Pretending

I could pretend you’re still here,
me listening to the beat
of your heart while you sleep.
Inhaling the scent of your body
As I lay next to you,
pretending.

I could pretend hearing your voice,
Telling me that you love me,
Catch your eyes in the mirror
Flirting with me while I watch
As you dress and I sit
pretending.

I could pretend holding you,
Embracing your hurt away,
Drying your tears with a kiss,
Sweep your hair from your face
As you look at me,
pretending.

I could pretend and not live the truth
The truth is you were temporary;
like signature in the sand
erased by ocean's tide,
or autumn wind that carried you away
like golden leaves in flight.

I could lend pretending for faith
on whose wings your soul
has risen beyond the sky
And waiting patiently
my selfish heart beats
pretending.

lonely in the sea of people
overwhelmed while being alone
craving you to like me
while praying that you don't

didn't know the colors
seeing in black and white
all the flaws seemed see through
despite hours sacrified to hide

naked between the sheets
pillows soaking the tears
and all this because
mirror was my worst enemy

Pretending--Preventing
A peek behind the curtain:
I've tightened the rope
I've split up the track
And hold steadfast the ends (no slack)
Spinning above, mid-air like some antisocial acrobat
I've learned the words
I've carved the face
To only read smile
While the rest seem to float
All show
No rope, though
that could be an act--as well--

c

~           *light on,
still-frame freeze of black bodied eight-legged life
     clinging to stained acrylic. we stare at each other pretending we're not real
until one of us moves.
                    
it was me.

Everybody always telling me
That I’m young
That I can do anything that  I want to
Should I be excited? Right?
But I can only think that I should die high

I’m so afraid of those feelings
Why I still killing me
Don’t leave me alone with me

But
If you stay by my side
I’ll break you so hard
So go away,
go away
I don’t wanna make you feel my pain

Don’t worry baby, I’ll be okay
Living with my fake face
My fake friends

I’ll be okay

You wanted this
Try to remember
Before you close your eyes
You wanted this

What is freedom
If you have to abstain from dreams
With these unknown schemes
What is freedom

The rock is an anchor
You are not sinking
But you are drowning
The rock is an anchor

Pretending is not being
You taste but are deprived of indulging
Your only option is clinging
Pretending is not being

To whom will you run to
With your weary legs
And tired arms
To whom will you run to

You wanted this
Seek refuge in your past ambitions
Forget about the contemporary conditions
You wanted this