Jul 2017
this is the core
of my prayer to You:
all I have is a scrap
deeply wounded faith
darkness tries to swallow me whole
the devil & his demons flay me
Throughout my trials and tribulations
the Lord has wounded me greatly
as I have also wounded myself
& been wounded by life
Still the Lord carries me daily
as He carried me on a Cross one Passover Day
I am slain daily by things within and without my control
the pain too burdensome to bear
Yet He gifted me stubbornness of spirit
to not give up in spite of the hurt
I thank Him for the gift of making me a warrior
to fight in this brutal spiritual war
His Spirit renews me daily
even when I turn away
lost amongst carnalities of life
until I am broken again
*Jeremiah 17:7-8
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
And whose hope is the Lord.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear[ when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit...
of my prayer to You:
all I have is a scrap
deeply wounded faith
darkness tries to swallow me whole
the devil & his demons flay me
Throughout my trials and tribulations
the Lord has wounded me greatly
as I have also wounded myself
& been wounded by life
Still the Lord carries me daily
as He carried me on a Cross one Passover Day
I am slain daily by things within and without my control
the pain too burdensome to bear
Yet He gifted me stubbornness of spirit
to not give up in spite of the hurt
I thank Him for the gift of making me a warrior
to fight in this brutal spiritual war
His Spirit renews me daily
even when I turn away
lost amongst carnalities of life
until I am broken again
*Jeremiah 17:7-8
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
And whose hope is the Lord.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear[ when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit...
Today is my parents 31st anniversary. It's been a year since my father's sins were brought to light and my life began it's decent into the valley.
I've seen domestic abuse, my parents get arrested, 5 friends commit suicide, a failed relationship with somebody I loved, the internal turmoil and moral conflict of a man I hated getting murdered, the loss of countless friendships due mostly to just life, the loss of my best friend of 7 years because I was suicidal and she in essence told me to ******* because it was my fault, helping the misfits of life just by being a friend and shoulder to lean on, a job that could be going belly up in a few months because we're hemorrhaging money without any gain, the hard decision to quit staffing at the local youth group because I am so totally drained emotionally and physically 24/7, and dealing with severe chronic depression and PTSD...
well, as you can tell it's taken a toll on me... and like I already said, it's all happened within 365 days... I'm not a perfect Christian; I cuss like a sailor and struggle through a *** addiction. But I know God ain't gonna leave me. Because no matter where I am, He is there. No matter how I am, He is greater. No matter who I am, He is still Father. Nothing in this fallen world or the eternity thereafter will ever change Him.
I've seen domestic abuse, my parents get arrested, 5 friends commit suicide, a failed relationship with somebody I loved, the internal turmoil and moral conflict of a man I hated getting murdered, the loss of countless friendships due mostly to just life, the loss of my best friend of 7 years because I was suicidal and she in essence told me to ******* because it was my fault, helping the misfits of life just by being a friend and shoulder to lean on, a job that could be going belly up in a few months because we're hemorrhaging money without any gain, the hard decision to quit staffing at the local youth group because I am so totally drained emotionally and physically 24/7, and dealing with severe chronic depression and PTSD...
well, as you can tell it's taken a toll on me... and like I already said, it's all happened within 365 days... I'm not a perfect Christian; I cuss like a sailor and struggle through a *** addiction. But I know God ain't gonna leave me. Because no matter where I am, He is there. No matter how I am, He is greater. No matter who I am, He is still Father. Nothing in this fallen world or the eternity thereafter will ever change Him.
