The ocean seems so peaceful, the night is so calm
How the moon is ever so charming
Shining on me once again, and once again I long to be friends
you taught me how to whale watch, you taught me how to heal

I stare right at the moonlight, hopeful for a shooting star
It seems you're getting farther, and I'm left with all the scars
We stay closely right on the shore
Yet loving memories turn to a bore

Swaying and swaying, our row boat is sinking
Waiting and waiting, do I stay still or do I swim
I hear the whales calling me, I float towards their sounds
They sing melodies of the past, their themes are so profound


You wait on the shore, dripping wet, I'm stuck between you and nostalgia
Of whale calls repeating what once was, and you proclaiming what will be
Their voices sound like Honey, yours like a bee

I know you're right, I know its wrong, but I want to live in the past tense
before our relationship became tense
lovers to friends, siblings to strangers
We went from content to danger

I wave goodbye, cowardice, I cry knowing that this is all a dream
That you wished me the best, that I stayed in the stream
That you want us close, and I grow even farther
I wish you were closer, and that I was smarter

I stay, whale watching as you fade away
Wondering when it will be the day
We meet again and iron this out
To before things went south

I hope to find you on that same shore
with the same smile
with the same heart

I remember when
You wrote me a poem

I was sitting on the window sill
It was morning
You held out a piece of paper
And you read it out loud
Your voice shaking
With such sincerity
You couldn’t hold it in

I remember the warm sun
that shone onto the city
And the room we were in
that held the words you spoke to me

Everything about that day
Is forever engraved in my memory
And thank god for that

Because I remember the night before
The lamp above the kitchen table
The night we both knew we had
Found each other from another  
Lifetime, in the way our hearts beat together
and our breaths had synched


I wish I still had your poem
Never thought I’d had to think about keeping it
It’s crazy the things pain makes you do
But now that I feel better
I wish I could remember you

I twist this discomfort between my fingers thinking of how to find the places I would be holding onto maps of all my searches
If I was in this world, by myself
where would I be but under the weight of it all?
Sinking into loss, folding all these thoughts and packing them away
trying to pinpoint the moments
in which I could define love
The falsehood of this bravery
grasps onto my steps, forwards and backwards
I keep walking in the same spot
sitting among moments and memories
and everything I've yet to define
knowing, however, that I recognise love
and everything it is
since the moment I could breathe
it's been in the spaces between my mother's fingers
waiting for me

Hand in hand, eye to eye, your gaze leaved me elated
Your smile sends me, it was made in heaven, all negative emotions negated
Was this meeting between 2 people fated?
Will our love be debated?

Your Dress shines brighter than stars in a sky
I laugh awkwardly just staring into your eyes
Heavens know how lucky it must be for a guy
To be blushing so hard it cannot be disguised

Hands intertwined as the music sets the motion
Movements so in sync we receive jealously from the ocean
How would your parents feel, what is their notion?
Am I the only one feeling this much devotion?

Tip toes and sways, you match the beat to the Tee
We scream at the top of our lungs, so what if the world sees?
Be it fate, chance, destiny, or the power to believe
I know that we could never be deceived

This must be real, you must actually be here
If not, then why do I feel your hand wipe my tears
Were those dreams just illusions to feed into my fears?
Or was our love ever really there my dear?

Somedays I wish I were your mirror
For days you doubt yourself and your lips start to quiver
The days you second guess your outfit
To me, just to see you would be more than enough profit
From your encapsulating gaze and river-like hair
Would keep me staring at you for hours
Wondering are you faring well
Every remark causing me to dispel

To every outfit too tight, bright, just right
To every single compliment, gorgeous, Insatiable, a delight
I'd rarely be blind Justice, you'd look good in everything
Wishing moments like these were everlasting
On your off days, to your worst
Whenever you feel cursed
The reflection may be blurred, but never lies
Your tears only bring out the beauty of those portals
to your soul, gateways to the brain
Not being able to touch you would be insane

If I were ever punished to become any object
I'd choose to be your mirror and never object

Enter the winter of our life as one
The months and years have rushed on by
Together we’ve endured what life has dealt
Our true love’s the reason why

We both were sweet 16 when introduced
We waved hello across the room
Was one year later till we met again
Wasn’t long before love bloomed

       When reminiscing through our life
        there’s so much that we hold dear
         Regret is not a word that we would use
          despite all the tears …

Our vows were said when we were just 18
We pledged a love to last the years
Such declaration gave us confidence
Helped mitigate our fears

Our firstborn son came after nineteen months
Our second son just eighteen more
Now in their forties with wives of their own
Ladies whom we so adore

       When reminiscing through our life
        there’s so much that we hold dear
         Regret is not a word that we would use
          despite all the tears …

And so we live to love another day
You smile at me and take my hand
Assured that as we face life’s obstacles
Together we will stand

Just for a moment, I go back in time
Freshness of youth as memories soar
If I were asked to do it all again
I would wish to love you more …




Mark Toney © 2021