pain bespeaks pain okay
   you're entitled to go sadmasc when life has you itching faking like a ***** if you must say so
think i hear rats squeaking outside but I'm too scared to look my eyes have been draggled
        wounds bleed endless in my mind all day like a backdrop stream that never runs out I'm used to it get a grip it's okay
I use to dream of a lover and a dream we could embody an army,
   A million different souls that loved in unison and twitched together in one room at night
But what's your issue sir that lover'd say to me; our sibilance is all we really have in common anyway
The world around is crazy we're all born soft, get crushed and numb or get in other people's way
That's the way I've learnt, I see selfishness unfold from people who always startout with the best intentions.

The wolrd is so forver clear when everyone remains strangers,
Let the days drag on-- I'm comfortable
inhaling and exhaling the air from the same room every night
Like cigarette smoke, so relaxing so that I ignore the soft nipping peeling my lungs like a cruel diseased kiss, clawing for blood and making ribbons out of my skin.

on the phone
you talk and talk until suddenly
  you say you're going to let me go.

i stare out empty, filling in images
  over the blank wall, it's became a sort of silent mantra as of late;
the vague daydreams are bound to crumble back to memory
some way or another
if not wear it's bite marks like tiny wounded flags

i let grow swollen.  i only wish you never changed me like you did. i remember gathering rugburnt rashes
on our underthighs, making each other's jaws twitch
with the electric heater as our modern day campfire.
it's a good day for a warm shower, to burn my skin red and peel an unrecognisable face out of the mirror, a clense, a diy baptism;in the aftermath: i showered as many times as i had to,
i saw the outcome miles away (it was a certainty any time i dared to speculate on the possibility)
O why am i so sickened ?
i had to figure out if i had any right to be

and the days dragged on so long.

your eyes glowed like chasms once,
they've grown oxidated and cold since.
i hope i've done my part to change you.

Sometimes I've felt like a pawn being puppeteered to trapeze a thin string,
Knowing for sure that I'm drawing a noose but waiting to know who it's for.

On and on and on
Fall Fall Fall
Coursed trek under ceaseless fire,
attempted to debate
and ended up
in the same place the
   next day as it was the day before--
death is the only thing
only to be made sacred as a coping method
--I cannot trade my remaining days
to look into the eyes of the dead once more--
of the living thru divinity absorbed

Same as the aeons-old saints that travelled endless caves and exited poorer

as they who sit legs in a basket
with homemade-shoelace-diadems crowning their head in the corner of their bedroom floor
as is the meek and deceiving and loving&caring and the useless.

Yes,I used to speak without thinking but I concussed for two years straight so how could you blame me?
On and on it's like we never stop falling
  even when we go our separate ways.
Time takes away everything, and there's no way around that.
And I was so young once and I was so inlove once that I
Forgot conjoined-twins were born together before later-on being severed...
I'm cold as the winter, it was a cold-*** December without you for the first time in a long time,
--won't find your way to what you're looking for when you don't know where you're going--

the fallout kills us before us the ******* bomb explodes.

We pluck stars from the sky and split them into sugary atoms and return the scrambled constellations like ill-fitting clothes yet you refuse to be proud of me anymore
a genius builded on words alone then kicked in head until he's no brain left hahahaha ***** who cares who cares for arguments at any rate

When we were born into a wolrd where it's so easy to get the last word in

I was falling asleep while speaking

but you kept the conversation going
Until

You pushed and pushed and I willingly fell again

We laughed and rumbled half asleep in my bed
We kissed again and I said I missed you you said it back but next day walking you to the bus
I thought to myself how I wasn't serious-- you know me
A people-pleaser to no-end until they please me back
we were so young and dumb near this time last year,
And I just cannot understand why you miss her like you do,
I miss the dead and no one else, before she died she
Was starting to become like a big sister--

But nothing gone really has to matter any longer than you
let it, does it,babe?
And even though you're a year older I always felt like a big brother,
I've bled and disfigured myself in your name so you
best believe when I tell you I don't even like you.

But I know you'll just laugh in my face...

O I'm so cruel and you're so cold and we're both so dumb I guess that's why we get along babe.
Your voice changed back to the one I fell inlove with
Your face looks
so different upclose, you and me can talk so smart when we want to,
Give good advice if we cared to;

I wish I could still blame it on loneliness and drugs but I've been sober for too many days to be worth counting anymore.

Did I ever tell you I loved you beyond mouthing it when we started our shortlived affair? Why's it so much easier to say now

Each
time we hang up but you never said it when you got on that bus, why was that babe? If I still cared I'd wonder who

Was on your mind
instead of me

Thank God I've gotten used to isolation since our last night just us together,
though I'm certain I hated you then as much as I loved you then

And I never made a promise I didn't believe I could keep
Although I've said many things that turned out to be lies.

I look forward to our next meeting, I've long known I don't appreciate you until you're gone.
So please,
Never stray too far, I will not kiss where your feet rested
but I will grieve your death in my dreams and I will awake praising God
that it was only a dream.

("I wear no mask
and I hate everything")

I'm worth nothing
more than frozen coal
I hope that you know
love doesn't leave me
as quickly as others.
I'll go see my father
and ignore my siblings
'Til they find my hanging
and then refer me, I've been
as useful as a corpse
for a while now anyway


I hope you forgive me but I won't stick around to find out

I wanted to care for someone
else when I can't care for anyone
at all but I do better than anyone
cares to reciprocate

People are selfish,even the selfless--
better left undiagnosed;
spending nights binging,
as for the days inbetween I--

I said you were pretty I never said I missed you so why come here?

I'm not used to visitors, uninvited or otherwise, so what's the meaning

Of your presence if not to rub salt in wounds you helped carve?

I was ******* all last summer
flexing tiny biceps that've shrunken
so much since, I await the burning
cast once again, my ribs are sharper,
my face is slightly more worn,
my hair falls passed my collarbone
but otherwise familiar eyes
would barely notice a difference.

Wise-men speak in contradictions and demand statues be made of them,
You used to think I was so clever once for saying no one knows you like a stranger

thank you for proving my point.
Nothing is ever immortalised

But it's such a beautiful feeling
to believe that it is.

("Perhaps this is hell")

she put the knickers she wore to his in her mouth then proceeds.
her finger stroking his cheek is their form of a lover's kiss,marking the prelude over, her fat *** cheeks rise and drop and slap his skinny thighs until he **** just like he paid for and requested.
he'll miss her and imagine the life she's living after she leaves but he can't dwell on it too long for he's got no one to vent to, and she in-return will long for him and here, knowing even as she makes for the door that the most normal part of her day is over and that it's all uphill from here.

little did they know the other was planning to return the two of them back into strangers.
money pocketed, satisfied at last,
what a stupid little idea it was to start an argument,
spit on bed and slam the door, he shouted i'm nothing if not sorry and she kept on walking like she never heard a thing.

Nothing happens and as long as I'm sedated nothing can go about it's way blissfully

I can't stand to live another day across from you
But you know where I am if you need a place to stay

I've mistaken my killer for my twin before
And the aftermath is me left alone to answer:
What else have I got to lose?

Dart your eyes to the floor and keep them
there when you see me passing.
I don't bask in your fear, don't misunderstand me, I want the best for you that much has never changed
  nor will it ever

You just owe me as much to carry the burden of knowing me beyond skindeep head on lap fingers claw thru my hair cancelling out the noise nextroom and lets me think I could sleep if I wanted to,

Who'd you think you are to tell others I was never grateful?
My grace is all I've had for a while and that's what's been the matter
With or without you there to add and take away from me in that state
or parading as some other,
We both did it it's only human infact when we stopped imitating it was only right for us to fall apart

You take my silence as anger and consider yourself victorious
Baby I know you as well as you know me
We'd still be best of friends if you'd kept your shoes on,we both know that; but how can you expect forgiveness and for me to be thankful for you
Saying you forgive me
I'd be less stunned if you slapped me baby
I figured you out long before we gave up speaking then became you in your absence just to impersonate your company
Is that not a white flag being swayed by a dying captain?
Shame shame shame cast for all nearby spirits to observe and laugh at
if they so pleased

I bite my teeth and stomp my feet but nothing ever changes