my back aches
to the sound
of
footsteps
climbing up our stairs.
i,
alert,
run to hide all contraband
for fear of losing everything.
swallow loose pills
you remember you told me you hate me?
oh ****
its just my sister

i have a confession
i am sick
(SICK of shame sick of cold sick of heart ache)
my tonsils feel swollen
throat blockedddddddddddddd
anger sits on top of my chest
preventing my dIAPHRAgm from expanding

and c       sing
         ollap

send a doctor
my time is near

sometimes I get tired. not the sleepy kind of tired but the
i
  can’t
           move
out of (that really comfy space ) in my bed
                 and
clean my room
kinda tired.
sometimes I forget about zoom meetings
because my mind is so occupied
wondering
but
sometimes I get tired

all my joy has
been thieved from me
stolen
tooketh
i have sat and compared and
looked up and down
examining beautiful girls
im supposed to look like them
but no
my joy has been thieved from me

the moon moves the
ocean of tears from my eyes
onto my pillow.
i lay drowing
longing for the beach
where i feel safe.

i sit with pixeled strangers
wondering if this is
the peak of
my life.
where has time gone.
why am i alone.
will i see you on the
other side.

you -ou -ou
told me to
hold
you
after you had broken
my arms