I am Loving and Scared
I wonder what two words others would use
I hear a dozen different things
I see my closest friend smiling from the crowd as I read their lips
"Kind"
I want those I love to feel they are valued

I am Loving and Scared
I pretend I'm not afraid to dissuade others from fear
I feel guilty for situations I had no hand in
I touch my hand to theirs in an attempt to ground us both
I worry I'll someday lose them, or worse, they'll push me away
I cry when I'm alone and think of all that will be lost to time

I am Loving and Scared
I understand that such is the cycle of life
I say "I Love you" but the words are misunderstood
I dream of feeling warm and safe in someone's embrace
I try to be open to all opportunities
I hope that it will lead me down the right path

I am Loving and Scared

"We're under the same sky"
A romanticized memory.
Now I see,
It was nothing more than fantasy.
You and I,
We were never "meant to be"
I've seen the past the anger that you hide beneath.
It's hard to see why we ever thought that we could be.
But,
I remember all the nights that you were there for me.
On call while I counted the few stars I could see.

Blue is the flavor of bland warm berries
Made into delicious fresh pies
Of nights spent stargazing upside down in driveways
It's the flavor of moments mostly forgotten
At playgrounds and corner stores

Blue tastes like secrets
Hidden sips and soft hands
Like salty air and crunchy marshmallows
It tastes like hot chocolate
On a long bus ride home

Blue has always been the sweetest colour
Almost all the best flavors and memories are Blue

Well, that was the case
Until I met you
You've coloured my world yellow
And it too is beautiful like blue

Eyes darting in and out of focus
Heart pounding over the sound of my thoughts
Lungs screaming to take deeper breaths
Ears ache as her voice drones on
Mind filling with more and more fog
Heat takes over, breathing more difficult
Fearful that sirens will soon be in the distance
DO NOT FALL DOWN
DO NOT GO TO SLEEP
The cold returns, as does breath
Shivers scale the spine and fall again
Fog continues rolling in
Clear thoughts not a possibility

I feel like writing poetry,
but I don't know where to begin.
So I'll let myself ramble,
and see which thoughts win.

I'm thinking lots about "love",
and what that word means to me.
I'm thinking lots about Him,
and the other He.

And thinking of Them.
Is their "love" still there?
I don't know,
but I'm glad they don't have to go anywhere.

I'm thinking about homes,
and how lucky I am.
The others aren't so lucky,
so I try to lend a hand.