Today, lowest moments of my life
I needed a hug, your hug
The only hug I got was called loneliness
I needed comfort, your comfort
Instead I was comforted by hope
I needed to be showered, with your love
But I'm showered by tears.
I needed love
Instead I tripped and fell in a pool of misery
I needed you
You bailed out on me
I'm supposed to be composed and not break down
I'm expected to not be mad, play "cool"
Deep down, I feel like screaming
Deep down I feel so alone
I feel desperate.
Desperate for your love.
I wish you could show me love
Even just a little bit
Not just say it
I wish you didn't say it instead
I wish I could just feel it
Honestly I don't .
I don't.
And it hurts my love
It really hurts.

Talking to you gave me strength
Strength to face anything
Talking to you brought me happiness
I was always in a good mood
Nothing seemed to stress me at all
Coz we'd talk it out and you'd make me feel lighter.
Talking to you everyday made days look like seconds.
I don't know where the chain broke
I'd fix it
Tell me what to do and I'll do it
It just ended
We are now strangers
I long to talk to youlike before
But you seeem distant.
Like it was all a lie
Or ....
Or ..
Was it just a moment to pass
Are you tired of this hopeless romantic nagging person
Trying to pull you back
Trying to fix us
Has taken everything from me
My pride, dignity, self worth, ego,strength, happiness
Maybe it's time
I'm not ready yet, so just board
I'll take the next train-
If I ever get ready on time.

“I don’t understand”
We have all said this word deluged by indignation, disconcertment, while we wallow in our drunken state of stupefaction.
Questions keep buzzing in our heads as we ‘try to understand’ how it all happened and why.
The conundrum comes in because deep down, we don’t want to hear the truth.
The pain is too much, you don’t want more pain.
You want the pain to stop, something to make you feel better but nothing seems to be helping.
Somehow, we knew it was going to happen but denial blindfolded us.  
How do you move on from such dismay?
When our hearts are deep into the possession of abnegation?
We keep pushing, with hopes that we will mend this shipwreck
Our cup of tolerance inundating to every slip we take.
We find war, where there's peace, and pain where there's feast.
Our hearts are conked out from tries to rejuvenate the sparks
Nothing seems to work right, nothing feels potential anymore
Our hopes melt into disparity, clinging on to nothing but fakes.
I still don't understand, I don't get it,
How did we fall right to this point?

Yet another cold night
Curled up with my head completely covered under the duvet
My feet folding firmly to the back
resting it's cold self on my buttocks
Hoping to find some warmth
My left arm making an acute angle,
Forming a resting place for my head
as my right fingers struggle to put down my thoughts..
Thoughts of you gives me shivers
Goosbumps beautifully displayed on my arms
.....

Even the strongest breakdown
Human nature catches up with them
They try to hide their tears
They say I'm strong.
How can that be?
When I feel suffocated with my own breath
I feel cold, and empty and alone
Even in a room full of people
I put on a mask everytime.
I'm tired of masking
I'm tired of wearing that version
It kills me inside.
This is the only place I can be myself.
The only place that feels like home
The only place, I let tears flow
I'm trying...I'm trying.
G-o-d...I.I.I I'm try- - -

I don't feel sad
I don't feel empty
I don't feel angry
I don't feel the void
I don't feel depressed
I don't feel unwanted
I appreciate you being in my life
With on and off breakups
This last one had me reflect
There's more to life than you
There's more to me than you.
There's more to happiness than sadness.
Peace.