#obsessive poems on Hello Poetry

Robert van Lingen Jan 7

Today,
I stay and reflect.
Like the mirrors floating on a pond, wandering in focus.

At times I am hopeless, distraught, and dazed, pondering.

I'll stop you there, you sad, beaten man.
Do you feel the seas trod upon you, drown you and let you swim further, and further just to regret, forget why you even began?

The shining at the deepest depths is merely a mirror to self-reflect,
to pay respects to what you wish you were.

Did you forget why you're here? Because, in truth, I never forget what I never knew,
why the sky feels the need to fall in disrespect, all upon your war-torn shoulders,
buckling under that very sigh you set free when you realized you're the traitor here, as you just get colder.

varied sighs sing you lies of peace,
poor Icarus, he tried to fly, to plead the sun, to chase infinity.

Do you truly seek peace? You try to run yet create your own inevitabilities, seized by your own dreams. With these ****** knees you've built yourself. Scorned by warnings of your self fulfilling prophecies.

You said so yourself.

First,
find what you need,
then perhaps your ever elusive peace may come,
and bring you to your knees,
to drown in seas of relief.
The war is not over,
Just another day.

#anxiety #depression #self #destruction #obsessive #compulsive #disorder #ocd

ht May 2018

Maybe, probably

There's popcorn on the ceiling,
a million bajillion clusters that I've spent days trying to count.
In the 1950's these ceilings exploded into popularity.
And until 1977, homeowners blasted asbestos covered popcorn toward the sky, letting mesothelioma fibers fall back to their floor like it was harmless dust.
I take a deep breath, letting the air settle deep in my chest before letting it back out.
My ceiling is probably not made of asbestos.
It's probably styrofoam or some other cheap, paper-based product.
I take another deep breath.
The EPA banned the use of asbestos in these ceilings.
Apparently, inhaled in large quantities, asbestos causes lung disease, lung scarring, and lung cancer.
Another deep, deep breath.
I continue counting the probably not cancer causing popcorn.
I wonder if I would be able to feel the particles swimming in my lungs like fiber glass–thin, delicate, sharp.
I wonder if it would **** me.
I wonder if my family would file a claim like you see on those old commercials screaming,
"If you or a loved one developed mesothelioma you, yes you, could be entitled to compensation."
Or, something like that.
Breathe.
The air tastes funny.
My ceiling is most likely not made of asbestos.
But, I probably wouldn't care if it was.

I went down a weird internet spiral and now I know a lot about different kinds of ceilings | h.t.

#ocd #obsessive #reluctance #ceilings #apathy #anxiety #asbestos #lungs #breathe #hypochondriasis

Jane Nov 2021

I starved myself, to feed Anna

You think I'm pretty? You don't think I should change?
Not by a single gram I won't, I promise Anna.

It's my friend Anna, she's always here for me.
Anna, I don't want to think, tell me what to do,
Yes, thank you Anna, I'll calculate those for you.

Did you say I look perfect Anna?
I can maintain perfect by being perfect.
I can be precise Anna, I promise, don't leave.

Anna, that's a lot of calculating.
Sorry Anna, you're right, perfection takes hard work.
I'm unafraid of toil.

Anna, I'm worried Anna, I can't stop feeling.
Think? I can over think to stop the feeling.
I'll gladly overthink than to over feel.
You're right Anna, I can numb it.

Anna, I'm craving something.
You're right Anna, I will never have that.

Anna, I never told you what I craved.
I craved love Anna, I craved safety.
I'm hungry for a meaningful life Anna.
Please feed those to me.

Why don't you give me what you promised Anna?
You became a liar Anna, but love is blind and I need you.

Speak for me Anna, lie for me Anna.
Anna others want to feed me, Anna, I don't know what they're feeding me Anna, stop them, it's unsafe where it's uncertain.

Yes, what Anna said, I already ate.
When?
Anna, they're catching on Anna, do something.

Anna, I'm hungry, Anna.
I've been keeping you alive to keep myself dead.

Anna please,
I starved myself, to feed Anna.

#eatingdisorder #eating #disorder #calories #caloriecounting #obsessive #obsession #perfection #perfectionist

Thomas Steyer Jul 2021

essive

Painting abstract and expressive
often on formats quite impressive
when my use of red is too excessive
I get agitated and feel a bit aggressive
might as well do my taxes, so depressive
then I start tidying or other things obsessive
eventually a cup of tea can feel decompressive

#expressive #impressive #excessive #aggressive #depressive #obsessive #decompressive

Luna Maria Dec 2020

fear of abandonment

I've been staring at the word
"online"
under your contact name
for the past hour
its staring back at me
I'm desperately waiting for a reply
(nothing)
i let jealousy take me over
because I know you're texting her
instead of me.

you're both online and i'm just here crying.

#sad #love #abandonment #fear #anxiety #text #texting #online #obsessive

Lydeen Dec 2020

Too Loud

Nighttime.
Cars light up my room.

I count.

The moon keeps me awake,
Beaconing.

I can hear you.

Telling me to do it-
Hurt me, you, them...

Everyone.

Thoughts SCREAMING.
Words begging to become actions.

I close my eyes.

Deep, deep, deep breath.
It's just a thought.

Grounded.

Soft sheets, pillows...
Moon, stars, lights.

It's quiet.

:-)

#ocd #intrusivethoughts #intrusive #obsessive #compulsive

Lydeen Nov 2020

The OCD Waltz

One
Two
Three

One
Two
Three

One
One
One...

Oh
See
Dee

O
C
D

One
Two
Three

Count
The
Tiles

Pick
Your
Cuticles

twitch
Twitch
TWITCH

tick
Tick
TICK

too
loud
Too

Loud
TOO
LOUD

Stop!
Stop!
Stop!

Intrusive
Thoughts...
They're

way
too
loud...

They
Control
Me

One
Two
Three

One
Two
Three

Count
With
Me

Cracks
and
Imperfections

Count
With
Me

O
C
D

I guess consider this a part two to the first poem I ever wrote on here, which was about seven. I've moved on from seven to three since then.

#ocd #obsessive #compulsive #disorder #three

noelle Nov 2020

obsessive and compulsive

everything is lined up perfectly, except my mind.
the urge to fix that blanket consumes me
because if i don't clean,
something bad will happen.

obsessive: unwelcome thoughts, images, urges, worries or doubts that repeatedly appear in my mind

compulsive: repetitive activities that i do to reduce the anxiety caused by the obsession

i am constantly submerged
in an overwhelming amount of anxiety
caused by little things normal people
would never notice.

#ocd #obsessive #compulsive