Let's forget about it.......
Fe pyre that so
Impedes me......
I wanna remember everything..  .
Re-live and regret .....
Burn it ...
Let's do some mescaline and swing from the mezzaning

Oh the eb and flow of love

. . .
Is so
I don't know
I guess intriguing?
When I'm in
Remove my skin .....
Let there be nothing
Between me ...
and what I'm feeling.......
When I'm out ..
Don't look at me
Help me ......
Tighten this tourniquet around my neck
I Don't want to feel these feelings .....
Don't want to feel anything
...

You will never see me ....
Not the way I see you...
I know that ...
Only because
.. there Can never be a desire as strong as that ...
No flame higher......
No place I would rather be
Lost in a passionate fire
I can never be found
Not in thought of you...
Forever I  love you..

How deep can I see?
Thats..........
A......
Uhhhm ......
Well look can you rephrase
Please.........
Oh.....f..k
OK why...
OK OK......I'll answer
Oh now you want honesty
Too?
You shouldn't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.....
My depth perception is only d
As deep as the answer you seek.........
I know how deep I am ....
And the instant i feel inquisition
Im looking for the angle and who is going to be the beneficial recipient ....
Your the one leading the witness......
Play your cards right
We can do the fandango
**** me off.......
Let's not go there.......
The truth will set you free.
And truthfully it is the only way to be real........
Sometimes being set free seems like the end of the world to me.
Will I go to the question

(OK just a heads up
It's a long ways awY thing)

She said
"Look ,you say you love me....
Then just trust me I'm not goin to do anything  to intentionality hurt you."
.....
Seriously ?
Do you know how many different ways that could be read.......
Honestly to me....
that's a full blown confession.....
OK OK OK........
That's all I have to do ?
Is just trust you...?
That's all well and good....
In fact that's super easy .....
But what about all these anxieties, triggers and abandonment issues ,
Fits of jealousy and reading into everything being said to me
From all the years being used and confused so bad I have to question reality....
By the ones I loved and trusted unconditionally ?
Ohhhhhhh
....because it's you.  

OK love please dont yell at me when I say I love you.....
It hurts me.......


AND IM PROUD TO SAY TO ALL YOU I ACTUALLY SAID THAT .....
YUP CLEARLY AND LOUD......
Fortunately I said it in my head......
Uhhhm.........
Ya.................

Time it takes ....
For me
To recover ...
From certain things
Slowing
Urgencies  ....
Growing.......
Yet I still sit still .....
I know ....
What I should be doing..
That part of me is currently..
Disabled......
I bury my head in pursuant of what I shouldn't be.........
Keeping me from what I could be....
So....
I simply justify by lieng
Using time constraints ,back pains ,
Covid ,or what ever it takes to postpone ..
Now I'm burry........
Lay awake all night stars in my eye
Some times a few tears .....
A little worried
If I finally find >........
...
It again.         Love
Will I be able.  
Or will I finally find that love all along was my Cain......
It's killing me
I'm alone and emotionally unstable

Many moons,
Flitter by ......
Haven't got the glitter out of my eye
My reflection is blurry
Mold upon my window cill  !
I sit dormant.....  
Dark grey consumes.
Hopes  and dreams ...
Blue skies  ,
Sunny days
Everything I want to do.....
A.K.A.    .........
YOU.
.........
I finally find.  ....
Only to find
I ....
Can't have you....
Change the epoch
******* epic
Ethan Frome tragedy
Deep convulsive inhale
Fade to black
Fin!
.....
...
.

In love ....or angered....
S