I am a ****
And a *****
And all of those things
That I didn't want to be

I hope you're happy

You made me this way
Then made me ashamed of it
Someday I'll get through that

I was so in love
With you
And your bedroom
In the shed you called an apartment
And I spent a year with you
Keeping my demons quiet
Until you got too loud
And now I miss you in the cold
When I'm sad
And I want to be held
Just right
We can watch bike tricks on a loop
Or someone play video games
That you couldn't afford
Not forever
Just got one more day
Maybe once a year
Our little secret

I'm just so tired
Of being so hurt all the time
I just want to be left alone
No more friends
No more lovers
No one to hurt me

I used to be so afraid of being alone
Now I crave it like a drug

Just let me be

It just makes perfect sense
I put everything I have at risk
Suffer in ways I never have before
Give you the absolute best
That I have ever had to offer
But I am not enough
Again
And it's my fault
Again
And just like always
You have no problem
Declaring that I am your one and only
But somehow
Just like always
No problem moving on

Maybe you just wanted to prove
That you could do it

And just like always
You were right

I read over that last message
Over
And
Over
Because I just can't delete it
Just like I can't forget you
I put it in my archives
So it's out of sight
Or easier to find
Whichever
And I check it every so often
To make sure you haven't missed me
Like I still miss you
Despite us both
It's so ******* stupid
You hurt me so deep
******* man
I hope you find someone to
Put up with your ****

Never have I come so close.
I tasted the barrel but it was bitter
Baby you don't notice
And I'm so tired
But there are so many promises
So many
Stay here with me
For the end
This isn't the end
But I'm drunk and alone again
There's the rhyme
I've been craving

When it takes everything in me not to hold a gun to my head just for fun. Not for serious because the temptation would be too real. But just for fun. Nights like these are as close to therapy as I'll ever get. Only because I didn't do it