make noises in your head so you can’t hear your heart

It’s not supposed to be this way.
the confusion between us
leading me to words I’m afraid you’ll say.
You’re asleep on the couch but further
away then you were the night I drove us home from your favorite bar
two towns over from where you grew up.
Your head isn’t on my lap
with my fingers in your hair, humming a gentle melody
like your best friend played on his guitar the night we all sat in a circle in your mother’s living room.
It’s not supposed to be this way
counting down the hours only to then
actually regret the day.
Your arms holding a little higher on my waist,
our bodies not contouring into each other like they did
the summer we climbed that bridge and looked out
making the promise to never lose the feelings we had right then.
Your hand isn’t in mine
gently stroking your thumb across the top of my finger
like you did that warm September evening five years ago.
It’s not supposed to be this way,
questioning my decisions and thinking
I let you make the wrong choice last May.
As I sit here in silence with a tear starting to fall down my face,
I realize I’ve never been the one to not know what to say,
but all I can help but think is that I know
things weren’t supposed to end this way.

no one wants to talk to me
that's fine with me

but what will everyone do
when they want someone to listen

I'm turning away
no one wants to talk to me

crawling back so soon
they all know I'm so useful

I'm a little manipulative
they think they're using me

I know what I'm doing
what I'm saying

everything I plan ahead

I don't want to talk to anybody

I ask if I'm too much for you to handle
I'm a forest fire that you see as a candle

Still the softest part of me waits for you
its too hazy and I am too confused

Selfish, you share no emotion with me
Yet greedy you take all of mine
And though one might think it,
Love’s not like the ocean
And sadly we’re now out of time.