i am deep in a story i have
been in before and i
******* hate sequels.

i have once again found
love in the wrong place;
a very good friend of mine.

loving your best friend feels
a lot like putting down your dog,
the eyes always look the same
and you'll never be able to
tell her why it had to
die in the first place.

Silence and space. We have now mastered the trick. And we are living it. No cues. No dramatic transitions or face-slapping moment.
Dead air is not even awkward.
The parlor games are busted.
It just happened one Tuesday morning inside Starbucks after you ordered your iced Americano and my vanilla frappuccino, no whipped cream,

Maybe there's a sequel to this story, but for now, we should roll the credits.

Too saddest to tell you
today on this First Day of Spring
my Daddy has his Birthday
anyway
he cannot sing
not today nor tomorrow
you'll ask me why?
decennia ago he suddenly died
not of any stroke nor heart-ache
just wanna remember
that Today just One Day after the Northward Equinox
he'd have his celebrations
never congratulations anymore now
not today nor tomorrow
this is not a poem
just a statement
a human document
of one of the most gifted fathers
aquarelles, poetry or feuilletons
even performances at William's Theatre
his weekly sequels of the loving
and living Charlie Chan
besides earning much money
as the top-manager
of STANVAC, Jakarta
that big oil-office
with the red Pegasus
my Daddy climbed its back
and never returned
remembering his Birthday
emotionally on his epitaph
how odd
The Start of Spring
One Day Before his BirthDAY
the annual Northward Equinox
has just passed his graveyard
keep smiling is not here today
but grieving will be okay
he'd be no more a part of all celebrations
even though where he now is
he remains my Dearest Daddy and all there is
I remain,  still with the greatest admiration

and his part of heart
still beats in mine....

Anno Domini 21 March 2018

I’m becoming blurry
When I look at myself in the mirror
And I’m beginning to see
His face through mine
Instead of mine
Like my body is disappearing into His
Like if He wasn’t there
I’d be completely invisible

Now I can’t get rid of Him.

Or I just don’t want to
Because I don’t want to vanish
Into thin air
And be another ghost
Wandering the streets
I want to be seen
Even if His eyes
Are piercing through mine
Even if the world is clouded because of it

Every time I blink
My life seems to get a shade darker
Until everything is disfigured
From His pupils over mine
And anything bright
Seems out of place
Forcing my eyelids back shut
Until the dark returns

It’s funny
That after I’ve been with someone
For so long
I become more and more like them
With Him
It’s no different
I chose to let Him stay with me
And as a consequence
I’m fading into Him

It sounds cliche
That maybe I need Him to survive
Maybe I’d lose my identity without Him
Maybe I’d be nothing…
Maybe I’m too afraid
To let go
And find out

He’s given me a reason to live
And a need to die
But who am I to turn Him away?

I wonder
If I’ll ever truly be able
To see myself in the mirror again
Or if I’ll forever
Be looking through His eyes.

Soul: (to the deceiver)
Tis' not a whining contest
hiding that tongue of the ******
forgot, couldn't get more honest
Now go and come back in August

Deceiver: (to the soul)
Nowhere are you going with that
******* on you, my devilish cat
eventually will I control the brat
simple is that, not a problem of SAT

Soul:
Good,Good! Do what you want
swaying towards hell is what you want
funny! something even you don't want
you dear, are nothing but filled with haunt

Deceiver:
So now you're too gonna mock
once was I the most valuable stock
all were under the reputation of my sock
then fell down to a crow from a Hawk

Soul: (to the self)
Work, bring to feet the crime
poetry isn't worth a dime
Listen, listen! It's pray time
Eternal's gold better than fake lime

Wild Enchanting Twigs
Are dancing to Bursts of Bubbles.
Midst A Crucified Upper Half
Hanging Upside Down.
Imperishably dripping mono-wound.
Surrounding buds
Blooms and Sieves
In nick of time.
Roots are *******
Splash Of Violet Bloods,
Twigs emerge exponentially.
Ground gets replenished
With vociferous violet.
Bed of Falling Flowers
Drowns to Depth of Violet,
Fallen persists still
And bubbles are being emitted.
Bursts of fragrance.
Above the meadows
Air is Pungent,
And remains

there comes a time
i don't intend to look at my self
there comes a time
i do pretend that i am okay
until one day in my life
i decided to come across such traces
Whereby I can Allocate My phrases
What goes up and down, but still remains in the same place?
What gets wetter & wetter the more it dries?
What's there beyond the blue skies?
What's there behind the faint glaze?
despite of all its emptiness
i just can't find the answers.
Maybe because my vision shown me less
or possibly because of the Lost* ..... Tears in my Eyes ....
not even how i tried to Reach that mountain's peak
still i am not tired to Search those lines of mine i chose to pick!
Though I know it was not that hard
for me to get down back on the yard
through taking the landslide experience
with no one catching as i fall
except for the hunger and thirst of my soul
every time i heard the loud whisper of nature's call!

And so i took a rest yet having TINY pierce
on the shirt seen on my left bleeding chest
not knowing for a LITTLE while
until the Fairy Wind told Me so.
It hurts me seriously like a burn heat
when i uprooted the ****** thorn on it.
But some kind of relief
when i held that  grief!
and started to draw
Whenever i saw
a falling dry leaf
once there was eye.

once there was eye
i used to paint recently
thru the blood flown
straight from A loving heart
where tears were dropping apart!
And suddenly here comes my line
conspiring with my mystery rhyme
once there was eye full of emotion
i had been delineate with a notion
there's something i wanna share
here i am walked closer to shore
thinking out loud about my vow
that I Must Have to Take a Bow
for me to see my own real complexion
Right Down to the Image of reflection
made by swaying waters
on The River of Dreams!
And once there was eye
watching unto it like the way i did...
someone will learn how to look deep up above
and can exercise when to visualize what is Hidden,
yet for those eyes who can only see what is Given
blessed are they, for they need not nothing to dig what is written!

once there was eye
who wants to untie
that thick blind fold
"come on give it a try"
OPEN IT UP !
i will be grateful for sure!!
and my glad will become so high!!!
once there was eye emphasizing his sigh
to give this poem some light.
once there was eye who also wants
their own style and interpretations
of this solemn piece i entitle...
~ ~ once there was eye ~ ~ (the untold story)
*LET IT FLOW !