I hate to be that girl
But I'd really like for someone to just
Actually pick me for once.

It's waiting on the sidelines of every ******* dance, praying that someone would see the brilliance of my soul,
Under this ******* skin suit
Forever and ever

Repeat, replay, again and again
I just hope that the stars or the moon or whatever Gods I believe in today will just,
******* have faith in me,
Like I try to have faith in them.

If the lesson is that I need to be comfortable with being alone,
Then I'm unwilling to be the student. I'm unchanging and unwavering.
I just want to be ******* loved,
The way I ******* deserve by someone that I actually want to be loved by.
It's really not that much to ask

I am not the woman men stay with,

I am just the woman men stay the night with.

A *** drunken man
A Bed full of tangled sheets
I may fall again

Just, you know,
How desperately I yearn for human connection
Or how impossible I think I am to love
Or how I find the best in absolutely everyone
Or how I'm out to heal every broken person I've ever touched

Or maybe how hands look like necklaces in just the right setting
Or how I yearn for someone to just take my breath away
Literally, figuratively, all of the above
How I wish to be claimed, marked

Or how the wild side of me tames in the mundane
And I loved being a wife, I just had a husband that never loved me
That I would lay the world open for the right man, that I would create a thousand universes and souls for the right man...

But no. We keep those things to ourselves.

If there is one thing that I know,
it's that the throbbing ache that's in
the cavern beneath my sternum

Feels a lot like my heart is held
Captive, prisoner, rattling
Against the rib-bone bars of jail

Humans weren't meant to be alone
I know this in the empty pit of my soul,
I know it in the desperate ache in my chest
The burning in my eyes as I stare into the ever after

I fixate on it, so much, the empty darkness,
the last gasp of breath with no comfort,
the burning in my throat as I struggle to breathe
My one true fear is drowning in my own lungs.

But this, reaching for someone who isn't there,
who may never be there
This terrifying yearning to connect,
to feel like I won't ever ******* connect.
This is my damnation.