When something is lost,
As my keys were,
One searches for it
With varying degrees
Of diligence and desperation,

We trace and retrace our steps,
Looking in the same spaces
For the same thing
With the same result,
But wearier each time

Until at last the item
Is retrieved and found,
In that case by you,
Keys sun-glinting
In your hand

A wonderful shared moment,
Relief and triumph,
A happy weariness
At laying eyes upon the lost
Now found,

Yet how does it work,
This new dynamic?
Because what is lost
Is right here in my heart,
She can be hugged and yet

Be still

Utterly

Lost

So this is what desperately
Sad feels like,
Not a harsh dynamic
Jabbing pain,
No explosions or clashing swords,
Just a semi sleepless night
And a waking
Full of realisation and
An awful cloying
Mass of futility,
A physical pain clamped
About the heart,
Enough to recall
My heart attack,

Well maybe so,
The pain is ramping
So maybe heart broken
Is not just a token phrase
This time

I wake abruptly
In the early hours,
To a lungful of
Icy air,
The curtains flapping idly
In the breeze,

Fear fades as I recognise my
Darkened room,
Well known shapes
Of furniture
And shadows cast by
Newly bulbed street lights

Yet what woke me
Was and indeed remains
A mystery,
But something did,
Something lost or hiding now in
Mists of memory

Through which my minds eye
Cannot pierce,
But vaguely seen are
Edges and corners
Hovering at perceptions edge
As I roll over

And go

Back to sleep

I had a near miss
The other day,
Or at least it certainly
Felt like one

Felt the mortal coil
Slip a bit lower,
Fall a little looser
About my frame,

And although I was
Distraught at not being
Able to see my kids
Nor to set all records straight

At least I'd turned a corner
Into truth and love,
And as I closed my eyes
A final time I knew

I'd told my final Lie,
Knew I'd chosen
Truth and love
Before my final breath

I felt deaths feather
Touch my face the other day
As my racing heart
Was beating from my chest,

The faintest touch as
Azrael swept past
My parked car with
Door ajar

I felt him draw
My soul into his wake
As he passed along the road
And yet he barely paused

And though I would
Have followed him,
And left this mortal coil
Had indeed made truce with God

And implored He grant peace to
Those I wronged and for
My children
To stay safe,

Yet once he'd passed my
Soul was still within
The bounds of my automobile,
And you had brought me water