This is the last thing I'll let you know,
Before I say goodbye,
Before I let you go..

I forgot the reasons that brought on this end.
Wiped back the tears that I let fall.
Changed your title as my friend.
Unraveled your lies and figured it all.

I found the answers to the questions I had.
Spent all of my time trying to know you true.
It seems I, somehow, banished your bad.
I guess, it was because, I really did love you.

Now all I want, is for you to know,
Why I'm saying goodbye,
And why I'm letting you go..

I see your face through every crowd,
And within the moments you're not even there.
The silence became extremely loud.
It seems, I lost myself somewhere.

The knots in my stomach became undone.
As you continued to walk, in my mind, you grew small.
My journey backwards suddenly begun,
And I swiftly remembered it all.

The moment you had first taken hold of my hand.
Posed for a photograph with that crooked smile.
Times when, together, we would stand.
Or walk, if not even, for a single mile.

So this, my dear, I hope you know
I've said goodbye,
But I can't let you go.

I took back every single word I had ever said.
Tore out the chapters from the story of us.
Broke everything in sight, if only within my head.
Woke up one morning, and boarded that bus.

The glimmer in my eyes dimmed down slow.
I recanted the first smile that welcomed you that day.
Collected up the pieces of my heart, and decided to go.
I gave you one more look, and then turned the opposite way.

Absent are the people
I truly believed were there.
Absent is my sympathy,
To truly love and care.
Absent is the one,
Whom directly I talk to.
Absent is the name,
I rather just call 'you.'
Absent is your presence
In a friendship that you played a part.
Absent is the love
You claim is within your heart.
Absent are the words,
I long to let pour off of my tongue.
Absent is our future,
Though, we are still young.
Absent are the reasons
For all of the swift ends.
Absent are the people,
I once had called my friends.
Absent are my thoughts,
That figures this all out.
Absent is my voice,
To whisper, talk or shout.
Absent is my courage,
To tell you about my pain.
Absent are the benefits
I would ever wish to gain.
Absent is the trust,
In whom I grew to know.
Absent is your reluctancy,
That wanted me to go.
Absent are the smiles,
That once sat upon my face.
Absent are my memories,
Of the times you showed no grace.
Absent is the understanding,
I hope we'll come to, yet.
Absent are the days
I never want to forget.
Absent is the truth,
That solves all of this mess.
Absent are my mistakes,
You could forgive no less.
Absent is the happiness,
I once felt deep inside.
Absent is you,
Right here by my side.
Absent is the person,
I could never quite love more.
Absent is his existence,
For he's not who he was before.
Absent is my knowledge,
To explain all in one poem..
Absent is my ability
To climb right up to Heaven,
And bring you safely home..

As I stood along the path,
I seen the little girl.
She had on a floral dress,
And her hair had flowing curls.

She stood still, all alone,
With a ribbon in her hand.
And above her was a balloon,
tied to it, with a band.

She had fallen away from the crowd,
Just to stand and breathe.
I watched her as she closed her eyes,
And positioned her two feet.

Her hand was held up-right,
To let the balloon dance,
In the wind that would take it further,
If it only got the chance.

After a moment in the silence,
The little girl opened her eyes.
As she done this, she loosened her grip,
And then sent the balloon to the skies.

I considered this symbolic,
And thought of you as my balloon.
Who had danced off with the wind,
And left me way too soon.

I can't pretend I know what happened,
I think it's what others call fate.
But everyone around me changed when you left,
And any liking they had for you turned into hate.
You became the outcast,
No longer part of our clann.
You were no longer welcome in our homestead,
When we met you on the street, you were just another man.
I'm sorry it turned out like it has,
I wanted to have you there till the end.
Because, although there was a major age gap,
I still seen you as our friend.
People begrudge change because it reshapes our lives,
But maybe they're just jealous they settled too quick.
Just know that I wish you all of life's successes,
And remember they are only words, they are not sticks.

I wonder if birds count themselves lucky
To find themselves free in the sky.
Knowing they can escape up into the air.
They just have to spread their wings and fly.

I wonder what happens if they somehow fall,
And they find themselves bound to the ground.
Do they just accept their fate,
And fade away without a sound?

Or do they thrash and yammer
Until they can't anymore.
Then, just lay there and look up,
Remembering how it used to be before?

Do they fear that they are prey,
Another species' meal?
Or do they lose all their senses,
And choose not to feel?

I wonder if they're left just a little bit hopeful
That help may come along,
So they don't completely give up,
And try to keep themselves strong?

Or if they just lay there,
And wait for their eyes to close tight,
And slip away happily.
Surrendering without a fight.

I think, if I were a bird,
Who fell down from the sky,
I'd fight, thrash, yammer and hope..
Until the day I found myself capable of spreading my wings to fly.

Oh Darling, there are two sides to me.
There's the side that is strong, soft, courteous and loving,
And another side that I never want you to see.

It's not distinguished by internal and external.
It's not a split personality.
Inside, there are two voices,
Arguing, daily.

For description's sake, I'll name them both.
I'll call the side that you know, Bright.
And the side you don't, Dark.
You'll understand the name choice with a little more insight.

Inside me they're in constant battle.
They hijack my every thought.
They agree on most things, usually.
But, on this, they're caught.

Bright is the one to sit back,
And smile no matter how much she's in pain.
While Dark stands up and speaks out.
Most of what she does is all in vain.

Bright feels tears swell up, and a lump form in her throat.
Her hands begin to tremble, and she can feel her heart ache.
While Dark is gulping angrily, and is clenching her fists.
She is embarrassed of her weakness. She refuses to let her heart break.

Dark is considering her options.
She analyzes all she knows.
While Bright is putting on a brave face.
But her pain is so strong, it shows.

You wrap your arm around me,
And Dark starts to go off in a rant.
She says; “Bright, come on, you know better!”
Bright shakes her head and says; “I can't.”

Dark is so infuriated, she begins to tear herself apart.
She is reckless. She doesn't think. She just goes straight for her heart.

Bright tries to calm Dark with soothing words of care.
But it proves difficult to find any, when there aren't any there.

Dark lets out an evil laughter that bounces round inside.
Bright becomes so afraid she searches for a safe place to hide.

Your fingers drum gently on my rib cage,
And your image fills up my mind.
Bright steps out into the open,
With this incredible, golden find.

She says; “Dark he loves me. He's the one for me in life.”
Dark does not interrupt Bright, but instead just shakes her head.
“You're a foolish girl, Bright. Do you know that?”
From Bright, not another word is said.

“Bright, what has happened to you?
Can you not see him in that state?
How low have you let yourself fallen,
To allow yourself to love the thing you hate?”

No response comes from Bright now,
Dark can see she has become numb.
Nevertheless, she continues talking.
As your fingers continue to beat me like a drum.

The tensions swiftly rising as Dark continues on.
She tells Bright of all her stupid wishes, wants and dreams,
And how she has given up on all of them.
Dark is right, it seems.

The tears in Bright's eyes glisten,
And her heart is slowly beginning to drop.
She's become so numb inside now,
She can't even tell Dark to stop.

Just as I begin to say my own little piece,
Another voice cuts in with something better to say.
Dark shakes her head again and says;
“Come on, Bright, give me one good reason to stay?”

Bright just stands there looking helpless.
Tears begin to throb beneath her skin.
Dark feels no mercy.
To her, this is a win.

Dark takes full control of me.
As Bright has no choice but to step back.
Dark is stronger than Bright,
Fuelled by emotions Bright does lack.

The vision that was once distorted,
By the tears Bright brought to my eyes,
Is cleared up in an instant,
As Dark happily says her goodbyes.

Goodbye to your beautiful face,
And your wonderful mind and heart.
Goodbye to your open arms,
That have held me up since the start.

Goodbye to your great smile,
That special one, just for me.
Goodbye to all our memories,
And to the future we'll never see.

Bright takes her position beside Dark,
To join in with the farewell.
She decided she can no longer fight Dark.
But this is something she doesn't tell.

As I take a final look around me,
I think about the past year.
I think of all the things I could have done,
And all the places I could have been instead of here.

Regret dominates me.
Even Bright can feel it now.
Dark urges me to leave as quick as I can.
But I'm still trying to figure out how.

What excuse could I possibly make up?
And where on Earth am I going to go?
What are they all going to think of me?
My heart's beating so fast, I fear it may blow.

You look concerned as you ask me if I'm okay.
I smile and say; “Yeh, of course I am” in my best disguise.
Dark knows you're content with my answer.
But Bright hopes you can see the truth within my eyes.

You continue your jolly conversation,
With everyone else around us.
Bright can see who you truly are now,
And she doesn't make a fuss.

You whisper a soft 'I love you.'
And Bright stays silent as I say it too.
She dreams of an alternative world,
Where the words you've said are true.

Bright's heart shatters like a glass,
As I finally build up the courage to go.
But just as I'm beginning to take to my feet,
Inside, Dark is screaming; “No!”

Christmas is the time for heartbreaking Trócaire ads,
The time when decorations are put up by Dads.
Children are told stories of old.
Broken souls sit in the cold.
Big families arrange for big Christmas meals.
Dust cover young, chapped heels.
Santa and his reindeer fly across the sky.
When yet another hot season slowly passes by.

Christmas is a time when we all exchange gifts.
As just another angel lifts.
Choral chants assemble at front doors with sheets.
While the homeless continue to wander the streets.
The incandescence of lights fill our black,
When the darkest world still remains behind our back.
We receive the joys and the magic.
They only feel the tears and damage.

We have two worlds:
The First and the Third.

We live in the one with a Christmas..
But they live in the world that is still unheard.

You're holding your breath,
even though you told yourself not to.
Your face breaks into a smile,
A part of you believes it's true.
Your hands feel warm and sweaty,
But you don't dare to move away.
Because this is the first place
You've ever wanted to stay.
Your eyes, they glimmer like starlight,
With the tears that well from deep inside.
And then you suddenly realise the same reasons
You told yourself it's better to hide.
Your hands drop to your sides,
And you pull yourself away,
Because home is a place
You're supposed to feel safe and loved in,
A place you know you can stay.

You finally found the power,
to pull yourself back up.

Awakening, to yet another
day of sadness.
The bleak – now fading-
Winter,
that storms at your window,
is the only reason you sat up.
The only reason you awoke,
in the first place..

Yet, when you lay back on your pillow,
inside you don't believe
that was the only reason.

And you pull yourself back up.

You may want to ease up on the sugar there,
You know it's the reason you gained weight.
And look aside from the darkness, would you?
I think it has discouraged your faith.
Why do you wake up each morning,
And allow your mood to create your day?
You know if you truly wanted to be happy,
Your bad mood would stay away.
Why don't you change the way you dress,
It may raise your self-esteem.
Move your bed out of that dark corner of your room,
And then, I think, tonight you may actually dream.
Ditch the people who bring you down,
You know exactly who they are.
And while you're at it, it may just help,
If you also let go of her.

Was there a time when you believed in her,
And thought she was the one?
Because I can't seem to understand the fact
That, now, you are alone.
You both still laugh at each other's jokes,
And live your lives side by side.
But she has a new life, away from yours now,
She has left your relationship behind.
Did the things she did cause you to build up a wall,
That you intended to hold up against the world?
Or is that iron suit of yours
Protection against one single girl?

I thought I broke down that wall of yours,
To get a good glimpse inside.
But instead you just showed me where the cracks were forming,
And hid yourself away again after a while.
I can't help but wonder what it is that scares you
Away from the intentions of my pursuit?
But more importantly, I'm curious to know,
What caused those cracks in your iron suit?

One morning you awoke and your heart just changed.
You no longer felt the same.
You wanted to tell her the truth of the matter,
But it was years before those words finally came.
A pessimistic cloud formed itself above you,
And since it has followed you around.
How could it be that you feel nothing at all,
While inside I can feel my stony heart pound?

She should have held on tighter, and fought for you harder,
No matter how much you believed it was the end.
Because something inside me is convinced you are hurting
From all the things you thought you could not mend.
Surely there must have been something left,
If you held on for so long.
Comparing you now to who you were then,
I'm curious to know what went wrong.

Did she tell you too many lies?
Or could you just not handle the truth?
Was it anything to do with her at all?
Or was it simply all just about you?
It kills me to know that she got behind that wall,
She seen more than just the flesh beneath the cracks.
And still she let go and moved on with her life,
With no intentions to ever look back.

And with that thought I think I found the answer.
I finally understand the truth.
She is the reason you let the world slip away.
She caused the cracks in your iron suit.

Just for a single moment,
Can you pull away from that glass,
Look me in the eye and tell me,
That this time is the last?

Stay there for a minute,
I have just one thing left to say.
You're significance in my life,
Has meant something to me until today.

Please wait for me, will you?
I have to put on my coat.
You're leaving me behind,
And a lump is forming in my throat.

Resurface from your dark cave,
And come out to meet my eye.
If I no longer mean a thing to you,
Then have the decency to say goodbye!

I know you're hurting in your own way,
But I'm only the enemy in your mind.
I'd sooner be the one to make you happy again,
Instead of being here, left behind.

I'm being honest, despite my sharp words.
Maybe someone needs to tell you the truth:
You're so consumed by yourself that you don't see
This is not all just about you!

Outside your cave is a big, bright world,
And I'm standing here, waiting on you, on my own.
I would attempt to approach your stony structure,
But it doesn't feel much like home.

Could you just open up for a second,
I promise you I mean you no danger.
Or are you afraid of meeting my old eyes,
In case you just see another stranger?

What must it feel like to fall out of love?
To wake up one morning and no longer feel?
I imagine it feels empty, to be right back at the start.
To drop out of dreamland and come back to what's real.

But then I think it would be a relief,
To just have your own to protect.
So when you're concentrating on yourself,
There's no one left to neglect.

But then what about the reminders,
Of the times ye had spent?
Are you left unaffected?
Or do you begin to resent?

Do you feel absence in your heart?
Or do you just leave it all in the past?
Are you glad that it's over?
Or did you wish it would last?

Can you look into your lover's eyes,
And tell them the truth:
That you lied when you told them;
"It's about me, not you."

What must it feel to be callous,
Walking away so easily from love,
Taking off as quick as the wind does ,
As soon as push came to shove?

What must it feel to have fallen,
Out of a love that was so true?
Not even in my strongest moment could I do it..
So what must it feel like to be you?

Can I keep you in my pocket,
And bring you around everywhere I go?

I have a wonderful little idea for you and me,
Do you want to know?

We meet eyes across a dark world,
And we cause an explosion of light.

Our bodies shiver, that warming, joyful kind,
And the feeling rushes from our hearts, just like a plight.

Our hands fit together perfectly,
And we kiss like Eskimos in their igloos.

We can build up a small house on a hilltop,
With a glass ceiling, if you choose?

I know how much you love the night sky,
And you know I love it too.

I would lay there with you always,
As the skies turn from blue to black, and black to blue.

On our hilltop, we'd be surrounded by green grass,
And flowers would grow between each blade.

There would be a tall tree overhanging our small house,
And, on hot days, we would sit under it for some shade.

I'd make you laugh just to see that amazing smile,
And your eyes would twinkle brighter than the moon.

You'd pull me closer and let me stand on your toes,
As we both danced to our favourite tune.

You'd whisper words no one has ever told me,
Three words that mean so much more.

And you'd wonder as we get lost in each other's eyes,
If our hearts had once known each other before..

If I keep you in my pocket,
My dreams may one day come true.

You'll meet my eyes across the dark world
And then I can live happily, in the light, with you.

Take with you my spirit.
I brought it with me when I visited;
Tasting of apples, smelling of cheap perfume:
Happy to see you.

With no key, no schedule,
I was the Prince, you were Repunzel:
Smiling at me out your window.
Your arms were my favourite place in the world.

Take with you the picture
Of my sad eyes: heavy and puffed.
Holding my own hand.
Happy that I now could.

I made my choices, lost my way.
You learned more about me then.
Frown lines cracked my porcelain face.
Your presence offered me solace.

Take with you my love;
It stayed around all these years.
Missing your hands, searching for your eyes.
Happy to have met them.

Time took with it the motions.
Though, inside me we both stand still.
I catch glimpses of your arms, and your delight,
But you are no longer in the crowd.

They never knew the meaning
to the words so common said.
They use their words in unison
and take pride in how they lead
you straight into a hallway,
with multiple open doors,
and carved a hole around you,
to let you seep into the floor.

They never thought you thought about
the world without you there.
To take a look around themselves,
and see one empty chair.
And once all of those doors slammed
right into your face,
they swallowed up that pride they had,
and restored your inner grace.

They never believed there was
one more,
who felt the same, exact.
It never struck them how she was,
too mildly, could she act.
To notice the pain she hid so deep,
she thought you'd make no stir.
Talking meant so little then,
but it did so much for her.

The first day we met,
You told me your name.
I took the seat beside you,
And did the same.
You were really warm and welcoming,
I had met a new friend.
And I've considered you as one, always,
Right up, past the end.

Days will keep moving forward,
And years will fly past.
But I see now that I should be treating
Each one as my last.

I hope that when I reach your age,
I'll have grown to be someone like you.
Someone who is happy, friendly and respectable,
As you know, out there, there are few.

I regret learning only little about you,
Now that it's too late, and you're gone.
But what I do know, I'll keep forever,
And I promise to remember you, my dear John.

It will come to deeply hit us,
That you're no longer here,
When we take a look around us,
And see a single, empty chair.

We will all continue to gather.
But it will never be the same.
For me, we have lost all spirit,
To out weekly, Saturday game.

I'm really glad that I met you.
You were significant in my life.
Now, you are free to ascend into Heaven,
Where you can live happily again, with your wife.

I just want to say thank you for the welcome,
And thank you for every weekend.
Rest in Peace, for ever more now.
And farewell, my dear friend.
"27 August 2015"


Dedicated to John McGarrigle .. 2015

When you stood upon that podium, with your head high in the clouds,
You obviously were not thinking clear.
And you leaped on to something you wished to reach,
But you never actually got there.

Instead you took a different route,
And went tumbling to the ground.
The experience was so breath-taking,
That you couldn't even make a sound.

Onlookers threw foul words at you,
And kicked you while you were down.
But you stood back up and showed them
That, you didn't even drop your crown.

Not only did you get back up,
But you continued to walk with pride.
Despite the injuries that were taunting you then,
From deep down inside.

Now you know to always look before you leap,
Because, otherwise, you know you'll only get hurt.
But, you can keep your head high in the clouds,
As long as you leave both feet firmly in the dirt.

I just want the monsters to go back to where they came.
Go away from my bedside, and forget about my name.

I don't want to be haunted, each night when I try to sleep,
Or even become so afraid, that I suddenly begin to weep.

I hate it when it gets dark, and the monsters prowl around,
And my body freezes in the heat, while I hear creaks on the ground.

I fear their capabilities, and all that is unknown.
But, most of all, I hate the way, they're still here, though I've grown.

I try to tell them to go away, quite loud I do shout!
But despite all the chances they get, they simply won't get out..

She keeps the remnants of your relationship in a box,
Which is left hidden away, under her bed, on the floor.
She used to take it out and look at its contents in nostalgia..
But not any more.

There's just something about your last moments that stop her.
Her love for you suddenly turns into hate.
All the plans she set out for the future vanish,
And she's left to believe loneliness is her fate.

She remembers how she met you in the Autumn,
When the leaves were turning from green.
And the way your eyes lit up against the orange backdrop;
It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen..

She told me how she felt about you:
How you took a hold on her soul,
And how she left you alone in springtime,
When the world took back control.

She told me how dark the sun shone upon her,
And how she found herself lost in another.
How she avoided the overwhelming thought of losing you,
In fear that she would smother.

I knew not of her battles,
Until she made them quite clear.
She regretted ever leaving your loving arms,
So she never wanted you near.

She told me that I could never understand her.
I could never truly know why.
Because of the 13 layers of irony,
She hides deep down inside.

The darkness took over,
Once she lost site of your eyes.
Cause, although she doesn't know when it happened,
She remembers you saying your goodbyes.

You were the wind to her wind chimes.
The sea to her shore.
You were the roof to her four walls.
To her heart, you were the door.

She told me how she used to wake up every morning,
And she felt a happiness deep within.
How automatically a smile would appear on her face,
Even before her day would begin.

She described the many colours the skies took.
And how she loved the feel of the atmosphere with so many voices.
She said she felt she had a place in the world.
And she had made many good choices.

She said you showed her that she was capable of loving,
And that you proved the rest of the world was wrong.
She said you were the rock that kept her solid.
You were the strength that kept her strong.

She told me how she poured her heart out to you..
How she missed you a little more each day.
How she's wasted so much time away from you.
And if she could go back, she'd tell herself to stay.

She told me she was heartless,
That's what the whole world thought.
But, out of everyone that could have told her otherwise,
It was you who told her she was not.

She told me she had no secrets:
Yet no one knew how she felt about you.
She said she never told any lies;
But when anyone asked, she said the feelings weren't true.

She told me if she could go back,
She wouldn't remake the same mistake.
But no matter what chances she has got,
Second best is all she would take.

She fought to fix a broken world,
And no one ever asked her why.
She told me nothing broken can ever truly be mended,
But there would be no harm to try.

She said no one ever asked her what her motives were,
Because they never heeded a word she said.
So she needed to get out there and take action,
As there was no use staying in bed.

She never expected me to say what I said next,
She analysed the words I had spoken.
Her face, so beautiful, dropped suddenly then,
As I told her we are all broken.

I said I wake up in the middle of the night,
Tears streaming down my face.
Awakening from a dream I had just had,
Of a better, brighter place.

I told her she may believe she's happy now,
But I can tell even from a single thought,
It's obvious inside she's far from it,
In comparison to the happiness you brought.

She told me it was too late to fix things,
That you both had already said your goodbyes,
That you faded with the seasons since she left you,
And now she can't remember the colour of your eyes.

She said the silence has not been altered by her wind chimes,
As no wind has blown since you've been gone.
She said she felt uncomfortable in the quiet,
Without you there, everything felt wrong.

She told me that the sea parted from the shoreline,
And left behind nothing but drought.
The roof detached from her four walls,
And the flame inside went out.

She said the moment she opens the lid from the box,
That she hides away on the floor, under her bed,
Every memory she has of you comes flooding back to her,
And she mourns for you as if you're dead.

She said she hates you because that's all she can do now.
It hurts too much to continue to love you.
And she's stopped by your last moments together,
Because it was those moments that made it so true.

She found love for you in the Winter.
And brought it with her through every other season.
I asked her why she has never told you how she really feels,
But she wouldn't give me a proper reason.

Instead she denied her feelings,
And told me what she tells just anyone,
Callously, detached she pretends;
"It's too late now. You're long gone."

She said you put a wall up in defence,
And she understands perfectly why.
She thinks its best to move on and live her life without you.
A part of her has already said goodbye.

She didn't know just how beautiful she was.
It was a shame her words weren't truly heard.
She gave her all to a fight she knew she would never win,
Until her voice was silenced by the world..

A light came into the world,
Wearing a long dress,
The nicest smile,
Carrying the greatest heart of gold.

That light had a son:
Our best friend, father and Grandad,
The most wonderful other half
To an already lovely woman.

Together they had a family,
Joining heritages,
Crossing seas,
Found themselves in Leeds.

But that was only the beginning of the journey:
Between the weekend trips with their good friends,
The cruises where they laughed and danced,
Wearing his best bow tie;

To the sofa days,
Keeping up with the Gaelic.
A man with many loves,
And Ireland remained one.

I remember when Grandad would visit home,
And he would share stories of their travels.
He was so kind-hearted, and so accepting.
His mother's light shone on him.

Years pass us too quickly.
Thank you for being a great father to my father and his siblings, and the wives and husband they love too.
Thank you for giving Granny such a wonderful journey in this life. May her voice still linger in your ears.
And thank you for being our Grandad. Our days with you will never be forgotten.

***

When I first set eyes upon you,
It was my soul that reached out to say "hello".
Those blue eyes beat the ocean's beauty in an instant.
And you led the way to go.

You taught me about appreciation,
How, in this world, we must give and take.
I reconsidered how easily I forgot,
And forgave, every single mistake.

You brought me into your home,
And sat with me through the dark.
Together, we lit up candles,
And enlightened up a world, with just the smallest spark.

You showed me to the world,
Then showed the world to me.
I admit I was frightened at first,
But then I learned what it felt like to be free.

We were meant to be,
You and I.
It was written in stone.
It was written in the sky.

We were destined for each other,
We both had lessons to be learned:
You needed to learn how to love,
And I needed to learn how it felt to be burned.

Freedom is nonexistent,
In a world riddled with hate.
We all must learn how to be adaptive,
In a world controlled by fate.

A wind blew so heavy,
During another darkened night,
And extinguished all our candles,
And we sat again without light.

I used to think our hearts were like locks,
And out there, someone had the key.
So when you try to open a lock with the wrong one,
Your result is you and me.

I loved how easily I forgot,
And forgave, every single mistake.
And how everyone just knew I was grateful,
Without immediate give and take.

I loved how no chains could link us,
And how there were no dependencies.
Back when we were wanderers out there,
Still searching for our keys.

This time, when I say it,
I want you to know it will not just be for attention.
The world has finally shut its doors,
And I stand outside, alone in the darkness, yearning for affection.

The gatekeepers snarl and snigger each time I get close,
And my mind races, it's roaring above my heart.
Instead of attempting to regain entry, it spits out hatred,
And pulls itself apart..

"I can do this on my own", it speaks out,
"Who needs love, care.... hope?"
"I don't need your pity, your crummy hands to hold me.
I can do this, I don't need anyone .. I can cope!"

And when my minds' voice bounces into the airy silence,
My heart grabs an opportunity to say:
"Hear me instead of these lies that my mind's feeding!
I've never truly wanted to be out here all alone.. I want to go home where loving arms take the darkness away.."

Somewhere, in the country,
silence fills the air.
The sun shines down above
the meagre crowd you'll find there.

I imagine you stand amongst them,
willingly taking part,
in searching for the person
you once knew off by heart.

Somewhere, in the city,
everyone else continues on.
The noise fills the air,
nothing's feeling wrong.

I imagine you in your window pane,
looking out across them all.
Asking yourself over and over,
why she won't answer your call.

Somewhere, in your heart,
the blood it rushes thin.
Although you feel it inside,
it doesn't show upon your skin.

I imagine you in the evening,
out strolling with a slow pace.
But, despite this, you can't breathe
with your quickening heart race.

Somewhere, in the oceans,
the currents continue to flow.
The skies turn to darkness,
and the stars begin to glow.

I imagine you in the distance,
giving up, and letting go.
Finally walking away,
from the girl you used to know.

I was happy in our love cloud;
Just to know someone was there.
He didn't need to love me, trust me or adore me,
He simply just needed to care.

His arms were like a blanket,
A cushion to lay my heavy heart.
He made up every little puzzle piece.
He completed me, from the very start.

Our cloud continued floating,
Ascending in a windward way.
Our love had grown much stronger,
Growing a little more with every day.

I could find no other like him.
I wished to live forever at his side.
I'd never thought about the future,
Or ever wished to be someone's bride.

With him it was so much different;
I became oblivious to his petty lies.
But after I covered all his fake smiles,
I began to see his evil eyes.

Our cloud had gained pollution,
With contaminants that could have caused a storm.
And once we drifted too far to return,
Our cloud had taken a different form.

The pain came down in droplets.
Not a single thought was even spared.
Our love had bursted to pieces,
Scattering all that we once shared.

Now I'm looking from this angle.
With the clouds gone, the stars can now shine.
And, despite how much I loved him,
I realise.. he was never mine.

I met your eyes; twice open,
And once, I heard your voice.
I wish we could start over now
And make a better choice.
I often heard people mention
The bond they had with theirs.
All my life I kept saying,
I simply did not care.

The first day you had met me,
You didn't know my name.
I know that's the point of meetings,
But this was not the same.
You shook my hand like a stranger,
You'd rather never know.
And the naïve child within me,
Never wanted to let go.

The second day you came to talk,
And made my mother cry.
Trying to withdraw the past you left,
And return back to her side.
I tried then to forgive you, Gran,
But forgiveness is hard to give,
To a woman who never cared about
The lives she gave to live.
But I kept back my anger for
A woman worth so much more.
For she's much more stronger than,
The woman you came back for.

You broke her heart,
And broke her soul,
And walked away without tears.
I hoped you thought about the past:
The core of your child's fears.
But your mistakes could fill an endless list,
And sadden a jolly man.
But I forgave you, nonetheless,
Because you were my Gran.
You placed your hand in mine, right then,
And posed for the camera shot.
Your skin soft as flower petals,
A feeling I never forgot.

The third day I came to you,
It was time to say goodbye.
To see you, at peace, after all those years
Without you in our lives,
It was then my heart suddenly dropped,
And caused my eyes to cry.
The time was not ours to have
We never got the chance.
I cannot remember the way you looked,
For I only got a glance.
But I still remember your hand in mine,
Even after all those years.
And that feeling alone sets my heart in flames,
To conjure up the tears.
Your hand stays cold beneath mine since then,
Without heat, I cannot bring.
You withered away too early, Gran,
Like the flowers in mid-Spring.

As I sit upon the rocks now,
I can't think of a better place.
With the fish like a tower above me,
And the sun shine upon my face.
It is not yet Summer,
But the air feels soft and warm.
The wide world that surrounds me,
Has taken a new form.
The sky that sits above me,
Is filled with a mixture of bright hues.
And while I'm looking right up,
I think of all the 'yous'.
The ones I think of during my daytime,
And those I see within my dreams,
And those I will only ever get to reach,
Through the sun beams.
I know I grew callous for months there,
And I'm sincerely sorry for that.
But the feelings that I felt so deep,
Were really difficult to combat.
I've found here in the sunshine,
My innate self is breaking straight through.
And I really hope if you're reading this,
You know I've written it for you.
The you that did not leave me.
The you that has held on.
The you that is the reason,
I eventually grew strong.
I've been sitting here for hours now,
But it feels like years instead.
And I'm waiting for something,
To follow the path I've led.
It's not all that straight-forward,
There are many obstacles it must cross.
From every painful defeat to failure,
To every rueful regret and loss.
I know I must be patient,
For good things come to those who wait.
And just as I look up now,
I feel glad for my true faith.
I know now I can stop running,
And truly begin to love me.
I can let happiness finally catch up,
So that what is destined, will be.

I'm writing to you on the eve of glory
To tell you I had no choice but to let you go.
Your veins were poisoned by the act of savagery,
And you became a person I could never wish to know.

Your emerald eyes were all lit up,
Just like the cigarette that once calmed your stress.
Your hair was tied back by one single clip:
Messy, vintage-like, just as your dress.

I recall the first words you ever spoke to me:
They included, of course, Prince Charming's name.
And since you awoke one morning and stepped into reality,
You just simply have not been the same.

What was it that spiked you?
What broke inside your pure heart?
Was it there all along, just looming in the background?
Or have I been naive from the very start?

I based my dreams on the world that you had.
You were my motive to remain strong:
To hold on hoping that one day I could have it too.
Even a piece of me broke, when you proved yourself wrong.

And days have passed since I last thought of you.
Weeks too, since we've seen eye-to-eye.
Your heart turned cold and your mind went dark..
I just want to know why?

So Lady Cheyenne, if you're reading this, I ask you
To find yourself a mirror, and dare to look through:
Take a look at the person who is staring within the silver,
And I want you to acknowledge that she is not you.

"How do you know it's the end?"
She asks me through her tears.
It draws me back into the darkness,
Where I was faced blindly with my fears.
The scratching of heads;
The whimpers of voices;
The constant inconvenience;
And hobston's choices.

What kept me in that consistent loop?
Was it really comfort?
And what made me oblivious to your warped mind,
That did not value me or my effort?
The hatred, oh it's real!
But my heart somehow still broke.
You took with you more than our lifetime,
When you opened your mouth and spoke.

A new path was constructed.
And our moments slipped away.
Your absence became less obvious,
With the passing of every day.
But within me, past all my minds thoughts,
There is a feeling hidden deep down inside.
It dents my negativity and forgives all my regrets,
And it's the single reason I cried.

Because inside you, I seen potential,
For you to be loving, kind and true.
A man who could put others before himself,
My life partner, who would help me through.
And the darkness created that image.
Without light, I was blind.
I could not see your true colours,
Or the mask you hid behind.

Sometimes you allowed the light in,
And your beauty was something real.
You were more than that potential man,
And no hatred did I feel.

We had a future, though you did not believe it.
But that faded away with you.
I think it was all just for the better,
As your last words were the most true.

And now I'm standing before my reflection,
Asking myself how you know it's the end, for real?
And the answer is simple when you look at your surrounding,
Only to find, silence is all you really feel..

I think it's about time I told you this,
It's the same almost every night.
Even in my dreams, I know the feeling I get
When I see your face in sight.

The blueness of the oceans,
And even of the skies,
Could never compare to the beauty
Of that within your eyes.

Each time I find myself running.
But I'm never running toward.
This time, I've found, is different,
With you, I'm running forward.

There is never a destination,
I just seem to run the same mile,
Until I catch your eyes within the crowd
And I suddenly feel myself smile.

I concentrate on it's appearance.
I want to make it look real.
But the truth is that, inside of me,
Fear is all I feel.

Fear that I've been fooled again.
That you're just a mirage I can see.
That you're a home I've built up to keep me safe,
And you'll just crumble down softly.

I'm telling you this because I want you to know,
The feelings inside me are strong.
But despite my desire to be by your side,
I really feel like I don't belong.

It's like I've slipped off of a mountain top,
And my rope's scraping off the edge.
It's risky to pull myself back up,
As I'm held on by only a single thread.

I continue to run, but my mile's cut short,
As I awaken out of my dreams.
Somewhere inside I don't want to know,
What happens when I reach you, it seems.

I imagine I keep running toward you,
Until the moment I finally get near.
And I find that I was right all along,
As you just vanish into the thin air..

The silence is all that fills me.
But why do I mourn?
Why had I not taken the time
To get to know you before?
Is it that I thought of you unworthy
Of my company and my time?
Or that you and I were far too different,
You could never have been a friend of mine.

I guess that's how it is now.
That's how it will forever on be.
I will never get another chance to know you,
And you will never know me.
Word of your passing hit me,
And knocked me hard within.
I want to explain this feeling out loud,
But I don't know where to begin.

In my head I can hear the last words we shared,
And I can see the expression you had on.
I can feel that strange comfort I felt then,
As if it was where we belonged.
I never thought of your significance.
Though, that's quite difficult to say.
But the truth is, if you had not passed,
I wouldn't have even thought of you today.

That thought alone causes a burst of flames,
To rush right through me inside.
The single thought that I once had my chance,
But never even tried.
A hand bursts swiftly out of the flames,
And wraps it's fingers round my heart.
It clenches strongly, it's heat intense,
While I slowly fall apart.
My heart struggles, and panic kicks in.
I fear I will implode.
Then I think of you once again,
And the hand slowly lets go.

Who are you really? .. Who do I mourn?
Why are these feelings so strong?
I could have known you, I had my chance.
But I never cared, all along.

You were there, and I was here.
It always could have been.
But the world kept turning, and you fell down,
And that's all that has ever come between.

Now your loss has hit me so hard I cry,
On the inside and the out.
I'm so sorry I never took the chance while I had it,
To open up my mouth.

Sleep tightly now angel, in your new golden robes,
That I hope will forevermore glow.
Goodbye now to the person I thought I once knew;
The stranger, I'll never know.

'Is forgiveness possible?' You ask.
Come here for a moment, and I’ll tell you what I think.
Look around and see it all from my eyes,
You might miss something if you blink.

You’re asking a society in isolation,
If they wish to revolutionise their peace,
By bringing up their ancestors from their graves,
Just so six counties can be released.

Can you hear yourself, and your foolish words?
Can you not see the same people I do?
What on Earth are you actually expecting to achieve,
When I’m not sure our ancestors even knew.

Isolation is a fairly heavy word.
It says more than any other.
But it’s true, look at them sitting there,
Texting, and ignoring each other!

That device they’re holding in their hands,
Connects them to a world far wider than Earth
All they care about are the people they know,
They consider their location to be nothing but dirt.

I live in this isolated time.
I feel loneliness while I sit amongst the crowd.
At times I feel the need to speak,
But then I fear my voice will be too loud.

Let them go, let them go their ways,
You’re the only one who cares anymore.
We once wanted unification, we once stood as brothers..
But that was all before.

It haunts me that innocents died for no worthy cause,
While laws passed under tyrant rule.
But you must accept that history is unchangeable,
And that the truth is, this world is cruel.

When I seen your question, I asked myself,
What on Earth is to be forgiven?
That was 100 years ago, a different time altogether
To the one that we’re now living!

You’re asking an anti-social society, who would protest that label,
To forgive people they didn’t, and will never, know.
From day one, 1916 has been a legend for us,
One we had to accept as reality. And let it go.

I think we’ve all gotten on in the present tense,
Despite our constant struggle to adapt to change.
There are dreamers amongst us, who think like the rebels did,
But in this society, they’re considered to be strange.

I’d say the majority would now oppose home rule.
As they can see our government stands for everything but respect,
With empty promises being made just to gain the necessary voting quota,
So they can make negative impacts to our lives and economy once they’re elected!

We’re all thankful for the seven members of the IRB Minister’s Council,
Who fought, and died, in the hope of our fate.
But I think Yeats was right making reference to beauty,
When he encapsulated our current state.

We have all found our ways through the darkness,
Without following in the footsteps of Plunkett’s eight-hour wife,
Who proved Plunkett and all his friend’s died in vein,
As she let the dark encase her for the rest of her life.

I hope my opinion is more than just my own,
And you may one day see it as yours too.
Because forgiveness is no longer necessary,
Now that, as you see, we’re surrounded by a generation anew.

We are united, even though it may not be as our ancestors hoped.
Forgiveness is possible, you should be asking if acceptance is, though.
Because if you took a look around, to see what I see,
You wouldn’t need me to answer you. Because you too, would let go.

The time went by too quickly,
And we're all grown up now.
Our lives have become different:
But, at least, we know more how's.
How to distinguish right from wrong;
And venture through life's song,
In a bigger world than the one between
All of our old walls.

As the clouds roll past on the table,
And the words don't spill from my head.
I remember all the days we spent together
And every single word you ever said.
I wonder at times, do you think of me?
And our childhood as it's gone?
To whisper softly in nostalgia,
And, then, continue to go on.

I hope you know you're a piece of me
More than just in my mind..
You make up most of my memories,
Each one that I seem to find:
As I sit here thinking about a theme,
Or a topic, for my poem,
My mind wanders to a place,
I'll forever know as home.

I think the writing on the wall explains it well;
The story of my life.
Words of laughter, learning and development.
But nothing of the strife.
Some things are not worth dwelling upon,
It's better we just forget.
This story is worth remembering though,
So I want you to know how it was set.

There are four others, besides myself,
In our little childhood crowd.
Even though one left early,
To rest upon a cloud.
We grew up as others did,
Making mud-pies in the yard.
And if any of us felt any way unsafe,
We were each other's guard.

We all have our different versions of things,
Our perspectives from our own side.
And when it all fades away,
We must take it in our stride.
Our days are moving forward,
Our childhoods are slipping away.
But in case we begin to lose them forever,
I want to collect them all today.

I couldn't imagine forgetting the mud-pies,
Or seeing Prince somersault in the wind.
Or the way ye all looked,
As ye happily, posed and grinned.
On rare occasions I remember details,
That meant little to us then.
Like our bad taste of fashion,
And the ways we used to hold a pen.

Oh and we can't forget the nicknames,
That reflected who we are.
Or the times we all spent in the garden:
The setting for Our Star.
We can't forget our old bedroom,
The place we learned to share.
Nor can we ever forget the feeling,
Of having each other there.

What prompted this, is a single photograph,
I found inside a book.
Astounded I was to find it there,
And see how young we looked.
All four of us are gathered in a group,
Posing for the camera shot.
We look the picture of perfection,
Even Prince got caught.

The weather was still and warm,
We sat lovingly, dressed in our casual wear.
Little did I know it at the time,
But my utopia in life, is there.

You play a song so calm,
To slow down your heart pace.
You try to cover up,
The sadness on your face.
The news that you just heard,
Although you already knew,
Has beaten you real hard
And caused something to brew.
Inside you feel like fire,
Like a smoking, bubbly pit.
It knocks you off your feet,
And causes you to sit.
You cannot answer how,
Or even question why,
But the first chance that they got,
They simply just said goodbye.
You play the song so calm,
To bring back who you are,
And remember that they're gone.
They're gone so very far.
And they never truly cared,
They never thought of you.
But these are facts you know..
It's just a harsh thing that they're true.

Yeats said romance was gone and dead,
Back in the day when most tears were shed.
Times when the IRA were up and strong,
Days when they could be seen doing wrong.
Not right now, when its just biased times;
The next Love/Hate enlightening their "newest" crimes.
Our time does differ from the old.
And if Yeats could talk right now, a different story would be told.

We're due a time when they all come home
Cross the shores and along they come.
Times when they are safe to stay,
Unlike the war years when they were forced away.
The times when Yeats said our heroes did us good.
Now, no novelty, no heroes: villains. Although, there should.
President Higgins, the 9th to stand.
Who speaks of "our own Aisling" in this shared land.
Our time does differ from the old.
And if Yeats could talk right now, a different story would be told.

A hundred years, we're still the same.
When the "recession" is so easy to blame.
A choice that Sinn Fein never got to make,
Lead by Kenny, the government's mistake.
Choices made, nor law but religion.
Medical misadventures under moral obligation.
A jury given a choice of two verdicts: one story,
Savita's death, goes down in history.
Our time does differ from the old.
And if Yeats could talk right now, a different story would be told.

Our time when networks send youths to their grave,
An earlier landing caused by how others behaved.
Still mothers shed tears upon the pit of their sons,
Ashes to ashes, a new war has begun.
But, a type that is different in a virtual way,
For the past is the past and today is today.
That's how our times differ to those of 1913
And if Yeats were here right now, what real difference would be seen?

Today my thoughts were yours.
Nostalgia hit me hard.
From every photograph to letter,
To every gift you gave, or card.
I know what was is gone now,
And we've went our separate ways.
But somehow I find myself thinking of you,
And all of our past days.
You think you have it all now.
Oh, and perhaps that is true,
But somewhere inside I long to know,
If you remember me and you?
Not of the finale of us,
The supposed taking of my thrown,
I honestly don't know why you thought badly of me,
When I only ever viewed you as home.
You were part of my community,
You had a VIP seat in my heart.
But that could never be enough for someone like you,
And that's why we belong apart.
You're a constant positive in my mind, though,
Despite what has gone before,
I just concluded it was best to just move on,
As it was obvious we were simply no more.
I surprise myself on days like this,
When I realise exactly what I would like to say.
I would never expect your forgiveness or such,
I wouldn't even expect you to let me stay.
Evicted as I was from that community of yours,
I fixed up the cracks that formed inside.
And now I'm confident that if I met you tomorrow,
I wouldn't surrender or hide,
Instead I'd inform you that I remember you and me,
(As my nerves rattle me to the bone.)
And that, although I do have days like these,
My thoughts are only yours on loan.

She cleared her throat and told me,
What she thought you must now know.
Her voice was silenced, but her mind was still running,
And she's fearful that it may soon blow.

She chased down every government body,
She travelled the world and witnessed pain.
She caused a ruckus in a crowded place,
And then got thrown outside in the rain.

She asked me "who do we talk to, if not our superiors?
Who can help us, if not them?"
She found the answers, now she wants you to hear.
She said "here goes nothing, ahem.."

"No one can help us. No ones out there,
We're simply just stuck inside.
We can stand up and speak out, if you want to,
Or we can just keep silent and hide."

"This does not change with time," she continued,
"We must face our fears at some stage."
She hid away for so long now,
She has just filled herself up with rage.

She said she spoke to you for a long time,
And, instead of helping, you just sat still and observed.
She appreciated the attention you gave her,
But she thinks that's a little less than she deserved.

She needed your help, and you know that,
And now her rage is directed toward you.
She can't pretend she's not disappointed,
Because you were the one person she's ever known to be true.

Your heart was warm and loving,
Your exterior conveyed it well.
You're probably still the same person you were then,
But, for some reason, she can no longer tell.

And when the skies displayed it's colours,
And the air held so many voices,
She looked at her surroundings,
And she was fooled, just as others are, to think she had many choices.

She had none, she was trying to tell you!
She had no idea how to fix the world.
She tried her best and she wants you to know that,
But she's just one little girl.

For that reason, she completely gave up on hope,
And, all around her, the whole world turned grey.
From the outside, it was easier to see though,
The world looked different on display.

She said the world is crumbling all around us,
And she doesn't understand why no one gives a ****.
She has wondered ever since she found the answer,
If you've known all along, and that's how you're so calm?

She sees the world in a completely new light now.
No blend of colours stretch across her skies.
The air is silent, the voices have left her.
But she suddenly remembers the colour of your eyes.

She recalls the hazel she once got lost in,
And all of those days in the Autumn air.
She doesn't know how she lost contact of them,
But she constantly wishes she could go back there.

And she has been frantic when she talks about
The reason she left you behind,
She was a dreamer, who was foolish
To think there was so many better things out there to find.

Because all she found were contradictions.
The world is just a massive kingdom of pain.
It broke her heart when she tried to fix it,
And now she's left with heartache she cannot contain.

The answer was sorer than the lies we are taught.
The grey and the silence have left her cold.
She sees no point in going ahead now.
I'm just telling you what I was told.

You gave her strength when she was weak.
You gave her reasons to dream.
You made her innately happy.
You fixed her fabrics when they tore at the seam.

You taught her love in a damaged world.
You picked her up when she fell down.
You are the person who made her who she is.
Now all that's missing is her crown.

She has sat you on the top of the world.
She looks up to you on your height.
You were the reason she got out of bed in the morning,
And the last thing she thought about at night.

The beautiful butterflies that once danced inside her belly,
Have become moths, eating away at the fabrics of her soul.
She wanted so much to hold on to you forever,
But then the springtime came, and the world took back control.

Will you bring the colour back into her world,
And show her proof that she is wrong?
The world may try to defeat us, but we are our only superiors!
And you have known it all along.

I'm almost fully conscious,
when I realise who you are.
No longer some dazzling angel,
or a distant, shiny star.
You're a man with a startling beauty,
and charms that win my heart.
You're exactly how I imagined you would be,
even from the very start.

We're sitting at a table.
It's not one I've previously known.
But, by the way you perch your boots upon it,
suggests it is your own.
I've come to confess some thoughts I've had,
And some things I wish to share.
To a person I not only will sit and listen,
But I can guarantee will care.
He glares into my dark blue eyes,
that reflect the blue of his.
And while my words slip right into his ears,
he unjumbles them like a quiz.
I never hear of his opinion,
It's just my voice that fills the air.
But it's enough for me, just to know,
that he's even there.

Next thing I know, we're in a field,
with flowers all around.
We're all dressed up, in our best,
sitting on the ground.
I've come to you with some stories,
I can't share with another soul.
I've come to tell you that my life is good,
now that I've taken control.
I found the person you used to know,
And realised what I am worth.
I left behind those who brought me down,
by treating me like dirt.
I realised it doesn't matter what others think.
And only you can bring your joy.
I banished my selfless thoughts I had
And even found a boy.
One who tells me I am beautiful,
and shows me to the world.
One who holds me in his arms,
and is proud that I'm his girl.
I don't know what you'd think of him,
if he ever got the pleasure to meet you.
But I want you to know, above all others,
that what I feel is true.
It's not my intention to replace you darling,
for you are like no other.
There is no man on this planet,
who could love me like my big brother.

You undo your laces, remove your boots,
and give them to me with a kiss.
I sit them on the grass, ensure he'll keep them safe,
and that, I tell you, is my promise.

Before my eyes flicker back to Earth,
I reach out for your hand.
I thank you and tell you I love you so much,
and I'm happy you understand.

I make the choice to start the plane;
I mount my seat and turn the key.
I join the force in the rain:
To meet a certain destiny.
I know them not, those other men,
Nor enemy, nor ally do I fight.
If I could live it all again
I'd steer away from this final "delight."
I'd banish these thoughts that pois my mind,
And discourage the little man inside.
Too rash I was to leave it all behind,
And venture off to the clouds to hide.
Distant are Kiltartan's men, at noon.
Heartbroken; Margaret and the three;
She may receive the dreaded telegram soon;
Because mine the falling aeroplane shall be.
Through the glass, I can see them ones,
Those times of pain, and those of smiles.
Tears jam in my throat like stones,
As I continue my journey on for miles.
It's clear you question my choice to die,
Needlessly, you assume, within your poem.
But, you see, I just love being in the sky..
It feels a little more like home.

I continuously find the same questions
Fill up my mind like fish in the sea,
These fish symbolise the world I knew once
The one that created me.
And my troubles seem to circle me back here,
To the place I have grown to hate.
A place that serves no need now,
The redirection of my fate.
I can keep spluttering out words,
Meaningless, to us both.
But when I try to tell you the truth,
This agony fills my throat,
I'm searching for an explanation,
One, I know that you now yearn.
But I can't fake tears like these,
And that's something I've grown to learn.

Oh, the sensitivity!
Bombs, guns, war... Even the mention of the likes has the world around her at unease.
How long has it been since youths began using these terms
Without a hint of caution?
Why should it all be taken so seriously now?

She awakens each morning with the same melancholy.
Nothing changes, nothing's new,
She accepts life as it is.
There's a chance we'll be hit tomorrow.
There is a war going on, after all.
But, though she arises in a world left unharmed,
She is in tension still.

She moves on swiftly through another gloomy day.
The sky takes many colours,
The air holds many voices.
Yet, still, she is oblivious.
Her silence: impenetrable.
No joke could arouse laughter.
No insult could provoke anger.
To remain silent is her answer.

But why? No one asks.
Her beauty alone could break hearts.
Her words could mend souls.
Her touch could heal wounds.
Her voice could silence the world.

But no one has asked.
No one has wondered.
Everyone believes she is independent,
She's happy in her isolation,
She is content to continue the life she is living.

But inside she is far from happy.
Her isolation, she believes, is best for everyone.
She depends on everyone to help her,
But knows they cannot help.
No one would understand.
For she has all the answers,
Her words would mend souls.
Her voice would silence the world.

Though the sky takes many colours,
And the air holds many voices,
All she sees are the monsters in her mind.
And all she hears are their murmurs crawling into her reality.
She can see who the real terrorists are.

The truth is; no soldiers, no artillery and no attack can compare
To the threat the monsters bring her.
This is real war.

And that's why she doesn't speak.
She knows no one would understand,
For this she is glad.
But.. No one would want to hear what she has to say.
No one would like her words.
Her voice would silence the world.

Too big to call it yours,
Too small to compete.
Not the wisdom from your mouth,
Or the knowledge in your feet.
Never yours nor never mine.
Ours, together.

The stones that had sat, old.
The water's depth surround.
It wasn't fame that we did need,
Just organics on the ground.
See, we are all the one,
A family, you might say.
Sheltered from the sun,
but skies are never grey.

The Shelly Place is ours,
Perhaps, we are the shells.
Perhaps, we are not.
Time could only tell.
Home to the big glass house,
And the massive fish.
A location for a prayer,
Or to make a wish.

It is home.

I knew,
right then....

We
c o u l d  h a v e
had
e a c h  o t h e r

She opened up her mouth to speak:
To tell the world her thoughts.
Her words needed to be heard,
To the surface, the truth needed to be brought.

She wrote letters to the world,
That must have been swallowed into space.
And she scheduled meetings with world leaders,
So she could meet them face to face.

She quit her low paid job,
And pushed her course aside,
To delve into her research,
And travel round, world wide.

The skies took many colours,
And the air held many voices.
Her monsters never shut up.
She lost hope in her many choices.

She snapped each pencil in site,
And smashed each pen she owned.
She ripped up every sheet of paper.
And her research was disowned.

After stepping into the office,
Of each leader of the world.
To hear the same ******* laughter,
They all used toward a little girl.

Her heart cracked in a million places,
And tears swelled up behind her eyes.
She removed herself from their presence,
Without saying any goodbyes.

All she wanted was to fix the world.
She believed it could be done.
She constructed various methodologies,
To win a fight that needed to be won.

You supported her hand-in-hand.
You stood by her all the while.
At the times she lost her faith,
You were the one who brought back her smile.

She never needed a comic book hero.
She just needed to be strong.
And no matter what the rest of the world thought,
You helped her keep going all along.

Her beauty alone could break hearts,
And her words could mend souls.
Her touch could heal wounds,
And her voice could gain control.

No one knows what motivated her.
No one ever seemed to care.
I'm surprised you never asked her,
Since you were always there.

Her silence was impenetrable.
Her emotion unprovoked.
Until one day the world just hit her,
And her silence became revoked.

She was not as happy as everyone assumed,
And she required a helping hand,
To catch her when she fell down,
And to teach her how to stand.

She told you all her theories,
And she gained trust in you, like a friend.
How could you have been the reason,
She gave up on her dreams in the end?

All she needed was someone loving,
Who would always keep her strong.
To tell her that, no matter what the rest of the world thinks,
She could never, ever be wrong.

The dawn of my day is still not over,
Yet, the time has taught me many lessons.
Some of truths, others of lies,
Some of mistakes, others of blessings.

I must admit between the black and white,
I hope that sometime I may find the grey.
And I really hope I'll find it soon,
Within the next few hours of my day.

I don't believe in forgetting,
Yet, I love to remember.
And I absolutely hate being cold,
But my favourite month is December.

I always speak in utmost honesty,
Because I simply cannot lie.
And I'm a really happy person,
But, inside, I always feel the need to cry.

I haven't found out who I am yet,
Because I don't really want to know.
I want to be the one who keeps holding on,
Even long after others have let go.

I would love to know everybody,
And, in return, I would love to be known.
I want to learn how to play guitar,
But I don't want to be shown.

I would like to speak fluent Irish,
Though, I don't really see it's use.
I want to stand up and make my objections,
But I don't want anyone to have to choose.

I want to understand the world, Tim,
Yet, I don't think that that would be wise.
Because I've found it's not what it seems,
For some reason, it wears a disguise.

I long to know why judgement is passed,
When no one really knows all the facts.
And why we don't just admit them out loud,
And put aside these silly acts!

Tim, I want to find love for myself,
Purely, from inside my own heart.
I don't exactly know who you are,
Yet, I never want us to be apart.

I want to explain out loud exactly how I feel,
For leadership's sake.
Because it's so difficult to know what's real,
When, outside, even the clouds look fake.

He said:
“Hello there,
I didn't catch your name?”
He said:
His part
And then I did the same.
He said:
“I like you,
You're different than the rest.”
He said:
“I feel lucky!”
He thought that he was blessed.
He said:
“Be with me..
I swear it's where you belong.”
He said:
“I promise you,
I'm rarely ever wrong”
He said:
“I trust you,
You won't be making a mistake.”
He said:
“You know me,
I won't let your heart break.”
He said:
“I love you..
I could only love you less.”
He said:
“I'm sorry..
But there's something I must confess..”
He said:
“I'm leaving you,
But I hate that we should part.”
He never said:
He'd be the one,
Who would break my heart.

You had a real bad day,
The first of many that would follow.
You were made redundant from your job,
And had no idea how you would get through tomorrow.
Your boss was an arrogant bully,
Who gave you less credit than you earned.
And when you told your fellow colleagues,
Not a single one of them was concerned.

You came home to an unstable household,
With an absentee husband there,
Who would control your every move,
But pull away when you got near.
He drank more than recommended,
And stayed out late with God knows who.
At times you thought he was being unfaithful,
But then you assured yourself that he chose you.

You got up early every morning,
To prepare your little boy for his day.
You'd put on a brave face in front of him,
Pretending to be okay.
You thought he would think you were weak,
If he seen his Mummy cry.
But I think you taught him a lesson,
When you opened up and let him inside.

He didn't need to know all the details
About why your day was so bad.
He just needed to know that even adults,
Sometimes feel a little sad.
You squatted to his level,
And looked into his innocent eyes.
His little eyes set on yours,
As he asks you why his Mummy cries.

You know you can't ignore him,
This is something he needs to know.
You consider things for a moment,
Your job is gone, and your husband needs to go.
You sit down beside him, on the floor,
And look him in the face.
Your tears still stream down your soft cheeks,
As your little boy sinks into your embrace.

You just say you had a bad day,
That everyone has them in the world,
We all cry for our own reasons,
Every boy and every girl.
Your little boy pulled away after you said this,
And took a curious look around.
He stood up and got a tissue,
Then sat back down on the ground.

On handing you the tissue,
He gave you a little smile.
That smile that shows you you've been victorious,
Through all your defeats, all the while.
It was in that moment, you taught your child,
How to be a human: loving and true.
And it's because of that single moment,
That I'm acknowledging that it was you.

You're the one who taught him that lesson.
You're the person who showed him how painful reality can be.
So even though I'm just a stranger, having a bad day,
Your son still cares for me.
I don’t have the severity of problems, like you do,
As I’m younger by many years.
But your little boy remembers that we all cry for our own reasons,
As he hands me a tissue to dry my tears.

I wonder if you left the light on that night,
As you sat clutching your wine glass on the floor.
Or if you tucked yourself up tightly in bed,
After you securely locked up every door.
If you fought till you were sober,
And never gave up, though you lost,
Leaving your pillow fully tear-soaked,
And your covers unneatly tossed.
I wonder if you wake up every morning,
Like you used to, all alone.
But feel your heart sink deeper,
Once you realise you're on your own.
Or do you still continue preparing
Their clothes as if they're there?
And hum a melody as you wander the house,
Disturbing the old, settled air.
Do you still set three seats at the table,
And then call them when it's time to eat.
Then wait just for a moment,
To hear their scampering feet?
Have you stayed in touch with their friend's parents?
Or have you left them in the dark?
Are you afraid they would ask questions,
Or make some advisory remark?
I think they'd tell you to look in the mirror.
And to get up off of your lazy ***.
That you did less than you know you could have.
And, for God's sakes, put down that glass!
I don't think you were a bad mother,
But, sure, how am I to know?
I was the last one to find out all about it.
I just can't believe you'd let them go!
Have you dismantled his bed in the attic,
Or have you just left it there to rot?
Or have you moved out of that house completely,
Leaving behind all the heartache it brought?
Did you continue to leave mini eggs on her window sill?
The ones you used to pretend her dragons had laid.
Or did your body freeze in front of her door-frame,
As you asked yourself why they hadn't stayed?

I wonder if you teared up into your wine glass,
When you realised it was because of you they're gone.
Then I wonder why on Earth you would cry,
When it's what you wanted all along.

I remember putting on a show for you,
Hoping to make you laugh, from above.
I hoped you would never get bored of me,
And always be there to feel my love.

When we made mud pies in our pretend house,
I would imagine you lined up beside me,
Suggesting what other ingredients we could use,
From all the plants around us that you could see.

When Mum would take photographs,
I always felt your absence, wishing you were there,
And I always wanted you to know that,
So I would say it out loud for you to hear.

I always thought you could grant wishes.
Or somehow help me on my way.
I viewed you as some sort of super hero,
That was always waiting by to save the day.

Sometimes at night, before I went to sleep,
I would whisper you a prayer, and tell you about things.
Like about the day I had had that day,
Or what I hoped tomorrow brings.

I never felt a hint of loneliness,
No matter how much I was on my own,
Because I felt you by my side, at all times.
You were the best friend I had ever known.

You handed away your boots,
And gave me the spare key,
So I could find someone to give them to,
In the hope of making me happy.

I kept them safe, the best I could,
Ready to ****** them back at any time.
Because there's something a little unsettling,
About handing away something that isn't mine.

I made a promise to you, a very long time ago,
That you would always be my number one.
And I swear to keep that promise to you,
No matter who else ever comes along.

I haven't spoken to you in quite a while now,
And that's why I thought I'd jot you down a few lines.
Just to tell you, I still miss you dearly,
And that I think, despite everything, I'm doing just fine.

I'm, only now, building the foundation of my future.
Nothing is set in stone, as of yet.
I have my eyes on my many hopes and dreams.
But my childhood is something I'll never forget.

All that time, I only thought of myself.
I never thought of the hurt you must have felt in your heart.
To see us all down here, growing up together,
Knowing you will never get to take part.

That's why I would like you to know this now,
So you can keep it forever in your mind.
No matter how absent you were, in body,
None of us ever left you behind.

We celebrated all of your birthdays,
And introduced you to all the friends we made.
You were with us on every trip we took,
And thought about in everything we've ever said.

You're a piece of all of us,
That we keep wrapped up, safe, inside.
Some days it hits us harder than others.
Some days it's just too difficult to hide.

Today's just like any other day.
I'm not thinking of you any more or any less.
It's just that I've found the time to talk to you,
And there's something I must confess:

I miss those days when we made mud pies in our pretend house.
And I absolutely love all the photographs Mum took.
I miss having a best friend always watching my back,
And having a hero save the day. (I have awful luck!)

I'm very sorry I never considered your feelings,
And that I was so caught up in my own before.
I hope you found yourself a home in the Kingdom,
And you're not worrying about me anymore.

Some people consider me to be a negative person,
Because I'm less lively than I once used to be.
But I greatly object to that consideration,
As there's something inside, they'll just never see.

I see the bright side to everything,
And death is the last thing that I fear.
Because I love my life, and I hope there's a long road in front of me,
But if there's not, at least I'll get to join you up there.

I'm a little lonelier these days,
And I'm not particularly sure why.
I think perhaps it's because I'm just too busy each day,
To get a chance to look up to the sky.

For that reason, I want you to know I still think about the old days;
Us all there, making mud pies and playing outdoors.
That's how I'll choose to remember you, always.
Despite the fact that my eyes have never once met yours.

I can be an anyone,
with opportunities at my door.
I remember you said I was no one,
but that was all before.

Since, I became a someone
with a thoughtful little brain,
with loved ones all around me,
who think I am insane!

I could be a failure,
who quickly gets the sack.
Or travel all around the world,
and leave you at my back.
You could become the shadow
when the sun shines on my face.
Or you could accept I am someone,
and share my inner grace.

See, it's 'cause you are the no one,
with no body at your side,
that you enforced you anger,
and seen how much I cried.

You know, you could be the person,
no one could love more.
But now, you are the only one,
I'd rather just ignore.

What pains me is our memories,
and the childhood that we had.
Somewhere, along the path we went,
it seems you just turned bad.

I tried to forget the time we spent,
but I guess it's just too late.
Because I know I could never love you again..
That love, turned into hate.