
here..

I'll be drifting..
until I find you

I'll be searching for you
every moment,
every single moment

When we do find each other again
No one can tear us apart
Joined so tightly
We'll be joined so tight

Let's come back here,
every year
Midday
I'll come
I'll be here, every year
My whole life

When we've come here,
Just an hour
We'll be together
Every year

If you do meet someone.. you like
Be kind to them
Don't compare them

Be glad with goodbye
You love me
Miss me for just a short moment

Love yourself the most
You can push
I want you to be glad now

Let go of the weight
You can heal
You can finally be free

Clarity be my guide
I want to picture a world
Where a simple song can make a difference
Each day I wake, searching
I don’t want to imagine a future without you
I can’t do that
But your gone, the answer escapes me
Seems like everyone else has it figured it out
Still, tomorrow will come

Clarity be my guide
It makes me sick, why is everyone so happy?
I walk this alone
There is more to life, I need to know
Lost so far, home alone, I shut myself off
You call, your voice leads me

Clarity be my guide
Whatever comes, guide me back to light
Let the fantasy
Lift me high, and I’ll be me

Clarity be my guide
Please stay by my side

I'm sorry too,
I'm sorry I believed you could be genuine,
I'm sorry I believed your lies,
After lies,
After lies,

I'm sorry,
Feeling I thought I felt were real
All fake!
Fake because it was built upon YOUR mountain
Mountain of lies,
You said feelings towards me were real
Why?

They were built upon my mountain

Truth,
I was real.
I was genuine,
I truly cared about your feelings
Your heart,
Your soul,
Your truth

Pain,
Only thing that was real...
It's deep
Still searching,
Searching for the feeling I had for you,
Searching in a dark room,
Blind
Wandering around for that feeling

Feeling I'm searching for,
Not real,
Blank,
Feeling won't be there...
Searching for a ghost

It's done

My light?
Stop your pity
I'm alone!

Wondering,
Wandering,
Crashing,
Failing,
Why me!

Again!

Stop!
Let me drift here
Please!
It's quiet

Your story doesn't bother me,
Your past meant nothing to me,
Changed nothing

If,
If!
If this talk happened in the beginning,
I wouldn't be here

I wish..
I wish,
I wish you trust me

Here I sit,
Dark room

I don't worry about others
In always being 2nd I found true loneliness
Not being the one people come too
Being told 2nd hand information
Telling me a story after you told someone else, don't want it
Why bother?

I regret ever thinking I could leave my box
At least there I wasn't lied too
At least there I wasn't lied to about being 1st
What a mistake

Box is safe
Secure

I think about the choices I made and don't even know myself
My judgment keeps shifting from neutral to having compassion

Days I shrink down to existing
At midnight my chest is tight and hard to breathe
In the silence, I give up fighting

Am I?

Am I a good person?
I've lied
I cheated
Yet people who know me say I am?
Am I?

Only child
Single parent household
Being *****
Dated
Married
Single

All events I've learned and grown with the information I had at the time

When does being a good person come to light?

Am I a good person or am I just learning?

I am honest with myself
I am rude
I am smart on paper
I fail
I lie
I explain

What is true about me?

I dated this guy once who I felt was everything

Define everything!
Cause I am not sure
He is honest, makes me feel safe, makes me laugh, and so much more

The word everything doesn't feel like asking too much

Am I good?
I lied to him
He left,
He told me I need to find me

We talk, kinda

Not in hopes of finding me and thinking we'll be together
In hopes of understanding or experiencing finding the true me

Am I me?

To the man who brought me back,

I can't change the beginning
I was unprepared for your love
What I can change is the start and end, "if a start again"

The moment we met I felt my soul connect to yours

For years before I met you, I was living in a glass box
Hanging out with my demons

Guilt of cheating
Fear of relationships not working due to never learning to be open
Regret,
Not being able to carry
Excluded
Anger!
Being ***** and told, "You lead me on."

You tapped on my glass and brought me out

It was too late

Fear won
I didn't open and you found out
Regret holds the crown now

Looking to my heart for an answer. It gave me a vague answer, "Whether you're lovers, best friends, soulmates, or something else. Words can't help you here."

With cariño (love) is your gift to me
For everything you gave me I love you and thank you
I'm sorry

People say you only live once, but people are as wrong about that as they are about everything. Life can continue after a lifetime of empty happiness. In the darkest moments before dawn a woman returns to her bed. What life is she leading? Is it the same life she was living an hour ago, a day ago, a year ago? As she lays down in bed she doesn’t even recognize him. Who is this man? Are they leading separate lives or a single life shared? Or are they only aware of the power they generate between themselves?

A small storm is approaching the horizon. As the woman is staring at the ceiling unable to fall asleep. She begins to remember the countless memories made between her and the man she once knew. How their lives were once together being far forgotten. Drips of water start pouring down from the sky. Thunder and lightning darken the sky even more. This is her chance, her moment, the woman dresses and goes outside.

I love you, I hope you still know that. I can’t sleep without you. Even when we lay together I know I am hurting you. Where is she going this early? I follow her to the backyard where I can see the love of my life dancing beneath the rain, jumping over a pond and underneath the stars. The more I watch her I can tell she is waiting for the full moon. This kind of freedom she is feeling is what I feel in love with so many years ago. What have I done to her spirit?

In the mist of all the dancing the woman is still not contempt of her accomplishment. She was hoping to find her smile and laughter, just as hope was lost. As the woman stops to let the rain overcome her she sees the man approaching her. With his touch on her face it washes out her broken heart. He never thought the day would come where he would bet his entire life on loving her and speak her name with such passion.

Considering her look he can see he is wasting his time, chance is gone. Now he truly sees through her eyes that he is suffering. He wishes to return to being her partner, but it’s too late. Before he leaves her alone and vanishes. He wants to cry to show her one last time how much she means to him. To kiss her one last time before forgetting her in his dreams. Just one last touch before closing the last chapter of the book. He wants to tell her that this is not how the ending should be. Never thought he would lose her. He always thought for sure that he would have had her, and her heart. Unfortunately, this is how it ends.

If you love someone you open yourself up to suffering, sad truth. Maybe they break your heart, maybe you break theirs. Without it you’ll never be able to look at yourself the same way.

Let me breathe you in
Your smell sends make me light headed
Its like smoke filling my lungs
Allowing your soul join mine

How long can I breathe this in before I pass out
Being joined your warmth in my own
Not even two feet away from your body Im cold
Let me share this with you

The way I feel with you is too cheesy for mind
It makes me smile when I kiss you
My burning desire that I push away to regain control
That small amount of space I cant live with, I grab you back

Those rare awful moments I think I have control of my body
You push me back in your arms and there we are
Consumed in this fetish for your body near me
Your lips pressed against mine no longer needing my mind

Let me push you

Through the silent tears
My endless heartache
Cant escape the fact my longing to be wanted
Not sexually but as a person by your side

To be the love you choose
Instead all I am is that person you spend time with
Have decent conversation with
Always that person to make you feel special

Ive loved a lot of people in life
I know the great and the worst love
The passion and anger
To experience the light within isn’t only in one life time

You make me feel comfortable safe
Is that it? Is that all I get?
How long am I supposed to wait to feel as ecstatic as you are
Is all my problems just my walls denying my heart to you

I live with you and yet I cant push away this agonizing feeling of a prison

Im in the prime of life, 23
I should be rejoiced
Healthy, smart, and working
All the qualities not everyone has the pleasure of having

Im angry with myself

I feel 18 again just beginning no real goal
No moral compass
No passion to strive for anything
Normal? Good question

My life is a three-book novel
Each book no real knowing how it will end
No true plot to get your attention
Its flat lining

I flip through the pages looking for the spark I once possessed
Cant even remember if I had the time to make a table of contents of my real passions
Question is, why do I continue creating these novels?
Historic records or boredom?

On good days, you were tender to me
Kissed and loved me with kindness
Other not appealing moments
You filled me emptiness and not worthy of your love

You love me and I you
Where did we fail?
Was the lies too much
Was the distance too far

We started at our young adult life
We ended at the prime of adult responsibly
Did our love only work when we had no duties to fulfil?
Was that love or pleasure seeking?

I wanted you
I needed you by myside
I craved for the man you would become
Was five year not long enough for me wait?

Did my crying and rage for change not make you understand
In my countless hours by your side tending to you not equal the favor in return

I left
I left you
Now are just memories
Moments that came and gone

Next step?
New love?
Is that a real thing?
Can I achieve that?

Saddest thought..
Only time will tell
Patience with myself
Patience with my new partner

When I loved you things were hard
When you left loving you was painful
When we're together was are passion

You've decided to lie to your soul and now you're gone
You left me with questions about us
I just need to know who you are

For you to never return to whom you once were
To my mind that will show its self
And lastly to my body that will never rest

All I have left is to hold on…

Had no reason to lie
I’ve had everything I’d ever ask for
You, your life with the details included
Your heart was the greatest piece of the clothing I could ever wear, it showed I could bare your heartaches and continue my life as I was
The best piece of food there is, once I knew I was done with it I realized I could make more and never have to live another day without noticing it was there in the kitchen waiting for me

I was filled with clouds, a foggy light with no direction to attend to
Though I knew I was there, I was shining just to shine and not just for the purpose
Just a sheet of life unknowing and undiscovered of what to do with so much thoughts and misunderstood love
I read you, every character with your traits, telling a story as if your own soul gave it to me
Then I see me at the end of the book still leaving you with hints of what will come to me
The book isn’t finished there is one last thing I want to say before all of this is star dust, I place it in your hands knowing you will fulfill my courtship with you

Can you accept I’m dying?  You’ve loved me since our first date
Became under my spell when we kissed, allowing your self to be open to me
And fell for everything I was when we first had ***, your no longer just yourself, now you have me, half you and half of me
Will you let me have your warmth until I fall out of your arms?
Its hard, it burns your very soul to see the women you have and to hold walk out of your heart
I’ve loved you everyday, every heartbeat has brought me closer to you

Let go of me please, please for me
Just do it, It can’t hurt anymore than knowing you still holding on to me while my soul fades into dust in your hands
Blow the dust, gently into the wind, watch it flow throughout the sky

My love, my last words

I'll hold you close,
I'll pull you in,
I'll kiss you softly
My deadly sin
I won't stop,
I can't quit not till your mine

Your presence is intoxicating me
It burns me up
It burns to breathe
Come a little closer than my heartbeat
I can pull you close
Hold my hand
Under your touch
Under your body
Don't hesitate

Set yourself free with my sweetness

Feeling you
Take all that is me, crown me the star that brightens the shadow
Showing me the world in your hands
I came towards you, I wanted you
You choose someone else, a person who never signaled you to them
Why!
I loved you more then that person would
Just drop it before my wings are torn and you ruin my chances for letting me show you the world
Let me be your wings darling

You have chosen wisely
The only world I can show you is the one with me in my arms cradling our love
I have seen all the prizes I can receive but none where yours are in my grasp
Because I can feel you, your soul crawling underneath
Take what is left of the women that is me
I am your wife
Whether you like it or not
I will stand here

Even though you mourn the dead
You’re tortured in memory
Now that you’re dead your stuck in your own dreams
Your soul fighting for survival to regain the strength to bring you back
The mind so lost its in a creation of your life
A woman you devoted your passion to
Children you raised and loved all dead

Your wife now left with nothing
Only feeling like she is crazy because her painting remind her of her past life
She had it all- family and talent
The husband who was sweet, tender, and respected her
Women respond to that sort of thing
No one will believe that her husband is around her because who trust someone crazy with guilt?

I remember meeting an old woman during high school and she spoke to me about her life and how being the good wife, loyal, and beautiful brought her nothing but loneliness.  I looked at her with question. In the end I told her I was staying with the man who I didn’t love but will always be happy because it was her first love- would never leave.  

You’re dead or are you still alive?
What is dead?  When your heart stops, you stop hearing your thoughts
(Shake my head) that will never be the definition of death to me
Love is the way to make it
You’re now god
You place an image of the one you love in your mind and you are with them
The saying the light of a guardian angel is with you
It’s the person who is still attached to you by love

You can control what happens to you after “death”

Not sure how to realize that your life is heart breaking,
So much lying and hiding from those that love you,
Is this the part where I’m supposed to run to you and beg you to run away with me?
I’ve never had a say in your actions because that would deny you happiness
I can’t complain,
No thoughts,
I’m just another person in your life,

How can I stop to something that I had no cause of?
This man loves me?
So his family says,
I feel so alive,
He has the cutest smile for days when we speak,
None of his other women understand what is so special,
Answer?!

Nothing
I don’t touch him when were alone,
We just hold each other,
Silence and small talk is all this is,
We only kiss four times a day,
It’s chemistry
Not passion or affection,
Plain old fashion love

From a woman perspective wanting *** with “their man” is romantic,
I grew up old views,
Yes it’s romantic but I don’t want him in bed,
For me it’s…
Being around him,
His voice,
Wrapped in his arms,
I think after 2 years or more being with him it will be time,

Not ever will “our love” get out

I’m haunted,
Every shadow is my terror,
Your words in my ear,
Your kiss my lips,
The glow I’ve shown you,
All the lyrics of my passion for you are becoming pain instead of pleasure,
I reached out to you,
In the end I’m left stressing out and dealing with your disappearance,

I’ve stopped crying after the third time you left,
I closed your door,
How can you expect for that door to always be open for you?
I’ve loved you enough to be the only man to see me glow,
Only man to shudder when your lips touch mine,
To shiver when you lay me down,
Why was I the only woman in your bed when so many others wanted you?
Loyalty?
Love?

I never made you choose me,
I never got jealous if you went out with others,
In the end I was the only one in your bed,
I respect and love you for that,
Still you left?

It’s been a day since your “death”
How can I mourn something that since there?
To continue your memory I will keep happiness within myself,
Fight for your love that is still in my heart,
To never glow to any man unless he can make me pure like your voice did,
Its cliché to say I’ll love you now and forever,
I don’t care you only find one

I’m in love with a ghost!

Tick,
Time,
I’m going to lose him,
I glow when I look at him,
I got lost from his glance,

I flew so high,
I let you down and now I’m next to a stranger,
I can blame it on fear or us being over,
I don’t know what to say anymore,
Now you need to give me a chance,

Let!!
Me
Love
You

We both got torn apart,
Let us just hold each other,
I won’t lose him like water through my hands,
So far away,
Yet close to my heart that I don’t cry when you’re gone,

I’m in love with a man that isn’t around

I know I can go with you,
I touched you and you didn’t turn away,
I can hear your voice telling me to remember you holding me,
When I’m alone in bed I feel you against me,
Maybe then I can sleep,
Doesn’t work,
I need you,
Something about your scent sends my body into a sleep,
Relief finds me when my arms are around you,
I do not want to be afraid,
I fear of not breathing,
Sometimes I wonder about the things that happen with us,
I feel like I’m stealing from you because when I reach out you wrap your arms me,
At times I feel like I can’t take another step towards you,
Fearing this will all be a dream,
You’re everything to me,
You find me here,
I want to feel,

You are

You’re my light that leads me to peace,
You’re the man I need,
You’re my strength to keep moving,
You’re the hope that I have,
You’re the life within my soul,

Your everything!

You

You calm my storm,
You never let me fall,
You take me deeper with you,
I can’t be around you and not be moved by you
YOU’RE EVERYTHING!!  YOUR EVERYTHING YOUR ALL I NEED!

All I ever wanted was to lay in bed with you,
Knowing when you run your fingers through my hair my eyes drop,
When you hold me I want to sleep because I’m so at peace,
One night to take a chance,
To love him,
I cracked when I cried in front of you,
You held me and said you would stay until I left you,
It’s been two years since I’ve known you,
I’ve only had three moments with you,
I hold you like your dying in my arms,
I kiss you like if we stop you will fade away,
You pushed me,
I let you,
I gave you all each moment,
All we had was nights,
Fingertips on my skin,
Your hand holding my head when we kiss,
Loving me more,
I’ve gone attached to you when I can’t let go of what I don’t want
I wonder how much it must feel to be loved that much?
I haven't let it go,
My time for action is on a timer,
Soon my love,
There is no way,
No way,
All long as we are both breathing,
We can start living

Having everything you need,
Shaming yourself for all the years,
Locking it all away,
Save it for a darker night,
All the voices that have said you have beauty,
It’s nothing when you do everything when no one watches,
Staying out of the spotlight because it hurts to stand alone,
All those dreams to not share,
That goal that was always in your head will forever remain there,
Not having you isn’t the pain that is going on,
The pressure under the ribs,
Under the heart,
Clawing at you,
Your mind trying to connect with your heart,
To register what you’re feeling,
All of it won’t be there,

You allow it,
I can’t say I’m sorry because time moves faster then you can make it,
The past is how you know your still here.

Time to step out and move,
A risk,
A gamble,
People will hurt,
You will cry,
Nothing will keep me safe,
Not titanium,
Not your love,
People know you as the nice person,
Good friend,
Great student,
Yet momma knows you as a liar,
Abuser,
I took turns with another women to keep your secret,
Both are dead in your closet,
Who will lay dirt at their graves?

They were the space in your chest,
To her you are the morning star,

You have no realization