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All it took for me to see.
I sow within the deepest parts of me.
Weave between the cracks and holes.
My veins will tell me until I bruise.

I know that I will rue the day that I have to choose.
-Rain
Is it really up to you?
I am fine tonight, aging on this side of the shoreline.
You took me as yours.
You will watch me tonight
As I finally dance.

This last breath of mine.
One last request if it is alright?
Hold me like that day.
When you stole me.

The downpour was just like now.
Born on a day that told me how.
I could not even open my eyes.
Before you decided what was mine.

Carry me to the depths,
One more time.
I'll see the stars,
No matter where I can find.

Let me pretend one last time.
That I lived a promised life
That I was so happy I could decide.
That I was grateful despite the strife.

Maybe I would have lived a life that was mine.

-Persephone
In the next life.
Jeremy Betts Apr 20
I can't believe how willing you are to hurt me
Far more than any enemy in recent memory
It makes sense I guess, I've told you exactly where to attack me
Like where exactly the armor doesn't protect the body
The parts fragile and vulnerable from prior injury
Every single insecurity
Told you, embarrassingly, what I did and still do find scary
Introduced to you the shattered and fractured pieces of me that I keep tucked away for their own safety
Trusted you with parts of me that are barley held together from the last tragedy
Showed you then warned you of the socially unacceptable parts of my personality
Recalled to you the story of my journey from being bullied to becoming the bully
And how I didn't end up liking either of those me's particularly
I watched you with my son and observed how quickly he accepted you and saw you as family
Didn't hesitate to call you Mommy, it came to him then through him naturally
And I cherish that memory because I haven't been allotted many tears that fall happy
I could go on forever with the good, the bad and the ugly
But basically
I handed you a map of how to destroy me completely if need be
Then literally used the last trace of trust I had left on you not using it against me
And well,
It's with a heavy heart I present to you where that's gotten me

©2024
Zywa Mar 21
Conforming myself,

keeping my mouth shut: my fear --


won't protect me though.
Essay "The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action" (1977, Audre Lorde) --- Collection "Wean Di"
It takes so much self-awareness, inner strength, and confidence
to recognize, accept, and embrace your insecurities.

And when you finally do,
fear and self-hate have nothing on you;
it paves the path toward self-love
and personal growth without the fear of others judging.
I got lost talking to strangers on the internet
Who probably could have cared less
I just needed a place to not be myself
Cause I’d be better if I was someone else

It’s so hard trying to find good friends
And faking joy and happiness

I don’t wanna reinvent the wheel
To protect you from how you feel
Let me listen in on your stupid spiels
Murakami Jul 2023
i step into the shower
picking shards of glass off my palms
delicately undress the wounds on my legs

cold water pours
i rest my purple, ****** fingers against the shower stall
and douse myself in rose-scented soap
scrubbing what skin remained

see my black eyes in the broken mirror
as i wipe my face off.
an arsenal to fix the mess.

loving arms wait outside the door
but my cold hands tremble on the ****

bruises wrapped in a tight dress

i’d lie gorgeous in a casket
and finally rest.
Murakami Jul 2023
am i enough now?
am i pretty enough?
am i cuter?
drop-dead gorgeous?

did i change enough?
am i to your liking?
enough to erase those words,
to rewind time?

make everything better
make everything better
make everything better
make everything better
make everything better
make everything better
make everything better
make everything better
make everything better
make everything better
make everything better
make everything better

make me feel again
Murakami Jul 2023
i’m unable to unpack
the damage those words did to me
at an age
where i was so vulnerable,
so open, so naïve.

i still cry,
i still cut,
i still look at myself in the mirror
and tear my skin off

i still torture myself to their photos.
a printed copy of her face glued to my mirror.
and my heart burns every time she appears on my feed.

i disagree with what you said.
through shameless stares on the street, praise, and adoration.
my confidence grew
where i can finally love myself
and admire me
more than you could that time.

but i think about her every day
the way i lied on your balcony
and cried
the way i chopped my hair
did my nails
and changed my face

all because of one text
“she’s cute, but not like her”
Murakami Jul 2023
once again i’ve been betrayed.
i’ve gotten used to quickly give away
but when it’s her, it hurts.

we are opposites, i thought.
but looked, i saw a mirror.
we are so alike.
down to the black MK bag, though mine classier.

i try to think i’m superior; more refined
then how come she gets what i want?

she invited me to a party,
dress code was black & gold.
i looked down at my black bag, i can wear that at the party.
but the details are silver.

then, i looked at hers:
gold.

that is the difference between us,
i give away and act as the better person.
but she comes out on top.

i wear silver but she wears gold.
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