Forever seeking a feeling of acceptance I've only gotten skin to skin

A person can only take so much damage, and when the lights turn on they turn away

I am not a haunted house

But the draft of emptiness looms here, and acceptance is hard to find

The powers that be will keep me locked in, love was always my biggest sin

The fulfilment of my teenage dreams, I couldn't have imagined a better lover
Until it was over

A scorching mark that leaves me breathless even still, love, or maybe just lust, burning brilliantly, blue instead of red

It was just too hot too touch
I'll always be too much

Fingertip trails glisten across every inch of my skin,
I couldn't have displaced myself any better,
Until I could

This will surely leave a mark, even still, or maybe just an impression, forever a memory, paint never dry

It's just too wet to touch
I'll always be too much

I'm not sure if this is an existential crisis, or just my reality

To be lost without a clue, deeply alone, mood changing every minute because reality sinks in

And I'm just not the main character. I never will be. I'm some forgettable auxillary background character

And that's true for everyone, but is the deep seated dread that you truly don't matter also ever present?

Does everyone's heart feel like a shell of fear, worried that you're just here, existing instead of living?

I have never been quite sure why I like
To press my teeth into skin just like so

Maybe some animalistic instinct, as lionesses in heat bite the ***** of males when they want to mate

Maybe some innate claim to be made to the world, in dental record no less, that I have made this one my own

Marked. Claimed.

I still have a bruise on my arm, still feel your hair in my fingers

Smitten. Bitten.

I want so much, much more than I deserve

I want your time, and your energy. More than you're willing to invest.

I want your opinions and your flirtations and your humor and your giggles and silly noises, not that I am even worthy.

You see, I want. I covet. I wish. If I could, I'd take without a second thought. But I cannot be that person, I am not that person.

So I want. And yet, that is still a sin.

So I burn, I writhe, I want, I need

my heart beats so fast whenever you're near me, my body temperature rises, my face flushes... of course I'll go to hell for this

I want to tell you how much I want you. But fear leaves the words ash in my mouth.

Never me, questioning if the giving up is worth it
                             I **** well know I'm worth it

Never me, questioning if the fire really is as hot as I think
                             I can't and won't be burned again

Never me, questioning if this is really what I'm meant to be doing
                             Flee to the woods, girl, run yelling

Never me, pretending my feelings are erasable and mundane
                             Scream, let it out, you know you want to

Never me, logic and feeling arguing past the point of insanity
                             You were meant for bigger things, girl

Never me, trying to fuse all my feelings into a cohesive thought.

My body is not a burial ground for
someone else's wasted potential
and I really wish men would stop
assuming that it is.