i hate when songs explain me
better than my own **** poetry
as if i was written out like a plot
on some ****** old tv show that
use to air in the 50s
im thirty but im fifty but im
still a teen
leaning into the stereotypes of
misspelled "me's"
its too tiring to explain anymore
there isnt a thing to prove anymore
im just me and
dont know how to deal with me
anymore

cuz my conscience is a *****
let me know who the highest bidder is
let me know the bitter end
sprawled out on the floor
looking for hope in desk drawers
find it and light it up like my life is just passing smoke
a passive joke
i aint growing old because i've been there
growth comes from damage and i'm hella broke
record repeating in slo-mo
unfinished suicide notes tucked in the leaves of better poems and ****** notions
self perception of self perfection is a dangerous *****
and like i said
i'm hella broke
broken dreams like shattered glass
demons dance like a cruel romance
secrets whisper in shadows deep
across my brain voices creep
my regrets echo as a haunting refrain
ghosts that linger and wane
lost in darkness
lost in the labyrinth
i remain i remain i remain

what melancholy
could serenade me better
than a broken heart
a bottle of whiskey
and a head full of memories
that hurt too much
when sober

poetry has become nothing more than
fizzling embers that i desperately bellow
in the hopes that once bright flame will
ablaze again

i long to scream
until the surface of my throat
is as torn as much as
my heart feels
as much as
my mind is
until i am haunted
by the thought
that i dont recall
my own voice

in our folly we embrace a fatal flaw
to believe in death as if it's what we await
yet most of death has claimed its silent draw
each fleeting moment by its grip sedate
forever young I gaze upon the night
dreaming of hands that'll touch the world's span
i dream to touch the world though flames blast
for in that touch true life i shall perceive
anger emptiness loneliness deceit
in each of us fear builds its museum vast
yet in the end we're atoms in retreat
seeking solace clinging to the past
for me no greater yearning could there be
than to gather wounds each scar a tale
in misery a strange form of ecstasy
wherein lies my joy amidst sorrow's veil
the world's end holds no sway over my mind
for each dawn births anew its tender light
alone i whisper to the void resigned
in search of solace in this endless night

i don't sleep well anymore
in this endless cold by the shore
anxiety's tides never recede
inside they churn and impede
a weary vessel battered and worn
with each crashing wave i'm torn
exhaustion a relentless force
draining wearing me off course
in the depths of despair i roam
haunted by shadows never alone
every step heavier than before
beneath the weight of depression's core
my bones ache with fatigue's embrace
as i stumble through this desolate space
sleep offers no respite no solace found
in this relentless storm i'm bound
i long to rest to find reprieve
but the darkness within won't leave
so i drift lost in this endless night
consumed by the absence of light
no sleep can mend this weary soul
trapped in a cycle beyond control
exhausted overwhelmed i endure
in the grip of depression's allure