I got diagnosed
when I was
13,
mild Asperger's syndrome
what a diagnosis,
eh?
It made sense
to everyone but,
me,

I never thought
of myself as
different,
I only have
a hard time
knowing
what other people
are thinking and
feeling.

I'm on the
spectrum and I
can't
change that but
if this makes
me
unique then I'm
glad to be
autistic.

Life is all about
learning
to swim with the
tides.

She wrote to me and
said,
"I love the man you've
become."
Now I feel proud of
myself.

Last Friday after
work
I had another
meltdown
and I came
close
to being committed
back
to the psychiatric
ward.

Tonight I just
need
to lie in
bed
listening to the
sound
of this rain
falling.

I’ve made a
lot
of mistakes, but
you’re
not one of
them.

Tonight I
wish
to lie
under
a weighted
blanket
so it'll
calm
my anxious
mind.

She's the shooting star,
That all men seek,
In the night sky,
Hoping for a miracle,
But to no avail.

Sometimes when I feel low,
I'll pick out something
I've done wrong, and
obsess over it.
I won't let myself go,
I'll  keep going back
to that moment I messed up,
until it's one in the morning,
and my eyes are too tired to
cry.

I promised myself
after I left work
I'd go home
and take a nap.

That's what I got,
but when I woke up
I felt like I missed my time
and that the moment was gone
like I'd taken all that living
and flushed it down the drain,
if only I could get it back
I'd use this time.

Why I am a stranger to self-love,
and all too familiar with self-hate;
can't I take care of myself
every once in a while?

I sat down to dinner
and paid for a meal
with money I'd earned
working at Wendy's.

I drank ice-cold sweet
tea,
sipped savory cream
soup,
ate mouth-watering
lasagna,
and nibbled on fruity
cheesecake.

It was a nice meal,
then why did I have
such remorse when
the check came?

I enjoyed myself,
but I couldn't help
feeling like I wasted
my hard earned money.

My college
has dropped me
for lack of
payment.

Being a dropout
by my 21st birthday
was not part of the
plan.

Right now
I'm just a guy
with a dead-end
job.

I hope
you read this,
it's my cry for
help.

A small ladybug
flew on my
kneck,
I felt her
creeping on my
flesh,
she was a
sign of good
luck.
I wish I'd
just set her
free,
but instead I
left her to
die.
Why do I
hurt things I
love?

A lone wolf
doesn't
howl at the
moon
because he's killed
prey
instead, the wolf
cries
out for his
pack
to return to
him.

Saying, "I'm only human."
is not a free pass for horrible behavior,
It's a humble statement meaning,
I am capable of error,
but also capable of good,
it means everybody is
complicated,
both in thought and deed
when we admit to being human
that means we bare with one another's humanity,
however good or bad it might seem.
At the end of the day,
if we can fully admit
to our beautiful brokenness
then no matter where we are in the world
we are always with brothers and sisters.
Fellow warriors in a struggle called,
the human condition.

Sometimes no one
else
can help you
feel okay again
except for
yourself.

Everybody
needs someone
to talk to
them.
Today
I met
someone who needed
help.
She
wore a
dress with *****
socks.
I
couldn't ignore
her cry for
attention,
so
I talked
to her about
life.
After
we spoke
she seemed quite
fine,
and
I could
tell she felt
heard.
Take
the time
to show everyone
notice.

You're not like
him
cause you love
me
back, and he
doesn't.

I've got better
things
to do than
waste
my time with
some
girl who is
not
in love with
me.

Even though
you left
me behind,
I still,
want to
love you.

I had a crush
on a girl
who had no idea
I liked her.
I kept it secret for as long as I
could.
When she was around
my heart went to flutter.
My eyes stared
at her beautiful face.
I thought if I
could just
hold her hand
then I'd be golden.
If only her lips would
kiss my lips,
then I'd be alright.
I never told her though.
Betty
walked out of my life
without knowing
the love
I felt for her.

All these maintenance
men
within my apartment
feel
like alien intruders
probing
inside of my
home.

Be
your own
valentine,
if you
need
one.
This one day
a year
we honor
love
in all it's
forms,
so why not
honor
self-love?
Sometimes
it's all we
need.

I call
him
my big
brother
though we
aren't
related by
blood.

I cut myself
shaving
I'm sticking paper
towels
up my nostril
to
stop the blood
from
dripping down my
face
now I'm going
to
bleed all night
long;

my face looks
like
a real ******
massacre.

I wear pajamas
when I go to bed,
one button-up shirt
and drawstring pants
both the color of
light blue sky
they're a gift
from my Mom.
I feel complete
wearing them,
I'm ready to
fall asleep.
It's rare in this world
to ever feel so confident.
When I put on these pajamas
I'm a gentleman practicing
the art of
a good night's sleep,
call me Aaron no more,
only Mr. Brown for now on.

There's nothing like
the first time
someone holds you
close to their
heart,

I was 19
in the hospital
getting ready to
be taken away
when,

she held me
so tight I
could hear her
heartbeat in my
ear,

how do I
describe a moment
like that without
tears in my
eyes,

I haven't seen
her since, but
I'm glad to
call her my
*****-friend.

I know
I have
good friends:
that when
we go
bowling and
I roll
a strike
they cheer.
Then when
I roll
a gutter
ball they
still, cheer.

Seeing that old
photo
I look just
like
my father when
he
was a young
man.

The girl struck
up
a conversation with
me
and before I
checked
my clock again
we'd
talked for ten
minutes;


I simply didn't
care
where the time
went.

I'm the guardian
angel put in charge of souls
with broken halos.

I did something
selfish
today.
I made my grandma
buy me a 20$ book,
that I didn't need,
simply because
I wanted it.
She'd already
bought me
an expensive lunch,
and the only reason
we were in
the bookstore
was to find a gift
for someone else;
instead,
I made her
buy one for me.
I felt alarmed
at the cash register,
I knew I should of
left the book on the shelf,
that this trip shouldn't be about
me,
but
I did it anyway.
It's true
we all want things,
but sometimes
getting more than
we need,
turns people
into tools
for our use.

I keep myself
occupied
all of the
time
with busywork to
keep
me from thinking
about
you for too
long.

I haven't
taken
a week
aside
in two
years,
so for
now
I'll be
going
on a
vacation
by the
sea.

I can no longer
go a day without hearing
the sound of your voice.

On a cool autumn
day
I like to spend
time
in the cemetery hanging
out
with the ghosts of
dead-folks
because I'm a penny
dreadful.

I've had
such
an ill
temper
in the
past
that's what
people
expect of
me;

from now
on
I want
to
be a
gentleman.

Envisioning what I
need
in my life
now,

I remembered playing
with
my old school
chums
having a swell
time,

not superficial relationships,
instead
a pure unadulterated
camaraderie.

This afternoon I
fell
asleep with my
cat
in the bed
as
I combed his
fur
with my finger
tips.

I'm glad to
live
an unconventional life
because
while others are
reaching
for their goals
I'll
chase after my
dreams.

I'll go chasing
that
girl for the
rest
of my life,
if
that's what it
takes
to be with
her.

We went on an
adventure
to a new local
restaurant,

we both weren't
craving
the menu,
except for slices of
cheesecake,

we didn't order dinner,
but
it's still a sweet
escape.

I'm tired of
staying up all
night

worrying about if
you're okay because
I

ache to start
taking care of
myself

we'll always have
Chicago in the
Winter

but for now,
we've reached the
end.

some times
I was
too young
to know.

I have realized
that for years
my mother has
gone to work
without so much
as a "thank
you" for all
her hard work.
I can't imagine
how difficult it
was proceeding to
strive every day,
with nobody noticing
she was on
the razor's edge.
In the future
I will strive
to honor her
and the sacrifices
she made in
order to give
my sister and
I a better
type of life.
I will learn
to work for
the good of
others and not
just toward myself.

I feel Clare,
Like a seed,
Planted from birth.
Who blossoms in Spring,
Then dies in Winter,
A kind girl,
***** blond hair,
With ready smile,
I hold her hand,
As she fades away.

Tidying up my
house
isn't just a
chore
it's a weekly
ritual
to cleanse my
home
of the negative
energy.

Funny
how a kind
word
or a simple
smile
can be just
enough
to get me
through
a hard day,
it's
true the best
things
in life are
free
now I see.

Its best for the both
of us, if we didn't date each
other anymore.