if only i knew
as i dragged the blade across my skin
there would never be a way to win
i look around and see
it’s slowly falling apart
it won’t be long now until you depart
i can feel you fading
i fear there’s nothing for me to say
that will make you want to stay
but please
stay

how is it possible
to feel so incredibly empty
but yet my brain won’t shut up

through all of the pain
i’ve had someone else to blame
but now i feel quite the same
as i take my final look around
there is no one to be found
and i realized this was a fault none other than my own
oh how i wish i could have known before i was all alone
now all i feel is anger
only this time towards myself

i want to kick and scream
yell at my self for being mean
i want to cry out for help
but i can’t
i can’t move
i’m paralyzed

i turned eighteen today
the voice in my head had, something to say
“you’ve done so well, 132”
she told me “no one will recognize you”
that was before i lost all self control
looking around i see the ice cream bowl
now all i can do is eat
and eat

i can still feel it you know
it doesn't go away
i don't think it ever really will
i loved you
i really did

sometimes i wonder
if i left would you really miss me
i know you’re thinking you would
but the thing is
i know you already miss me
because i have been gone for a while now