I danced in the field of daisies.
I sang of the beautiful day.
With my feet cozy in the clover,
I asked the field if I could stay.

The circle of mushrooms around me:
I wanted to make it my home.
I knelt softly to the earth,
And I worried that I was alone.

The waves in the grass were a beauty.
My heart raced at the touch of the wind.
I want to care for her forever,
If a place in her midst she will lend.

If you were here, would the day be brighter?
Would we all laugh and play together?
Or would today be hard for you?
Would it be hard to have your sixth birthday during quarantine?

If you were here, would I get to hold you today like I did once so long ago?
Would you have come running to jump in my bed and wake me up for the day?
Or would I be coming to your room with a sweet breakfast and a soft smile to cheer you up?

If you were here today, would you be excited the year was halfway through?
Or would the approaching start of the school year remind you that friends are still so far away?

It doesn't hurt as much when this time of year comes around anymore, but I still wonder how today would be different if you were here.

Yesterday I couldn't think,
And I wondered what I'd have done
If you'd been there.

Today it seemed that in a blink
I'd finished it all before I'd begun.
And were you there?

Tomorrow might take us to the brink.
I hope to hold you when it's run,
If you'll be there.

But we don't know when I might sink,
So take the chance that we have won
And hold me today.

Looking back on this turbulent year,
I see so many beautiful colors
which shine through any passing fear,
or incessant trials whether small or large.
I often get caught up in momentary
hardships, losing sight of all the glories
but if I neglect the good it carries
I may miss the opportunity for memories.

The pain of sweet laughter followed by longing
Is a bewildering sensation that snakes itself around me.
When feeling so spent that nothing tense satisfies,
I settle for the momentary joy followed by the dull ache.

The ache itself should be intimately familiar,
But somehow it feels like a fresh wound every time.
Why must I process my feelings this way?
In every heartbeat is a new opportunity to sting.

Shouldn't I appreciate the opportunity to feel?
Shouldn't I celebrate joy that I so miss?
Perhaps two things are true of the human condition:
Longing and loss--inextricably intertwined.

My life is oft haunting,
Unbearably daunting,
I don't even feel it;
It's freakishly taunting.
Whenever I close the door,
You make it open.
The light always shines through,
Though my life is broken.

So when I fall in the dark,
You're there to save me.
You'll guide me forever;
You'll mold and reshape me.

Still I'm left wondering
If you're still pondering
My lowly existence.
Who would consider me?
Whenever I choose the wrong,
You can make it right.
The light always shines through,
Though I am in the night.

So when I fall in the dark,
You're there to save me.
You'll guide me forever;
You'll mold and reshape me.

But I still feel doubt and pain.
My friends have left me here…

But now I can see truth—
There's more than enough proof;
She's right in the open.
God, I deserve reproof!
Whenever I pushed away,
You came back to me.
The light always shines through,
Even when I'm weary.

So when I fall in the dark,
You're there to save me.
You'll guide me forever;
You'll mold and reshape me.

I may yet forget you,
But you will still save me.
My life is in your hands,
You'll always avail me…

Why did you reject me?
Will you ever accept me?
You knew I was hurting,
But I didn't stop burning
Myself out keeping you happy.

You left me on my own,
Abandoned at home.
I shared so many signs,
But you were resigned
To celebrate my stoic demeanor.

You knew me only in part,
As I buried my heart,
And walled off my mind
So you'd never find
Out I was an abomination.

Now that I am free--
At last wholly me,
You abandon me again,
Say I'm living in sin,
And shut out the chance to know me.