I sit on the brown couch of a big room.
I am surrounded by bright yellow walls.
Yellow is the color of sunshine,
Yet I feel only black shadows looming over me.

Outside there are people walking the streets,
All dressed in orange, blue, and black.
Light and dark are constantly arguing.

I hear shouting, pounding on the pavement, the winter jacket material rubbing together as people walk.
I see the lights.
Red, White, Blue, Yellow.

All at once it stops.
The noise is gone.
The lights stop shining.
Everyone is gone,
Yet the air remains red with anger and fear.

The next morning, people ask how I can sense these shadows,
When there are people more afraid than me who cannot.
They wonder how someone with yellow walls could understand.

But white and black do not care.
They lighten and deepen at will.
Even the most vibrant cannot stay that way forever.

Once when I was younger I went to the lake with my family.
   At one point I was on top of a cliff overlooking the water.
      I stared into the dark blue hole below me.
         I wondered how deep it would be.
            Does it end? Are there rocks? What creatures lie below?
               I considered jumping. It scared the hell out of me.
                  I am someone who really does not like the unknown.
                     But I love flying. Feeling weightless. Free.
                        Was this going to be worth it?
                           Tempting.
                              I jump.

For those few seconds I felt like a feather gliding through the air.
   Although I awaited the crash.
      The moment when I would hit the water and feel it.
         Either I would feel pain or a slow of time.
            It's funny though.
               It was as if none of that even happened.
                  I just woke up.
                     I was suddenly looking at the sky.
                        I felt numb at first.
                           Next I felt the air knocked out of my body.
                              I felt like I was suffocating.
                                 I floated to the shore.

As I began to feel okay again, I looked up at the cliff.
It doesn't look as far down as it felt in that moment.
I wonder if it was worth it.
Was the unknown worth the pain?
Was it worth the weightless feel?

                                                                                   Would I do it again?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I didn't hug you more.
I'm sorry I didn't look you in the eyes and smile at you more.
I'm sorry I didn't pet you more.
I'm sorry your back legs stopped working.
I'm sorry when I asked you to please get out of the way.
I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you following me around more.
I'm sorry if you were in pain.
I'm sorry you didn't get to stay with us longer.
I'm sorry I cried so much.
I'm sorry you're gone now.
And I'm sorry for so much more.

I'm sorry.

I love you, and I promise I will see you again.

and whether you want to hear it or not-
time eventually runs out.

and I know it's hard to accept
and I know death is
often times
petrifying
and it's okay to
be afraid
of what you do not know
because
I too
have no clue
as to what
awaits me on the
other side.

All I know is-

there is one.

After all this suffering.
After all this grief.
After all the highs to
low's and
the dramatic
in-betweens-

there is more to this life
than simply being here.

And a part of me would like to believe
that what we do here;
matters.

And even if it's a tiny gesture
or a massive shift in
humanity-

we all play our part.

We are all tiny messages
in fragile glass bottles
that we are too scared
to break out of.

Life is unpredictable
and we-
foolish and naive-
take our opportunities
for expression
for granted.

It is senseless to keep
anything back.

It is asinine
to believe
anything
less than
transparency
will bring us

freedom.

It won't.

Say what's on your mind
before it's too late.

And don't be one of those people
that say they

can't.