Her.
Her waist, her looks…
Just her.  

Its not fair you know
That people go all day and just look like her.
Act like her.
Be her.  

I ******* hate her.  
I hate that I can never be her.

Her.
She is…
Everything I cant be

ive gone through a lot of mascaras... more than id like to admit
the first one i tried on was bold; made my lashes look long and strong
it held on to me; even when I was crying.
I was crying because that mascara burned me, so I let it go.

the next few were all the same.. kinda mushed together in my brain.

then there was the one i never wanted to try on because I had no interest, until I did.  
I loved that mascara, until I left it somewhere, miles and miles away from home.  

mascara changes all the time. I wish it didn't.
(P.S this isnt about mascara)

its not my fault i fell in love
i was tricked; i promise.
he was tall with perfect eyes that i couldnt stop looking at.
he played tricks in my mind and I followed them to a T
I was his game, i am his game  
I fell in love with someone who didnt love me; who doesnt love me.
but I loved him, i love him.
i hate and love him.  
i hate that i loved him.
i hate that i love him.
love doesnt go away;
i wish it did but then I'd be tricked

it was supposed to happen.
he didn't mean to hurt me
i swear..

the **** was a little too strong;
like his body pressed on mine.
every hit, breathing in and out, he felt better than the last ;
by the end i just couldn't feel  

he didn't mean to;
thats what he told me the morning after
so I swear he didn't **** me

the bruises didn't hurt me
i know they were supposed to but they didn't
the dark brown spots up my spine and down my thighs
reminded me of you
i  loved them, almost as much as I loved you.
and when they faded I asked for more.
and when you left for college the marks you made on me stayed.
i'm now wondering, have you made anymore marks?

the lips that kiss me are unrecognizable;
soft and caring;
lips that whisper "i love you"
lips that whisper " i am in love with you"
but how would i know
the lips that kiss me are unrecognizable;
my lips are covered in him,
my body...
lips that whisper "take it"
lips that whisper "i know you want to"
his lips. my body. taken over

today in class I was asked to draw a self portrait.
i pondered between drawing my eyes or the dark restless holes that just act like a window
should i draw my lips or all the things i wish I could say
today i was asked to draw a self portrait and i had no idea who to draw