i see you sitting there
a few feet from where i'm sleeping
the wind caressing your hair
your right hand's busy scribbling.
the weather all bright and good
birds chirping from the distant wood
i just lay here in bed unmoving
memorizing the moment unfolding.
tho you might have noticed me looking
'cos you turn to me smiling
brightening up the room more than ever
i just want it to last forever.
then you walk up to me with grace
eyes holding on to my gaze
you snuggled and hold me close
our bodies molding like petals’ rose.
and when i feel you smiling in my neck
that makes me all ticklish and weak
it is also making me braver
i hope you'll always remember.

I have been braver
Fool ashamed to be frightened
What shouldn't matter

I am a warrior.
Stronger than her demons.
Braver than the darkness.

Logically I know
I can write it all down
Bullet points
Why I'm better off without him

I have two conflicting forces
Living within me
The honest love and unconditional feeling
Like he is the warmest hug to my heart

And then there is the agonizing internal pain
Of being betrayed, mistreated
Sworn at,  yelled at and lied to
Like he is stabbing me through my heart

How can one person
Give their heart,  mind, and body
Yet contradict everything
And how can I accept this

Why can I not let go!?

I don't want to hold on
I don't want to want him
I don't want to allow his existence
To influence me

I need to be stronger
I need to remove my rose color glasses
And finally, allow me to see
Who he is trying to show me that he really is

If he can't respect himself
How the hell can I believe he can respect me
When time after time
He shows me that he doesn't


******* logic

He left me on my best friend's front porch step
Six months and thirty two days ago.
And looking back,
I couldn't be happier.

And they say that breaking up is kind of like a competition,
Who can lose more weight, be in a better mindset, accomplish more,
Within the span of time that they are single and if it continues through not being single.

And being with him,
I lost twenty pounds from not eating
Because I felt afraid to leave the room
Or the house
And I felt afraid
Of him.

I went to the hospital weighing
110 lbs.

I am now at a healthy weight again,
But my dresses still don't fit right,
They're a little too loose in the waist,
But I'm still full in my hips
And full in my chest.

It was like a divorce,
And he got custody of all our friends
And my toaster.
But they weren't real friends
If they chose him and him alone.

Blind as bats, and just as crazy.

I was a mess when he left, I'm being honest.
And before that, I was a mess too.

But I'm better now.

I'm better and I'm stronger and I can stand on my own two feet
And not let a vapid, controlling, womanizer
Get me down.

I am better than I ever was
Before I met him,
And I am better, a thousand times more
Than I was when he left me.

And I am so thankful,
So grateful,
That he left the way he did
And that he left at all.

I was a shell of a human,
But I am better now.
Small accomplishments and pride in my work and myself.

He's dating the poor thing he cheated on me with.

And I couldn't be happier for them.

I have love in my heart I had held onto for so long,
And I can finally give it to you, because I know you deserve it,
And I can stand with you against the world
As a united front against whatever may come.

Because I am strong, resilient, and ethereal.

Because I am braver now, stronger now, better now.