censored by hp

I LIKE TO SAY YOUR NAME

I like to say
your name

when you're
not here

turn you
into sound

conjure you out of
thin air

so that you appear
before me

dressed in sound
only

memory sketching in
the rest of you

as if sound
was just an outline

and love
colours you in

adding the voice last
so I can hear you say.

"Hello you..!"
and there you are

as present
as present

can be.

I like to say
your name

when you're
not there.

of one thing
i am sure
and that is
that i am
unsure of
myself
and it’s funny
how i can’t
sleep but my
chest closes its
eyes and hums
with a heartbeat
that is unsure of
itself, too.
i try to morph
into a body
i don’t feel
belongs to me
just so i can
fit somewhere
fit in somewhere
and i tell so
many stories
about the
universe, it
forever feels
like i am trying
to remain lost.
i am unsure
of myself;
connecting the
moles on my
skin as if they
will spell out
something bigger
so i can feel
like i matter,
at least for
a little while.
i sleep beside
myself, stare at
a reflection
so unfamiliar
i couldn’t even
identify it in
a crowd of
strangers, but
i am trying.
and one day
i’m sure i’ll
be sure
of myself but
until then,
i’ll morph into
someone i can
be proud of
and hope that
the universe
sends me back
to myself.

A day like today is but that,
Another **** day.

Just me,
My self,
My own personal swamp.
A bed ready to share...
Next to the desk you set your hair ties on.
Above the floor you set your bags on when you visit.

But today is just another **** day without you.

But a day like tomorrow,
Oh but a day like tomorrow...

There will be hair ties on my desk,
Extra bags on my floor,
And best of all someone here to share my bed with.
So that tomorrow will not be just another day,

But a day where long distance becomes short,
Even for just a few short days.

i want to get high in foreign cities
travel to places i have yet to lay my eyes on
pack a bag and take off, my only motive to feel free
i want to kiss lovers on pavement my toes have never touched
beneath trees rooted with legends in their leaves
ensuring everlasting love
and i want to feel light, rather than weighed down
anchored to one small town
i want to drop everything and get away
to places where time is altered
and the stars are always present
whether it be in the night sky or people's eyes
i want to fall in love with strangers, cities, and scenes
i crave so deeply to feel free
to start anew

but at the same time
i want you to come too

s.s

I find myself...thinking
about you
Sunsets,
Beautiful lyrics

In the sound of
Thunder,
In the calm
of soft rain, drizzling

In all the little things
and inside the
deepest part
of my soul

the sky is a mellow orange and
my heart is fuller than it’s ever been  
an overwhelming sense of gratefulness
washes over me like the waves onto the sand
looking over at you i realize that in this moment
i have everything i’ve ever wanted
everything i’ve ever worked for
i am finally content with who and where i am
life is still messy but it’s perfect
it’s authentic and it’s beautiful
and there’s nothing else i need but
to sit here with you listening to soft songs
and soaking up the smell of the trees
mixed with the ocean breeze

If you are a suicide survivor
Inbox me your name
And I’ll add it to my tattoos of others

You guys mean the world to me
And I have my own name on my arm
Because I too, am a suicide survivor.

Why must a heart beat?

To keep a rhythmic marching time through life?
That common tempo keeping order in
our lawless world of hate and fear death.
Each heartbeat rallies troops across the globe,
a single feature shared in every life,
an army built on spirit, crying out
with every thump that we are one.

But what must hearts beat for?

To beat we mean to say 'to fight,'
and for what better cause to fight than love?
That painful pleasure wielding power both
to wreck lives and create them,
the strength it gives to those from whom it stole in battles past.
Enamoured and encased in armour,
steeled against the pain before
as drums beat faster
palms grow sweaty
the tempo quickens
gazes steady
you brace and lean in
gently
and surrender to his kiss
as he gives in to yours,
your battle won by both
as both your drums keep time in perfect synchrony
your breaths the perfect melody that keep
the perfect peace.

if they say a one-word poem,
i'll write your name...

Love comes like a crashing force,
invading your heart,
like the shores of a beach,
then leaves like the evening tide,
taking away your joy,
replacing it with emptiness.

as beauty kisses
      the dark of night
dreams of whispers
      take heavenly flight,
floating high, above sleepy beds
       leaving whispering dreams
           to fall
               upon
                   sleepy heads….  
so dream
              a dream,
                     of your love so true
                      while stars twinkle
                         silver and blue….
as mr. moon
            watches from above
       the most beautiful dreams
of sweetest love…

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

slipping past my bones
deeply over the rim

nightfall liquid rushing
through the crown
of my head
eyes wide, a-glow
            with new vision

Yes. I will meet you there
in subconscious phosphorescence
pools of knowledge
forming between
the feather weight
of our lashes

wait for me
for I am floating
stellar-dipped arms
outstretched,
feeling the particles
the soft space between our
eyes, aligned

Come
let us receive each other
in astral ease
a rocking delight
of non-physical
until we can one day

touch

I want us
To see
A million
Tomorrows
To see the sun
In all its splendour
Day and night

I want you
To forget
Your sorrows
Relax a little
Take your time

You know
Our world
Is magic illustrated
It’s there
With us
It’s there
In us

That’s why I need
A million tomorrows
To see the sun
To touch the sky

Our time, alas
Is short
Forever fading

There’s nothing
We could do
There’s everything
To try

By trying
I don’t mean
Exertion

We dare
We do
We fly

Having him by my side
                              makes me feel safe
                                      from all the dangers
                                 that i may come across
                                         during this walk in life.
                                                       With him by my side
                                                        i feel capable to walk
                                      these paths, life puts before me,
           i know that all steps
                   i walk by his side
                           will be worthy ones,
                                 they will be the right ones.
                    Because i feel his strength of love
                                                            ­               decency
                                                         ­           friendship
                                           ­                   honesty
                                                     faithfulness
                                 by the simple touch of his hand
                                       or
                                             by the light in his eyes
                                             when he looks at me.
             He helps me look to the future
             with a certainty
             that happiness is possible
             those obstacles
             we should never fear,
             there will always be obstacles
             always dark clouds and shadows
             but
             together, we will always find a way
             out of these difficulties
             we together will always find our light.
                     Because we together
                         will always keep our hearts
                              filled with this greater feeling
                                 called love!
                                        A love that means unity
                                                      harmo­ny
                                                companionship
                                                          and
                                                         faith
                                         in a life, we have chosen
                                                      toge­ther.
                                              For our hearts
                             are filled with a beauty
                        and
                    inflated with the confidence
               and hope
only a great love can bring.

As a child, our feelings ran free!
                         But….
         in the way of this world
       as we grew into adulthood,
     we were told that our feelings
    are not as significant as reason.

As we grow,
we are taught that showing feelings
                  is childish
we are told to control our feelings…
     Don’t let them see you cry,
showing feelings can be dangerous,
         it can show weakness
     making us seem too sensitive.
And because of what we are taught,
  we don’t always understand them
      or even know how they come.
But, they do come, knowing us better
          then we know ourselves.

    But I know that feelings matter…
         Love, pain, joy, hurt, happiness.
    Sometimes they can be small,
  like when I smell cookies baking
          and I miss my grams.
  And sometimes they are massive,
     like when my granddaughter
   died at birth and I watched her
                   come back!

However, if you are fortunate
       and I mean, really fortunate,
            that one feeling will come along
                   that will change everything!
I remember such a feeling,
and how it flooded my heart years ago
when this guy invited me to his community
and showed me his kind and loving heart.
And not so long ago,
                when I looked into his eyes!

And those are the same feelings
                   that I have right now….
The feeling that you are him,
       my future, my love, my heart, my life!
And this feeling, I trust, I believe in
    more than anything I have ever trusted
       or believed in, in my life!
Because with you, is the only place
      I have ever felt was home.

The gleaming moonshine on your hair,
fragmented star splitters in your eye,
your smile repainting supernova's glare
appoint you the ruler of my sky.

Cautionary visions visit in viciously vivid fashion
I'm dead and my head is missing
Everyone is laughing
        
                     But me

And the sky is sorta dreary but I don't know
With no eyes you don't see too clearly

      Sew me a new one on,
Attached at the neck
Plastic instead of brittle skin and maybe then
     I can exist in some form above the normally gray and grim

    I pray to a faceless facade
            I made a "God" in my head
An eternal alternative to turn to and blame
   And claim to strangers that he works in mysterious ways
        My lips are chafed from singing unheard praises
  
        I'm tasteless and it has me thinking that maybe my mouth was only a product of my imagination
     Food for thought I chew and stop
           Its too **** hot for contemplation

      Still, I used to think my hands belonged to someone else
     Right up until I used them both to **** myself

If my life, within my eye,
Should flash before me as I die,
Pain and doubt will turn a blur
As I recall my time with her.

Of all life; devoid and cold,
Onto just one thing I’ll hold.
Though I’ll lie in disrepair,
Fear will fade, for she is there.