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3.7k · May 2014
Out of a Fairy Tale
AnnaMarie Jenema May 2014
Mom should’ve been here by now. I sat on my frilly blue and purple polka-dotted bed waiting for the knock on the door telling me mom found my dress. Finally, it raps on my door. “Mom! Did you find it?” My eyes widen as the silky blue sways in her arms, it’s beauty sings as a caged bird let free. I gasp in admiration. “I-It’s wonderful!” I pick it up and it glides down into a perfect fit.  “I’m glad you love it. Come down after you finish getting ready.” The door thuds after her. Looking across the room I note my honey brown hair that curls into pigtails. Restraining the squeal that is caught in my throat, I travel the length of my room to the mirror.

     The mirror sits on an antique dresser that my mom found at a garage sale. At first I didn’t care much for the ancient wooden junk that is at least half a century old. Now the gold-tinted metal gleams with pride once again. Rusty gems were in carved into an arc surrounding the mystic glass. “Lydia! Can you go upstairs and get that box down for me?” Mom’s request interfered with my thoughts. … Go in that dusty attic? “Sure mom!”

       Out the door and into the hallway stood a door like any other in our house. It squeaked open as eerily as what you’d expect in a haunted house. ‘A box, a box’ than out of the side of my vision I thought I saw motion. I shook it off as just being a spider or mouse. Soon my footsteps lead me to come across a dresser and mirror identical to the one in my room. It was cluttered with cobwebs and spiders. “Not very well taken care of, are you?” I muttered the joke. I looked into the mirror expecting to see a light blue dress covered in dust and sparkly silk material, but there was no reflection at all. I looked even closer at the mirror, before realizing, there was no mirror at all.

     I looked around until I found it behind the dresser, sitting on the ground. I touched one of the gems that surprisingly glowed despite the rust. Something shone until I was blinded. A tingle ran through the hand that brushed the mirror’s gem and flew through my arm until it encompassed me, racing into my every feeling until I couldn’t feel anything. My eyes shut and refused to open themselves.


     A gentle breeze grasped my hair, as music descended from the air. I could smell what seemed to be a banquet of some kind, mixed with perfume. Slowly my eyes lifted their veil to lock with waves pounding against a brick wall. I was looking down from a balcony into the erupting sea. The white brick-made balcony was large and lonely even with the brush of people walking by. I hid behind the rose-red curtains to look around. People danced and talked. Some ate. The music paved the trail for their feet to follow, all very gracefully. The men wore suits that tails drip to their knees. Their white shirts buried under sashes of gold, red, or blue. Sometimes holding medallions, some only dressed in ties. The woman wore Victorian dresses of every color and shade. Frilled hats with flowers were arranged on their heads.

     Wait, I’m not supposed to be here. I was in the attic, going to the café with mom. What was I doing? My head ached from the effort to recall my actions. Why can’t I remember? I stumble backward only to reach the balcony’s edge. Where is this anyway?

      I dive back into the curtain to search for my answer. The softness of the curtain was a rose pushed to my nose. I peeked through the small gap to find a page carting some clothes past my hiding spot. I sneaked next to the cart being wheeled into a doorway, planning to find a way out. I lost the page and walked around until I went through an archway door. The cool air spiraled against my silk-trapped skin. The scent of flowers bloomed around me. I found the garden labyrinth.

     Walking through the maze’s hedges I arrive at a beautiful fountain displaying crystal clear pouring waters. Everywhere I gazed, flowers embraced the greenery. My breath deprived my lungs of air as I took in the sight. It was so magnificent under the light of the full moon. A few lamps lighted a sidewalk path maneuvering along the hedges. I circled the fountain, taking in the surroundings. My silk dress was shining in the dim glow. The sceneries beauty entranced me.






     I didn’t see a shadow before me, and almost fell to the ground. In a graceful swoop an arm latched around my waist to pull me to my feet. “Be careful to look where you’re going, please my lady.” He bowed his head while his slim rimmed glasses started to fall off of his face, suddenly he looked up at me; sliding them back on with a slight wave of a finger. “That garb isn’t from around here.” He noted my sky blue dress with interest. I’m not even sure where I am. “I seem a bit lost. Will you help me?” he stares at me closer, a deeper curiosity shines in his green eyes, daintily brushed by his dark hair. “My dear, if it brings you comfort to know, we are in London at the Buckingham palace.”

      I gasped; London was so far away from New York. It’s across seas. I gulped at my next question as sweat pricked the nape of my neck, “What’s todays date?” His eyes sparkled at the question. “Why, it is June 28, of 1838. The entire castle is bustling at these very words. It’s a day to remember. Now my dear, I must take my leave and see to the ballroom. Farewell.” He bowed, than turned to leave. His slow stride seemed like a dance all on it’s own. My gaze was caught on his figure following the foot trail until he had disappeared. I sighed at my first encounter with someone in this grand place. The Buckingham Palace, in 1838. …1838!! That can’t be right, it’s 2014. Then the shock hit me as if bricks fell from the castle onto my forehead; the clothes, the language, the pages, and royalty. This couldn’t be London in present Great Britain.

    I circle the garden once more before I decide to go back inside. The young noble had realized my clothes didn’t belong here, probably anyone who sees me would recognize this too. I start off towards the footpath. The melodic rhythm still swirled in the breeze. Than for a second I thought I heard a footstep. My head twists back only to see a shadow move. The cool air now seems icy. Multiple possible things to say to the night air gallop through my mind. “ Such a lovely night,” is the one I decide on. From behind me a few feet back I imagine a sigh. No, not imagined, but actually there. It’s too real. I turn on my heels just to catch a glimpse of a black cape caught in the wind, as it’s master floats into the open. “My, It is lovely. However, I didn’t realize such a strangely dressed commoner as you could enter this palace.” His smirk shows sarcasm as easily as his eyes. “I never intended to visit a palace, even less in London.” My honest answer only has him conceal his laugh.




     “I’m sure you didn’t. Yet, your dressed for a fine occasion.” His hand reaches for mine. I pull away from the willowy figured glove. “Why not allow me this dance in the garden?” I back away, aware that his voice is too prescient and I should be careful. “Are you going to be wary of me?” his gaze turned pained, his blue eyes that were once full of playfulness now melted into hurt. I unintentionally reach out for his gloved hand. His laugh echoes past the foliage. “Such a naïve girl.” Dread decided that this nobleman should be avoided at all costs. I ran towards the palace. “And so the chase begins.” He snickers and rushes after me.


     I pass through the archways, glancing back now and again to find the caped captor flying along my tracks. If only there was some way to lose him. I ducked into the nearest doorway. At the far end of the hall I could see a door with a sign saying, “Dressing room”. I flung myself under a table and tablecloth to hide myself as my pursuer rounded the corner into the hall. I tucked my head between my knees and waited for his footsteps to fade. The warm place that held me trapped was close and too easily discoverable. I held my breath and tried to sink into the darkness. I’m not here. No one can find me.

     After enough time flew by to ensure my safety, I crawled out from under the table. The cloth draped over my head. I looked back and forth, half expecting to see a smirking smile, and haughty eyes. A girl stares down at me. She’s at least ten years old. “Shhh.” I press my finger to my lips and gently smile at her as if we’re keeping a secret between us. She giggles, copies the motion to her own mouth, than delightfully skips away. I let out a sigh and stand up. I follow the hall to the dressing room. The door creaks open and I look around once more, startled by the sudden noise.

     I sneak inside hoping find that the room is abandoned. In the darkly lit room, only my footsteps sound. As far as I can tell, no one has entered lately. I walk over to the carts of clothes and run my hand over the first one on the stack. It’s a ruby-red dress with fine material and some gems similar to those in the mirror. … The mirror. Not in my room, but the attic. My head hurts again, but I know I touched its gem before winding up here. How? I look through the dresses until I find a light blue and white one. The bowed sleeves come down to my elbow with frills encasing the bottom. The neckline forms a squared area of similar white frills. A small white sash acts as a belt that drops into the skirt of the dress. Two similar white ones come down each side. I pick up the light material and set it near my feet.
      My old silk dress easily slips overhead, making way for the new clothing. After tugging tight sleeves and bodices into place the light dress swoops over my feet. I spin through the dark room only to stop at catching someone’s eye. I immediately turn towards the frozen face. It is my own reflection in a mirror. I face myself as my sight settles on the dress I wear. My honey brown hair curled over the dress from my pigtails. My eyes sparkled it’s matching blue to the dress. In the corner of the room, next to the mirror, sat a large wooden box. I looked through it to find that it was full of jewelry and accessories. I prodded its contents until I found sky blue bows to wrap in my pigtails.

     I walked into the open hallway, now littered with people going to and fro. Anyone from passerby’s, young nobility, servants, and pages. Once the hall emptied I fled the room, hurrying through the corridors until I met with the room that created the harmonious trance. At the ends of the great ballroom sat crowds eating and laughing. Clusters of on-goers danced and chatted. In the middle of the farthest side of the room sat a throne that was embroidered with metal marks from centuries of legends. On the throne sat a woman at least eighteen of age. Her regal crown shone despite other attractions surrounding the dance room. A page strode over to her as she flourished her hand for his service. He stood and listened intently to her whispers. Finally, he stood and roared for the room’s attention. From his mouth spilled cheer and wistfulness, as he demanded the crowd’s ear. “Our young Queen Victoria’s coronation has completed. Now starts a new era! Let the celebration proceed.” The room reverberated with hope, love, and admiration for their new ruler.

     ‘Queen Victoria has been crowned’ having no clue how to find a way home, I disconsolately decide to join in the festivities. The crowd moves into a larger room. I stagger after them; the mass pushing everyone forward. We pass the kitchens. The aroma of cakes and deserts of every kind rises into the cool night air. The only smell more perceptible than delicate delights is the perfume penetrating the entire castle. We enter a by far more spacious ballroom. Empty amphitheater seats loom overhead, tied into the walls for onlookers to watch the ball unravel. Once again I glance at these to notice black material hangs over the edge. A head moves as people fill the seats. A nobleman with a black cape and familiar blue eyes takes their seat next to men and woman of high status. I walk into the mop to hide myself, while watching him. He laughs and chats with them as if he’s known them all his life.


      Unable to watch where I’m going, I trip. The harsh, solid ground hits my knee as if I’ve met a tornado. I wince at the pain as I strain myself to stand. A firm, but careful hand grabs mine. I look up into green eyes shaded by recognizable glasses. “My dear, you are very clumsy.” He smiles at me as I pat my dress back into place. “I see we’ve met again.” My response comes weakly as the sore from my knee makes me flinch. “I don’t think you’ve told me your name.” I inquire. “You have not requested my name, so I haven’t told it. However, if you do me the honor of a dance, my secret may be leaked.”  He bowed and offered me his arm, as I timidly accept it.

     A new song disrupts the last, as new pairs take the stage. He walks me onto the floor, and diligently starts to dance. I watch my feet, not wanting to mistake my pace. “Lift your chin, my dear. You don’t seem to but much of a church-bell.” I looked up at him puzzled. “Church-bell?” As he tried to conceal a grin, his glasses couldn’t suppress the laughter in his eyes. “Your rather quiet. And most likely not from around London, are you?” I looked to the ground once more. Should I tell him or not? Will it start problems, or will I be okay? “It’s fine, I shall not expect you to answer a question you wish not to.” I looked up at him, solemnly. “I promised to introduce myself, correct?” I nodded, as the music that echoed around us faded into the next song.

      His movements were so fluid; he was a wave at the end of the day, flowing into the sunset. “Miss, I am known by most as William Anderson. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He procured my sweaty palm into his, tenderly swiping his mouth to my fingers. I let my hand be brought back into the dance as I searched for words to speak. Once the dance ended a few moments later, I curtsey and murmur, “It’s nice to meet you. I am Lydia Olsen.” At my gesture he bows, and requests once more, “Am I trustworthy enough to understand why you are in a mysterious place you don’t understand?” My answer had been decided and started to splatter from my mouth. “Y…”









     The next sound bounces along the room, it’s symphony starting. My words mix into the noise. In my vision of the seats above, snowy dots shoot arrows in my direction. Blue eyes gaze down at me, their iciness piercing me as icicles prickle my skin. I exchange a glance with William, nod and answer, “You are. I’ll explain.” My discomfort is surely recognizable. I often peek over my shoulder above as we dance. The shadow with a glare starts his voyage through the seats to reach the stairs that pillar into the wall. He descends from the tower, only adding to my panic. My hand seizes Williams, as I give him an apologetic smile. We hurry from the room, stumbling over each other’s feet. His graceful prance, now a faltering wreak.

     Once we are outside the ballroom, I turn towards him. “I trust you, so please understand, I live In the USA in 2014. Not London, not Even in the 1800’s.” His expression is masked, but I’m sure that I’ve confused him. “I went back into time, from the future.” The simple words struck a chord with him, his glasses tilted off his nose as he listens intently. “The future? How?” even I don’t know how to answer such questions. “I’m not sure. I was in the attic with a mirror, than … ****! I’m here.” Confusion once again wonders onto his face. “I went into a storage room with old things, and found a mirror, touched a gem, now I was here.”

     “I see, but why did we run away from the celebration? I was looking forward to another dance with you.” His casual smile does nothing to conceal unasked questions. I’m not sure how to answer them ei
3.6k · Feb 2015
Falling Sakura Petals
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2015
The sakura petals, whose life spans are so short lived, begin to wilt,
and with their falling blossoms, my old love dies out,
it's flame, never again to be rekindled,
They wilt away as the breeze air carries them far from my loving tears,
he had found a new destiny,
a new love, whose petals beam a brighter shade of pink,
that wind only made me shiver in loneliness,
it's bitterness held by jealousy,
but than it brought with it a sweet sensation,
'I'm glad to see his sunny smile return'
even if another had cast it, at least he could find his own happiness once again,
farewell  my dearest love,
and may the your smile never again forsake you
3.0k · Mar 2016
Excluded
AnnaMarie Jenema Mar 2016
Why do I always feel excluded,
As though I'm worth only air?
I'm shy, that doesn't mean I have no interest.
Why do I feel left out,
when they won't invite me into their group?
When I work silently by myself,
No one willing to change this soundlessness.
I wish to speak up,
but my word's are trapped,
Whimsically working their way up,
wanting to say, "I want to help!"
Why do I feel so excluded?
3.0k · Oct 2016
Pebbles into Boulders
AnnaMarie Jenema Oct 2016
Weeaboo.
Owning this geeky word was not something I immediately understood.
Coming from a school where geeks were castaways,
with Otaku and weeb being even worse terms than that.
But now she, who loves video games, and cartoons
- a geek herself, dare I say, -
calls me a not only a weeaboo,
a term revered here,
but a failed one.
Many references I lack to see,
My circle of watched media is constrained,
me being the picky geek that I may be.
The simple act of putting on fluffy ears that I deem kawaii,
She takes as the action of a 'furry'.
I rarely see memes, something that not only geeks look at,
but social media as well,
yet she acts as though it lies within the domain of otakus.
Saying ohauyo, tadima, or even simply arigato,
gives me a snide reply of, "freaking weeb"
Making pebbles into boulders is her specialty.
1.9k · Feb 2017
Diversity Thunderstorm
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2017
it echoes loud and clear,
a thunderstorm passing by.
reverberating within my mind,
bringing with it flashes of confusion,
bolts of newfound understanding,
With it I have lost all sense of identity.
This diversity thunderstorm is new territory,
lands desperate for travel & discovery.
Who am I?
What do I feel is correct?
I'm lost wandering through the rain.
1.8k · Feb 2016
He Withstands It All
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2016
Rising to meet the sun,
A relative of the wind and time,
His branches reach out,
Stretching from his slumber.
The forest flames awaken fear,
Into the heartwood at his core,
He gives the thought a shake.
He would like to see the spring,
After the falling snow glazes the forest.
A resident of nature,
The Redwood withstands it all.
1.6k · Aug 2017
Passionate
AnnaMarie Jenema Aug 2017
I am not a passionate person,
Or so I would tell you.
My cheeks blush at the thought of being kissed,
And physical affections are often turned away,
Feeling desire for someone is like a new language,
And I had little want to understand it.
No,
I am not a passionate person in the way most would believe.
But I am a passionate person.
Give my heart an emotion,
and my mouth will make it known.
Flood me in kisses,
and my hands will go to work on paper.
Writing my love for you is a fire,
It's flames devour your every action,
For I may not make myself known when it comes to body language.
But in the written word,
you will never live a day to question how my soul aches to show its affection.
1.3k · Mar 2017
Unexpressed Emotions
AnnaMarie Jenema Mar 2017
Words Vanishing,
Thoughts Melting,
Vision Blurring,
Mind Racing,
Heart thumping,
Love Unending,
How can I express these feelings?
How can I put my thoughts to light,
And my feelings to life?
Do you know my love?
Do you even know,
What you do to me, my sweet?
1.3k · Jan 2015
Clumsy Dancer
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2015
Isn't a ballerina supposed to be graceful, dainty, and special?
Isn't their something gorgeous in her steps?
Even a jazz dancer has beauty,
Dance is grace,
dance is beauty,
all wrapped into movement,
I am a dancer;
I've taken ballet and jazz,
I love to dance,
but ...
I'm a dancer you can't trust around glass or fragile trinkets,
A dancer who crashes into tables and chairs,
a dancer whose very name means grace,
but when the curtains are closed and the dance has ended;
I'm the clumsiest girl you will probably ever meet.
1.3k · May 2015
Amnesia
AnnaMarie Jenema May 2015
Shards of memories,
Fragments of myself.
Were I to lose these, could I ever by myself?
Each memory, each object in my life, each person I have encountered.
They have their story; a special place in my heart.
I could never bare parting with them, emptiness would envelope my mind.
If one day I awoke,
mind blank, and naive of myself,
the me now wouldn't be able  to even imagine;
life without my talents, these precious memories, the close relationships with my friends and family. If I lost these cherished moments that make life worth living, I would cease to exist.
If my reasons for happiness, sadness, shyness, and kindness disappeared; I would leave with them.

*If I ever lose my memories, I'd lose myself
1.2k · Nov 2016
Backstabbing
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016
Roses, petals,
Golds and silvers,
glitter, diamonds,
Laughs and giggles.
Everything you are.
Happiness and my joy.
Spite, torment,
Backstabbing and hate,
Judgement, sorrow,
Tears and agony,
Drama, pain.
How they treat us.
I'm so sorry.
I never hoped that they could be so cruel.
My own family is ganged against me.
I knew they did not support me,
That they can't even be happy for me.
But to go as far as talking behind my back?
Why do they want this for me?
Why would they stab a wound into their own family?
I never wanted for you to get hurt,
I hoped that they would just relent,
And leave me be.
My decision not theirs.
Because you are my happiness.
The cause for my sorrow to turn to joy.
Yet they wish I had never found the happiness you give to me.
Those who I believed would never turn on me.
1.2k · Jun 2015
My Reconciliation
AnnaMarie Jenema Jun 2015
A feud had been lit,
firing since the beginning.
I was never good enough for you,
and could easily be misplaced.
Had an event occurred, one in which I wished to invite you,
you would come up with a million other things that you had to do.
I know it's not your fault,
you never choose to ignore your own daughter,
yet as years passed our distance wavered.
Your getting married again?
How long will it last?
I have another recital coming up?
No one ever said you had to go.
I was aggravated,
frustrated,
enraged even.
How could a mother ignore her own kid?!
But it's not your fault, and it never would be.
I could never hate you for distancing us.
For lying to me and always breaking your promises.
Don't promise me a thing with twisted fingers hidden behind your back!
And yet It never will be your own doing.
A mental disorder halts you from caring,
is your reason for disappearing from my life,
gone without a trace.
I see you, yet I can't reach to you.
That day over text,
I thought my words reached you.
I hoped you understood that your presence in my life means the world to me.
Yet again, you disappeared.
apparently my voice fell short,
as it always will.
This is my reconciliation.
This is who you are,
and I cannot blame you,
but I will never again trust you.
I love you unfaltering,
but only from a distance.
This is how you taught me to care for you.
1.1k · Jan 2018
Soulmate (2)
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2018
Dear Soulmate,
I've finally made so many friends.
So many passions,
and aspirations.
I know who I want to be.
I've made so much progress in my life.
But I still find myself wishing you could be by my side.
I wonder how your doing.
If your happy and whether life is treating you alright.
I want to meet you soon,
But I know that I'll see you at the perfect moment,
Fate knows when It'll bring me to you.
And I'll be overjoyed to get to know you,
Your beautiful imperfections,
and your own joys.
Until that day,
I hope life treats you well,
I love you,
Keep going.
1.1k · Jun 2017
Self Validation
AnnaMarie Jenema Jun 2017
I've always believed that I needed you,
That I had to be validated,
That parentless children could only be the sum of their genes. That my two shadows foresaw my only hope: a shadow myself. She, a mother who cant love, shown me her care recently.
But I no longer needed it.
I no longer craved it.
Her words though sweet - no longer held so much meaning.
Because I've met someone whose teaching me to validate myself.
To not speak so unkindly about who I am.
They tell me that I'm not a monster, and am special.
I've never felt more free or happier.
You, though someone I love,
cannot be my reason for living.
for you've proven untrustworthy,
In your lies and how my time is unimportant to you.
And so I shall learn to love myself.
I no longer need to attain that which is unattainable.
987 · May 2014
Cuddly Teddy
AnnaMarie Jenema May 2014
To the teddy that always guards my dreams:
You quietly sit there,
not a word to be said,
In my room you preside,
your ears always listening,
you never whine, or complain,
judgements don't fall very easily,
from your stitched mouth,
I cry and complain a lot,
most of what you hear is sad,
I'm sorry for giving you,
only frightening memories,
My tears sometimes,
drain down my red face,
to be absorbed into your fur,
Only you know my heart,
and understand my every motion,
whether I tell you my hopes and dreams,
or not,
you already know them,
I hug you often,
you being my closest friend,
none understand me,
but you were the first.
You keep all my secrets locked up,
inside your round self,
my protector and guardian,
Even though it's hard for you to give me advice,
I still treasure every moment you give to me,
my precious little bedside knight.
939 · Nov 2015
No Longer Yourself
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2015
'Awaken my creation'
A gentle whisper that resounds in a fog of dreams.
Slowly my heavy eyes open,
adjusting to the light.
Sitting in a chair I see another across from me.
'Is that Me?'
I wonder, unable to be sure.
Their eyes open too,
taking me in,
unsure what is reality.
Is this another dream?
"Who are you?"
Our voices call out in unison.
I stand up from this metal seat,
walking around the room.
"Where are we?"
Another voice joins mine.
"Where ..."
A nearby mirror confirms our fears.
"I am you."
"and I am you."
A body no longer human,
we are confined in suits of iron.
Our faces are comprised of nothing but a screen.
My eyes I sworn had open,
"Was that only an illusion?"
"Our memories?"
"Do we share them the same?"
Our past was one and the same,
copies of each other.
"Who is the original?"
Are we truly the same,
or one who became two new beings?
And what of humanity?
Who all is left,
our family,
our friends?
Are they out there,
do they exist,
or are they nothing but copies,
left to rot just above the ocean floor?
I love the youtuber Markiplier, and after watching Soma I wanted to write something. If your mind was copied, is it still you, or something else. Are you still human, or now machine?
938 · Nov 2016
Mimic My Feelings
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016
Why is it that humans are such lonely creatures,
That we need something to mimic our feelings?
We need writing,
To prove through words that what we feel is real.
We need art,
To splatter a canvas with our emotions,
To create something that mimics what's inside our hearts.
We need music in order breath,
So that others can put into words,
Want we dare not say.
Yes,  humans are such lonely souls,
Who need only to realize that what we feel is real.
850 · Nov 2016
My Insecurities
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016
I have no faith in myself.
I cannot believe that this is true.
I live in a dream,
and you are that dream.
I wish for someone to share these feelings and the dream responds.
How could you like someone like me?
How is it possible?
I'm not cute,
Not even pretty.
My personality is gloomy and shy,
I am the moon,
while you are the sun.
Such a bright and cheerful existence,
but the sun and moon can never see each other.
as the saying goes,
their as different as night and day.
How could you ever like someone like me?
It shouldn't be possible.
God forgot to create my special someone.
I am alone.
That's all I've ever been.
And then you came around.
All smiles and jokes,
a laugh that resounds throughout the room,
a melody on repeat.
Such a wonderful person should not be contrasted by one as gloomy as me.
I don't want to be a burden to you.
All these pieces of thoughts,
could only be called:
My Insecurities.
838 · Sep 2016
Thoughts of a Yandere
AnnaMarie Jenema Sep 2016
The saying goes that if you give a girl a bracelet,
it's equal to putting her in handcuffs,
the saying goes that a ring is possessive.
But if you were mine I would give you a necklace,
After all, the saying goes that a necklace is a collar.
And I wish the world knew that you were mine, and mine alone.
833 · Feb 2018
Perspective
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2018
My little sister was stuffed into a teapot,


Its waters are constantly boiling,
And she blames visions invisible to me,
I cradle her burning *** and begin to pour,
As if she’ll come back to me,
But her hair flows into my teacup,
As she refuses to come out,
But no one can see her stuck in her teapot,
And she can’t see the light outside,
Nor hear the cicadas chirp her name,
As the stars fall from wanting to meet her,
Yet the shadows stuff her back inside,
As the world sings to greet her,


She writes notebook after notebook of poems,
Eloquently portraying her teapot,
And the beasts who’d quickly harm her,
But each one winds up thrown away,
As she’s chosen to turn from her gifted talent,
I wish to capture each wrinkled page,
Mounting them on wall after wall,
And give the cicadas a museum of her words to marvel at,


Each one more strange and surprising than the last,
Cat’s meow symphonies of comfort,
As black horses raid the night,
Yet her sacred bible of words,
Shed sooner destroy,
Feeding the fire with her glorious imagination,
As it’s fueled by beauty,
What beauty could possible be created by a girl trapped in a teapot,
What beauty could be found in such a crevice,
And yet she’s found such powerful inspiration from such a space,
But refuses to call upon her power and adore it,
I might as well have a teapot setting in my brain,
Pouring tears for every flame,
Every spark ignited,
Every work abandoned,
She holds a knife to the page,
And slits it’s throat,
As if this creation inside of her,
Is capable of death,
And with each cut,
Destroys pieces of her own heart,
She slides the strands through the spout,
And pretends they’ll disappear,


My sister is stuck inside of a teapot,
And refuses to come out.
786 · Jan 2017
Losing
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2017
I’m afraid of Losing.
Afraid that I’m losing myself in your eyes,
That I’m losing to reality as I fall more and more for you,
That your losing patience with me,
And will leave.
Although I couldn’t blame you for it.
I’m a natural disaster,
Who couldn’t see herself in a brilliant light,
Even if it were magnified a hundred fold,
You’re collapsing,
Stress feeding your emotions,
And I can’t do much to help.
I’m afraid.
Afraid of losing you,
But I don’t want to hold so tightly as to scare you away.
As you see my true self more and more,
This feeling grows,
That I’m losing hold,
And soon you’ll slip.
That’s why,
I’m afraid of Losing.
Afraid of Losing you
757 · May 2014
Dont deserve
AnnaMarie Jenema May 2014
I don't deserve happiness,
I don't deserve love,
I never wanted sorrow,
Nor have I wished to be lonely.

I had wishes and dreams,
some were deep enough to still survive,
"I want to be a prima ballerina, and make everyone smile"
"I want others to love my art"
"I want to be a mermaid and swim all day"
"I want to be a voice actress"
I wanted so much,
promised so much,
but it all fell away,
Logic over took dreaming,
and reality woke me up.

I wish to fall asleep,
and dream again,
but I don't expect much,
Money gets in the way,
but I used to ignore that.

I would teach myself the ropes,
and amaze others with what I know,
first
second
third
fourth
fifth
position
I taught myself them all,
through libraries and books.

On days when i grew bored,
I would draw until I got better,
eventually they called me an artist,
but I'm no good at all.

I dont diserve these talents,
If they'll never get used.
who's to say I'm even good,
If everyone is better than me.

I wasn't meant to be here,
never wanted,
only tolerated,
a problem for everyone,
who only deserves to disappear.

maybe then I will make everyone smile,
but I wont go down without a fight,
but I want to be their angel,
The reason for their smile.
679 · May 2014
A maddening act
AnnaMarie Jenema May 2014
They decided to join a circus,
and such a maddening circus it was,
people of all kinds joined the act,
the clowns who only want to laugh at her
and they show her how to dress like a true fool,
The diva who shown two faces;
one was kind and a true friend,
the other,
was a popular who was too good to be seen with her,
Such a maddening circus,
that could make any one go insane,
The ringmaster gives a smile that latches over half his face,
as he looks down at his puppets,
strings forced her to play his game,
The lion-tamer who forced her to jump through his hoops,
laughed as he always got his way,
A magician girl ran into a wooden ship,
only to disappear from sight,
such a maddening act,
that left her to fall onto her knees,
her first friend gone within a single day,
A fight roared from one of the ring's
She fought a mighty Tiger,
who always swiped at her,
the claw marks she held,
only helped the insanity seep farther,
Such a distorted circus,
Now the ringmaster turned to the audience,
but not a single member is found,
It appears the girl has went insane
from such a maddening performance;
a performance called life
670 · Oct 2015
Corrupted Causes
AnnaMarie Jenema Oct 2015
Drowning,
is that what this feels like?
suffocated by nothing but air,
duties to preform,
but nothing gets done.
working hard,
but blamed for getting no where.
something fun that went a-rye.
power mad authorities,
wishing for control.
chains refusing to allow,
this wasn't how it was meant to be.
Friends laughing and enjoying life,
not to be mesmerized by the numbers of unfair calculations.
Hard work that spiraled to the ground when that power wasn't enough.
No more titles,
no more 'authorities'
in this happy place I created we do what is enjoyed with those who share an interest.
Not in the budget,
than make it so, or just don't go.
We can have fun other ways.
Simple can be fun as long as no one corrupts us.
it was my creation,
but I am equal to those who come.
Money is not a priority,
power is not our undoing.
It was meant to be enjoyed,
and reminiscenced after these few years,
not the cause of agony and failure.
659 · Feb 2016
Every Foundation breaks
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2016
A house is built for shelter and care,
Created from the Earth to bring stability into a home.
It is unwavering and sure.
...
Or is it really?
Years later,
will this house still stand?
Change is like a house,
it's foundation will crumble,
and with it the walls,
and with it the roof.
Can a home really be stable,
Created on such a basis?
Each good home falls,
and with it a family.
They will leave,
They will die.
The house will become unrecognizable.
And with it, The foundation will crumble.
"It is better to have an Ark" Ruth from Housekeeping says. this book seems to bring with it interesting insights.
640 · Feb 2016
An Unfair Advantage
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2016
It's an unfair advantage,
Those who can hide away their feelings,
And drop them down the well.
Those whose feelings shine through even the darkest crevice,
They are hurt the most.
Why do we shed our tears,
When society looks upon us with a displeasing stare?
Why do we swallow our anger,
Shrug off our discomfort,
But drown in our tears.
Why do we honestly hold our feelings,
Before our worst fears?
And await the scoffing punishment
For baring our hearts
For all to see.
637 · May 2014
Shy Me
AnnaMarie Jenema May 2014
Im a shy person,
I walk in the hallway with my head down,
and my face turns bright red with a single word,
I always wish I could say Hi to those around me,
but my voice whispers in silent panic,
I admire those who easily talk,
and know exactly what to say,
My friends call it cute,
I call it problematic,
At home I could imagine up any nonsense,
and talk until my mouth grew weary,
I can be the most opinionated girl you've ever met,
or the quietest mouse that causes curiosity to prickle at your mind
637 · Feb 2015
A Caring Card
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2015
Each Valentine's day,
as kindness blooms in the air,
and couples gather,
I write and draw valentines,
for friends, for family, for classmates,
and anyone who wants one,
Cards were given to those of importance of others,
by assistance of the school,
and given the title; Candy Grams,
These caring cards I've received a few times;
a couple from friends, and two whose authors are unknown,
The first appeared in eighth grade, a candy attached to the name:
From: your lost love
The second was given to me on this valentines day, my junior year stating:
From: cupid
tears overflow as I take in these cards,
their reasons various, as thoughts collide;
"I can't believe someone would give me this"
"some one must be pulling a prank on me"
"Maybe a teacher sent it to be nice"
so many possibilities, but one truth remains.
I'm so grateful someone would give me a candy gram.
and so, I hope everyone has an amazing valentines day!!!
<3 (//^//.//^//) <3
My favorite day of the year!
634 · Jan 2017
Reciprocated Feelings
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2017
Why can't I believe,
that in your heart you hold something for me?
Even a glimmer of love I mistake for empty words.
And yet I know you,
these aren't lies your spouting forth,
and they come from your heart.
You love me,
I just have grown numb to feeling your passion.
I am incapable of understanding that you reciprocate these emotions,
that we feel the same.
And yet you make it so plain to see.
Even a short day being unable to see you,
I hate how much it weakens me.
How much disgust I hold,
a gun pointed at my heart,
for how much I miss seeing you,
When you were here only moments ago.
And yet,
My ever-flowing tears seem to well up,
just because I miss you.
Perhaps I will create an ocean,
or flood the world.
Creating a new Atlantis from my tears.
It's not that you made me sad,
That would never be the case.
When I see you,
I swear I fly to the moon and back,
Joy my fuel,
a full tank set in motion.
I wish that light would not have it's shadows,
that only joy could exist in this life,
But darkness adds the light to happiness,
making it seem to much brighter.
I just wish that my emotions wouldn't be so severe.
And I could one day realize that you love me,
these feelings are reciprocated.
550 · Mar 2016
Numbness
AnnaMarie Jenema Mar 2016
I am numb to such emotions.
I do not cry at funerals.
I do not feel sorry for the lost.
I can understand the sentiments buried on their face.
I can feel the pain they show,
but I do not feel it in my own heart.
But today I cried for a friends loss.
Something I have never done.
I wanted to help her,
to ease her suffering.
I did not cry because I felt her loss,
nor did I pity her.
I felt betrayed,
and selfishly mourned for myself.
This poem is meant to feel controversial since feelings are fickle things and more than one emotion can surface from something so simple.
550 · Apr 2018
Concealed Lace
AnnaMarie Jenema Apr 2018
There’s lace blooming in my mouth.
But I hold it down,
Hammering nails into my tongue,
So that you’ll never see,
What dips beneath the spit.

There’s lace blooming in my mouth,
And it grows from under the muscle,
Billowing and curling,
Until I have to clench my yellowing teeth so you won’t know.

There’s lace blooming in my mouth,
And it teases my lips,
As I try to bite them shut,
Until a trickle of blood dyes the concealed lace.

There’s lace blooming from my mouth.
It’s scarlet tresses cascade over my barriers,
And falls to the floor.
It takes over the carpet,
Creeping up desks and chairs,

Trying to bury in my fists what I could never suppress.
And I grip the fabric in anticipation.
547 · Sep 2017
Swan Salt
AnnaMarie Jenema Sep 2017
The fall days are over now,
I stare at the cold blue water,
Waiting for summer to come home,
Watching the blue sky hanging overhead,
Yet it continues to sit there,
Now a relic of the previous fall,
It's body within clear blue waves,
Gracefully diving beneath blue water,
Now but a representive piece,
Tainted from its original beauty.
This round vessel makes mockery,
Sitting on my porch, how dare you Swan Guord?!?!
547 · Dec 2016
Cherryblososm Snowflakes
AnnaMarie Jenema Dec 2016
The winter air is alive and aglow,
Filled with icy flakes floating to the ground.
Your heat my only warmth,
In the cold numbing snow.
Above us the snow filled trees,
All gleaming a sparkly white,
They seem to bloom with petals,
Their blossoms vibrant in the moonlight.
And yet my mind is a blank slate,
Captured by the sweetness of this moment,
and the allure of the snow.
538 · Nov 2016
Tension
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016
Family is a rose.
It's scent and language so sweet,
but having dangerous thorns when you poke it just right.
Family is the wind,
A comforting gentle breeze with the capability of a tornado.
It is a long day in the snow,
Where it's comforting and beautiful,
But can turn to frostbite if you stay too long.
It's a long swim,
when the water feels just right,
But you shrivel up after a while.
Family can be a bittersweet thing.
535 · Feb 2015
Nature or nurture
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2015
Am I good enough as I am?
in my own heart, I want to believe that I'm intelligent,
a family of frauds and drop outs,
studies say I'll only ever be as smart as they are,
however, my report card is lined with A's,
while she didn't make it past 9th grade,
Did my environment save me from stupidity,
or am I a fool,
tricked by myself into thinking I'm something I'm not?
comparing our lives,
It's obvious I've made wiser decisions,
so why does science defy me?
Saying I'll only ever be as good as them?
Do the laws of scientific reasoning not apply to me,
or am I only deceiving myself, and what I can do?
which turned me into me?
Nature, or nurture?
or could it be a combination of the two?
512 · Feb 2016
Cold Drink On A Hot Day
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2016
This heat pulsates through my veins,
rushing through my being.
A wind blows through my hair,
unable to retrieve the coolness in it's grasp.
Rather, it scorches the air instead.
A sip of fruity drink,
it's coolness washing away the heat that penetrated me.
This splash of mango re-animates a flushed cheek back to life.
This desert transitions into a tropical beach for one more moment...
and then, the heat
will rise again.
Random writing for a poetry class, this isn't one of my best, but I was given specific guidelines which were difficult for me.
AnnaMarie Jenema Mar 2018
Everything you say is but a lie,
It melts over your lips as if stormy winds were ascending,
This caged monstrosity within my chest was but a butterfly,

The murky waters pouring from your eyes will not dry,
as if your words were worth defending,
Everything you say is but a lie.

And I am done faking my reply,
As if what you say could ever be less than offending.
This caged monstrosity within my chest was but a butterfly.

I am sick of forever trying to satisfy,
an ear so condescending,
Everything you say is but a lie.

But no matter how hard I try,
To you, my heart will never be worth lending.
This caged monstrosity within my chest was but a butterfly,

To someone I could not defy,
To your every action I am done assenting.
Everything you say is but a lie,
This caged monstrosity within my chest was but a butterfly.
511 · Sep 2014
Happily Ever After
AnnaMarie Jenema Sep 2014
Do happy endings always end happily?
Are fairy tales really fair and kind to all within them?
What about little red's wolf who was cut down,
hacked to pieces by the woodsmen's axe?
Not a day was left in his cut-short life.
He was hungry and without options.
What about their side of the story?
Malecifent was executed;
a sword to the Dragon's heart.
She was excluded and deemed evil.
What about their happily ever after?
Their actions may no have been moral,
nor so easily dismissed,
yet a villain should still have a good end.
Did they want to be called 'villains'
a title given to the wicked.
Don't all characters deserve a happy ending?
Is there really such a thing as villains?
Those who are deceitful, fierce, or cruel,
have their reasons for what they do.
Or is it a title bestowed to the misunderstood?
509 · Jan 2015
Feeling revived and Unknown
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2015
Has my sorrows left,
as I thought they had,
or could my tears be revived?
Though these may have regenerated,
my feelings for him are long gone,
or so I believe them to be.
When he returns, how will time pass,
as it is now,
or will love blossom once again?
500 · Mar 2016
Recollected Sentiments
AnnaMarie Jenema Mar 2016
Shards of broken pieces,
Rays of light pure and never dulled,
petals of lost romances,
drops of dew,
blades of grass,
whispering their tune
to the nearby trees,
as the wind passes through.
Tears of past woes,
cheers of joyful times.
Poems hold these moments,
framed in eternity.
Immortalizing our recollected sentiments.
500 · Mar 2017
Unsure Reaction
AnnaMarie Jenema Mar 2017
I don't know what to say,
nor what words to use.
I was struck speechless by you.
Maybe it was embarrassment,
Maybe it was fear,
from those who haunt me.
Maybe it's just so new that I was caught off guard.
I really have no clue.
I felt numb,
cast between the gates of happiness,
and the cliffs of my own insecurities.
Caught in the firing of the bullets that question and caution.
"Don't become a monster"
"Be the perfect Model"
"Am I disappointing them further?"
"I don't even deserve love"
"How could someone feel like this for me?"
I want to cry to the heavens,
"I don't understand!"
And hope for a response ...
But do they still stand by me?
Have I been exiled,
Or do I sit in my father's kingdom?
I'm lost,
So very lost,
Wandering from home,
wishing for answers.
How could anyone love me?
Why am I confused over your desire?
Of two things I'm certain,
I love you
&
am confused
497 · Nov 2016
Why?
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016
Why am i not alone?
You have not left my side.
It's been about a week,
And yet here you are.
I'm so quiet,
I barely make a sound,
Conversations do not poor from me,
And yet you stay.
I'm not used to being liked,
I'm inexperienced,
And am shy about my affection,
And yet still you stay.
I talk too much,
I don't talk at all.
... why are you still here?
Can you really care about someone like me?
What's created from two monsters,
Could only ever be a monster,
But are you really okay with that?
All my problems and stress,.
I'd never want to put you through,
But even so,
Are you still okay with being by my side?
I don't deserve you.
Someone as sweet and kind as you,
Whose laughter brightens my day,
And smile makes my heart melt.
Why would someone as bright as you,
Ever like someone like me?
I'll never be good enough to deserve all your kindness.
495 · Oct 2016
My Language
AnnaMarie Jenema Oct 2016
Sumimasen, chotto.
Donde esta la bibliotecia?
Yo tengo un gato in los pantalones.
How can I even speak english?
The simple answer,
I can't.
My words fall short,
I loose my train of thought.
My grammer tries to autocorrect itself in the worsest of ways.
I'm often teased that I have my own language,
and yet my writing comes across well.
I can speak a mix of languages,
but barely.
I speak Annanese,
I can't speak at all.
I just get nervous and my sentence structure falls to ruin.
I'm too shy for my own good.
And yet I can become too bubbly and worry that I speak too much.
It's always too much,
or not enough.
Never balanced.
Why can't I just speak my mind?
493 · Mar 2014
Pandora's Key
AnnaMarie Jenema Mar 2014
This metal tool that’s rarely seen can unlock so many objects. A clinking chain, able to unlock all of the barricaded locks that surround them, chains connected to people’s hearts. This special key unlocks their every feeling. The keys shining magic opens doorways you’d never see, but that affects you all the time. The key of love unlocks joy and happiness but can also open the lock to sadness and agony. The key of pain, which can open suffering, but can also open the path of kindness. The key of anger that can be caring or jealous exists in people’s hearts. The key of hurt that was caused to open from events that sends layers flying over their hearts to hide their self value. These keys are feelings that were trapped in Pandora’s box and when released can allow people to grow and change.  The one task that was forbidden opened the way for human’s hearts to grow and learn, to care, and share empathy.
489 · Mar 2016
The Darkness Holds Secrets
AnnaMarie Jenema Mar 2016
Their corners hold secrets,
Darkness lingers in their depths,
Hiding them in vast thickets,
Making the most noticeable of them as quiet as slow breaths,  
What is beyond the mind's understanding.
She can't see these shadows,
Whose fluctuating contour is standing
In the obscurity that could belong in sideshows.
It's sepulchral aura haunts her,
Not knowing what  lurks beyond the mist,
That dwells in her mind, seemingly a blur.
Wishing that such thoughts would no longer persist,
Her deepest secrets,
Kept by the keeper of the clock,
Wanting to hold them locked within her caskets.
This is her own Pandora Box.
487 · Jan 2015
The Meadow's Breeze
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2015
The cliff overlooks the sea,
it's breeze rolls over the flowers that set on the mountainside,
A girl sits on the cliff's ledge,
dropping her feet and swinging them to the melody of the wind,
This Is Her Happy Place,
But on rough, stormy, days
she sits in a room,
huddled against the corner,
unsure wether tears will spout,
or if she will shake in fear,
shouting words ring in her ears,
lingering in her mind,
What had happened?
Even she didn't know.
Think back to that sunny day,
when the blossoming flowers
sent sweet aromas rising into the tangy, salty air,
think back to that lush day,
where trees maneuvered on the mountainside,
over the path leading to a far distanced paradise.
A sunny, breezy, happy day that covers every scream,
covers every tear,
A fake smile that was created as an illusion.
481 · Feb 2016
Rolling Waves
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2016
They reach their arms,
struggling to capture their aim.
The salty, tangy air laughs in wisps,
at their frustration,
as they throw themselves against the beach's shore.
The sand falls away as they are pulled apart,
unable to reach their goal.
The rambling of the rolling waves continue,
when they decide to try again.
472 · Nov 2016
Your Galaxy
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016
Your eyes portray a childish gleam,
hopeful and bright,
as if excitement was second nature to you.
They cast diamonds of light,
holding traces of warmth.
The sky resides within you,
the stars twinkling back with each glance.
It's not as though that sky has never seen clouds in it's forecasting,
It's because of the rain that they gleam so brightly.
No sky could exist without it.
And yet these stars are a galaxy.
They hide the soul,
keeping stories upon stories on each new star.
Undiscovered and shining more brilliantly than the last.
It's a wonder to behold,
And I count myself lucky to have seen this treasure trove of stars.
AnnaMarie Jenema Jun 2014
I try to crumple them,
and tear them apart,
trying to quench the flame inside,
but do the sparks still light?
is there kindling some where deep in the abyss?
Hadn't i ridden them from this place?
I'll drown these feelings,
but you never allow that,
and drag me back to the surface,
They'll choke on the smoke,
but you fan the smoke away from me,
Yet you never give me an answer,
"do you Like me back? Or is this one-sided?"
You laugh and show me kindness,
only to yell at me later.
no matter how many letters I give you on last days of school,
You still reply with silence,
you hugged me,
danced with me,
make my heart beat with kind words,
yet, you'll never give me my answer,
tell me!
silence can't be an answer.
You always fall for the pretty girls,
who mostly turn out to be mean to everyone,
and break your fragile heart,
I want to mend it,
the more it breaks,
the more they steal your smile away from me,
The smile that is a sun of bright happiness,
I'm mad at them for that,
but you care about them,
so I'll never do anything,
expect wish for your gaze,
your words,
but not your feelings,
I guess these feelings still live,
after all the tears,
I'll hide them,
I'll plunge them into darkness,
and forget their existence,
Who are you?
oh, my past.
Good Bye, my unforgiving love,
I can't miss you,
I won't allow myself to.
464 · Feb 2017
Flooding The World
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2017
What can you do when your eyes want to well up with tears?
When they fall to the ground,
dropping from their plummet?
When there's enough to flood the world into Atlantis,
and they refuse to stop coming.
Rivers, lakes, oceans,
they spread and widen,
deepening their depths as the new water is added,
rising from the sheer amount.
And yet you can't stop them,
your eyes refuse to quite producing the liquid.
...
But now after the world's demise you run dry,
every last tear has been shed,
and none will come.
Or so you had thought.
I've cried for far too long.
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