Found myself at a dental clinic...
He was the best there was.
Unorthodox and eccentric,
But to the specialised craft, he was boss.

Ran through the bits and bobs
Like any normally would.
The poking and prodding and the mandible X-rays.
Everything cold and clinical, so was the mood.

Strange was what happened next...
Specialist and I then stood facing each other.
He leaned close and pressed his palms against my rib cage.
Held them there over a few breaths before it was over.

Then a brief chat, small talk initiated by the man.
Bespectacled and exceedingly chatty, small in stature.
Talks of politics and odd human behaviours...
What started off as friendly turned into a heated banter.

I then realised that along with his decorated credentials,
Was his propensity to be condescending and arrogant.
Him being the best, I thought I could let it all slide,
But soon enough I opted out of being a willing participant.

Couldn't stand his abrasive cockiness!
I snapped out of being cordial and passive thought.
I wanted him to just stop talking!
I went, "Well, are you going to fix my teeth or not?!"

He was stunned momentarily...
I suppose he hadn't seen that coming.
Then his features softened to a blank
I could almost read the unspoken words he was conjuring.

With an exasperated sigh of resignation,
He uttered his next words swollen with regret
"There's no need...for you only have four years left."
It dawned upon me that my timer has been set.

*And then I woke up...

There is a boy walking, maybe ten or eleven,
a skateboard under one arm,
his shirt branded with
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
And I wonder, what did she say?
Did she say she liked his tricks
or his ratty sweatshirt?
Did he blush,
swishing his hair in response,
exuding confidence and cockiness, in the mean time remembering his mother,
calling out to him before he left the house.
Did she say “Son,
don’t forget your helmet!”
Even though he was already gone—
Or was she really a he,
who sat him down a few months ago and said
he’d be gone for awhile
that he’d see him soon—
it’s been six months—
and maybe, when the boy heard this, he ran out.
And maybe when he gets older maybe he will run out more often,
to hang out with those who are deemed to be
“the wrong crowd”
and he will be drunk and high,
stumbling under the streets,
above the lights,
hearing-but-not-hearing everything that she is telling him.
She is telling him the secrets of the universe.

a beast
bitterly binding
the broken books
of the benevolence
that be-seats
the thrones of thieves
a binary botulism baby
survived by
the lowest common denominator
lord of may be
the calamity shaker
shaking limbs from trees
he made me
who am i
to be enshrined by
the designs in which
he heaves the storms away
leaves the drones in decay
as of yesterday
in an electrical parfait
of symbiotic energy
******* tempting me
in its tether
as embryonic entities
shutter the flow
to the effects
that no one knows
of the development and growth
of self
and the foes he oppose
as was imposed upon
by force of will
exposed and deloused
of the shrill
cockiness instilled
in his build
aroused
in the post stillness
of his kills
he is i
and i am thrilled
to lower the shields
leveling out the playing field
and yielding
to the technical terminology
of my basic demonologies
of my ****** up philosophies
cloning the technologies
you infuse into the spirituality
of your broken dichotomy
just let me know
how that goes
as corrosive winds blow
through the boroughs
of your haunts
i can almost feel
the taunts
as i hear the boots clomp
turn to stomping through the door
enacting your unholy chores
in that which bares no reward
the price is blood
the cost is love
in which i cannot afford
unfurled upon the hoard
in torn intellect
abhorred in the twirls
of a de-cored vortex
inter-sexed
and robbed of originality
in the result of cultural finality
empty
in a sea of dreams
our heads blown apart
is only the start
as it seems
ill be whispering
from afar
by dark
yet to embark
from under the rage of my darkening heart
but if i hiss cyphers into your charts
ill become safer than the cause
as i shall get the sympathy
of the claws
across my character
in the jaws of the barrier
to non existence
its even scarier
than the persistence
of ignorant citizens
with hard-ons
and night vision
down-loadable intuition
with the precision of the averages
unlocked savages
in the ravages
of synthetic bliss
1.1 happiness
projected in eyelids
emptiness
defectors of the world
gotta free them
beat them
if you have to
defeat them in the bathroom with a knife
rip their chips of deceit
show them life
clip their legs in retreat
until they secrete
the evil from their throats
binary bohemia
pooling into a despondent
pool of blasphemy
drained happily
from the heads of greed
only when willing
to commit to killing
can we fix the dream
and control the lean
of modernized thinking
chromatically depleting
as our chromosomes are shrinking
not one inkling
nor notion
of the ocean sinking
before the rise
and in all that you bitterly despise
forgotten
as the world is washed
before your eyes
yet to realize
the compliance of failed tries
a crashed system of self told lies
yet ...
i still spy the better days
i can smell them in range
estranged
surprised
i muffle the cries
of demise
in reprise
of a new name
a fresh start
summarized
in the surmise
of restraint
the faint
whisper
delivering from here
the elixir of life's experiences
cryptically laid upon the sentences
of my ethereal commencements
the beautiful lessons
entrenched in the blemishes
the scars of the heart
impart
on you
the virtues
of the tried and true
blood sweat and tears
in the blurbs
of yesteryear
obtuse
it be my will
to instill
in you
the
jaded
truth
love yourself
and i shall
love you
too

I am a white, Jewish girl from Florida.
Hit me.
Hit me with your white girl jokes,
Your Jewish American Princess stereotypes.
I will giggle and squeal right along with you.
Because yeah,
I do order white chocolate mocha frappuchinos from Starbucks,
I Instagram pictures of my nails,
I take selfies, whiten my teeth, straighten my hair,
Shop at Forever21 and drink Naked Juice like it is my job.
Yeah, my daddy buys me things,
I don’t pay for my data plan,
There’s no way in hell I would drive a sedan,
I wear Nike shorts and avoid any nearby cameraman,
And let me tell you, I love jamming out to old school Britney Spears.
Hit me one more time, because none of that means I am any less intelligent,
Any less diligent,
Any less likely to face judgment
Than any other slice of diversity around me –
I am a white, Jewish girl
My nose is not its own cartoon,
I eat bagels (but I absolutely hate lox),
I’m not tan or even the least bit tinted,
And god knows I don’t wear Uggs.
Tell me I need to get married young,
Major in business,
Wear clothes that leave me airless,
Get some of that European gracefulness,
But don’t tell me I’m dumb.
Don’t tell me I’m not thoughtful.
I’m a white girl.
Take a glance at my resourcefulness,
Understand my goals of being ambitious,
Get rid of your own stereotype-inducing cockiness,
And notice me in all of my flawlessness.
Because I am a white girl,
And I am unique, strong, inventive,
Empowered, passionate, adventurous,
Indomitable, unbeatable.
I am an individual –
Not part of some whole that you put me in to stabilize your mold,
Not the example of a societally scatterbrained ***** meant to be your centerfold,  
Not a previously worn-out piece of clothing thrown to the gutter unsold,
Rather a human being of my own rules and my own morals
A human being with ideas and intelligence and power,
A white, Jewish girl,
A person.

One day, darling.
One day, we shall meet.
One day,
We lock eyes across the room by pure chance.
Whilst I am playing a wallflower
and you are playing a rockstar.
In the midst of my seeing
and your being seen.
We look directly into each other’s pupils.
One day, darling.

And I see a town crier,
my voice and feet,  in your face.
Maybe you see a poet, a dancer.
A storyteller.
Your spigot. A minstrel.
Like a fairy that whispers
charming sweet-nothings in your ear.
One day, darling.

You give a smirk
that gives me flutter.
I touch your shoulder with my pinky
as I reach for the plastic cup to fill it with another dose of cheap wine.
Your skin perks up and contracts.
I act as though I didn't notice,
but you know it was deliberate.
And I know you know.
My half-hearted bashfulness.
Your half-arsed cockiness.
We drink ourselves to semi consciousness.
As we indulge in our awful drunken dancing,
your hand slips in and rakes across my abdomen, and
my hand lingers around your bony hips.
I want to just grab handfuls of your ****.
However, even drunk, I am not that bold.
One day, darling.

I ditch my friend who dragged me there.
You fall straight onto my bed.
My bedroom in a flat I share with my best friend.
I look at your feet dangling off the edge of my bed,
kicking off the shoes.
I think of how quickly you have claimed my space.
And how much it excites me.
I slither in next to you.
And you engulf me, wait for me to overflow.
Both of us half aware, but fully euphoric.
One day, darling.

In the morning, you fry up my flatmates bacon,
scramble some eggs.
In my kitchen wearing nothing but
your underwear and t-shirt.
I make tea.
When you ask, I simply say I don’t have any coffee.
There’s a bag in the pantry. I just can’t be bothered to take out the press.
We eat together on my balcony.
Barely dressed.
Sober but painfully hungover.
Your smirk is now a softer grin,
but with the same glint in the eyes.
We don’t speak a word,
because it gives us headaches.
I put the dishes away and
set up a pool chair in the balcony.
And we cuddle up under the sun,
feeling the light breeze on our ears and brows.
So naturally. Naturally.
One day, darling.

We break every rule written in Cosmopolitan,
told by our friends from school,
by people on television.
Those mind games to test each other or
guess our feelings become moot.
Because your hands become so
comfortable to rest my head in.
and I enjoy the weight of your head on my back,
like it belongs there.
And because there is no time to ask, wait, or waste.
One day, darling.

We spend countless days on the beach,
bathing in salty water, sand, sunlight, and each other.
We smoke kush and you buy me a ****
because I can’t stand spliffs.
I drawl on about my quasi-Marxist stateless communist utopia.
You stare at my face, not saying a word
and smile, even though you don’t give two ***** about a word I’m saying.
And I know you don’t.
You take me to bars and parties and social gatherings,
and I go everywhere you want me to.
Even though I never leave your side,
or speak to anybody else.
I go every time.
The days I cannot move an inch away from my couch
because I drown myself in useless, endless influx of thoughts and emotions.
You stay-
Sometimes, just far enough that I can’t feel your over zealous heartbeats full of life,
but close enough you can see me.
Sometimes, pressed up right next to me so I cannot make a move.
We drop acid together and spend the whole day
doing nothing but hallucinating while sipping my signature honey-lilac lemonade.
We pop a molly and have ***.
Which short-circuits my brain a little,
and brings you closer to the thing you call god.
You sing my words and
I dance your tunes.
So quickly, your fingers learn my hair.
And my palms know your chest so well.
I have never been so excited and comfortable.
You, of course, have never been so fascinated. Enchanted.
One day. Yes, one day.

And the summer comes to an end.
Because the earth didn’t actually stop
the day we met (no matter how much it felt such to us).
You go back to school, and I probably move on to a new city.
I give you my email or whatever.
But it’s useless.
Because you are young and new.
You have many things on your agenda -
people to become, things to acquire, places to be.
And because I won’t keep still.
Because drastic changes are so inevitable for both of us.
The world is so large for both of us.
Still, I know (I mean, I know) you have carved
a permanent spot in my mind.
But I can only hope I am the same to you.
Because, suddenly I don’t know a thing about you.

It doesn’t make much sense that I love you.  I’m so wrong for you, and you so right for me.  I guess it does make sense.  But you don’t love me so don’t feel bad.  It’s okay, I understand.  I’m not a high class, well-educated girl.  I feel like you need someone more like my sister, not hot-mess me.  I never match, I’m always late, my hair is always frizzy, I can’t dress myself nice, I love you.  I ******* love you.  Why can’t it be that simple?  Why can’t it just be

I love you
I love you too
I love you more
I love you

I love you.  So completely.  So needy.  Truer than blue.  You’re just

So.

Blue.

And I love you.

Your eyes.  Your smile.  Your laugh.  The way you talk with your hands.  And slur Italian so ****. Your arms. Your muscles. Your skin. Your sweat. Your spit.  Your feet. Your chest. Your strut, hips swaying. Your hips, those hip bones.  My mouth is watering. I want you.

I love your anger.  I love your jealousy.  I love your stubbornness.  I love your cockiness.  Your ****, too.

I love your hangovers.  I love your attitude problem, the way you talk down to me and ruffle my hair.  And tease me and talk to me and you don’t love me.

And it breaks me so violently, snaps every single one of my ribs, one at a time.

Crack. Crack. Crrrrrackkk-kah.

It hurts me.  It will **** me.  But it’s so true.  Because you are so completely and fully

Blue.

You consume me, floodwaters breaking the gates in my mind, leaking into every cavern, swimming debris of you slicing my brain, shallow cuts bleeding into the blue.

You move me, an ocean untamed, your waves thrash against my sanity, turn switches all the way ON.

But you go through me, you don’t see me.  You are this endless, perfect, vibrant, enormousity of sky and I am a bird, mesmerized by your beauty.  

I’m not Old enough
Smart enough
Wise enough
**** enough
Charming enough
Graceful enough
Clever enough
Fast enough
Strong enough
Tall enough
Skinny enough
Crazy enough
Impressive enough
Bodacious enough
Perfect enough

To ever win you.

How is it possible for one person to make you feel so absolutely wonderful and absolutely awful at the same time?  Even now I feel self-conscious writing these words, as if you are somehow perched behind me silently dotting i’s and crossing t’s.  I wish I could be prettier about this.

For you.

I ******* love you.

And I can’t say a word.  I’m afraid to inconvenience you.  I don’t want to make you feel anything but bliss. Part of me wishes you could just feed off my rich, sweet, sticky love for you.  And you could live forever.  But part of me knows you don’t want to sip from my overflowing cup.

And
You
Come
First

So I’ve sewn my mouth shut and fed you the key.  I only hope you’ll reject it, throw up stinky bile all over me.  It’s the only love from you I even deserve.

I love the way you touched my thigh.  Your fingers just barely grazed it, as if sitting next to me was so natural you forgot I wasn’t a continuation of you.  I only wish your lips had followed.

Sometimes I imagine myself getting drowned deranged drunk and spilling my thoughts all over you, a slimy shower of emotion you would rub all over that ******* chest and your heart would pound so loudly veins would rip.  But then I snap back into reality when I bump into a pole.

You smell like Italy, summer, on the beach, with an ice cold fruity drink in my hand.  White white teeth, smiling around an orange wedge.

Whenever we talk I secretly reread our conversations and overanalyze and morph and mold them into the perfect love.  You and me.  I think you are pounding at the door ten flights down screaming my name.  But it’s just all the stupid drunk druggy college kids.

Am I a stupid drunk druggy college kid

To you?

I remember when you hit me in the foot with a door and I yelped “ow” and crouched to the ground. And you crouched down and said, “Are you okay?”  But you looked right into me, into my muddy eyes, and you were

Soooooooooooo thisthisthisthisthisthis close to me.

And I got angry.  And said, “Yeah, I’m fine, ****, calm down.”  Why did I do that?

I told you I have a bad memory.  I don’t.

Have you ever lied to me?

I’ve been writing so much all I can smell is the tangy bitter smell of ink.  And it’s sad that that’s the only sensation I’ll ever know when it comes to you.  

Unless you want ***.  And you might.  I could give myself too, let you use this mint-condition waterbag shell.  You could use me ‘till I wear down to bone and my organs look like rotten vegetables.  But it would **** me faster.

I will be your *******.  You can cheat on me and hate me.  And chew my nails.  Eat my skin.  You already set me on fire.  I’m just gonna burn out, anyway.

I want to look in the dictionary and write down every single word that belongs to you.

I want to write you suicide notes.

Every time I eat an apple, I think of the time you let me take a bite of your forbidden fruit.  And you bit right on top of my saliva and teeth marks.  Like nothing.

Because you are everything.  And I am everything else, nothing.

Soulmates.  So you say.  Why do you tease me?  You hang yourself right above me, a shiny, round, juicy, tender, tempting, sweet nectarine without a single bruise, just out of my reach.

I howl my rage at the moon every night, for tattooing your contagious inferno across my throbbing chest.

You make me cry.  Did you know that?  I cry into my pillow so it stifles my whimpers.  I sound like a choking, sputtering, snot-filled dog.  And I can never swim to the surface of the loneliness that is drowning me.

Sometimes, I just wanna ******* punch you.  And knock all your teeth out.  Stab you up the nose so the whole **** thing falls off in a gurgling, bubbling, ****** mess.  Because

Well I don’t know

You make me mad

But that made me think of you dying and the jolt that just went through my body was so searing I pray you’re immortal.

And I never pray.

plastic
tables and chairs
pinks
blues
yellows

leftovers lie on the table
paper plates stained with chocolate syrup
beside the foam
fossil of a milkshake

brown
fingertips and corners of lips
dinosaurs and tiaras

table napkins wipe away
giggles and smiles

wooden table
little words etched in
hearts, crosses and names
jagged lines through the middle
random doodles
curse words

stained with grease, an empty pizza box
soda bottles all over the sticky floor
a single can
of beer, empty
touching a hundred lips
curious little sips
awkward conversations,
air thick with secrets and lies
confidence and cockiness

*clean white table cloths
long-stemmed flowers
crystal wine glasses
silverware

no one quite fits into these

knees always banging
and cutlery always clanging

no one quite fits into these

****** Bag in sunglasses
donned indoors where
fluorescent sunlight cannot justify
the obfuscation of haughty eyes
so the visage is one
of pure pretension
and cockiness,
dichotomized
as self-assuredness
and the colloquial term for the phallus,
a literal ****.

(I see him strongly in the memory of a high school field trip returning home school bus late night he sits sideways back to the window head leaning back sunglasses donned smug grin I rendered him the vessel and the scape goat bearing my burning hatred for the inflated ego wrapped in an undesirable chic I deem deplorable, hate hate hate)

Smug grin,
I wrote this poem from a bean bag
in the corner of the library third floor
whilst wearing sunglasses and
a taste of irony
on callous lips
twisted in an invisible sneer.

He’s not how I remembered him
All charming, tall and handsome
He’s podgy, dull and boring
His cockiness has left him

I nearly started snoring
When he told a story
He’s also going baldy
He’s lost his crowning glory.

I’m not saying he’s not charming
He’s sort of…in a way
But not the man I dreamt of
He’s definitely away!

He’s jaded, tired and bitter
There was no spark or flutter
He asked me if we’d meet again?
“Not sure?” I think I muttered.

You've taken a step into dangerous territory
Unbeknownst to your wide, naïve eyes
You're heading into a deep abyss
Where only the lucky have survived
Before you proceed any further
I will give you this warning now
I'm utterly and dangerously fragile
And my patience is running out
My warning signs are on full display
For those who dare on this journey
Caution is written everywhere
So that I know you won't take this lightly
I see the longing looks you're giving
And I can tell you see me as a challenge
Your cockiness will lead to your missteps
A guarantee I experience irrevocable damage
You think you will treat me different
But I know you'll ignore the signs I carry
There's no easy way to let my guard down
When your intentions with me make me wary
You continue to walk into dangerous territory
Unbeknownst to your wide, naïve eyes
Foolishly, you jumped into the deep abyss
But you were not lucky enough to survive

I don't know how to say this
Do not want to break your heart
Want to be the person you wish I could be
We'd be better off apart

Where is this going?
Got to be able to tell
Noticing for awhile
Haven't been doing so well

I fought dozens of battles
Silently in mind
Kept them imprisoned
Less conflict confined

I should face problems
But I am a coward so I run
Hard to conquer an argument
You already believe you won

Maybe I am being harsh
I can only take so much
A relationship is supposed to be
More than people who touch

See sometimes feel a tingle
Think "this isn't so bad"
That itself means it is
To deny must be raving mad

The friction is obvious
Where do I draw the line?
I am stuck in an internal war
Between your emotions and mine

My hands might be lonely
When clasped something is amiss
As long as yours fills gaps between fingers
Nobody else can see if theirs fits

If being totally honest
Seems you don't really care about me
Tears drip out eyes all the time
You are too self-centered to see

Trying to build life back up
You are standing in my way
Making things harder than already are
Painting sky shades of grey

I am opening eyes to reality
Hope you do that too
We both need to stop lying to ourselves
We know it isn't true

I taste sorry on my tongue again
Taste regret on my lips
Obligation squeezes tighter
When you put arms around hips

Only now letting you know
How much feelings have changed
My head full of hope for a heavy heart Hung from noose was exchanged

I should have been forthcoming
Informed you was over as soon as I knew
I can't stand causing others pain
Why it took this long to say this to you

But sick of home not feeling like home
In own room feel out of place
You've transformed it to your own
Do not have a single private space

You are a tornado
In wake is a trail of destruction
Many flaws get in the way
About time I move obstruction

Your ego too big for me
To properly see around
In fact how do you even lift your head?
Must weigh a thousand pounds

Your conceited attitude more often than not
Provokes until seeing red
Arrogance unattractive
Try acting humble instead

I cannot picture a future with you
You are inconsiderate and dumb
No ambition or work ethic
Would rather be a ***

You take time with everything
Never met someone so slow
Put so much effort and see no results
Almost no progress to show

Without my aid what will you do?
How will you get high?
Depend on everybody else around you
If you desired you could get by

Lungs filled with poison
Bloodstream with *****
Need crutches to get through each day
Think these substances are helping
They really only get in the way

With only pride and standards
I will continue life in solitude
Better than being with someone who's naive
Not to mention selfish and rude

Consequences for actions
Finally caught up to where we are
Have tolerated a lot of *******
I've decided I'm raising the bar

My goal is to go further in my life
Than you plan to go
Hindering distance to travel
Making it challenging to grow

Soon you'll be left in the dust
Discovering I was right
Won't be able to use me as an excuse
For failure when I'm out of sight

You call me idiotic pet names
What I am in your contacts under is bold
McPoops?
Actually prefer "The *****"
What are you? Six years old?

How many occasions have you pouted?
Sulking because you disagreed
With words said or things done?
I gave no choice but concede

I have every right to be unhappy
How can you not understand why?
May not always be reason for tears
You sure do not help them dry

Are you center of universe?
That is how you act
Helping yourself to anything viewed
You are entitled and that is a fact

I do not know if you do it on purpose
You disrespect everyone here
Using stuff but not asking
To rules you do not adhere

The only person I have ever met
Who is even lazier than me
Make messes faster than you clean up
Cannot handle responsibility

Not to mention you can't keep track
Of any possession you own
Or that you failed to pay back majority
Of money you have been loaned

Your expensive eating habits
And cockiness get on nerves
Believe you are correct about every subject
Isolation what you deserve

You break trust without hesitation
Snitching on me like a rat
If I plead with you to keep a secret
You can't even follow through with that

You probably think we are being mean
That you are misunderstood
If that's true then tell me this
What have you done that's good?

You disassemble stuff like a tweaker
Not putting back in one piece
Have given you so many chances
Still the madness won't cease

It is an eternal struggle
To even get you to barely move
Just procrastinate your life away
After promising to improve

Rather live in solitude
Than with a theif who lies
Took two CATs of my dad's
You thought he would not realize?

And when telling you something
You do not want to hear
Pretend to agree with statement
Goes out the other ear

You have to get your priorities straight
It's clear you never will
How are you expecting to survive
Without ambition
Sapience
Skill?

You expect others to carry your load
Piggybacking much as you can
The behavior of a little boy
How dare you call yourself a man

But when affecting your wallet
You are stingy as they come
Generosity is not in your vocabulary
Unless receiving some

Then have the audacity
To judge the way I live
Degrading me because of choices
After the ****** up **** I forgive

At least I do not blame my dependency
For why I'm unable to function
Worse still you put fault for your addiction
On pharmaceutical corruption

I have met plenty of people
Fed prescriptions as a child
Medicated whole **** life
Their abilities are not defiled

You envision the world to your favor
Instead of how it is for real
Perception the problem here
Delusion rooted in privilege you feel

You have a lot of growing up to do
Wish I would have waited
Gotten to know who you really are
Now I wish we never dated

Beautiful, gentle, feminine grace
Her essence redolent of future nostalgic days
Supplement for the eyes
Taste of sweet hope
drive away consternation
Fragile, lithe confidence
Feline cockiness
unblemished control
So bold and self-assured
Insecurities tucked so deep
She walks with the air of
superior knowledge
And she has it
She knows things we wished
Intelligent in all her undertaking
As simple as they are.
likeness to the purest
Shes a magnificent creature
There is strength in her confidence.


Then there are the others
similar species
The ones who lack
Beastly
Trod like a giant
Callous to the touch
Gauche by comparisson
Constant yearning To be so sure of themselves
Constantly seeking others approval
Watching her
Studying her.
Long hours of staring And inhaling her
Pretending to be her.
Failing
Its innate
But only in women like her
"We are not all meant to be the same"
They are fed
"It would be boring"
She's manufactured by society
To endure society
Survival of the fittest
She will survive.
Don't we all deserve to survive?
Some say its science down to the atom
Invariably convinced that they are not members
of the "protected" feminine gender
But definitely not welcomed to the esteemed masculine gender.


Born in the right body
Trapped in the wrong mind.

I walked down the street,
Two A.M in the morning,
Knocked on his door three times,
His face popped into view.

His eyes concerned, 
And he opened his mouth,
But I raised my hand,
And stopped him.

"Look, I know you don't want me here,
You probably don't feel the same way.
But hear me out
And listen to my say."

"I sure have been in love with you,
For a really long time.
But our friendship has been a little rocky,
And I did not want not ruin it 
Any more.

I also wish
That these feelings would go away,
So I waited.
By they didn't.
We only grew further apart.

I was relived when you came back.
But I knew you didn't feel the same way,
And I was put in misery again.

I have tried my best for you,
I have stuck up for you,
I dreamt about you,
I did everything I could for you.

But you stuck with being the bad boy,
Dating the bad girls,
Those impressions that the town has,
Isn't really you.

I know I am one of the few people,
Who can see through your ego.
You really are a genuine guy,
You are so so nice.

You treat people the way 
They should be treated.
You want to protect
The ones you love.

I have fallen for your humor,
I have fallen for your kindness,
I have fallen for your generosity,
I have fallen for your cockiness.

But sometimes I wish 
I was that girl,
Who had all your attention;
All your love.

So, I know this might ruin
Our beautiful friendship,
But I want you to know that I Love you;
And I always will.

I want you to know, 
That I wish you were the one I called early in the morning,
Just to say hi.
The one I called in the middle of the night,
Because I was in danger.
The one I hugged everyday,
Because I just loved you that much.
The one who would come up to me
At a godly hour,
Just to say you couldn't lose me.

But now, I'm the one,
Who is coming up to you,
At a godly hour
Saying I can't lose you.

You might not deserve a girl like me,
I'm just vulnerable.
But I try to get your attention,
Because I really need you.
I can sense your presence,
From a mile away.
And God ******,
You are really ****.

So here I am,
At your doorstep,
Asking for one thing only,
Yet it means so much.

So, please, I know it's asking too much,
But will you be the one I call early in the morning?

 Will you be my 2 A.M?"

Young child with your doughnut smile,
Your cockiness and native guile,
Here's some stuff with an 'S' to look out for
A smallish list to even the score,
In what you'll know is an unfair life:

Sufficient knowledge of Machiavellian strife,
Scissored words to cut the crap,
String and sticks to lay your traps,
Shell to listen to when adults blare,
Stone to polish whilst they glare,
Sleekly concealed hiding places,
Several artless piteous faces,
Sack to carry your thievings well,
Starched hankie for its awesome smell,
Salve to nurse your nascent pride,
Style enough to say "I lied",
Sharp pin in shoe-toe to kick any creeps,
Soles of rubber for super-huge leaps,
Some allies of similarly toughened mien,
Strong butter-toffees to keep the allies keen,
Stories of your devious plans to pass the time...

Since i'm tired now of trying to rhyme
This is where i leave you, small human being
Find the **** things and smash the adult fiends,
And when you're done, just wait for me
Next time we'll look at things with a 'T'.

I’m so nice, I’m so nice
Poppin’ ‘bout life and poverty
Saluting freedom, then liberty
Barbering ‘bout broken homes
Police brutality and fake politics
Then, puttin’ one shoe, upon a petal stool
Next day, breakin’ da number one rule
Shakin’ da jewellery, just like a toff
Makin’ the op-po-sit-ion, just take it off

I’m killing them, I’m killing them
Soap operas, sports 24/7, real life reality
What has dat done, to da young ones mentality
Expect da government, to pay for their new home
Pupils wide open, but grammatically ****
Blaming Putin, instead of Democrats cockiness
While Trump and Republicans, are gettin’ on with business
Wake up USA, land of da free, but nothin’ without a fee
Be yourself, respect your elders, dats wat ya wanna be

I miss you.
The words cut thin, into
what is merely
the tip of this iceberg of hurt.

I stare blankly at the message box,
agonising over the three words...
untyped,
and as yet,
unsaid.
They are so much truer than the ones
already handing there, on the internets
metaphorical hook:
clique,
calculated,
unneeded and without emotional depth.

"Hey, how are you?"

The words are practically part of the set
of desperate messages I have
wanted to send you,
which would surely have rendered me
wholly unattractive to you.

You make me feel as desirable as poo.

No replies, mixed with affectionate goodbyes,
the sighs you make are surely lies,
when you say that you want to see me.

I'm feeling used, my good nature abused
of it's inability to feel suspicion
over your rendition of first loves
broad script.
Yet I leave my sense behind your
lips
which are locked with the key of
my obligingness.
My wish to try to humanise your
cockiness.

I sometimes wish you'd pay more attention
to the descent of me into madness.

This bewitching and beguiling madness,
so unlike the alternative.

The madness in the way you bridge the
gap between us,
an enthusiastic run of fun, and longing
for me.

The madness in the way you seem to
see me.
A sensual creature of beauty, perhaps
my blindness was from the serenity I
seemed grasp from your gaze.
You don't see me, but I'd be lying if
I didn't wish for that to be what I
am to thee.  

You leave me walking around in a daze.

I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing,
but I know that all you have to do is ring
and I'm there,
I swear I am despicable as I seem.
Because, honestly, I still don't dare dream
that you may wish for this,
something other than my
'heatmaking' kiss.

I hope I can be brave enough to miss you.

But I don't think I can be just yet,
I'm not exactly playing hard to get.  

*enter

He always envied but he always told
     me :  

Harsh truths are facts
You shouldnt go but you can always
     look back
I cant tell you hurtin' , dont you know
      you deserve better than that ?
I can see you cry when you laugh
****..
What is bothering you so bad ?
You walk with confidence
More like cockiness
Your charm is elegant
But you're so belligerent
You get so insecure when it comes to
      commitment                              
You say you ready but you end up      
      slippin'                                      
You dont wanna be tied down so you
      start trippin'
****..                                            
I really wish things were different ...

Dang,
it feels like you all want me to lose,
I thought you’d be relieved,
to know that I emerged victorious from the abuse,

it’s as if just surviving wasn’t enough,
but I also have to be humbled even more,
is having guns in your face and being beaten to a pulp,
not enough I need to be humiliated some more,

but that’s okay,

because sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me,
and I’ve been through a lot worse than some words,
so your opinions written in literary form will never hurt me,

don’t confuse my confidence with cockiness,
because if you do then it’s you that’s confused,
I should be celebrated not player hated,
it wasn’t easy and still isn’t easy getting through the abuse,

but many claim it’s ego,
like I should stay depressed just because I’ve been depressed,
as if I should lay over and give up,
as if I should curse everything for which I’ve been blessed,

what is it that disgusts you so much about success?

You don’t know what I’ve been through,
don’t confuse my being resilient as me being a Narcissist,
honestly I am more humble than you might think,
plus I know any moment I could go off into eternity,

nothing is permanent,
especially not the moment we are in currently,

so please stop throwing stones at my head,
because of some pre-conceived notions you red,
of some words that I said,
that were the result of some cuts that were bled,

I mean seriously what do you want me to do,
would you rather I just die in defeat than live in my truth,
would you rather I allow myself to be pushed of the edge,
than find a way to persevere and pull though?

See I’m as depressed as you I hurt too,
but the difference is I don’t want you to lose,
I want you to be victorious and write yourself into the light,
because Love over Hate is what I every time choose to choose,

Dang,
it feels like you all want me to lose,
I thought you’d be relieved,
to know that I emerged victorious from the abuse…

∆ LaLux ∆

A simple room of solemn faces
She comes around, she leaves her traces
Of smiles and laughter, fascinations

A cockiness, distinctly hers,
Somehow so naturally occurs
This trait is to all clear
It tends to often reappear
Ironically it goes so far as to endear  

She speaks and her speech captivates
She dances, and with a twirl she is carefree
This mesmerizing energy that anyone can see
Radiates around her in a blissful glee

She can be demanding, when she sets out her orders
Confident and strong, without concern for borders
Like a dictator, not a bit demure
Yet even this, has a unique allure

Inspiring, a pain
Beautiful, but surely not as twain
Loved in spite, and with her flaws too
Because she is a mother, but mostly…
Because she’s you

You're pathetic, I'm sick of you;
Always criticizing me for the things I do.
You tell me to take a joke, even though you never can;
You're always trying to be the better man.
You don't care who gets upset, you just wanna be right,
Always looking to pick out a fight.
You don't care who's feelings are hurt, you just wanna look tough;
Why don't you just flat out tell me that I'm not good enough?
You always say you're joking when you bruise my ego,
But it's just like you're driving a deadly torpedo.
When I make a joke, you get all mad;
Don't you think you're being hypocritical, just a tad?
You act like you're so much better than everyone,
But when someone points out your flaws, you turn and run.
I don't know why you're so cocky and rude,
Or why you give me such a terrible attitude.
I point out one thing, and it was a mistake,
Now you leave a terrible path in your wake.
Saying that I act like a queen, that I act superior,
When really you're the one who makes people feel inferior.
You're the one who thinks he runs the show,
Will fight to the death to prove his points by hitting you blow after blow.
Maybe you should take a look around you,
Try to find out what everyone else already knew.
You and your little bunch of friends act like they know everything,
And really don't care what pain they bring.
Maybe you just need a reality check,
It could be just what you need to stop you from being a fatuous wreck.
Life isn't all about demeaning people and tearing them down,
It's not about hurting someone or making them frown.
Maybe take a bit of advice, you're not as perfect as you think you are;
Because your words, they can leave a fairly large scar.
Your cockiness is just too much these days,
So I'm done with you until you change your ways.
Hypocritical and ill-mannered, I'll never really know
How a person could allow themselves to sink so incredibly low.

him:
There's a song bird who sings so bright and amazing, scared and beat down from its past. I say baby (clasps your hands close to mine) know that I'm here to stay.
Hearts so kind.

her:
My heart's in your hands, love. I trust you to keep it.
Beating hearts, pounding out, leaving me speechless. No words to say, but I don't need them. (You can hear me anyways)
in this lovely silence.

him:
Silence, no more. Fear a little less, baby. I love you until my last breath. I'll hold your heart with great protection and never ending love. I hear you screaming my name in your dreams. Scream no more. Your heart has been torn and broken and beat down. Baby, just know you're safe with me.
No more heartache to keep.

her:
No more hurt, no more pain. This seems like a dream, dear. So real, so alive. I want to be yours, for the rest of forever. No one knows how strong this is. No one can break us.
This never ending love.

him:
No more pain. Nothing is the same. Growing day by day. Love so intriguing, yet deceiving. No one believes we fell in love. So let's try harder to show them that our love is forever. (She wants to be mine forever,) but you already are, only to find out I want to be yours forever too. Our future is bright, yet we still fight. (Her lips, her smile, her love, her beauty, her heart.) All became a part of me. We act and breath as one. Waking up next to my love is the
sweetest joy life can bring.

her:
I love you, dear. I whisper into your ear and hold you tight. I'm never letting go. (He wants to be mine,) and I still can't believe it. (He's so perfect. His eyes, his smile, his laugh, his voice.) I couldn't ever imagine that a man such as you would ever exist. Until right now.
You're my perfect love.

him:
I love you too, my dear. I promised  I'd never shed a tear. (Drowning in my love for her.) You say you can't believe that I want to be yours. Believe it now. Towering over all the rest. I love you 'til death. Your smile, your love, your laugh, your cutenes, your stubbornness, your cockiness, your sexiness. I was lost, then you found me. And now that you found me, I never want to feel lost again. You're everything I have ever dreamed my true love would be. You're perfect in my eyes, even in your imperfections. I do exist, I'm very real. So cast the line and real me in. Because you already have me, so seal the deal. You are my everything. Driving in the fast lane, switching gears back and fourth. Driving fast. Crazy in love 'cause, baby, I'm crazy for you.
Slowly going mad because I need you.

her:
Baby, we're meant to be. You and me. I believe in you with all my heart. You are beautiful, amazing, lovely, gentle. I've loved you from the moment we met and I'll love you 'til the day I die. You're my perfect match, my one and only. You're past doesn't matter anymore because of the future we have to look forward to. I love you for all of you. All your scars, sadness, darkness will never make me love you any less than I do right now.
You're perfect to me.

him*:
Baby, your the apple to my eye, my weakness in disguise. I swear to love you all through the night. Wake up next to you every morning and tell you I love you day in and day out. Your my only weakness, so I will solve it with
a* supple kiss to your lips.


m.k.*j

How can you love
With hate in your heart,
Anger in your head,
Disappointment in your eyes?

How can you love
With never feeling love itself,
Never understanding the concept,
Never touching it?

How can you love
Someone who doesn't love you back,
Someone who loves too much,
Someone just like you ?

How can anyone love your
Cockiness,
Inability to care,
Desire to be in control?

How can you love
Without loving yourself ?

to my son I love you you're everything to me. you are me will be times in your life. that I should make you prepared for and is times in life I can't prepare you for you are one of the greatest things in my life you changed my life you probably never read this by the time you can I'll be old as dirt and you going to hang around with a fogey I want you to be intelligent strong way I was brought up but it's okay to be a punk sometimes and if he's bigger than you pick something on. That's what I was told to do.at some point you're going to be insecure perfectly normal I want to be there walking to your first class but I missed it don't worry daddy you for help make it the graduation dog you should have been my junior. I know there are something in the world that I've done side obvious that you probably hate me for as will be some things in life I hope you're proud of I want you to know you're my son I remember when you brought me a sweat top with a Superman s on it you first came back from Virginia you weren't even talking yet then I woke up that morning and you looked at me you spoke clearly.now you're walking and running talking like a little freaking oh my god I can't describe it I probably could be the **** of the earth but i will be a backbone needed anyone ever hurt you I'm ready to **** for you I will die for my children my little Simba you know I was calling you Simba before you came out I am called you fat boy which uncle hated it and your other uncle told me you like being called nick better like he knew better in your third uncle I didn't agree with and hold you at the time I was envious there goes that insecurity thing we were talking about I hope you can read this one day and I'll be scared when your 16 steal your own like your dad was does some stupid things life threatening things I know you're my son be careful I was blessed to have great friends even though you may run across some great people you make them respect you and respect their differences and differences of opinion you understand me love you Nicholas your name should have been Jeffrey Dean Jackson but at that moment me and mother had a disagreement and you know how I am such a mother now she said we scream we all scream by to give in she brings me to another point with you you going to be a strong person i proud of our time with you myself going to watch your way blame it on your name going to call your child is for the way you are but it's not childish that's who you are you're not going to take mess with nobody or like being told what to do but you're my son even if I am the only one who understand you be a mama's boy take out that trash be there when she's hurting and tired from working for you for y'all be the man that I want you to be you understand me I regret regret regret the time that I did leave you for my own foolish court so to speak don't think that I didn't love at the time it wasn't your mother it was some things I couldn't handle but you gotta understand I was waiting on you since I was 18 years old and I'm sorry should have been here and Lord knows I can't wait to be able to walk down the street with me and talk I can't wait for our first drink together I can't wait to catch you smoking a blunt I don't want you getting hurt that first time that you fall off your bike I want to be able to pick you up and tell you that you're the best man in this world that you might have competition with that again that goes to who you are cockiness you're going to pick up the confidence you goin to have comes natural you're my son and your mother's baby who thought of Capricorn and Leo can make that. any man would be proud of you or to have you as their son you're going to be strong guy very very strong and again I'm scared of you not for you Nor a sense out of fear. more along the lines of capability. that's not a bad thing in my eyes you'll never fall and there's nothing that you can do that can't be forgiven by me or your mother we do love you and I'm sorry that this moment you're not with me wait till your 21 you'll see exactly how I feel love you Nicholas Dean.

What if I never
Come to terms with
Your
Cockiness?
In another life we
Could be friends
But you prefer
to play poker
Instead of doing
the math
Prefer to play games
Instead of making amends

The story of how
We first met
Goes a little like this;
I was looking forward
To this particular
Class
Until I saw you
Walk in--
I was caught off guard
And on a whim
I refused to push away
The first thought
Which came to my head,
And it was that
Your haircut made me
Want to punch you
In the face.

Love, mostly hate.
Things would be much
Easier
If your brain was
In the right place
It is much too low
For my taste
Stop trying to impress me,
Don't test me
I only have one face

So to thine own self
Be true
And perhaps I'll actually
Like the things you do--
You're quite the hunk
After all
Though you're not
Quite as tall as
I previously thought
You shrank with
Impertinence
The gossip fits you
Like a glove

What are you so afraid of?
Did I scare you
When I said "No"?

your hair 

after you cut it

your crooked teeth

your 

cockiness

dislike 

of scratching

and 

reluctance to bite,

that you're a coward

and
emotionally 

closed; that 

yousmoked

all 

my cigarettes,


your inability to text 

or

introduce me to yourfriends,


that you always wore the sameclothes 

and looked odd
in suits

didn't believe inGodorlove
believe
 that I was smart,

that 
you broke

my ******* 
heart.