it's catastrophic
when it blooms.
and when it rains,
i'm in a sisyphean loop.

no one seemed to believe,
even the impossibilities.
i refuse and i denied,
creating a new gravel path.

it's not like he's not thinking about me,
i never crossed him mind, not even once.

it was straight up running through an avalanche,
letting a self-destruct bomb go off inside me.

my atoms were slowly destructed one by one,
parts of me are taken away by the ghosts.

how does it feel like when the lovebug bit?
i never got butterflies, just tantrums in my head.

it's a desolation,
the thrills you caused are nothing now.

do you ever think about me?

without realizing it,
when i'm laughing and smiling,
i'm still keeping
a lot of pain in my whole body.

the walls that i've built,
can actually fall down in seconds.
i thought i was strong,
but i'm weak and fragile.

hiding your misery isn't an easy thing to do,
it's extremely painful and hard,
it's like the cruelest torture in this world.
do you wanna know how it feels like?

it feels like i'm being punched,
stabbed and pushed off of a building.
but oh yeah, how could you know?
you never experienced it before, right?

it's no doubt that you're someone
who means a lot to me,
a boy full of joy, happiness,
who also radiate love and eternal glow.

i watched you cry, and i also watched you suffer.
blame me for assuming,
but i know you're hurting once or twice,
and you hid it with your grin.

how could someone be so selfless,
how could someone be so true,
how could someone be so pure,
and how could someone be so endearing.

you put me in bliss,
makes me feel like i'm laying
in a bed made of flowers,
and a blanket that is sewed with your love.

tidak disadari, langit yang biru berubah
menjadi warna oranye dan ungu muda.
perpaduannya pun sangat indah,
ditemani pula oleh kicauan burung yang sunyi.

selang waktu berjalan, hati semakin berat,
pena dan kertas, aku bertemu lagi denganmu.
langit yang indah tiba tiba berteriak,
seperti singa yang mengaung ditengah ladang.

apakah mungkin, bahwa kita melihat langit yang sama?
perbedaan waktu yang tidak masuk akal, ingin membuatku
menguras air di lautan yang biru,
yang menghalangi pertemuan kita.

gila, bukan?
aku berbicara kepada kertas putih,
layaknya kertas ini adalah sahabatku,
atau kuping yang selalu mendengar.

tangisan hati pun terlalu keras, malam ini.
langit yang indah, sekarang bersaturasi,
menjadi warna abu abu yang gelap,
jadi ini, toh.

ini, yang dinamakan
berbicara kepada kertas,
saat air mata milik senja,
turun dari langit.

the darkness of the night consumed me,
my heart is dull and i'm heaving for air

i’m sorry, mom.

i didn't mean to shout,
i didn't mean to argue,
i didn't mean to slam the door,
and i didn't mean to get mad

the regret left my lips as i exhaled deeply,
my hands grasping on my blanket
while tears are furiously streaming down
my dark orbs

you are always so soft to me,
caressing me in your arms,
like i am an angel born into this world,
you treasure me so much.

9 months,
the pain that you had to endure while
carrying me in your belly,
walking around like you're okay

and years,
the struggle that you had to go through
while raising me and my brother as your child,
smiling through it all like you’re okay

i am yet to give you what you deserve,
mommy, please wait for me.

i never once cared about you,
who's always holding her tightly in your arms.

but earlier, i was thinking about it and
three hours went by painfully slow.

my tears were streaming down my face,
just thinking about you and her.

the pain in my heart,
never left.