To the random man in my inbox

The ex that won't leave me the **** alone

And the dude I've very blatantly told no so many times it's not even funny:

My soul is somewhere on Scorpius, waiting patiently to be reborn.

Try again in a few lifetimes.

You ooze that good boy persona just a little too well,
And people whisper about how I am defiling you
But the pressure of your hand at the small of my back
Is enough to remind me that I really don't care.

And maybe I don't know if this will last two weeks
Two months
Or two years
Or maybe two lifetimes

The most selfish part of me hopes I never have to find out

And I'm still trying to keep ahold of my feelings,
          I'm better in writing, anyway
And just when I think I'm going to squelch it
          I'm better at writing, anyway
You stretch and just a strip of your skin shows,
Leaving me lost in the thought of your hips against mine, your lips against mine

          God, I'm awful at goodbyes

And you wonder why you're a distraction

I am not asking you to heal me, darling
I need to do that myself

But if you'll wait patiently while I do, I'll help heal you too

When I walk with Mary, **** doesn't seem as bad
She doesn't judge me harshly, in fact she makes me laugh
And yeah, she's a little harsh around the edges,
not everyone's particular "Cup of tea"
But none of that **** matters when it's just Mary and Me.

I wait for the footsteps up the stairs
Heavy, familiar, you'll say your back hurts
As you wrap me in your arms

And the times that you fell short will not matter
After all, we all have growing to do, right?
And I'll take you in my arms

I've waited for you to come around a long time,
Familiar, lover, and we'll say we missed this
As your hands graze freshly shaved legs

We'll both pretend we're not lying to ourselves

******* if it doesn't hurt to be used again
Washed up and bleeding and wildly confused again

Why do I let myself stab my own heart?

And **** if the smoke isn't clearing the room, my head or my heart or my impending doom

Why can't I stop myself falling apart?

The scar in your eyebrow, the way you know exactly where to stand to raise my temperature

These are the things that will haunt me most

I swore I wouldn't do this to myself, swore I wouldn't play the game

But the chess board was already set in my head

And it only ends with me losing, it always ends with me losing

The three freckles on your lips keep my heart stuttering,

But I will never be yours, and you could never be mine

And it will keep me wondering til the ends of time.